The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Chapter 37: Outtakes Reel #2

Flim manages to overpower the vacuum so that it reaches a ridiculous distance. Mario gets sucked into the hose.

"Mario!" cries Luigi.

A barrel flies out and lands on the ground. It looks like some discolored crap is spilling over the top. A couple knocks on wood can be heard. Suddenly, the top bursts off while the mush splashes everywhere. Somehow, the crown clings onto its spot on Princess Peach's head.

"I should have stayed at the castle," she moans as she hangs her arms over the barrel's side.

"I am the world champion of ultimate tag!" hollers F as he gallops along. His face isn't nearly as insane as Twilight can get when she's tardy, but it's pretty darn close to that. The unfortunately smaller N is still in tow, not fully complying with her unofficial co-announcer.

I'll get you d**n kids eventually!

The sound of B's shoes hitting the floor can be heard echoing down the hallway.

Maybe we should come back later.

The narrator tiptoes away.

It seems to be a nice, sunny day in replica Ponyville. Of course, appearances can be deceiving as a giant purple claw quickly smashes two of the replica houses to smithereens. A large purple, Earthbound dragon with green spikes roars loudly with his head swinging. Within camera distance (which is spanning a rather large mile) stands the Ghost of Sparta, undeterred and fully prepared for a day of slaying enemies be they gods or monsters. His Blades of Exile are already in hand.

"FIGHT!"

As the gargantuan Spike opens his mouth, he seems to exhale a large cloud of green vapors. The cloud surprisingly fills the entire replica town. Just as Kratos is about to aim his bow, he breathes in some of the vapors. He immediately faints.

A bit out of character for a beast, Spike lifts a claw and performs a breath test. Upon sniffing his own exhaled breath, his face scrunches up in disgust. He falls backward, landing on top of a couple other houses.

Is... this a double K.O.?

"Do not try readjusting your monitors," breathes Psycho Mantis, "I control the horizontal. I control the vertical."

"Hey!" interrupts Pinkie Pie, "Look what I can do with the diagonal."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Ooh! Look at this! I can make everything in 3D!"

"Stop it! You're ruining everything!"

"Wow, autotune! This makes my voice sound silly."

"Graaaaah!"

Psycho Mantis looks pretty mad. That's an impressive feat considering we can't even see his face behind that gas mask.

Here's where things get a bit "I'm not sure why, it just is". The Power Rangers have some pretty neat... well... powers and their megazords are all pretty awesome too. Realistically, they have been defeated before by very real threats. Unfortunately, I can't really think of a mechanical equivalent in the magical land of Equestria besides Sweetie Bot. And we all know the Friendship is Witchcraft is non-canon. As I've said before, I'm sticking to canon as closely as possib-

*CRASH*
The wall bursts in and a pony-shaped piece of metal with a "Cyclops" visor and a 7-colored wig.

"Crush! Kill! Destroy! Swag!"

What the heck? How did you even get here?

*CRASH* (From the opposite wall.)
A much larger robotic entity enters the scene.

The frig?

"Power Rangers, Megazord!"

I don't get paid enough for this spit.

The narrator runs out of the scene while lasers and explosions fill the room.

A time traveler? I thought the director wasn't going to use the Doctor. Wait... it's not the Doctor? Who else travels through time?

A flash of light and rush of swirling wind reveals a rather beat up Twilight Sparkle. Her outfit looks like a carbon-copy of Solid Snake.

Oh, heck no. Heck no!

A whooshing sound makes itself apparent as a tall, blue police box manifests out of thin air.

"Derpy, I don't think is London either," says the Doctor as he takes a peak out of the T.A.R.D.I.S.

"But, I flipped the whojamawhatsit," points out the voice of Derpy from inside.

"Oh, that would explain it," chuckles the Doctor, "I said flip the whatsitjawhoma."

"Oh yeah," says the muffled voice of Derpy, "That makes more sense."

Could we please get back to the actual introduction please?

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A/N: Cut!
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Upon landing on the grass below, both princesses look shaken up. Both of them surround themselves with a valentine-shaped aura. Their minor bruises are almost healed instantly. It's time for them to pull out their last resorts.

Wh...where did they get those microphones?

...

And where did they get those 80s outfits?

~We are young,
Heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love Is A Battlefield
We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong
Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love Is A Battlefield~

This is kind of catchy.

Demyx starts strumming his sitar while some unexplained other music is playing elsewhere. Wait... didn't we already do a similar joke?

~Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Derpy Doo
Dooooooo
We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so derp eyes
A full hot muffin's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any pegasi...~

Eh, it's a good song.

Think, Phoenix, Mr. Wright thinks to himself, How can I save this case? Hm... I know! I'll drag her into a round of pointless objections so that they'll have to postpone the trial. That'll give me another day to gather evidence that can prove Tundra's innocence.

Phoenix clears his throat.

"Hold it!"

"Objection!" retorts Luna.

"Objection!"

"Objection!"

"Hold it!"

"Take that!"

"Objection!"

The judge's gavel bangs three times and interrupts the squabble.

"Will you pack it in, you two?" demands his honor, "This is a courtroom, not a high school argument."

"Sorry, your honor," apologizes Phoenix.

"Our most ashamed apologies, thy honor," says Luna bowing her head.

"Wear the face of despair!" Xaldin calls. The serpent-shaped vacuum opens its "mouth" and releases a long stream of wind at high velocity. It makes a long sweeping motion starting from one end of the bridge as it heads toward the other. Xaldin's intent appears to be to hit the enemy along the way.

However, before his attack can connect, a much colder wind blows in from off screen. A gaseous equine form gallops in along an invisible platform and starts freezing everything in sight.

As the blizzard finally settles down and the windigo leaves, we're left with a visual of two snowmen sitting on the bridge. The heads of the snowmen seem to topple over as the faces of Gilda and Xaldin are revealed. The unfortunate combatants are shivering from the cold.

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A/N: What were you expecting? A fart pun? Pfft. Too mainstream.
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A/N: Warning the following contains gruesome images. If you are squeamish, look away n-TOO SLOW!
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"Hey, pink pony," whispers Alucard as he holds Pinkamena's head in his hands.

Pinkamena can only whimper a slight response.

"You lost."

The head simply whimpers an affirmative.

"And now I have to read your mind."

Pinkamena whimpers a confused question-like noise.

"By drinking your blood."

Defying logic, the head's mouth starts to hyperventilate.

"Om nom nom!"

Streams of red go in a few directions as Alucard bites into what's left of Pinkamena's neck.

"The *eff* is this?" he wonders as his pupils dilate.

"The *eff* is that?" Colors start to swim through his vision.

"The *eff* are those?" A flash crosses his mind's eye as he stares at the symbol that will spell the doom of Tyrant Celestia's reign.

It is... the flag... of the NLR.

"Ohhhhh, ha ha ha," Alucard starts laughing, "Ha ha ha ha ha!"

He stops all of a sudden before saying to himself, "I got to tweet about this."

---

Meanwhile, Integra Hellsing is browsing Alucard's twitter page with the latest comment. She lets out a sigh of discontent.

"What is it, Sir Integra?" inquires Walter.

Integra yields, "It's the *eff*ing..."

*Transmission interrupted*

Just as Big Macintosh is within a few feet of charging distance, Link pulls out an Ocarina and starts to play an oddly catchy, yet short melody.

The movements of either fighter seem a bit sluggish. Link rolls to one side leaving the unaware Big Mac to run through where he used to be. As time begins to resume its normal pace, Mac takes a moment to turn his head this way and that. Before he realizes it, Mac has fallen into a patch of ocean water.

Link turns away and performs a fancy sword swing before sheathing the Master Sword.

"As always, if you've got an idea for a Death Battle," pipes in F, "Leave a comment below."

"Thanks for watching," says N hurriedly as the two continue to run away from a persistent Death Battle host.

Get back here!

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