After thanking the foal, Raspberry took a few minutes to explore the train. Everything looked so sleek and so new. He wandered through the dining cars, the lounge cars, and then the regular passenger cars. It all felt like a relic of the Calvin Coolidge and Doris Day era. Raspberry bumped into an aptly dressed light brown colt. Fortunately, the conductor pony seemed more than reasonable. He supplied a pen and told Raspberry to take his time filling everything out. He’d get a special golden card ready for Raspberry when they arrived back in Coltsville again.
Raspberry found an especially comfortable green bench in a sparsely populated car. He took a seat, closed his eyes, and felt like he almost evaporated. He opened his eyes again after what felt like an eternity. Strange… everyone’s gone… He shrugged, and then he got to thumbing through his papers. Thank goodness, all of the address and employment and other info has already been filled out. He quickly dispensed with the signatures. Raspberry paused, hearing some light rustling noises.
“Oh, sure, the coast is clear now,” he said, and he placed the umbrella onto the seat beside him. It bounced up and down like a toddler, and then it played around with the blankets underneath the seat. The umbrella slipped and tumbled onto the floor. It then wrestled the blanket off of itself as if it was fighting off a mugger. Raspberry giggled. “You know… I don’t think you have a name?”
The umbrella pointed at him with both hands, and then it made a swooping motion as if it was dancing ‘the twist’.
“Okay, so you have a name, a real name back in your home,” Raspberry replied as he put away the papers, “Well, so do I, too. My friggin’ driver’s license doesn’t say ‘Raspberry’. I guess if it’s a new world, you get a new alias. That makes sense?"
The umbrella made a soft ‘meep meep meep’ sound. “Well, okay then,” Raspberry said. The little guy jumped back up onto the seat beside him. “What works… what should I call you… I like the color scheme. An umbrella that’s striped red and white… So you can be ‘Leon’? ‘Kennedy’? ‘Chris’? ‘Redfield’?” The umbrella made a disapproving ‘meep’ at each name.
“Ada? Wong? Ashley? Graham? Jill? Valentine?” Raspberry kept asking, and the umbrella kept resisting. It seemed to certainly refuse any female name. “Well, okay, then. How about… Wesker?”
The umbrella popped up and then rolled around its arms in a flywheel motion. “That’s got a reaction out of you. So I take it that’s a ‘yes’?” Raspberry went on. The umbrella stopped. “Okay, so I should take that as a ‘maybe’?” It nudged Raspberry’s side and made a chirping kind of sound. “Alright then, nice to meet you again, Wesker.”
Raspberry opened up the package. He found a note alongside two small canisters— one of them a professional looking metallic gray and the other a beat up, leather-ish brown. “Dear Raspberry, I suppose it’s a bit convoluted to mail you rather than walk to your room upstairs, but you never can be too careful nowadays. I had always thought that the hotel was a kind of refuge for whatever shenanigans would go on in Coltsville, but now I’m not so sure. Especially now, I’ve seen a large number of ponies and dragons return to small town life, go into the caves, or plain disappear. But don’t worry your own little head over it,” Raspberry read aloud.
“I took the liberty of setting up your travel account for when the Attractions resume touring (which we WILL, and SOON). If you need to do any kinds of errands or such, please just let me know beforehand, and I’ll make sure you can travel out safely. Enclosed is also your first salary (gray tube) along with a little extra something (brown tube). I can’t even pretend to explain how that extra something works. The good Doctor Missingname from Canterlot told me it had something to do with disrupting sound, blah blah blah. But, for whatever reason, the Doctor assured me that such a disruptor would constantly come in handy… or whatever. You’d make far better use of it then I could. Ciao, Knack,” continued Raspberry.
He opened the gray container and smiled at the huge amount of bits inside it. Hell, yeah! He opened the other container, and a thin black tube with a variety of buttons on its sides slid out. He held it up and stared blankly at it. Well. that’s… that’s… small… He tried and failed to press the buttons. Dammit! I miss fingers! He tried to concentrate and use his magic. The item glowed with a purple aura but nothing happened. Well, come on now. Raspberry took a deep breath, and then he shoved the tube into his mouth. He chewed it for a little while. Nothing else happened.
“Dat wasth a busth,” he muttered, still holding the thing in his teeth, “Maythe, uhhh— AAAAAAH!” He bit down at a certain angle, and then he felt as if he had concentrated urine pouring down his throat. He jumped up and spat the thing down onto the floor. He took deep breaths and drooled out a bit. He felt like slamming his head onto the floor. Well, dumbass, eating a weapon wasn’t one of your best ideas!
The horrible taste didn’t just seem to melt down his throat. It ran right into his stomach and seemed to eat his insides. He keeled over in pain— closing his eyes. He then closed his mouth again. The pain in his insides ran out pretty quickly. Yet that all too familiar pain behind his eyes had started up again. He opened his eyes again, and everything was totally blurring.
“Oh, dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit,” he twisted around on the ground. He felt his umbrella trying to calm him down. The pain built up all across his head. Sharp, thrusting sensations seemed to pop his eyes right out of their sockets. He let out a low, unintelligible moan. He grew louder as the pain hyped up. This one, he knew, would be a real doozy.
“Sir, sir what’s the matter? Sir?” asked some attendant colt that had sped through the door. Raspberry felt the colt lean over and cradle his head. Raspberry opened his eyes for a second, and he gazed at the attendant’s young face. The colt had these huge, deep looking emerald eyes. The attendant looked back at Raspberry’s face, and he was clearly horrified. “My, my, my, Praise Celestia, your eyes! I’ll get a doctor!” The colt popped up and then tripped back down— stumbling upon the umbrella that had since gone limp.
“Don’t, ugh,” Raspberry said, sitting back on his chair, “Don’t worry… don’t bother.” He rubbed his head a bit. In just a few seconds, he felt totally back to normal. “I’ll be fine. I just need to worry about our new friend that will just be joining us.”
“Well, okay,” the colt replied, looking very worried, “Is it— I hope you don’t mind if I pry…”
“Oh, it’s my medical condition, it sucks, I’ll take care of it, et cetera, et cetera,” Raspberry said, waving his hoof dismissively. The colt looked at him blankly. “Sir, I would be just awesome if you could let me know when they’re serving the lunch.”
“Oh, sorry sir,” the attendant said, “Lunch was on the last train. But I would be MORE than willing to get you some refreshments and some treats. I hope you feel better soon.”
“Thanks!” Raspberry replied. The attendant trotted away and soon returned with a large steel cart filled with various cupcakes and fizzy drinks.
“Much better,” Raspberry remarked. He seized a group of shiny white cupcakes, and then he picked up a club soda. The colt smiled wordlessly, and then he motioned over to the exit. Raspberry took a bite and entered pure white chocolate bliss. He sipped a bit of the club soda, and then he immediately stuffed the whole thing into his mouth. He felt like cooing. Sugar upon sugar… taste upon taste… oh goodness…
*Clink* Raspberry paused at the sound of glass breaking. He glanced to his right and his left, but he didn’t see anything wrong with the windows. The blur of trees went on outside of the train as usual. He looked down between his bottom hooves, but he didn’t see a thing there either. Raspberry then turned himself straight up. He screamed.
A monstrous face had appeared in the ceiling window. It looked like some unholy combination of fly, ant, pony, and human. The monster’s snout twisted in the air with what seemed like four nostrils. They shot out an ugly black smoke. The creature had at least two dozen eyes—large soulless black blubs glowing a bright red. An inky black cloud pooled the air behind the monster. It pressed against the glass again, and the spider-web-like cracks grew.
Raspberry jumped out of his seat, and he yelled out for the attendant. The umbrella clutched beside him tightly. With a few more crackling sounds, the ghostly black cloud suddenly pooled out from the ceiling out onto the seat where Raspberry had been sitting. He staggered, and he scraped at the ground to get away from the monster.
The creature grew larger and larger, with muck pouring out from the ceiling. In just a matter of seconds, Raspberry found himself staring at a gigantic face the size of a half the train car. The eyes seemed to carve into his skin with tiny daggers. The monster shifted upwards, and an opening appeared underneath its snout. It looked less like a mouth and more like the door of an oven. The air appeared to wave around in front.
The attendant flew back open the door besides Raspberry. The colt began, “Sir, please, just wait a mome—” He stopped, and then his eyes grew to dinner plate size as he surveyed the monster. “Oh, dear.” He shuffled in place for a second. “Oh… oh, Praise Luna…”
“Well, that’s,” Raspberry said, “That’s just great. What are we going to do?” He looked over at the attendant’s cart and then sized the trays. Raspberry threw cupcake after cupcake at the horrible thing with forty eyes. He threw an empty tray down in frustration and then moved onto another one.
“Uh, sir,” the colt said to Raspberry, “Sir? Sir!”
“What!” Raspberry called out.
“Stop giving him cupcakes, that’s not helping,” the colt said.
“I’m not GIVING him cupcakes! I’m ASSAULTING him with cupcakes!” Raspberry retorted. He shoved the cart to the floor and let out an angry snarl.
The monster made a deep, alien-sounding roar. Raspberry and the attendant tumbled back and fell onto the floor. Raspberry popped back up, and he stared right back at the creature as it moved a few feet closer.
“Alright, alright,” he said, “I am a unicorn after all.” He straightened his suit and took a deep breath. “And that doesn’t just mean I have magic.” He grabbed the sonic device and held it up in front of him like a pistol. “I have…” He narrowed his eyes and concentrated. He saw the tip of the device almost burning with a bright purple— a light so strong that it was almost white. “SCIENCE!” Raspberry fired.
He felt himself thrown back against the wall. He blinked for a second, but then he saw huge purple waves flowing through the air and impacting all over the creature’s face. It staggered back— looking as if it had been hit by a flurry of Stinger missiles. The monster let out a pained moan coupled with sharp screeches. Raspberry tried to cover his ears at the horrible sound.
“He’s… he’s leaving…” stammered the attendant. The horses heard more glass breaking. The grey mass in front of them became indistinct. It seemed to flow back upwards out of the train car. Raspberry stepped forward, and he saw the monster moving up and then lying down on top of the entire train. It seemed to grow in size again.
“Holy…” Raspberry said, “It’s… it’s becoming… train-sized…” The horses jumped over to the train’s right side windows. The monster somehow shifted itself over. They watched the gigantic black thing rolling down the ground besides them just like another train. The creature then seemed to fade in and out of view just like an old television picture tube. Raspberry blinked, and then a moment came when he just couldn’t see a thing.
“That’s… not possible…” the attendant murmured. He looked like he was about to either faint or burst out in tears. Raspberry surveyed the entire forest outside. He suddenly spotted the monster repearring— now quite a distance away— and he tried to point it out to the colt. The creature ran up to some kind of pack of wolves and then immediately devoured them with the ease of jellybeans. Both horses blanched. The wolves’ remains glowed a disturbing bright red just like the creature’s eyes.
“We, we have to get help! We have to warn ponies! Send a notice out to Ponyville!” the colt sputtered, suddenly getting a belated sense of urgency. He jumped up in the air, and then he ran towards the door. Raspberry kept looking out at the window— pressing his nose and front hooves against the glass.
*Twack* Raspberry spun around. He saw the attendant’s face smashing against the low doorway. Raspberry sped over, and he tried to vain to wake up the colt. He tried to pick him up, and then he moved over into the other train cars.
The next twenty minutes were some of the most frustrating of Raspberry’s entire life. He blabbed and blabbed about a train-monster until he could hardly breathe, but it didn’t matter at all. The other ponies had already gathered somehow that Raspberry was a famous musician working under Mr. Knack. Thus, nothing except producing a living, breathing monster would convince them that this all wasn’t some kind of traditional publicity stunt.
The colt didn’t help matters either when he came to. He couldn’t remember much of anything past having breakfast that morning. Raspberry admitted defeat, and he dropped the whole thing. He thought that it was probably good enough that they’d leave him alone for the rest of the trip and that they wouldn’t charge him for breaking the ceiling windows. The fact that the other horses avoided him wasn’t too good when he tried asking questions. Still, every last pony willing to talk to him expressed no interest in Everfree Forest. As well, none of them knew any pony by the name ‘Tiara’.
Raspberry took a set over in another car and pouted. He devoured a second set of cupcakes. Well, stupid friggin’ ponies… This is why WE have particle accelerators and YOU have salt licks that you rub into your own filth. He checked that he still had everything, and he did. He browsed idly through his guidebook to Coltsville. He then gazed out the window. Well, it’s good and gone. It was certainly heading AWAY from Ponyville, and not towards it. I guess I’ll just let it go.
“Hey!” said a young voice. Raspberry glanced down and saw a very small foal with a bright white body. He had a large, frizzy pinkish mane for his size.
“Hello, there,” Raspberry replied.
“Eh’ th’aw ‘et!” the foal declared, “Eh’ th’aw ‘et. Eh was’th a dw’eeam. Eh’ th’aw ‘et. Eh’ th’aw the’h mons’thewr.” He sat back and waved his front hooves into the air in front of his face. “Th’aw googly ey’wes. An’th et was’th all moan an’th yellin’ and’th st’thff.”
“You saw the googly eyed monster I was talking about?” Raspberry asked.
The lisp-heavy foal nodded, and he smiled. He went on, “Eh’ tald mom, bu’th mom sa’th I was’th…”
“Oh, that’s cool,” Raspberry said. Ugh, why is it that only the foals believe me? This had better build up to something, or mean something… Come on, now! “Fortunately, it was heading away from Ponyville.”
“Mom sa’th it’th jus’th mi ima’jun’a’thun,” the foal continued, “Bu’th eh’ kneew da’th wah’hen we ge’th ta Pony’vale. Eh’ th’ll Th’wist, my cou’thin, and awll her frien’th. Do’thn worrie Ra’thberri!”
“God, I hope puberty hits you as hard as an anvil on Elmer Fudd,” Raspberry whispered. He raised his voice and gave thanks. Well, at least someone believes me… Raspberry leaned back into this seat and fell into a bit of a daze.