“And where were we?” Knack grunted. Raspberry heard some wet, slippery noises. He took a deep breath, and then he started going down the stairs to the door. Okay then… just… just… tone it down for a second. Mind on the mission. I’m going to Everfree Forest. How the hell do I do that? Raspberry pulled out the tourist guide and flipped through it. I sure as HELL am not going to fly.
“Attractions… Food… Famous Residents…” Raspberry read aloud as he came to the bottom floor, “Oh, dammit, come on… History… Government… Nightlife… A-ha! ‘Transportation’! Blah-blah-blah-blah, ‘connections by train extend to almost all major cities such as’, blah-blah-blah, ‘Ponyville’.”
Raspberry started to open the door to the main showroom. Easy, just right down Market Street and then straight down Suede Avenue. There’s the station. He felt a gust of wind at his back. He glanced around and noticed that the side door was a bit ajar. Oh, well… It’s supposed to be unlocked, I guess, but I think it shouldn’t be just left right open. He walked over.
Something stubby, purple, and scaly stuck out of the door. “Oh, God!” Raspberry yelled. He ran over and grabbed the dragon. Slash lay bleeding on the concrete He had black marks all across his body. Both of his eyes were tightly shut. His right eye had been pounded good and oozed something nasty. . The beat-up book-bag that he had been carrying was also nowhere in sight. Raspberry clutched his hooves around Slash’s neck.
“D-d-d-dammit,” Raspberry muttered, “Come on now. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.” He cradled the dragon’s head and tried to press down on the dragon’s chest. Raspberry tried to open Slash’s mouth and he pressed down harder. The dragon’s chest moved a little bit by itself. Raspberry heard a cough.
“Hey!” he screamed, and nopony seemed to pay any attention. He ran back over to the main showroom, waving his front hooves frantically on the desk counter. Dawn jumped up from her chair and ran back over with him.
“Oh… not again,” She moaned, and Raspberry stared at her blankly. “I’ll get the po— well, no, that’s not right, obviously.”
“What, what, what…” Raspberry stammered, “What’s wrong with the police?”
“Oh, for Celestia’s sake Raspberry,” she said, shaking her head as Raspberry continued staring, “Wait, I’ll just let Doctor Tailheart know. Now then, let’s the two of us get him inside.”
The two of them pulled him out of the doorway, leaving a trail of blood. Raspberry feared for a moment that they’d have to drag him up the stairs, but Dawn made some kind of special knock on a side of the wall. That section of the wall suddenly flung open, revealing an odd sort of bathroom.
“Let’s get him to the tub,” she commanded. They did so and promptly turned on a trickle of cold water. Dawn opened up a medicine cabinet and began assembled various bottles and vials. Raspberry wiped Slash’s face with a washcloth and tapped the side of the dragon’s head softly.
“What’s going on?” Blackberry called out, suddenly peeking her head through the door.
“Go get Doctor Tailheart,” Dawn yelled, “Do it now!” Blackberry scurried away.
“Come on buddy, come on,” Raspberry muttered. The dragon seemed to stir. Oh, dammit, what the hell is going on now? What did you do? What did you say? And if they could do this to… a dragon… than… what about me…
*Smash* Raspberry jumped up and perked his ears. Dawn also jerked over.
“I’ll stay here and watch him. She’s got the Doctor. You go and take care of whatever that is,” Dawn hollered at Raspberry. He trotted out of the door and into the main showroom.
“Oh, no! I’m sorry! Sorry! Sorry-sorry- sorry- sorry- sorry- so, sorry- sorry,” said a younger looking unicorn standing beside the counter. She perched over the side of a tall display that had been shoved onto the ground, with shattered glass and broken knickknacks scattered on the floor. She had a whitish-purple body— just a shade darker than Raspberry’s— and a long violet mane with two stripes going through it. He noticed the huge six pointed star on her flanks.
“It’s… it’s… okay,” Raspberry said, barely able to produce a word given all of the things speeding around in his mind. The unicorn looked up at Raspberry with her adorably huge purple eyes.
“I’m really, really sorry! I know that my friends and I will be able to more than pay for that,” she said, and she paused to think about something, “So— uh— why I was really here, in the first place, was that I was asking about the books again.”
“Books again…” Raspberry repeated. I should just bark ‘We’re closed’ and get back to Slash. He felt something odd. He looked at the unicorn, and he sensed some kind of strong, negative aura coming from her. It felt as if he every breath let out a low-grade poison. Oh, than what is THIS now?
“Yes, and I know that I asked before. Yes. But the police told me that my stolen books were here,” she said, and Raspberry ears perked at the word ‘police’, “I asked Miss June beforehand, and she assured me that the dragon matching my description had already checked out early this morning.”
“Okay,” Raspberry said. So… what the hell do you have to do with all of this?
“She said it was very early, and of course I’m not accusing any of you of anything here. Of course not! That would be silly. But I really,” she went on, “Really, really— for really, seriously— need those books. It’s a delivery to Princess Celestia herself, since she didn’t want those particular books to fall into the wrong hooves. I was wondering if you ponies checked the rooms again and then found anything.”
“And you are?” Raspberry interrupted.
She smiled, and she said, “Twilight, Twilight Sparkle, it’s nice to meet you— mister?”
Raspberry didn’t answer. He took a few steps towards her and sized her up. She looked smaller and younger than him. Yet he knew she had some strong, deeply powerful magic hidden in that unassuming exterior. He just knew it. She seemed to grow nervous as he remained silent and turned his blank face into a scowl. You… you’re a ‘special six’ girl. Aren’t you? Oh yeah, I can tell. And maybe you and Rarity are the ‘good cops’ versus the ‘bad cops’? It figures.
“If you—” Twilight began.
“Yooooouuuu,” Raspberry growled, pointing his right hoof at her.
“Meeeeeeee,” she said back. She looked him over as well, and she noticed something in his suit pocket that she hadn’t before. “Hey, now, is that MY tour guide? Right there on the cover— ‘Pinkie Pie says have fun! <3’ It’s mine? It IS mine.”
“No, no it’s not,” Raspberry replied flatly. He stepped up a bit closer and touched Twilight’s side. He had that peculiar soft shocking sensation again. He felt a bit as if he was a paper target with a BB gun popping a big hole through him. Unlike Rarity, Twilight flinched as well. Maybe she has better magic powers compared to her, well— well— well…
“So, then,” Twilight said, looking one part irritated and four parts totally confused, “May I have it back, please? And can you tell me who you are, anyway?”
Raspberry glanced at the door, with Market Street stretching beyond it. He found himself magically lifting a long glass chunk in front of him without really thinking. Twilight stood her ground, and her own horn started to glow. Raspberry calmly asked, “What does Celestia want with those books, anyway? Why is she doing what she’s doing? Is she afraid? Is she hiding something? Protecting something?”
Twilight grew more annoyed with each question. She yapped, “Doing what? Hiding what? Nothing’s hiding. Nothing’s happening. She’s just— just— going about royal life! And will you please give me back my books, already?”
“Goodbye,” Raspberry said. I don’t know if RF was right. I’m not making my mind up about Celestia. I could be paranoid. I could be losing it. But I sure as hell am not taking any risks.
“Goodbye?” she asked, not believing what she was hearing.
Raspberry suddenly let go of the glass chunk. It smashed against the floor and flew pieces of glass everywhere. Twilight bent down and covered her face. Raspberry jumped onto the countertop beside them and then down towards the door. He flung it open and then sped out down the street. The unicorn followed shortly behind, letting out loud feminine whines that Raspberry totally ignored.
He galloped down Market Street. He hopped to the left and to the right—dodging ponies as he moved. He jumped up onto the wall for a few seconds and got past a small crowd. He slinked behind horses with carts and then hurled himself over a curb. He glanced back and saw Twilight hot on his trial.
Raspberry suddenly ran right into a huge cart, but he managed to duck down and fling himself through underneath. He tried to build up some speed without bumping into too many ponies. Twilight kept yelling out at him. He suddenly noticed a sign to his right saying ‘Suede’. Raspberry jumped up onto a pushcart filled with pears and then hopped over to the roof of a florists shop.
He looked over in front of him, and he spotted the umbrella. It balanced itself upon a clothesline like a circus performer. Raspberry ignored it and went on. He moved from rooftop to rooftop. He heard girly noises behind him but tried not to pay attention. He came across a large gap from building to building, paused, and then ducked up a set of stairs to a higher building besides him.
He heard a ‘meep meep’, and he looked up to notice the umbrella dancing around in the roof. “How… how the hell did you get up there already…” he panted. He ran out into the rooftop. He peered over the side and had another sudden shock of vertigo. “Oh, dammit… dammit…” He steeled himself to survey the ground below him again. There! Finally! He spotted a small gray building around seventy feet ahead of him besides a gigantic platform. A train had just started to pull in.
“Alright, then, alright…” he said to himself, and he patted his pants with his hooves, “Now then… how the HELL do I get down there… from up here…” Good thinking, dumbass! He detected a light ‘meep’ and he turned around to see the umbrella a few feet behind him. It jiggled its feet, and then it wagged its arms in place. Raspberry muttered as the umbrella did ‘the monkey’ dance.
“Well, it’s you, again,” he said, and then he trotted over to the side of the roof where he had come from, “No problem. The important thing is that I lost that purple dipstick.” He glanced over, and then he observed Twilight standing in the middle of the street yard after yard below him. The unicorn stepped back and forth— clearly flustered— and then she suddenly looked straight up. Raspberry ducked back.
The umbrella moved up to Raspberry’s side and nudged him gently. He paused. He had no idea how to even begin to talk to it. The umbrella held out one hand and then tapped its other fingers upon it.
“Running… yes, I have been running a lot just now…” Raspberry said. The umbrella stuck out two fingers and then had them engage in some kind of swordfight-like thing. Raspberry just stared blankly. “Look, I don’t think I have a lot of time…” The umbrella then squished its hands together. It moved over to Raspberry and then gave him a hug on his side. “Um, okay. Thanks.”
“A-ha!” Twilight said, and Raspberry glanced up to see her suddenly appear in the center of the roof.
“What did— How did—What was— How can—” he stammered.
“Teleportation magic, Mister poofy hair,” Twilight said, cracking a huge smile, “That’s why you don’t mess with Princess Celestia’s star student.”
“That’s… kind of… that’s… just…” he murmured, and he stepped over towards the ledge beside the train. He reached over and he took the umbrella tightly in between his front hooves. “That’s cheating.”
“It’s not,” she said, making a pouty face that Raspberry found completely adorable.
“Well, now then, I really do need to be going,” he said.
“But you’re going to stop right there,” she said, moving closer, “You’re going to go ahead and tell me everything. Everything that’s going on. And you’re going to give me back the Princess’ books.”
Raspberry replied, “For the last time! I don’t have your blasted booooooooooooooooooooooooooks—” The stallion accidentally tumbled over. Twilight sped to the ledge and watched him fall. Raspberry closed his eyes and seized the umbrella with every last ounce of his strength.
It held onto him just as closely with its little arms and little legs. Raspberry tried to concentrate as hard as he possibly could, and he imagined himself magically floating down through the air just like Mary Poppins.
Raspberry peeked out, and he saw himself covered in a purple aura. In just a few seconds, he found himself standing upright upon his hind hooves in the middle of a huge crate of oranges. “Victory is mine! YES! Who’s the colt? Who’s the colt?” he cheered.
“Uh, sir,” said a light yellow foal standing beside him, “Why are you in my…”
“Oh, sorry,” he said, and he jumped out of the crate. He glanced at the train station office behind him. He flipped over and then grabbed his umbrella from the ground.
Raspberry jumped through the door, slammed it, and then smacked himself upon the wall. It looked like any other nondescript office he had ever seen except that— for whatever reason— there was no pony in sight. Stacks of generic boxes littered the sides of the room and the walls had large pasteboards with various notices. Raspberry took a few steps forward.
“So I’ll just …” he said, and then he paused as he stared at the door, “Lock it… or not. Or... Wait a second, why the hell would ponies use doors with knobs anyway! They don’t even…” He flexed the end of his right hoof. “Have… Or wait, can you use knobs with hooves?”
“Excuse me, sir?” said a young sounding voice behind the counter. Raspberry glanced over and spotted a tall unicorn with a short gray mane. She wore a simple looking light gray dress.
“Yeah, sure,” he replied. As he turned around, the umbrella plopped out of his coat pocket. Raspberry tapped at its side.
“Could, you, ah…” He heard a soft ‘meep’. The umbrella ambled up and jammed itself into the door handle. “Great.”
“I’m sorry, what?” she asked.
“Oh, nothing,” he said, putting a hoof on the counter, “Now then, hey, it’s kind of funny, I didn’t even see you there.”
“Oh! I was, was, doing, yes, I,” she sputtered, trying and failing not to blush, “I was… below counter. Doing… administrative affairs. Yes, administrative affairs. That’s very vital. Yes. We always need more administration, more affairs, don’t we?” She chuckled nervously.
“Okay…” Raspberry said, “So, anyways, I need one ticket to Ponyville, please.”
“Oh, I’m afraid at that this late hour it would be just about impossible. The train will be leaving just amount any minute now,” she said, and she shuffled over to crack open a large notebook, “Not unless… unless…” She twirled around, and then a blue aura enveloped around the pile of folders behind her. “Unless… Oh, my goodness, there it is...”
“There what is?” Raspberry asked. He suddenly jumped, hearing rustling at the barricaded door. The unicorn at the counter didn’t pay any attention— sucked into her paperwork— but Raspberry could already hear Twilight’s grousing.
“You, sir,” she said, smiling, “Are the recipient of a Coltsville one week ‘Platinum Pass’. It says here that’s its compliments of Mr. Knack. So you have priority access if there is an available seat… Oh!” She pulled out a box from under the counter. “He also sent a small package at the same time.”
“Oh, so you’ve got the post office and the train station all in one, convenient,” Raspberry remarked. He jumped at a big slam at the door. No small talk! Hurry up, moron!
“And I can give you the pass right now,” she said.
“Great!” he exclaimed.
“As long as you sign the necessary paperwork,” she said, pulling out a stack of papers and pushing them towards him.
“Oh,” he muttered. Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT! He heard three large slams at the door and then a bit of yelling. The unicorn at the counter finally took notice, and she titled her head to the side.
“Oh, dear, is it stuck?” she asked, “Or is there something wrong with the handle? What’s that small red and white thing on top of it?”
“Look, just,” Raspberry said, grabbing his package and nudging the paperwork, “Can I get going right now and then fill this all out on the way? I’m sure that the conductor wouldn’t mind. I’ll just submit it all when I get back.” Twilight called out louder, although the horses couldn’t understand a word she said through the thick tiled glass.
“I would suppose so…” the pony at the counter said. Raspberry quickly shoved his stuff down his shirt and thanked her.
“Oh NO you don’t!” Twilight screamed. Raspberry and the unicorn stared at her after she suddenly popped into existence in the middle of the room behind them.
“Hey, how did—” Raspberry began to, and then he almost wanted to kick himself, “Oh, right. Teleportation. Because of the magic and crap.” He shot out his right hoof and pointed at her, flustered. “That’s… that’s… CHEATING.”
“It’s not cheating, it’s skill,” Twilight said, puckering her face and looking offended.
“Hey, uh… ‘friend’?” Raspberry asked, looking past Twilight. The umbrella made a low murmur and then edged out of the door handle. It hopped up and ran onto Raspberry’s shoulder. It rapped the back of his head for a moment. “What the heck was that about?” The umbrella let out an angry squeak. “Okay, seriously, you think I’d leave you? Seriously?”
“Hello,” Twilight interrupted. The horses and the umbrella looked back over at her. “So, I’d like some answers, finally, and I mean— ‘now’. Who are you? Why are you here? Why did you steal my books? And who or what is stealing all of Princess Celestia’s records?”
“Well…” Raspberry said, and then he tried to turn the same mock-outrage back onto her, “What are YOU doing here? WHO is cracking down on ponies and dragons that know important information? And WHY did you beat up my friend?”
“I did not!” she replied. She stepped back, and she looked flustered at the very idea that he would suspect her of such a thing. Twilight stepped closer but froze for a moment at a loud train whistle.
“And now, if you’ll excuse me,” Raspberry said, and he jumped behind the counter beside the blue unicorn.
“Hey, you’re not authorized administrative personnel!” she cried out, but she otherwise she looked lost.
“Give. Me. Back. My. Books,” Twilight declared, coming over closer. She threw her front hooves onto the counter and made a very cute looking angry face.
“But I don’t have them!” Raspberry retorted, and he backed up towards the wall behind the counter, “All I have is the guide—” He took a misstep on a loose paper on the ground. He hurled himself over on his back and slammed his head upon the wall. A shelf gave way. What felt like a never ending pile of small books rained down onto Raspberry and the blue unicorn beside him. “Ooooouuuhhhhh…”
“Oh, are you okay? Okay?” Twilight ambled over the counter and tried to pull them out of the pile. They both looked a bit dazed and woozy. “Oh, just a moment…” Another train whistle jolted the horses back up.
“Oh look,” Raspberry muttered, and he swatted around at all of the books besides him, “The Complete Visitor’s Guide to Coltsville. The Complete Visitor’s Guide to Coltsville. The Complete Friggin’ Visitor’s Friggin’ Guide to Friggin’ Coltsville!” Twilight looked over at him nervously— not sure what to say. “You want another guidebook so bad, pick ONE of the HUNDREDS of the damn things!” Raspberry beat his front hooves into the air.
“Well, mine was the one with Pinkie’s message for me to have fun here, so it was kind of special— to me at least,” Twilight replied, “Even if you are telling the truth, and all of my other books have been recovered. I really want that one back.”
“Oh, you’re the mare with the missing books?” the blue unicorn suddenly said. She reached over to a small box a few feet over and then plopped it in front of Twilight. “The name is Ms. Sparkle, correct? We got these back earlier this morning in our lost in found— from a very nice dragon who said he found them in a tattered bookbag in the middle of the street.” Twilight’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.
As the ponies talked, Raspberry slyly reached behind him and slipped the cover sleeve out of his guidebook, which was full of Slash’s notes and comments. He carefully slipped the sleeve onto other book that had tumbled on the floor.
“Mister, uh,” Twilight said, rubbing her head with her right hoof, “Well, whatever your name is, I guess I owe you an apology.”
A third whistle sounded. That has to be the last one. Raspberry felt around himself. Umbrella, package, my guidebook, my papers… Thank goodness I have everything. He said, “Well, don’t worry about it. Now, if you excuse me, I need to be going.” He smacked the Pinkie autographed book onto the counter. “And be sure that you don’t forget this again.”
“Thanks for stopping by,” said the blue unicorn. Raspberry slid out a door marked ‘Main Exit’ to the horses’ far left. Twilight lifted her things over to her with her magic and then took a look at the Pinkie autographed book. She smiled, opened the book up, and then frowned.
“And as Jack Bolt gently lifted the pantyhose upwards on the stallion’s soft, supple things, he leaned over and buried his face along the warm flesh of his back. He breathed in deep to take every last drop of that enchanting musk from a hard day’s work bucking at the apple orchard. Bolt quivered in anticipation—every touch of the stallion’s throbbing red flesh shooting electricity into him. Oh, there would be bucking tonight. Guaranteed,” Twilight read aloud. She flipped the book around, back and forth. “WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS?” She fluttered over to the title page. “’Young Colts, Tight Bondage’?”
“Oh, it’s… uh… mine…” said the blue unicorn. She picked up the book with her magic and then floated it over to her right hoof. Twilight stared blankly at her. “Well… it… it… gets lonely here, when it’s not… busy…” Twilight growled, shook her head, and then lifted up all of her books with her magic. She plopped them onto her back, and then she sped out— following Raspberry.
Raspberry had come across a massive platform with a plethora of ponies waving goodbye, blowing kisses, and waiting patiently on benches. The train seemed just about to move. He trotted over, and the train began its slow buildup out of the station. He stepped off onto the train and smacked his face and body upon a closed door. Raspberry knocked frantically while the train picked up speed. He quickly ran out of platform and held onto the little stoop for dear life. He heard a now familiar loud groan, and he saw Twilight running over to the moving train.
A tall looking orange foal suddenly flew the door open. Raspberry looked off at Twilight— who had stopped at the end of the platform and made a very feeble, very cute expression. He leaned a bit over and blew a kiss. The purple unicorn flinched and bent her head down. Raspberry ambled into the door and then chuckled a bit to himself.