...
You are alive. How, you are unsure. But you are most definitely still of this mortal coil. Your eyes crack open, revealing an opulent scene. You appear to be lying on a soft red carpet leading to an empty golden throne. All around you are extravagant displays of regality. Fountains, tapestries, stained glass portraits...it’s beautiful.
Shakily, you rise to your feet and glance about.
Not a soul.
Well...this is interesting.
You are about to call out in an attempt to find someone, anyone else-
-when your eardrums explode.
"ANONYMOUS THE HUMAN." A vaguely female disembodied voice thunders in several octaves. "YOU CURRENTLY STAND IN THE THRONE ROOM OF CANTERLOT CASTLE, EQUESTRIA'S SEAT OF POWER."
"Th-that’s nice but could y-"
"SILENCE."
You shut up, but cover your ears nonetheless.
"FOR CENTURIES I HAVE GLIMPSED YOUR WORLD, AND THE ATROCITIES THAT LAY THEREIN. YOU POTENTIALLY BRING GREAT EVIL TO AN OTHERWISE HARMONIOUS LAND. IT IS FOR THIS REASON I HAVE SEEN FIT TO ISOLATE YOU HERE."
Okay, FUCK this.
"Who are you?!" You scream. "Do I not have the right to face my accuser?!"
"IT IS BY SHEER MORBID CURIOSITY THAT YOU STILL POSSESS THE RIGHT TO DRAW BREATH HUMAN. YOU WOULD DO WELL TO REMEMBER THIS."
Slowly a tiny, dim speck of light floats down from the ceiling towards the throne.
"YOUR KIND IS CHAOTIC ANONYMOUS. HUMANITY'S REGARD FOR LIFE IS QUESTIONABLE AT BEST, IF NOT UTTERLY NONEXISTENT. YOU RAPE AND DESPOIL YOUR WORLD OUT OF GREED, WAGE WARS FOR CAUSES IN THE NAME OF BEINGS OF YOUR OWN INVENTION. YOUR MALIGNANCE, YOUR HUBRIS, IS UNDENIABLE."
"That isn't FAIR!" You scream back. The speck of light is beginning to grow in size, as well as luminosity. "If you know so much about us then you have to know how many of us exist! How can you judge the whole by the actions of the few?! I've never hurt anyone!"
"YET." The speck, now a mass of glowing light, is beginning to change shape. "GIVEN THE ACTIONS OF THOSE LIKE YOU, IS IT TRULY SO OUTLANDISH FOR ME TO BELIEVE THAT YOU MAY BRING HARM TO MY BELOVED PONIES?"
The voice is changing. Its becoming more familiar. The shape is growing more distinct, you can recognize its general form.
A pony. A LARGE pony.
"Then why keep me around?! Why not send me back to my world?! Why not end me here and now?!"
"Because."
That voice...Celestia?
The light has taken its true form and its glow has faded...revealing Equestria's monarch in all of her glory. Wings...a horn...an alicorn, just like Twilight had said...
Her coat is pure snow, the fading light of her entrance as well as the sun shafts from the nearby windows glitter across it. She wears a golden torc and crown with matching shoes. Her mane is an ethereal pastel aurora, framing a slender face and two deep amethyst eyes. From her forehead a massive fluted horn extends proudly into the air. Your eyes ache just looking at her, like you are glimpsing something beyond the physical, something not meant for mortal comprehension. She is elemental power given form, authority given shape.
Her gaze bores into you. It is imperious, judging, knowing, and utterly terrifying. She is beauty, as well as wrath. You open your mouth to speak, but no sound comes out. More accurately, your mouth refuses to open. Your body refuses to answer the commands of your mind as you involuntarily fall to your knees before the seated being.
"Despite what I have seen of your kind...two facts remain. Two facts allow you to persist. One... you made no attempt to bring harm unto my faithful student or her friends." She speaks in an even tone as she rises from her throne.
"Two... you did not make any attempt to disavow what I told of your race, in fact you went as far as to support it." She walks toward you with slow measured steps.
Your body is frozen. It’s just like Fluttershy's stare, but infinitely more imposing. It’s as if some unspoken command from the universe itself is binding you.
"Twilight Sparkle and her friends claim that you are benign, that you are an intellectual, that you are kind. They have always been excellent judges of character, but that is not enough."
She stops just in front of you. "I must -know- you Anonymous. Know you in ways that even you may not. To do this..."
Her eyes become miniature suns, their light expanding outwards.
"We are going to take a trip back...back through your life, through everything you have done and everything that you are..."
Your vision begins to splinter as it is obscured in light. Sounds roars through your ears as your awareness of self begins to dissolve.
"If I were you...I would pray to whatever power you hold dear that I am happy with what I see..."
You, the world, and everything that is shatters into a thousand pieces of silvered glass...
And there is only darkness.
…
Darkness...stretching infinitely in all directions.
You are vaguely aware of yourself, the ghost of a feeling of a body. More accurately it feels like a...container, a construct merely meant to hold the concept of your perception.
You cannot move or speak.
You do not breathe, as there is no need to.
You both are, and are not.
Then...light. It’s small, faint, and almost imperceptible...but it soon grows.
And grows.
And GROWS.
It grows, and brightens, and swells...until you are glimpsing a star...and then it grows still.
Larger, brighter...hotter.
Much hotter.
Unbearably hotter.
How you can still feel is beyond you, but you wish you couldn't.
In a matter of moments...you are within the outer corona of a star. Its scope is beyond comprehension. Its surface roars and shifts and flares. You stare into its depths, its light...and sense familiarity. You do not see them...but you feel those amethyst eyes pierce your existence. You cannot hear the words...but the reality-warping roars of its corona carry that imperious voice. This star...it has another shape; one you've met...
You understand.
You finally understand.
That what stands before you.
What you are in comparison.
You, who are powerless, stand before the omnipotent.
You, who is young and foolish, stand before that which has been since before all things and knows all things.
You, who are nothing, stand before that which is all.
You stand before Celestia.
Light. Blinding, painful light. All you see, all that you are aware of, is light. Heat. Scorching, agonizing heat. All you feel, all that you are aware of, is heat. Then...memories...-all- of your memories. The sum of all your experiences becomes as the reel of a film played backwards.
You see the day before yesterday, when you opened the letter that informed you of your terminated loans due to federal budget cuts. You remember the anger you felt...the hate...the fear...the uncertainty. Before you have even a moment to dwell on this memory, an earlier one takes its place. Anxiousness...excitement...it is the day you chose your major. Theoretical physics. You felt it would bring you closer to something you held dear as a child...a fantasy...a dream...
And then it is gone...replaced by-
Joy. It is the day you opened your acceptance letter to [REDACTED] University. You had overcome, you had triumphed, you had beaten the odds of your childhood. This was the true beginning of your life.
The memories scream by faster, the sounds and images contained therein become a cacophonous screech and multicolored blur.
The star brightens. Light and heat merge as your body becomes the catalyst...for fire. Flames, born of the sun itself, ignite across your flesh.
Your skin begins to scorch and peel…but it continues.
The day you turned eighteen. You claimed your emancipation from the state. They could never hurt you anymore, never again shuffle you around to broken homes where you would only be unwanted.
Years reverse in the span of seconds.
Your first fleeting love and its end. Your first heartbreak when you were sent away. Your first intimate experience. Your first kiss. The day you told her how you felt and the overwhelming happiness when she reciprocated. The first moment you saw her across the schoolyard. You can't remember her name anymore...but it didn't matter.
Half a decade blinks by.
The first time you ran. Ran away from the last foster home you would choose to suffer in. The year that followed living on the street. You stole, you fought, you struggled to survive...but you were free.
And another.
The first book you read. It had been about a boy like yourself. He was different, but that was good. He was taken away from all the pain and brought into a world of wonder. You both hated him and loved him. Why couldn't that be you? It had another meaning however. It would be the first time you were reminded of something you lost...and the confusion you felt when you were forced to apply the word 'remembered' rather than 'learned of'.
Your skin is gone, muscle is exposed and left to suffer in the light of the star. It sizzles and boils away.
You have no mouth and yet you must scream.
It’s beginning to slow. A few years tick away. Your first fight. Your first injury. It had been over a toy the priest told you to share. The other boy wanted it all for himself. The first day you would know selfishness, jealousy. You missed your friend.
A few more.
The first birthday you could remember. The priest chose to use the day you had been left at the doorstep. You ripped opened the package, and found something you did not expect. 'It had been left with you' he said. It was the only keepsake of parents you would never know. Your heart ached...but at least your friend was there to make it alright.
It’s slowing to a crawl.
Its dark. Its wet. Loud booms. Mama is holding you and running. Mama is warm, and smells nice, and she makes the good sounds. You loved mama. Wait...why was she putting you down?
No...Not this...
Mama tries to make the good sounds. You feel bad. You make the sounds that bring mama. She doesn't pick you up. Why? Its cold. Mama is warm. Please mama...
Please...please not this. Don't look at this. Its not for you to see...Please...
Mama puts something around your neck. She’s making different sounds. She wants you to understand. But you are cold. You feel bad. Don't leave. Why is she leaving you? Come back mama...please...you make the sounds over and over to bring her back but she’s in the dark now.
Oh God...
Your friend tries to comfort you. But you continue to make the loud sounds...crying...you are crying...but she won't return…and so you would know that which is 'loss' before you even understood it.
Flesh and sinew are gone. Your bones bleach and then char under the death that is this star's light...and yet you can still feel.
The blink of an eye...and you are faced with things beyond the span of your recollection.
Colors. Colors and sound. You don't know what they are or what they mean. Your friend tries to explain, but you can't yet comprehend. All you know are the two good things that give you the nice things and feelings, and the other things that look different but make the same noises.
The other things make the good sounds, and are fuzzy. Fuzzy is nice. You like fuzzy. Your friend helps you understand that they are different from you, but also friends...you already know that you like friends, so you like the other things. But something bad happens. One of the other things, who is big, makes the good things make bad sounds. You make bad sounds too.
A fraction of a second brings you to your first true, and most primal memory.
It is the before time. Before your skin would know the kiss of the air, or your eyes the glory of the sun. Your world is darkness, darkness and comfort…but also something else.
It comes one day out of nowhere. You don't know what it really is. It’s curious, questioning, and impish. It is strange...but not in a bad way. It wants to know you, and to be known in turn. It wants to be with you, inside you, a part of you forever. It wants to be used through you, be learned and understood by you, and for others to learn of it through you. You can't really understand, but you welcome it regardless. And so, before you even knew what such a thing was, you knew it to be a friend.
The reel splutters and burns away. Fin.
The star's radiance intensifies into levels beyond possible. The last crumbs of your bones scatter unto the winds of the universe under the pulse of a solar flare. The pain is unimaginable.
Now there is only darkness
Darkness and agony.
It is within both you finally regain your voice...and scream.
You scream on and on into the torturous void that is eternity.
Make it stop.
Let this end.
Why isn't it over?
Please. Please just let me d-
"You are my sunshine..."
...that song...
"My only sunshine..."
...that voice...
"You make me happy...when skies are grey."
...mother?
Darkness recedes. Pain fades.
The Sun Rises.
You are aware of yourself again. You are lying against something warm and soft...and alive. Something even softer is draped across you, and you can feel your face being gently...nuzzled?
"Y-you'll n-never know, dear, how- how much I-" A familiar voice sobs. "-love you.."
...Celestia?
"Please don't- *hic* Please don't take my sunshine away..."
Warm drops of water splash against your face...tears.
"Please...oh Sun and Moon above please wake up...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..."
You finally open your eyes. You are lying against Celestia who is gently rubbing her cheek against your face. One of her great wings is folded over you protectively.
Noticing that you are awake, The Princess releases a surprised, choking gasp.
"Anonymous?"
You want to hurt her. You want to hate her. You want to unleash upon her all the agony and anguish you felt in that darkness. It was her fault, all of it.
And yet…you can't. Seeing her like this, eyes red and wet with tears of regret, doing everything she can to bring you comfort, apologizing...your rage simply leaves you.
She turns her head to get a better look at you. Amethyst eyes that once bore only cold judgement gaze upon you with regretful sadness.
Your mouth opens as a million things to say come to mind...yet you settle on only one.
"Good Morning."