Rarity ran the brush softly through Twilight's silky mane. It flowed with ease, the strands shining with a bright luster.
“See, dear, this is why the shampoo from the spa is worth it,” Rarity whispered in her ear from behind. “You look absolutely gorgeous with your mane like this.”
“Oh?” Twilight blushed slightly, putting a hoof to her chest as she looked herself over. Once again, she had asked Rarity to help out, and the results reflected on her marefriend's talent. She hardly resembled the studious, pale introvert she was, yet rather somepony destined to walk amongst the streets of Manehattan. “I'll admit this does look very nice.”
“Yes, well...” Rarity bit her lip, “I think you'd look even better if you put your dress on.” She looked up at the clock. “Because we have maybe half an hour at best.”
“Really?” Twilight shot up and confirmed the time with her own eyes. “Oh, you're right!” She scampered off and up the stairs, searching for the perfect attire for their night out.
The fashionista smiled and turned around, looking for a comfortable spot to sit down and wait for Twilight to return. ”This should be interesting...” she thought to herself, ”Twilight is going to have to watch her tongue tonight. Unless she wants for a suddenly very uncomfortable and awkward evening, her usual gimmicks and teasings will have to be suppressed; with two other ponies there with us, I don't think she can be as... 'open' as usual.”
Tonight was to be their double date with Fluttershy and Azure. Sure, it was to be rather benign for Rarity and Twilight, but nevertheless it'd be interesting to see how the butter-colored pegasus would act. Apparently, she “ran into” Azure and asked her out on the double date – Rarity didn't buy it, however, with the shy mare more than likely watching her crush from afar before garnering the courage to speak with her.
”But, at least she did it,” Rarity thought, sitting down on a pillow and inspecting her hoof. ”Besides, it's just a dinner at the cafe... On that note, maybe we did overdress..” she glanced down anxiously at herself, donning boots and luxurious wool coat. ”Okay, so we did. I hope we don't make Azure and Fluttershy feel bad.”
The cafe, did in fact, have a rather classy atmosphere to it, should you be seated inside and near the fireplace. Something about it just left a pony feeling as if they were likely to find themselves seated beside Charlie Cloplin, champagne in hoof and smoke in the air. The cafe, admittedly, was not as mature, with fillies and colts occasionally coming in with their parents. But, at this time of night, the place would be hard-pressed to find any families coming in through their doors.
“Alright!” Twilight called out as she came down the stairs. Rarity looked up, noticing she had adorned nothing but a – albeit adorable on her – white scarf. The white mare shot her a quizzical look. “Sorry, but on second thought, I felt like that dress you made for me was too much,” Twilight said, shrugging as she came around to Rarity. “Ready to go?”
“I am.” Rarity smiled, getting up and nuzzling Twilight quickly, before moving to the door and opening it for her. The two exited without a word, the stars twinkling as the crescent moon hung in the sky. ”There's something to be said for the serenity of Ponyville, once the night washes away all of its hustle and bustle... It's truly an entirely different town,” she reflected as she gazed out amongst the thatched-roof houses and cobbled roads.
“Rarity,” Twilight suddenly began, glancing over with a smile, “Do you ever sometimes just take a second to sit back and wonder how this even happened?” Before her marefriend could respond, she continued, “I mean, it's like who would have thought? We were friends for the longest time, and now it's almost surreal to think to myself, 'Hmm, I wonder what my marefriend Rarity is up to right now.' ”
“That's not bad thing, right?” Rarity asked. Anxiety began to prick at her coat like a thousand needles, annoying her and refusing to cease.
“Oh, of course not.” Twilight gave a light giggle, returning a nuzzle. “It's just like, who would have predicted you and I to be together? Nopony would've guessed you were into mares, and of all of them, me.” She smiled to herself. “I don't know, I'm just the simple town librarian, and you're this... This paragon of haute couture.”
Rarity blushed, fumbling with a reply. ”Paragon of haute couture?” was all her mind could come up with. “Oh... I, ah, don't know. I'm far from perfect, dear,” still, she returned Twilight's smile, “but thank you nonetheless, that was very sweet of you.”
However, something else Twilight said also rang in her mind. “Nopony would've guessed you were into mares...” those words echoing inside her brain. And yet, the thing was, Rarity wanted nopony to guess, nopony to ever know if she could. Something of seeing those two ponies whispering the other day had revived silly, powerful fears. She knew she shouldn't mind, instead be happy with Twilight, but her conscience had since been powerless against the fear of social strife and rumors.
“Rarity?” Twilight asked, her voice slicing through the brooding. “Are you okay? You've been awfully quiet for the past few moments.” Her face bore signs of worry, a slight frown forming on the edges of her lips, eyes desperately searching for an answer.
The sight of her marefriend in distress quickly banished her cynicism to the dark recesses of her consciousness. It still remained and gnawed at her, but at least now she could think clearly. “Oh, sorry darling, I was just thinking about something.” She flashed a reassuring grin, “Don't worry about it.”
Twilight looked unfazed. “Are you sure?” she asked, care still lingering in her expression. “You were pulling some troubled faces.” To top it off, the bookish unicorn moved closer to her as they walked, rubbing up against her coat.
Rarity gulped. She felt like relenting, throwing away the veil and pouring out her well of fears and nightmares for Twilight to see. Shouldn't she? Twilight was the pony she trusted the most, and couldn't the smart and sensible mare be able to help? But, the irrational dread that perhaps the lavender mare would be disgusted, repulsed by the mess she was still in, still held onto her like a leash.
“I'm sure... It- It was just some personal groaning over the new set of orders that just came in.” Rarity lied.
“Oh, okay.” Twilight held her gaze for a second. She didn't seem to believe her, but didn't push the topic either. Leaning in quickly, she pecked Rarity on the cheek. ”It'll all be okay,” her face seemed to say.
-~-
Rarity took off her coat and settled on a pillow, beside the warm glow of a fireplace. Fluttershy was sitting down directly across the table from her, trying to suppress her eager smile as she busied herself with the menu. Twilight was to her left, already engaged in a conversation with Azure to her right. To her surprise, the cute blue mare had worn a white scarf. It was a delicious coincidence, as Twilight was wearing the exact same thing.
“...Exactly what I thought!” Twilight exclaimed. “I never thought those kind of books would be good either, but for some reason they just snare you and don't let go.”
Azure nodded. “I remember the first time I read one...” she smiled and chuckled to herself, “it was while I was attending the University of Canterlot, my roommate lent me a book to read. I had no clue what I was getting into.”
Twilight gasped. “You attended University of Canterlot? For what?”
“Economics, actually.” Azure shrugged sheepishly, “I know, I went to the foremost center of learning on the scientific applications of magic, and instead I learn how to crunch numbers and read market trends...” She chuckled. “I then tried working in Manehattan for a few years, but it was too stressful for me. Before I knew it, I ended up here in Ponyville, working as the town's treasurer in the week and running a market stall in my free time.”
“Why run a market stall though? Isn't that a lot of work?” Twilight asked curiously, eyes widening.
“Yeah,” Azure agreed, her blue mane falling over her face as she nodded, using a hoof to brush it away, “but, being the treasurer of Ponyville doesn't pay the best for how much work that comes in. Being so close to the capital, a lot of trade and merchants come through here, probably the reason why this little town is so prosperous. After a while, seeing how many bits the local vendors could make, I decided to join in.”
As she finished, a waiter approached the table. “Any drinks for you tonight, ladies?” he asked politely.
“Oh, yes, can I have lemonade, please?” Azure continued, not skipping a beat as she looked up to him. “Fluttershy?” she asked, looking over to her date.
“Right...” The pegasus looked up from her menu for what seemed like the first time, mulling over her options. “Can I have a glass of apple juice, please?” In the corner of her eye, Rarity watched as Azure did her best to suppress a smile.
“And we'll both have iced tea,” Rarity piped up, casting a glance at Twilight, who wore a dismayed face. ”No, dear, unfortunately the mood has been set by Miss Azure. As much as I appreciate your new found taste for good wine, sometimes you must be able to hold it in... Restraint,” she explained silently to her. The studious mare would have to be filled in after they left.
“Apple juice?” Azure asked after the waiter left, raising an eyebrow to Fluttershy.
“What about it?” Fluttershy replied, blushing slightly. “I-Is something wrong?”
“Oh, nothing,” Azure suppressed a giggle with her hoof, “it's just cute.”
Twilight flashed an amused grin at Rarity, obviously enjoying the chemistry flashing before their eyes. Rarity herself was beaming, the blue unicorn obviously fitting the niches of Fluttershy's character. They were, even from such a preview, getting along wonderfully. And with that, the white mare couldn't help herself but look at her own marefriend.
Twilight seemed to truly fit with her like two adjacent pieces of a puzzle, right?
...Or, perhaps, had she held in too many truths, too many fears? And once they were uncovered, would they repulse the beautiful mare?
Twilight caught her gaze and smiled. Rarity returned it, yet her own a facade for the thoughts that were now breeding beneath, multiplying amongst grime and darkness like disease. Where did they even come from? Moments ago she was feeling great, and now, out of the blue, skepticism and ambiguity was snaking its grasp around her. Suddenly feeling nauseous, she looked away.
By now, her anti-conscience, her irrational bringer of fear and paranoia, was resurfacing. It was growing, building and expanding, and she felt as powerless as autumn leaves before the wind. And now, not just poising her psyche with doubt and phobia, it was now also extremely risky to heal. There was truly only one pony who could cure her, but the consequences were immense.
If Twilight found out how she felt, thought, worried, and struggled between the oscillating waves of happiness and distraught, would she fight for her, Rarity, or run away from the monster? If she ran, was there anything left for that decrepit, broken shadow of a once-proud designer? If she ran, would she run straight into the hooves of somepony else to hold her? If she ran...
Rarity felt utterly sick and miserable. She cursed her own mind, who sprung upon her like a lion to a gazelle. She felt like she could not run anywhere safe, for the threat was inside her head; it squeezed her brain like a vise, the screw rusted so it would not move.
“If you'll excuse me for a moment, I'll be right back,” Rarity announced, putting on a mask as she smiled, her tone flowing with grace. Fluttershy and Azure looked up, acknowledging her with a shrug as they continued on with a conversation that she hadn't even noticed started. She dare not look at Twilight.
Getting up from her pillow, she turned around and headed for the restroom, keeping her eyes straight ahead. A few parties of ponies had been seated since they arrived, and now the cafe was operating at full capacity under its evening crowd.
Hoofsteps sounded from behind her, quicker than her own.
A cold shiver shocked down from horn to tail, and her hooves became like lead. Each step was strenuous, her muscles instantly pleading to stop. But now, she was acting all on willpower, or at least its corrupted variant. The will not to be confronted, to be left alone to soak in her dismal attitude.
The hoofsteps became louder, closer.
Oh Celestia, the moment was at hand. Something dark and deep within Rarity began to rise to the surface, her paranoid, insecure side spewing venom, ”Damn you, Twilight Sparkle! Why must you be so observant and caring? Can't you tell she wants nothing more than to be left alone?”
And yet, something far within Rarity resonated with the echo of those hoofsteps. Something began to glow, if ever faintly.
In a rare act of defiance, her legs locked up, refusing to go anywhere. She wanted to run, to hide and seek the grueling solitude of her own self pity, but her heart desired to stay put and let her love get to her first. And where the mind won in reasoning and creativity, the heart dominated in power and emotion.
A soft hoof touched her shoulder. Rarity sighed, letting her posture slump. Suddenly, she felt very tired and weak.
“Hey, are you okay?” A concerned, familiar voice asked softly.
Rarity turned around, quickly putting her mask back on. She smiled, yet this time it wasn't all fake. Something about just seeing Twilight made her smile, even if her expression bore tinges of worry.
“Yes dear, I'm just feeling a little off-kilter right now,” Rarity replied.
“Alright,” Twilight said, holding her gaze for a moment. Judging by the look in her eyes, she clearly wasn't convinced, but didn't feel like confronting her on this in such a public location. It was the second time today she had caught Rarity like this. Breathing a small sigh, she gave a sad, comforting smile and then leaned in, pecking her on the cheek as she had done before. With a final glance, she turned around and headed back for the table.
Rarity stood there for a moment, watching her go. ”How much does she know? Or rather, how much does she suspect?” she asked herself. ”What if she's suspecting the wrong things? Or what if-” She stopped as she noticed a few ponies around a nearby table look up at her. Their leers felt as if they were setting her coat on fire, threatening to reduce her to nothing but ash. As soon as she made eye contact, they all turned back around awkwardly, starting a conversation in hushed voices.
-~-
Rarity threw up.
There was no way to put it daintily or gracefully, because it was not. She was panicked and scared, the glowering embers of hope stomped out by the trio of ponies who had stared her down. She felt pathetic, exhausted, and above all, incredibly weak. Her trembling legs barely carried her to the restroom, and once inside, she locked the door and dashed for the toilet.
She still tasted bile as she took a look into the mirror. From the outside, she looked as she always had – if, you ignored the slightly-frayed mane – and thankfully none of her makeup had been damaged to an extent where she couldn't easily fix it on the fly.
But, on the inside, she could feel the civil war threatening to pull her apart. Her heart hung on valiantly for Twilight, for the mare she loved. Meanwhile, her corrupted conscience fought for old traditions and insecurities, to stop herself from becoming socially ostricized, despite how much she tried to reason with the fact that Ponyville (being so close to Canterlot) was a liberal and accepting town. At the same time, in the crossfire of all this, huddled Rarity... Because of the conflict raging solely on the interior, she became acutely aware of the fact that Twilight Sparkle knew her. Twilight knew something was wrong with her, and probably wouldn't stop until she found out just what was wrong.
And at that, her mind cringed as her heart swelled. And in the middle of it all, Rarity eked out a hopeful grin.
However, on the outside, she bore a frown. She realized that sooner of later she'd have to go back out there, probably acting as tired as she felt, and sit down for another hour with Fluttershy, Azure, and Twilight. ...That would probably bring up some unwanted emotions.
”Why now, of all times?” she groaned. ”Why so suddenly? Why so abruptly? I never asked for this, and yet here I am in a state of mental breakdown. Why can't I just be like any other pony and be happy for once, now that I think I've found 'the one'? Why can't I just be normal!?”
Normal. The word left a funny aftertaste as she tried to deal with the irrational torrent of emotions flooding her system. ”How hypocritical. Wanting to be normal,” she sneered at herself, ”when you're being anything but, by believing you've seriously fallen for a mare. If only your parents could see you now-”
”NO.”
Rarity stomped her hoof on the ground. She could see her own contorted expression in the mirror as she fought herself. Forcing down a few, labored breaths, at last she felt her heartbeat begin to calm. For the moment, her paranoia was suppressed, temporarily exiled to the deep recesses of her subconscious.
With that, the white unicorn gave an experimental smile. Deciding it was good enough, she slipped back on her mask, unlocking the door and heading outside.
-~-
The four mares were relaxing around the table, now rearranged to sit in pairs across from one another. Fluttershy was sipping a mug of hot chocolate as, much to Rarity and Twilight's amusement, Azure had a hoof wrapped around her shoulder. Meanwhile, the blue unicorn was happily chatting away with Twilight, who was resting against her marefriend.
The lavender mare asked no questions when Rarity had returned to the table, only mentioning that she had ordered for her in her absence. Occasionally she would give the white unicorn curious looks, probably due to the fact she was uncharacteristically quiet and reserved for the rest of the night, mostly speaking when spoken to.
Now, the cafe had quieted down, and few patrons were left besides the four of them. Because of that, Rarity felt much more at ease, no longer under the scrutiny of dozens of eyes. With each pony that left, it felt as if another twenty pounds was lifted off her back. Now, acting on a whim, she craned her head downward and kissed Twilight on the forehead.
The bookish mare suddenly stopped in the middle of her conversation. Within a second, Rarity began to blush, noticing she had feigned to notice that Twilight was talking to Azure and Fluttershy. Now, she felt cumbersome and awkward.
“Hi, you,” Twilight said, giggling as she looked up towards Rarity. “I had been wondering where my usually chatty and sweet pony had been all night.” She grinned. “Where did you find her?”
Rarity gulped. “Oh, you know, around...” She replied softly, trying to avoid the cumulative gazes from the mares across from her. Thankfully, fate offered an escape plan.
“Ladies, here is your check,” the waiter announced, coming over to the table, setting down a slip of paper. With a curt nod and a smile, he left them to pay.
Twilight picked up the bill. “Huh,” she raised an eyebrow, “well it looks like we wont be eating off the dinner menu here anymore.” She looked up to Rarity and pointed out the numbers on the bottom. “I mean, fifteen bits for an alfalfa panini? And it's a la carte!” she continued.
“Oh my...” Fluttershy broke in from across the table.
“How much is it?” Azure asked. The blue unicorn picked up her purse, fishing around a hoof inside it.
“A hundred and eight bits,” Rarity muttered.
Azure grimaced. “Ouch. Yeah, you might be right Twilight.” She pulled out her checkbook. “Well, how about I write a check to make it all neat and tidy, and you and Rarity pay me back what you owe?” The two mares in question nodded in agreement. Then, the blue unicorn looked to Fluttershy before the she could say anything. “And don't worry about paying, Fluttershy, it's the least I could do.” The timid mare blushed.
Within moments, the bill had been sorted out, the tip calculated through the computer known as Twilight's brain, and the four mares were out the door. Thankfully, as it was soon approaching spring, the evening air wasn't as harsh as it had been in previous months.
“Well, I should get going home...” Fluttershy began. “Thanks everypony, it was really nice and all-”
“Hold on!” Azure bounded over to her, putting a foreleg around her. “How about I walk you home?” Fluttershy sheepishly grinned, first looking at the ground, then up to Rarity for support.
”Go on,” Rarity mouthed to her silently, motioning with her hoof for effect.
“O-okay,” Fluttershy replied, smiling up at her. “Bye girls!” She called as she walked off with the blue-maned pony.
“Bye Fluttershy, bye Azure! It was nice meeting you!” Twilight called out after them, her scarf coming undone and falling on the ground as she waved.
“It was nice meeting you too, Twilight!” Azure called back, “And you, Rarity! Nice to see you again!”
“Bye, Azure!” Rarity said, the two rapidly vanishing from sight in the darkness. Looking to the ground, she noticed Twilight's scarf on the grass. Picking it up, she showed it to Twilight. “Are you cold?”
“Oh,” Twilight responded, placing a hoof to her neck where the scarf should have been. “Very.”
Rarity smiled, and used her magic to tie it around the lavender mare. “There you go! Now you should be warmer, darling.”
But, instead, Twilight stared at her hooves. “Nope!” She said, looking up at Rarity. “I'm still cold.” As if to serve as further proof, her teeth started to chatter. “Can I have a hug?”
“Of course.” Rarity giggled, wrapping her forelegs around Twilight, pulling her in closer. She could feel the woolen scarf touch her neck and chest. Her marefriend soon had her own forelegs around the white unicorn, sighing in relief. “Better now?” Rarity asked.
“Much,” Twilight purred. Rarity could only assume her eyes were closed, and she could hear the soft breathing by her ear. “But are you better?”
Rarity froze. Every single artery, vein, and blood cell evaded the laws of physics and did not budge a picometer. For the slightest of seconds, she enjoyed being asked such a question. Part of her felt liberated, set free to run wild from it's cage. But all within an instant, it was reigned in to fear.
The world seemed to hang on a precipice, but exactly of what, she did not know. It was so tempting to just let her heart cry over Twilight's shoulder, to finally break her own goddamn mask. But, once again, the corrupted conscientious leash held her back.
But this time, Rarity decided to not go down without a fight. She would pull on that leash, gain a few extra inches, get even closer to what she really wanted.
”And what I want is who's right around me.”
“No.”