7am the following morning
‘Dear Princess Celestia,
I have found this strange being in the Everfree Forest. I haven’t seen anything like him before. He says he is called a human. I was wondering what you want me to do. I currently am letting him stay with me in my guest room. I am awaiting your response.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle’
“There sent it. Thank you, Spike.” Twilight said.
Within two minutes, Spike belched out a green flame with a letter. Twilight opened it.
‘My dearest student Twilight,
Thank you for your letter. I am aware of his species. I would like you to take him to Canterlot and bring him to me as soon as possible. I am waiting for your arrival.
Celestia’
“We have to leave for Canterlot today.” Twilight said.
***
I awoke to a hoof knocking on the door. Jumping up I opened it. It was Twilight.
“Sorry, but I need you to come with me to Canterlot.” She said.
“Okay, can I get ready first?”
“Oh, yes. But the train leaves at noon. So, please hurry.”
I got up and walked into the bathroom, took a shower, and brushed my teeth. Why are we even up so damn early?
“Michael! Come on, we have to leave!”
I leaped down the stairs and hurried out the door after Twilight.
We walked to the train station and bought two tickets. The train arrived ten minutes later and we got on. I sat across from Twilight and we talked.
“So, where are we going?” I asked
“Just to see the Princess. She asked to see you.”
Oh, great I get to meet the Princess. I probably am in trouble, I thought.
“The same one that moves the sun?” I said nervously.
“Yep, that’s her.” She smiled.
Great, I am so going to die.
The train ride lasted another half-hour before we reached Canterlot. I got off and gazed at the huge palace.
This place is huge! I don’t even know how they did it! The castle had golden roofs and white walls, the It balance on the edge of the mountain, looking as if it was about to fall. I gaped at the castle as we pulled up to the station.
We walked down the street to the castle and up the stairs. The guards stopped us when we got the door.
“We’re here to see the Princess. I’m Twilight Sparkle.” She said.
They let us in and we walked to the throne room.
I saw a bunch of stained glass windows, but that didn’t catch my attention. My gaze fixed on the white pony on the throne. She was pure white and wore gold jewelry. What interested me most was that she had both wings and a horn.
“Welcome Michael.” She said in a smooth voice.
I gulped, “Um, hi.”
She smirked. “I know where you have come from. Sadly, I cannot send you back.”
“You know? But how?”
“I have ways, but what I am focused on is you. How did you get here?”
“I don’t know. I just woke up here one day and had to survive in the wilderness for like three fucking months!” I said.
She had a look of contemplation, “I am sorry that you were taken away.”
“So, you can’t send me back?”
“Unfortunately, no.” She said.
“Fine” I huffed.
“But what I can do is make you fit better in this world.” She said.
“How?”
“I can turn you into a pony, if you’d like.”
I weighed the pros and cons. So, I really can’t make it home. There has to be another way! I can’t stay here for the rest of my life! This decision is really me just accepting being in this world isn’t it? Why does life hate me? I want to go back, but so far it isn’t going to happen. At least this way I fit in better and I don’t get any more scared or hateful stares. I decided to go for it.
“Sure, but can you make me a pegasus?” I asked.
“Yes, I can make you a pegasus.” She chuckled.
Her horn lit up and felt a sensation in my gut. It was slightly warm at first then grew into a fiery burn. I fell to the ground and blacked out.
***
I woke up in a bed with a figure looking over me. As my vision came into focus I saw an alicorn looking down on me. This wasn’t Celestia, this one looked completely different. She had a dark coat with a dark blue mane. The mane had a few white dots in it. It reminded me of the night sky.
“Who art thou?” She asked.
I was taken aback, who still speaks like this? My mind tried to translate the old English into modern times.
“Um, I’m Michael.” I said.
“Art thou alright?” She said.
“Yeah, where am I?” I asked.
“You are in thine bedroom. My sister hath asked me to watch over thee until her student hath returned.”
“You mean Twilight? Where did she go?”
“She has gone to see her parents at my sister’s request.” She said
Ugh, I have a massive headache. I held up my hoof to my head. HOOF?! I looked down I saw I was a pony. It really worked!
“Ahh!” I screamed.
“What is it?” the princess asked.
“Nothing, I just am not used to this body.”
“What do thou mean?” She said curiously.
“Celestia said she would turn me into a pegasus. I never thought it would actually work!” I said.
“Hmm, what were thee before?”
“A human.” I stated.
“Oh, this shall be so much fun.” She said with a devilish grin.
Now, my new body was blue, only slightly darker than Rainbow Dash’s. I had a black spiky mane with a yellow streak going through it. I looked around for my knife, but could not find it anywhere. In fact, I couldn’t find anything that I brought with me. Did they take all of my shit?
“What do you mean?” I asked
“Let’s teach you how to fly.”
***
I found myself at the highest balcony of the castle, staring over the railing and looking at the ground below.
“Go on then.” Luna said. Yes, she told me her name on the way up here.
“Um, okay.” I gulped.
I got up onto the railing, shaking out of fear. Luna smirked at me. Why did she want me to do this? Whatever, I just need to focus.
I was leaning over when I felt a push. I tumbled into open air, I looked back and saw Luna laughing. I grasped for something to hang to.
“Spread your wings!” I heard from above, followed by a fit of giggles.
I can’t believe this happening. I looked at the quickly approaching ground.
Meanwhile in Celestia’s Chambers
“AHHH, SHHHHIII-“
“What was that?” Celestia said.
She shrugged it off and went back to her work.
Back to Michael
I felt a magic surround me just before I hit the ground. It released me and I fell the twenty
feet remaining. I landed spread eagle in the middle of a mud puddle.
“Fuck”
Luna stood next to me snickering at my pain.
“Fuck you”
“Sorry, I thought that your instincts would take over, but you clearly have no instincts.” She laughed.
I finally got up, covered in mud. I shook the mud off and covered Luna in it. Mud splattered all over her polished coat.
“Hey! Watch it!” Luna giggled.
“Oh sorry. I think you have a little something right there.” I gestured to her entire body.
She laughed and tackled me into the mud. We rolled around struggling for the upper hand. She overpowered me and slammed my face into the mud. I flipped her and covered the rest of her body in it.
We tired out quickly and just sat in the garden.
“We should get cleaned up” Luna said.
“Yeah, I don’t want this dirt to be stuck in my coat.” I laughed.
We walked inside and up the stairs of the palace. I tried to not leave hoof-prints behind, but it was hard when you’re completely covered in mud.
“Don’t worry about it, the cleaning-ponies will clean it up later.” Luna assured.
We continued down the pristine hallway leaving tracks everywhere. She turned and walked through one of the doors. I followed her in and I kid you not, the bathtub was huge! This thing could fit at least eight ponies with some room to spare.
Luna walked down the steps into the bubbling water. I just sat there with my mouth hanging open and staring at it.
“What? Are you afraid of the water?” Luna teased.
“Afraid? I grew up on the water!” I jumped in, splashing water everywhere.
We sat there with the water jets turned on. I scooted over to one and sighed. The jet really work my muscles. It felt so good to finally have my muscles rubbed out.
Luna looked over at me with curiosity.
“What?” I said to her.
“Well, you just seem so…different.” she said.
“How?”
“Well, you are completely comfortable around the Royal Sisters.”
“I am not trying to offend you, but I find rather annoying to have to be prim and proper all the time. Especially after falling from the tallest balcony.” I said
Luna laughed, “Sorry about that.”
“No, it’s okay. It was pretty fun, up until I hit the ground.”
We sat there awkwardly. Well, this has been an interesting day. Luna’s mane brushed up against my side. My heart skipped a beat, I shivered slightly at the touch.
“Is something wrong?” Luna asked.
“No, I am still getting used to this body.”
We exited the bath, dried off and walked out into the hallway.
“Let’s go check if Twilight is back.” she said.
“Alright” I turned and started walking.
“Um, Mike. Wrong way.” she snickered.
I turned around and followed Luna into the Throne room. We took so many turns that I lost my bearings halfway and stuck close to Luna. She was silent the entire way.
The guards opened to massive doors and Luna walked in. I followed with my head ducked in embarrassment. There was a council or something going on. All of these ponies gave me harsh looks. They looked at me like I just punched their kid or something. What is up with these hateful glares?
Luna walked up to Celestia and whispered something. I stood in front of the stairs to the throne. Celestia mumbled something back and looked at me with a smirk. She turned back to Luna and whispered more to her.
They finished about twenty seconds later. Those seconds felt like a lifetime. I stood in front of a whispering a crowd. Luna walked down and gestured for me to follow her. I was on her heel. She looked back at me and smiled.
We left the throne room and turned to the entrance to the castle. A group of guards surrounded us as we walked down the streets of Canterlot.
We stopped in front of a house that was against one of the side streets. Luna walked up to the door and knocked. A light purple mare opened the door.
“Ah, Mrs. Sparkle! How are you?” Luna said.
The lady stammered and quickly regained herself, “Hello princess. I am fine, but could I ask why are you here?”
Well, we came for Twilight. And you can just call me Luna.” Luna spoke gently.
“Ok, uh Luna. I’ll go get Twilight. She is just resting.” she said before walking off.
Luna turned to me, “That was Twilight’s mother if you haven’t figured that out already. I mean you are quite dense.”
“Hey! I figured it out before you said it!” I said.
Twilight came to the door.
“Hello Luna. Wow, I didn’t even know that this kind of magic existed,Princess Celestia really did change you!”
“Yeah, it’s pretty strange to be like this.”
“Hello Twilight. We, I mean, I would like you to stay one more night just for dinner with my sister and I. It’s the least we could do for having you come here.” Luna interrupted.
“I would love to stay, if that’s okay with you Michael.”
“I’d love to!”
Just then my stomach growled. I realized that I haven’t had anything to eat all day.
***
We all sat down at the table. It wasn’t the big dining hall table, this one was a smaller square table used for everyday meals. Twilight sat across from Celestia while Luna sat across from me. Everything was silent. There was a slightly awkward silence.
The kitchen came out with dinner. They opened the lid and served it. Celestia gave them a thankful nod.
I dug into my food, it was delicious. The girls all sat and politely picked at their food. They shook their heads with a grin as I nearly shoveled food in my mouth.
“So Twilight, how have your studies been?” Celestia asked, chuckling at me.
“Oh, they have been just great. Everything has been interesting since Mike came to Ponyville.” she replied.
“Oh that’s wonderful. You’ve always have lived an interesting life though.” Celestia said.
“Yes I have. You know princesses, Hearth’s Warming Eve is coming up. Do you have any plans? It would be terrific if you can come to Ponyville!” Twilight said cheerfully.
“I have plans in Phillydelphia. Sorry Twilight.”
Luna spoke up next. She stared directly at me when she said, “I would love to go Twilight!”
“Okay, that’s great Luna. Just send me a letter about your arrival and we can go see a play or something. I know Pinkie is throwing a party on Hearth’s Warming’s Eve.” Twilight said with a smile.
“Okay, I shall look at my schedule and make an opening to come.” Luna giggled.
Twilight and the Princesses did a little small talk while eating. I didn’t even try to talk. I was way too busy eating the delicious meal before me.
We all finished a little later. I sat in the seat stuffed.
“Ah man, that was SO good!” I said.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Celestia smirked.
“You know I did Princess.”
We went our separate ways. The princesses turned down the hallway and Twilight led me out of the castle.
“Pretty fun, right?” Twilight said
“Yeah, it was alright.” I said.
It was already 7:30 when Twilight led me to her house. She told me that she wanted to say goodbye to her parents. I was okay with this; I wanted to meet her parents anyways. I don’t know why though. Possibly because I want to know what kind of household she grew up in.
Twilight knocked on the door. It swung open unnaturally fast. Almost as if they waited by the door for Twilight to be back.
“Hi mom!” Twilight said cheerfully.
“Hi Twiley! And who is this?” Twilight’s mother said nodding at me.
“I’m Michael. Nice to meet you.” I said.
“Come in! Come in!” Twilight’s mother said.
We walked in and sat down in the living room. Twilight’s father sat on a couch reading. Well, I see where she got her fascination with books from. He stood up and gave Twilight a big hug.
“It’s so nice that you’re in Canterlot again!” he said.
“Yeah, I am so glad I got to see you this time! It has been a while.” Twilight replied.
Twilight and her parents talked for a while. I was getting bored, but I didn’t say anything. I tried to stay polite; I mean it was her parents, I can’t be rude. I sat next to Twilight and putting on a fake smile and answering any question that came to me.
It was just then that her dad looked at me.
“Hey Michael. Why don’t we go out for a walk.” He said in his gruff voice.
“Uh, sure. I can go for a walk. It’d be nice to stretch my legs.” I said, uncertainly.
Twilight’s dad showed me out the door. We started walking down the street away from the castle.
“Is anything going on between you and my daughter?” he said.
I almost shit myself. I always hate being questioned on this stuff.
“No, why do you ask?”
“Oh nothing, I just noticed the way she looks at you.”
Does she like me? Why would she? I’m nothing special. Seriously, why would she want to go out with a different species? I looked down. Oh yeah, I’m a pony now.
“Oh.” I said, too stunned to say anything.
“How did you two even meet?”
Damn it, it’s this story again. I feel like I have said this over a dozen times now!
I explained to Mr. Sparkle how Twilight came across me out in the wilderness and let me stay in her house. I told him exactly how it happened, but I only left out one thing. I didn’t tell him about me being human. I don’t know how he would’ve reacted, so I thought this way was better.
***
Back at the house:
“So, how long have you two been dating?” Mrs. Sparkle asked.
“What?! Mom! We are not dating!” Twilight blushed a deep red.
“Hmm, really? It’s just I see the way you look at each other.”
With that Twilight blushed even harder.
“Mom! How cou-!” Twilight was cut off.
“Twilight, dear, I know you. Just tell him or you have to face the chance of losing him.”
“Fine, I will tell him tomorrow, after we have had some rest.” Twilight had concluded.
***
Mike’s POV
I continued to the story all the way up to today, only tweaking it slightly.
“Wow, you live an interesting life, almost as interesting as my daughter’s.” Mr. Sparkle laughed.
“Yeah, it has been an interesting few months.” I said.
“You know what? I like you, you seem trustworthy.”
“Thank you, you’re not so bad yourself.” I joked.
“Why don’t we get some donuts?” he said.
Seriously, no more eating. That meal at the palace was huge! But I can’t just say no, we’re bonding!
“Sure” I said. My stomach is going to hate me.
We went into a donut shop and ordered. I only got one, I don’t even know if I will be able to finish it.
We sat down and ate. We talked and joked around. I knew we only had a little bit of time before we had to get back to the girls. I looked at the clock, it was 8:30.
I heard the door open and a bunch of big guys walked in talking and laughing. They were the Royal Guard, probably just getting off their shift. They still wore their golden armor and had their helmets in their hooves. I saw one that wore a slightly different uniform than the rest.
“Hey yo, Shining what do you want?” one pegasus guard asked.
Twilight’s dad perked up.
“Shining Armor?” Mr. Sparkle said loudly.
“Dad?” He said even before turning his head.
They ran at each other and hugged.
“So, who is this?” Shining asked.
“Oh, I’m Michael. I am friends with your sister.” I said
“You mean Twiley?” he said. Oh sweet another nickname!
“Yeah, I’m living with her right now in Ponyville.” I said.
He turned his head and squinted his eyes a little. Mr. Sparkle said something in his ear. Shining chuckled.
“You take care of her.” He said, in a more serious tone.
“Yeah, she is back at my house right now if you want to see her.” Mr. Sparkle said.
“Sorry dad, I have to get back to work. This is only my break, but tell her I said hi.” Shining said.
“Will do!”
They guards walked out and we started to head back.
Mr. Sparkle walked through the door with me following right behind him.
They guards walked out and we started to head back.
Mr. Sparkle walked through the door with me following right behind him. Mrs. Sparkle raised an eyebrow at me or her husband. I couldn’t tell which. What I did see was Mr. Sparkle winking at his wife. Twilight looked at me and smiled. She got up and hugged me. I have no idea why though.
“How was your walk boys?” Mrs. Sparkle said.
“It was great.” her husband said, smiling.
“I think it is time that we go. We have to catch the 9:30 train home.” Twilight said.
“Okay honey; don’t forget what I told you!” Twilight’s mother said. Twilight blushed.
“I won’t mom.”
Twilight’s dad patted me on the back as we headed out the door. “Take care of her.” He said low enough so that Twilight didn’t hear. I looked back and nodded. We said our goodbyes and went down to the train station. The train arrived perfectly on time and we got on.
“How was your adventure with Luna?” Twilight asked.
“How did you know?”
“Do you think I can’t see a pony jump off the tallest tower?” she laughed.
“Oh yeah, that little thing was…interesting.” I looked back to my sore back.
I looked into the dark out the train window. I saw a pair of green glowing eyes. I blinked and they were gone. I tried to shrug it off and go back to my thoughts. I dozed off into my dreams.
Ex Nihilos:
Alright so new thing that I've noticed that you have a problem with is not enough details. If you have a lot to say then say it, get those pictures in your head onto paper with the greatest clarity possible. Writing isn't just about conveying events to a reader, its describing and invoking emotions in the person.
When Michael is going to be turned into a pony he decides almost instantly that he's okay with it and wants to do it. What? No conflict? No hope of returning home? What are the pros and cons that go through his head? Come on man, he's deciding to warp his body into something else! This isn't some small decision, what's the final straw that tells him that this is the right decision? More information, more detail, more conflict of the mind!
Personally I never go for the turned into pony option but if that is what Michael wants to do then that's what he does. BUT! You have to make it convincing, this is about as cookie-cutter as you can get for pony fan fiction so you need to make it impressive or suffer the down fall of most writers who stick to the bland.
As you have it now this feels like what I'd call a skeleton draft, a sequence of events without much addition to each. It goes by fast but you could have so much more to each event. Look over your writing. When there's dialogue, where the emotion and expression beyond he said, she said? There's no problem with back and forth (not bothering to stop to say <blank> said) but they aren't robots. Someone's gotta show emotion beyond just words.