//------------------------------// // The Seventh Annual Hu-Mare Con // Story: My Little Heartbreak: Meanwhile, Back at the Farm // by Jet_Black1980 //------------------------------// Chapter 34 The Seventh Annual Hu-Mare Convention. Alright, I feel kinda terrible for unloading some weird backstory that sounds like it was made up by a bad larper who needed to explain why his character just joined a game. Then again, I was a larper for over seven years. Making up backstories for random NPCs is something of a hobby. “That’s...actually one of the nicest things that anypony has said to me, H.B.” Fuck he’s looking at me all big eyed. This kid must have some serious neglect issues. “I’m sure you have heard nice things said to you before, Dib.” I snort and roll my eyes. “Not really. Like I said, my dad is really busy inventing. Mom handles the orchard business, and my sister? She’s always at the arcade playing video games.” Good grief. What twisted branch of the Apple Family tree is this kid from!? “Come’on, I’m sure you have, some fffriends,” I reply, stammering on the word, ‘friends.’ “Well, there’s a small group of loners that hangs out in the library, but we don’t see each other outside of school,” he replies. I suddenly feel a burst of sympathy regarding this colt now. It’s like if someone took my childhood and passed it down to some random kid. Then again, I’m sure there are lots of kids out there who have similar backstories. “There are differences you yutz. Your biological father wasn’t an inventor, he’s a museum curator in Wisconsin. And your stepdad? Retired off somewhere in Idaho. Bastards the both of them though...” “So, uhm, change of subject. Is there anything else you want to know about Mineighsota that doesn’t relate to government or politics?” His face brightens. “Oh yeah! Seeing that we are going to a convention about strange wildlife and Cryptozoology, are there any weird creatures living that way that can’t be found anywhere else?” I think about this for a second. Apparently the storyteller in me is starting to peek out and comes up with an amusing thought. Well, amusing for anyone who is a native Minnesotan that is. “Oh yeah, there’s the dreaded Lutefisk,” I reply, trying to keep a straight face. “Lutefisk?” He asks. “I’ve never heard of it before, what is it?” “It is this strange jelly like fish that lives in these horrible smelling lakes made out of lye,” I begin. “Lye?! Isn’t that stuff terribly poisonous?” He asks. “Well, duh. We don’t go around swimming in it, Dib. Most of the lakes are freshwater and are important to survival up there,” Darn it, this is sounding really more convoluted. Funny, but unnecessarily convoluted. “So, if a Lutefisk is found out, we have to get rid of it. This can be only done in a strange ritual done by little old granny ponies. I don’t know the details to the whole thing.” For some reason I feel like leaning against a tree. Geez, we haven’t been working too long and I am already feeling a bit wiped. It must be all this bending my neck up and down. “Getting tired?” Dib asks me. “Yeah, go on ahead, I’m going to take a little nap if you don’t mind,” I reply, leaning my back up against a tree. Dib gives me an odd look and then shakes his head about something. “Don’t lay down on the job for too long, H.B. I don’t think Applejack would like it.” ============================================================== Crab Apple pondered everything he had just took in. A strange lost colony, meat eating ponies, monstrous jelly-like fish and all the while a foreign exchange student who just seemed to want to fit in with the rest of the ponies. “It just seems so...out there.” He looked up. “But isn’t that what some of the members of the HLC have said before? ‘The Truth is Out There?’” He shook his head and looked behind him. There was H.B. in the distance, sleeping while leaning against one of the trees. For being a strange meat eating mare, she was very nice. “Some of it doesn’t make too much sense however. I mean, greenhouses? There’s got to be more to it than she’s telling me. Or she could be outright lying. But, what reason would she have for lying to me? I bet it deals with the whole, ‘We eat meat,’ part...” Crab Apple continued doing his job. After a while, he began to notice something. “This job actually sucks a lot more, now that I don’t have anypony to talk to.” He looked back again. This time Heartbreak was so far in the distance that he couldn’t see where she was. “Huh, judging by the position of the sun...I would say that it is approaching eleven thirty. I should head back along the other row of trees. That way, Applejack thinks that H.B. did her job, and I’ll surprise H.B.! I mean it’s the least I can do for a new-” he paused for a moment. He had rarely used the next word he was about to describe H.B. For him, this was a monumental occasion. “-Friend. Yes, friend. Even if she’s from a race of meat eating ponies.” ============================================================== I stir from out of my nap and stretch. A wide yawn is given and I look around at the trees. Dib isn’t anywhere in sight. I don’t know whether or not to be relieved or worried about this. After all, being alone means I don’t have to worry about saying my thoughts out loud. But at the same time? Applejack sorta put me in charge of him. I lean forward and push myself up. I haven’t a fetting clue what time it is, but seeing that I haven’t been bothered by anyone, it has to be before noon or one. “Which of course means I should be picking up more apples,” Stupid girly pony voice. I attempt to lower my voice to make it sound more gruff. “Which of course means,” Gah! I try again. “Which means-” It’s no use. I sound like a woman who is attempting to sound like a man. “Right, don’t care. Let’s just pick up some more apples.” After about ten minutes, I learn something rather interesting: Rotten apples taste like, here’s a shocker, rotten apples! I keep attempting to pick them up as carefully as I can, but no matter what I do, they keep crushing just enough for me to taste their juice on my tongue. And attempting to pick them up by the stems only results in rotten apples splattering at my hooves as they fall apart. “Bleh!” I rub my mouth on my forearm in an attempt to rid my mouth of this taste. “Geez! How do they do this!?” I look at my hoof momentarily. “It’s times like this I really miss fingers...” “You miss fingers?” Dib’s voice says behind me. A shock of cold goes right through my being as I quickly turn around. “Ah! Dib! How long have you been there?” “Uhm, not too long.” He cocks his head at me. “You had-” he lifts his hoof up and points at it. “Uhm, No!” I say trying to control the volume of my voice. “But you said-” he begins. “Fingers was the name of my pet raccoon!” I explain. “Pet raccoon?” He asks. Calm down, H.B. Calm down. “Yes, I have shaky hoof syndrome and I have a pet raccoon that helps...uhm...helped me out with things.” I sigh. “Well he used to help me out with things.” That’s right. Play up the sad pet story. “We called him, ‘Fingers,’ because well, that’s what he had. Fingers. Fingers the raccoon!” Suddenly a small, perverse part of my brain activates and wants to laugh hysterically at what I just said. I bite down on my tongue to silence it. “Oh.” Dib looks at me sympathetically. “What happened to him?” I look around. “Oh, uhm, he got too old for me to take with me, the stress of travel would be too much for him. And if he were to die, I would rather it be back in Mineighsota than on the way here.” Finally, looking sad is paying off in some way. “That’s really awful,” he replies. “Losing a pet is never fun.” “Nope, it never is.” I reply, sighing. Looking over Dib’s shoulder, I spy a spot of orange growing closer to the two of us. “Well, well. Ya two seem ta be chattin’ up a storm!” Applejack shouts as she walks our way. “Ah bet ya two got quite a bit done.” Crap. I don’t know how many trees I have done, but it can’t be as many as Dib has. “Well-” “We did nearly a full two rows, A.J. And with H.B. keeping me company here, time went by like a breeze!” Dib looks at me and winks. “Isn’t that right, H.B.?” I rub the back of my neck. I don’t know whether the fact that he’s covering for me is sweet or wrong. Thinking about it, I’m going to go with wrong. “Yup, oh the conversations your cousin can have. Lots of interesting subjects!” She looks down the rows of trees with a keen eye. “Well, Ah’ll be darned.” She smiles. “Ya two really did quite a bit of work. So, seein’ that yer event is in an hour, how’s about ya two head back ta the house, get a bite ta eat and take a shower.” She looks at me. “Maybe give that mane and tail of yers a quick brushing? Ya want ta look a little presentable.” I roll my eyes and fight the urge to say, ‘Yes, Rarity,’ as it would spoil the moment and most likely cause Applejack to get upset with me. Besides, despite not knowing what this little convention holds, I do feel slightly excited to be going...somewhere that isn’t the library or a farm. “Sure thing, A.J. Just a quick brushing.” ============================================================== Crab Apple was nearly bouncing with glee after lunch. He had nearly inhaled all his food, and taken a quick shower. He already had his saddle bags on and was raring to go at the front gate of the farm. Heartbreak on the other hoof was lagging behind. “Come on, H.B.! I want to get there before the others so that I don’t have to wait in line with the others who weren’t lucky enough to register before the due date!” He shouted. “We’re coming! Hold your-” Heartbreak began as Applejack tugged hard on her saddle bag straps. She whinnied and looked sharply at Applejack. “Horses. A.J., that hurt.” “Hey, got ta make sure it’s nice and tight so that it don’t fall off,” Applejack replied. “You know what would be awesome right now? Velcro,” H.B. said. “Beg yer’parden? What the hay is, ‘velcro?’” Applejack asked. Heartbreak blinked and rolled her eyes. “Of all the low tech things not to have, you’re seriously telling me that you don’t have velcro?” she asked. “Haven’t a clue what it is.” Applejack looked at Heartbreak with a sudden seriousness. “Now, ah trust that you’ll look after ma cousin. An’ ya’ll keep him outta trouble, an’ don’t let him outta yer sight!” “A.J., we’re going into Ponyville, not making some long trek by f-f-f-h-hoof to the gates of Tartarus,” Heartbreak responded. A.J. frowned. “Ah might be actin’ a bit serious about this an’ all. But ah’m putting ma trust in ya there, H.B.” Heartbreak looked at A.J. quietly. “I’ll try not to break it.” She replied, walking to catch up with Crab Apple. Applejack wave at the two of them as they left the farm. “Have fun, you two!” she called out. ============================================================== As Lyra looked at the five rooms that she had rented for this one event, she felt a sense of pride fill her. Yes, they weren’t sparkling clean. Yes, HLC members had to walk down an alleyway and make a left to get to the dimly lit doorway that led to the event, and yes there was some extra costs here and there. But it was worth it! Over the course of a week, she and some of her more open minded friends had decorated, sang and polished these abandoned storage rooms into something that was acceptable to hold a gathering in. She walked down the hallway. On her left was the two rooms that were set up to be the artists’ alleyway and a relaxing lounge. On the right was one of the lecture rooms that would talk about costuming and ways of incorporating humans into everyday life without looking like you were a freak. At least, that’s how some other ponies would put it. There was also a resting lounge that had been set up in the fourth room. Seeing that she had to rent all five rooms in order to get her deal, she might as well use it for something. The last room was straight ahead. It was an old auditorium. Here, she would welcome her guests. Her little herd. “No, correction Lyra: My People.” She giggled with glee. She walked up to the reception pony at the front who was making sure that no party crashers came to ruin the events. Already, the mass majority of a whole twenty four ponies had arrived and were making awkward conversations in some of the rooms. “Brick House?” she asked the rather husky looking mare. “That’s me!” She replied. “How are we doing thus far? No trouble?” Lyra asked. “All quiet on the western front, Miss Heartstrings,” Brick House replied. “Good to hea-” Lyra started. Brick House laughed a bit. “Ya get it? Cause the building points west!” Lyra laughed along with Brick’s joke. Something told her that she wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box. But she could at least humor her a bit. “Yup! Have most of the pre registrations arrived?” “Uuuh,” Brick House looked at her list. “I’ve crossed most of the names off of the list if that’s what you mean, Miss Heartstrings.” “Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. Remember that anyp-er, anybody who comes in who isn’t on the list has to pay an extra five bits. So, ten bits,” Lyra said. “I’ll write that down so I don’t forget,” Brick House replied. Lyra sighed a bit as she turned around. All this work on this gathering had left little time for another project of hers. That being of course, the mission that Tale Spinner had lead her to follow. It had been only a few days, but she felt like she was missing some good research time in which she could actually study this, ‘Heartbreak.’ But the hard part about all that was that she was on Applejack’s farm. She sighed. “Oh well, maybe after the con...” Just as she was about to check the bathrooms, there was a knock on the door that lead to the alleyway. Brick House got up and slid open the little spy hole. “Greetings travelers, may I see the secret shake?” A high pitched, nerdy voice replied. “Uhm, H.B. You should turn around, this is for super secret members only.” Lyra’s ears had never perked up so fast. Could it be? She found herself nearly teleporting to the door, but paused. What if the subject were to see her? What would she do? She hid behind Brick House and attempted to get a look through the spy hole. “Ugh, fine Dib. You know that this isn’t points in your favor about taking me to this little, ‘club,’ of yours, right?” It was her! Lyra could barely contain herself! It was almost too perfect! A creature like Heartbreak attending -her- convention! She could observe her and watch for any more signs! She could talk about the humans all she wanted to and see her reactions! “Have you pre registered?” Brick House asked, dopely. “I have,” Dib replied. “But my friend,” he paused as he said the word in an excited manner, “has not!” “If that’s the case, then it is going to co-” Brick House started. Lyra quickly closed Brick House’s mouth with her magic. “Let her in! For free!” Lyra whispered in Brick’s ear. “Uhm, ok. I was just told that she gets to come in for free,” Brick House said. “Oh wow! Really?” Dib exclaimed. “For free?” Heartbreak asked, skeptical. “Yes, for free,” Lyra whispered behind Brick House. “Yes, for free,” Brick parroted. “IIII don’t know about that...” Heartbreak said. “Nothing is for free, there’s always some catch.” “Oh come on! Maybe they’re holding some sort of, ‘You’re the x number of pony to arrive,’ thing,” Dib told her. “Yes!” Lyra said “Repeat everything I say, Brick House.” ============================================================== I look at the grey-eyed mare through the door slot. All of this has some really horrible marks in my mind. The speakeasy feel to it, the secret hoof shake and the large hulking body builder like bodyguard at the front door? Yeah, something feels wrong about this. Then again, that could be just me being a scaredy-pants, not wanting to have some social interaction: wanting to go and hide and avoid the ponies. Again. “Yous happen to be the twenty-sixth member to attend, setting up a new record for attendance to our event and breaking our twenty-five record attendance,” She says in a deep voice. “That seems pretty-” I pause narrowing my eyes at her, “sketchy to me.” “Did I mention that not only do you get a free VIP pass, but a gift bag filled with all sorts of goodies and yummy treats?” She asks me. “Come on H.B.” Dib looks at me with pleading eyes. “How can you turn down an offer like that? Plus if you don’t go, I don’t get to go.” He’s right. If I don’t go, he doesn’t get to go. Fuck. Cute eyes plus a guilt trip. Well played, Agent Mothman look alike. Well played. “Fine. But there better be some fetting chocolate in that bag.” “Oh yes. There is!” She says. The door swings inward and Dib practically bounces through it. I, however, trudge my way in. After passing the entryway, I feel something drop around my neck. “Here is your special VIP badge!” The large brick red mare says looking down at me. I blink and her brick shaped cutie mark catches my eyes. Gah! I need to stop doing that! “Along with your goodie bag!” she practically shoves the handles of the bag into my mouth. I would have yelled in protest, but the aroma of chocolate hits my nose. Darn you, chocolate! You and your chocolaty goodness, like Agent Mothman, have won this round! “H.B.! Come on, the opening festivities are beginning!” he shouts. Walking down the hallway and following Dib, I can’t help but think back to my own time at furry cons. Yup, there’s the smell of unwashed pony fanboys. “H.B.! Come on!” He says, tugging at my leg. Alright, now this is getting a bit pushy and into territory I don’t want it to. “Dib! Hold your-” We get into the auditorium. Looking up, I see something that makes me flinch and my left eye twitch. Something that has caught me off guard and made me realize where I have heard the phrase, ‘obscure equestrian mythology,’ before. There standing on stage is Lyra Heartstrings, smiling and waving. Above her, among the small herd of cheering ponies, is a banner that reads, “Welcome, Hu-Mares!” I don’t feel myself walking as Dib pulls us to our seats. Just the spectacle of what is about to happen is screaming in my mind. “Isn’t this exciting?!” Dib asks me. Lyra begins to speak. “Welcome, fellow human lovers! Welcome to our seventh annual Hu-Mare Con!”