A dark haze enveloped all of Luna's senses, despite the clarity that the spell should have been giving her. In response to this, she attempted to refocus the frequency of the spell to find the best synergy between her own thoughts and the thoughts of the zebra. It was usually a surprisingly simple process—given how complicated it sounded—but as precious seconds passed, her frustration began to mount. Sure, she knew that she was picking up something, but with all of the interference, she couldn't tell exactly what it was that she was picking up.
It had been a long time since she had looked into another mind, the solitude of the moon making it slightly difficult to practice. Even after returning from her millennium long banishment, finding time for these sort of activities—considering that she was, at least in name, a full blown princess—was next to impossible. Of course, the last time she had done a Memory Extractor spell was definitely not for the sake of her amusement.
The thought of several soldiers screaming in agony as she tore information she needed out of their heads—among other things—entered her mind.
Shaking her head, even if technically she didn't have a head in here, she redoubled her efforts into aligning to the right frequency. The difficulty of this task was magnified because she was using the Memory Extractor spell in a way that it was never meant to be used—instead of reaching into a mind and yanking out past events, she was merely looking into the current thoughts of the subject. All of a sudden, the haze began to disperse, and more distinct—albeit muffled—voices began to cut through the garbled slurs.
Smiling to herself, she tweaked the spell slightly more in an attempt to clear up the static. Apparently that was all that was needed to get through, and as she shortened the wavelengths of the magical resonance more and more, she was met with more success. Colors started to form in lieu of the static, and while the sounds became much more crisp, it was becoming increasingly apparent that the sounds consisted of the collective garble of a large crowd. Such volume could only be produced by hundreds or thousands of ponies, with each attempting to talk over the rest in a futile attempt to be heard. One final adjustment, and the scene finally came into view.
What she saw was the most interesting room that she had ever seen... well... since she came back from the moon. All around her, the walls looked as though various sheets of metal had been bolted together, giving the room a very industrial look. Above her, dozens of various sized chains hung from the ceiling—the dangling links of metal hanging down until they were only a dozen or so meters from the floor. Assuming this was just one room in a much larger building they were in, this must have been a massive structure, for this room alone was capable of seating around a thousand ponies. It was hard to make out what any of their faces looked like though, which was not surprising. In fact, she was surprised that there was this much detail and organization, despite the fact that this was a dream.
Echoing all around her, there were two sounds that reverberated throughout the large room. The first was the obvious chanting of the ponies in the chamber, their words completely incomprehensible to the alicorn mare. Though, like their faces, she was fairly certain that they had no actual words to discern anyway, so Luna didn't bother trying to understand them. All that mattered was that they were all chanting for some sort of event to finally begin. The only other noise that she could make out was a dull thumping of bass, the constant thudding provoking the audience into more of a frenzied fervor.
As for the mist, it still remained, but it wasn't from the lack of being in the proper frequency with the zebra's dreams, but more because of several smoke machines that were most likely hidden in the building somewhere. All of the smoke culminated around the front of the room, where a massive stage had been constructed. For now, there was no event taking place atop the wooden platform, but Luna suspected that very soon, that would change.
That very event began just moments after Princess Luna thought about it, for walking onstage was the most curiously dressed unicorn she had ever seen. The white stallion was dressed somewhat similar to many of the stallions that would attend a formal ball, but the colors were much more flamboyant. Everything from his stove-pipe hat to his jacket was a bright crimson, with yellow trim all along the seams. His undershirt popped out from beneath, the bleached white ruffles standing out vibrantly against the colored jacket.
His horn flashed a light blue, and with a smile, he pulled a microphone to his mouth, and began speaking in an overdramatic voice. “For too long, there have been two of 'the bests' of our time. From the ponies, the griffins, to even the greatest the dragons have to offer, these two have dominated every single opponent that they have come across. For too long, each has claimed to be the best, yet they never dared to put their bits where their mouths are, and contend with their rival. Tonight, that problem changes, for I give you, Equestria's best!”
The crowd picked up their chanting chorus as the announcer smiled. Waving a hoof to his left, he again bellowed, “In this corner, I give you the newcomer to our great land. She hails from lands beyond our great borders, in the great plains of the Zebronia Nation. Very recently, she immigrated from those exotic lands, and took up residence in the mysterious Everfree Forest, where she now calls home.”
Can this stallion become any more ludicrous?
“Now,” the unicorn got even louder as he shouted, “the mare has decided to take up the trade we all know and love, the art of music. Her kind are known for their rhymes, so lets see if that gives her the advantage this day! You know her, you love her, give it up, for Zecora, the Zebra!”
The crowd went absolutely nuts, chanting Zecora's name as she came out from behind the curtains. If it wasn't for the fact that she didn't have a body, Luna was sure that she would've done a spit-take, for what the zebra was wearing was, to say the least, absolutely ridiculous. The zebra had half a dozen bright golden hoops around her neck, which shined in the spotlight of the stage. In addition to these, a golden necklace was somehow wrapped around her neck—the amulet attached to the chain adorned with a massive sapphire. Her legs had even more golden hoops wrapped around them, complementing the—once again—golden shoes that she had on all around her hooves. Covering the back of her head and her flank, the mare had a dark blue silk covering with a black and golden trim. Rounding all that off with a large golden tail tie, large hoop earrings, and a golden headpiece adorned with yet another large sapphire, she looked... well... like a native of the Zebronia Nation.
“Miss Zecora,” the unicorn walked up to the zebra, and placed the microphone to her face, “is there anything you would like to say to your opponent?”
A sly grin appeared on her face as she leaned into the mike. “When he goes up against me, that fool better watch out, for when he minces words with a zebra, they will be nothing but shouts!”
“Oooooooooh!”
Was... was that supposed to be an insult? That was the worst insult I have ever heard!
“Looks like we have a feisty one today!” the brightly dressed announcer yelled as he smiled. Stepping away from Zecora, he bowed his head. As he announced this time, his voice was much softer. “In this corner, we have potentially the greatest champion this industry has ever seen. A native to the hills west of Fillydelphia, he was once merely a minion of an ordinary gang of diamond dogs. Now that he has escaped that life of endless labor, he now rules our world without contest... until now. He needs no further introduction, I give you...”
The announcer paused for a few moments to build up suspense. “...Snoop, theeeeee Dog!”
If the crowd went nuts earlier, they now went into a whole new level of insanity, for instead of woots and hollers from the ponies, there was now a constant dog-like barking. Once again, Luna was glad she was not drinking anything, for the diamond dog that walked onstage was many magnitudes more ridiculous looking than Zecora. To start, he was walking onstage with a mare under each arm, causing Luna to roll her eyes in response. However, the craziness definitely didn't end there, for the dog was also wearing a large pair of aviator sunglasses over his eyes—an interesting piece of attire considering how dark it was already in the room.
Around his neck, dozens of oversized pieces of jewelry hung down nearly to his waist, the pieces of precious metal clinking together with every motion. That, along with the giant diamond stud in his left ear and the massive diamond ring on his right pinky finger, and Luna realized that he must have dressed himself in the dark. That wasn't even mentioning the curious sweater—it had some sort of hood like a travel cloak— he was wearing, the tight braids that were fashioned into his brown head-hair, and the cigarette in his mouth.
“Snoop,” the announcer nearly galloped over to the creature's side, “you heard what Zecora said about you while you were backstage. Is there anything you would like to say in response before you two begin?”
Suddenly, Snoop snatched the magically held microphone out of the air, and brought it up to his mouth. “I just hope that this zebra brought some sunscreen, because she's about to get burned!”
“Ooooooooooh!”
…I take back what I said before. THAT was the worst insult I have ever heard.
The announcer pulled a second microphone out of nowhere, and smiled. “It looks like these two have their wits with them tonight! Looks like this is going to be a contest of the ages, the showdown the century, a monumental clash of titans, so let us begin... A RAP BATTLE!”
…A what battle?
Suddenly, the cheers, while still loud, quieted slightly, and the thumping of the bass intensified. Music also joined in, though like the thumping, she had no idea where it was coming from, or what band was playing it. The worst part was that the melody and harmony were generic at best, and something a filly could probably come up with at its worst. There were no lyrics, although that was most likely what Zecora and Snoop were about to create—though if the lyrics were as terrible as the background music, she was leaving this dream in a heartbeat. However, all of that said, as bad as everything sounded, the beat was actually pretty intense, and she was sure she would've caught herself tapping a hoof in sync a few times if she had a hoof to tap.
Snoop took a few steps forward, and with a toothy grin, began to... well... technically sing.
All you fillies and colts, welcome to the show.
This is a rap battle, that we're here to throw.
So sit yourselves right down on your cute little flanks,
as I take this zebra, and make her walk the plank!
Regardless of what Luna was thinking, and whether something like this should actually be considered music, the cheering of the fans in the crowd told her that the audience thought it was the greatest thing this side of Equestria. Snoop was smiling even wider now, and pointing at Zecora, he continued.
This here little mare, right down yonder,
makes this diamond dog rightly ponder.
What makes this mare think she's better than me?
Is it because she just can't really see?
How ridiculous she looks, in that silly attire,
Aw, just look at that long face, maybe she's a big crier?
I hope she's not, 'cause she better be on her guard,
When I do tell her she looks like nothin' but lard!
“Oooooooh!”
For as... interesting of a event his was, apparently the dream crowd was really getting into it. Luna had to admit, she cringed at that last stab he threw at the zebra, though it was partly out of how absurd all of this was. Still, Zecora didn't look like she lost any of the pep that she started with. Indeed, she looked like she was even more ready for a counterattack. The diamond dog took a few steps back, and with a mocking bow, gave the stage to the striped mare. Zecora took a few steps forward, and with the unicorn announcer holding her microphone for her, she began.
Look at this old scrappy dog, he looks quite sour.
It's probably 'cause it's I, who has the power.
Don't you understand, this is my kind of game,
when you fight me like this, you will end up lame.
So you grew up in the hills west of the city.
To that fact I am forced to say, 'What a pity!”
All the great skill in our Equestrian realm,
cannot save us when your voice does underwhelm.
Why don't you give up right now,
while the crowd still does allow.
For if you continue, you'll be pelted with eggs,
but as for now, you'll be kicked between the hind legs!
Slowly at first, the shouts of excitement grew in the crowd as Zecora held a hoof in the air with a growing sense of superiority. It was then that Snoop, the Dog, fixed his sweater-like garment, and took a few steps forward, so that he was standing right up next to the zebra. He and Zecora glared at each other with narrowed eyes, and with Snoop landing the first verbal punch, they began to mince words each other.
So little mare, you ready to take it to the next level?
Certainly, my thick pup, if you can contend with this devil.
You really think you can beat the best in Canterlot?
I should be the one asking, for it's you shall soon rot.
You are stupid at worst, and at best, aloof!
Don't cause me to laugh and trip over my hoof,
for you are like nothing, while I entertain the masses.
Please! I think somepony needs to stop and get her glasses!
But enough! I shall defeat you with the word orange!
Ha! Don't you know that I could just say two words: door hinge?
But can a fool like you think of one for purple?
Purple? That word is easy, the color burple!
Can you contend with the color silver?
Silver is easy, it is... umm... liver?
All of a sudden, the entire crowd roared even louder, laughter and insults being slung at the poor zebra onstage. It was obvious that she was taking the insults to heart, for the mare had lowered her head, and had resigned herself to the judgment of the audience. Out of nowhere, various pieces of fruits and vegetables—from tomatoes to cabbages—began to be thrown at the mare. With nowhere to run, she just stood there, and took every single hit.
As for the announcer, his face was beaming, “Well, this is an upsetting turn of events for Zecora, the Zebra, to say the least! It looks like Snoop, the Dog, has clinched his victory! Snoop, how do you feel about this?”
“There is nothing that can take away from this victory for me. I came here, and did this for my mama, and—”
Are you ridiculous? So atrocious! Insanity!
The only thing even worse than you is feces!
The ponies in the room instantly fell silent as the lyrics echoed in the room, the background melody and bass being the only sound to accompany the words. All eyes were torn away from the now very shocked zebra, and were now placed onto the diamond dog standing onstage. Nervously smiling, he took a few steps towards the announcer, and tried to—
What a laughable and embarrassing face you have!
It's as if you were dropped as a fill—
The music cut to an abrupt stop, and with the most awkward of pauses, the entire auditorium held its collective breath. Other than the occasional murmur of confusion, there wasn't a sound to speak of. The announcer, earlier just seconds from boisterously proclaiming the diamond dog's victory, now stood there with a gaping mouth, his microphone dipping slightly as his magic waned. The only movements in the room were the erratic motions of the audience as they tried to make sense of what was happening, the nervous fidgeting of Snoop on stage, and the dimmed shimmering aura of the telekinesis spell around the announcer's microphone.
Suddenly, a lone voice from the audience called out, “What was that!?”
Then another, “That was the sound system!”
“What's going on?”
“He was lip-syncing!”
“What!?”
A flood of hostile emotions erupted all at once, the ponies in the crowd screaming and yelling at the diamond dog onstage. There was no shortage of anger, and while it was impossible to identify each individual voice, but it was certain that they were demanding for two things in particular—blood and refunds. The announcer, unsure what to do, merely tried to hide from the horde of ponies slightly offstage—the audience now venting their increasing rage—so as to both avoid their collective wrath, as well as prevent a rush of ponies trying to get their money back.
Holding up his hands, Snoop tried to calm the crowd. “Hey, there's no need to get hostile, right? Look, I only did it because I have a sore throat, but remember, I can still wipe the stage with this zebrUFF!”
A tomato smacked into the diamond dog's face, sending him flying back behind the curtains. Taking a chance to regain a sense of decorum, Zecora took a few steps forward. “Everypony, will you please calm your hostile emotions. I am aware that you are all angry, just like I am with troublesome potions. Remember what I do when I—”
“I have a better idea!” The white unicorn appeared by Zecora's side, his microphone in tow. “I declare that tonight, and for the rest of history, the greatest rap artist to ever grace the land of Equestria is... Zecora, the Zebra!!!”
As the crowd exclaimed their approval of the new champion, Luna shook her nonexistent head. This was by far the strangest thing that she had ever seen in her entire life, and she was sure that nothing would ever top it. Granted, dreams did strange things, but dreams weren't typically this weird... right?
Slowly, Luna de-powered her Memory Extractor spell, and as the roars of the crowd grew dimmer, she left the mare's dream, and reentered the real world.