Let’s do a little recap here: Yesterday morning I had woken up next to a pegasus pony of the female variety and had quickly learned the implications of my drunken state the night prior:
I had sexual relations with said pony.
Don’t ask me how it happened, or how one would even go about doing such an act; I was obviously quite intoxicated at the time and the mere thought of the deed that I had apparently performed makes me feel more than a little queasy.
When I woke up this morning, was I expecting some sort of break from the insanity that is now my life?
Not really, no.
Would it have been a kind gesture by fate?
Hells yeah.
But noooooooo, my destiny is to forever be the laughing stock of existence...
Being semi-conscious can really screw with your mind.
Myself, being in that mysterious state of half-sleep, felt a large, warm, fuzzy mass and was quickly drawn to it, even going as far as beginning to nuzzle up against it. I blame instincts of course, which were quickly overridden as I heard soft laughter and the fuzzy mass shake in-tune with the aforementioned giggle.
My brain began acting on hyperdrive as I realized just what this mass was and the possible implications of my actions. I opened my eyes and attempted to scurry away from the yellow pegasus. I did NOT want to encourage this insane mare.
But naturally, as soon as I opened my eyes, my sight was met with nothing but yellow as I felt two rather large forelegs quickly wrap around me to pull my now apparently miniscule form close, like one would do with a stuffed animal, quickly ending my attempted escape. Of course that didn’t stop me from attempting to use my now fuzzy little black paws to try and extricate myself from her grip.
‘Paws...Well...At least it’s something new...My thoughts sound different all of the sudden.’
Unfortunately, I was unable to look myself over as per usual to figure out just what the hell I was this time due to Fluttershy’s death hold, but at least it appeared that she wasn’t awake despite the giggling I had heard moments prior.
‘Now what do I do?’
After an embarrassingly long period in which I thought of many deviously clever ideas that admittedly...All failed; I finally had an idea that involved me tickling her with my feet, or whatever the heck they were. This of course ran the risk of her awakening, but I was getting thoroughly annoyed at the time for a number of reasons, the foremost being that I was completely helpless against the choke hold of Big-Bertha-Shy.
Anyways, I proceeded to tickle her chest with my now, well, rather long feet. As planned, she let out a giggle and quickly moved her forehooves off of me and towards the origin of the tickling sensation. I immediately took advantage and hopped out of her grasp towards freedom.
Little known fact: Not only is Fluttershy half-pony half-demon, she is also apparently half-feline as well. That's right, this girl is 150%; 50% more than anyone/pony else.
Not a quarter of a second after lift-off, her right forehoof shot out like lightning and grabbed my foot in mid-air.
'How in the hell do these ponies have the ability to grip with those hooves of theirs!?!'
She did the pony's version of sitting up in bed and dangled me upside down in front of her face. She spun me around to face her, a confused expression adorning her features.
"I don't remember having any black bunnies with white spots living around here."
'Okay, I'm a bunny, that much should've been obvious. Looks like my spots are still hanging around too, where are they this time though?'
I looked up, relative to my dangling position, at my body and saw that my belly to my chest area was covered in white polka dots. I looked back at Fluttershy, who was giving me a gentle smile.
"What are you doing here little girl?"
I felt my blood run cold.
'Did she just say...No. F***ing. Way.'
My right paw drifted to my nether regions where I found... Nothing, that's right, not a F***ing thing.
'...'
Fluttershy smiled at the small bunny dangling from her hoof.
"What are you doing here little girl?"
The bunny froze, her eyes going wide simultaneously as its paw moved towards its groinal area. Suddenly the bunny began to thrash around in her grasp, an angry expression on its face as it squeaked repeatedly at nothing in particular.
Fluttershy, who had realized that she was dangling the bunny upside down, immediately thought that this was the reason for its sudden outburst and quickly placed the bunny on the bed, letting out a string of apologies.
“Oh my! I’m so sorry! Don't hate me!"
The bunny flopped onto its back and began to roll around, still letting out a colorful string of squeaks.
"What's wrong? Was it something I said?"
The bunny's only answer was to begin pawing at its crotch, letting out an occasional, much more desperate sounding squeak. It started to pant from a mixture of exhaustion and...something else, before finally giving in and resting on the bed with its tongue lolled out of its mouth, breathing heavily.
Fluttershy wasn't entirely sure how to respond to the bunny's random outburst, so she merely picked the tired little thing up and nuzzled it gently.
"It's alright, you're going to be fine."
Fluttershy didn't see it, but the bunny was rolling its eyes. Fluttershy pulled the bunny away from her face and looked at it with a calm smile.
"All better?"
The bunny harrumphed, yet nodded curtly at her.
"Good, now I have to freshen up for the day, so I'll meet you downstairs to feed you after I'm done. Okay?"
The bunny still didn't seem happy, but nodded at Fluttershy nevertheless and that was all she needed. Fluttershy set the bunny down, trotted to the restroom and closed the door, one thought in the forefront of her mind:
'Where is Stan?'
Ya' know, I never realized just how many expletives a man can come up upon reaching their breaking point. Nor did I think that pawing at my now newly found 'taco' while yelling/squeaking "Come on!" and "Come back!" desperately would actually give me a pleasurable sensation.
I gotta say:
Girls have it so much easier.
Bertha-Shy had finally gone out of the room, but now I ran into the issue of finding out it what exactly I was supposed to do. Things didn't turn out so nice for me last time I went into Ponyville for help, so that was out of the question, and I couldn't communicate with Fluttershy so she couldn't offer me any help either. The best I could do was wait it out and act like a regular old bunny for a day; if it was like every other time I'd transformed into something strange, then I'd be human by nightfall.
What's the worst that could happen?
I left Fluttershy’s room via the doggy door and descended the steps with little issue. I was actually quite hungry at the time due to it being early morning, so I figured that I might as well head into the kitchen to wait for Flutters so she could give me a carrot or something.
It was there that I met my second snag of the day in the form of a similarly sized white rabbit, the very same one I met on my second day of being in pony-land.
Anyways, the rabbit was standing on the table, likely in a similar position to my own in waiting for Fluttershy so he could get his paws on some food. Upon seeing me hop in, his eyes went wide, an impossible 'AOOOGA' noise playing in the background, like the horn on a Ford model T.
I could only assume as to what that meant...
'Great, not only was I the sexiest beast alive when I was a horse; apparently I'm the Megan Fox of bunnies.'
The rabbit gawked at me for a moment before gathering himself and giving me a 'sup' nod.
I rolled my eyes at him and hopped over to the counter, using the handles on the drawers to climb up. Clearly, he didn't get the hint of me NOT jumping up next to him as he jumped off the table, hopping towards where I was now resting on the countertop.
He quickly scaled the drawer handles and hopped up next to me. When I scooted away, he followed; when I decided move to the table, unsurprisingly, he made the same decision.
I finally snapped when the little moron decided to squeeze my fluffy, cotton tail. It was an unnecessary and unwelcome advance; so I did the first thing that came to mind: I socked him one right on the cheek.
Now this didn't exactly get the response that I was hoping for...
Suddenly, his ears shot straight up with an audible *FWOOMP* as he put a paw to his raw cheek, a silly smirk adorning his features.
I, again, rolled my eyes at him.
'Great, the bunny's a masochist... Well Mister Snowball, let's see how you like this.'
I turned towards him, my frustration almost bubbling out of me as I drew my leg back and...
*SMACK*
His paws instantly went to his groin as he fell to the table rolling around in pain. Ironically enough, his rolling was so excessive that he actually managed to fall of the table entirely, thus creating even more pain for himself.
Now, for once I was feeling a little guilty, I knew EXACTLY what he was going through and I didn’t like it one bit. This guilt, however, was quickly dashed away when he looked up at me from the floor with tears of pain in his eyes and a smile on his face as he pulled one paw from his crotch to give me the 'call me' motion. How was this possible considering the clear lack of technological communication in this place? I don’t know.
Some people/ponies/animals are just freaking screwed up.
"Little girl? Where are you?"
'Well crap.'
Fluttershy trotted through the doorway and gasped at the White bunny tearing up on the floor.
"Angel!"
'His name is really Angel? Phhhhht- hahaha!'
She quickly scooped him up and cradled him in her forehooves, speaking to him gently.
"What happened?"
He glanced over at me for a moment before making several complex hand-gestures at Fluttershy, causing her to, unsurprisingly, gasp again.
"You fell off the table? Oh you poor dear! Where does it hurt?"
The newly named-at least to me-Angel seemed nervous at the question as his eyes shifted back and forth in thought.
"Don't worry, I can kiss it to make it all better." She offered him a small smile.
Angel was not at all appeased by these words, in fact they seemed to have him more unnerved than ever. He was likely mere moments from ratting me out.
Luckily, right before he began his crazy form of gesture communication, there was a sudden knock at the front door causing Fluttershy to set Angel down on the table.
"Just one moment Angel, I need to get that."
Immediately after she was out of the kitchen, Angel's paws went straight back to his bunny-hood as he winced.
Out of curiosity, I hopped off the table and followed Fluttershy out the doorway and into the living room, leaving Angel to his own devices on top of the table. I was sure he'd be fine, I only gave him 60% power after all.
After I was through the doorway I saw Flutters begin to open the door, revealing none other than...
'Oh god, why in the hell did it have to be her?'
Figure it out yet? I'll give you a hint, she's sea green, enjoys walks on the beach and is an INSANE PSYCHOPATHIC SERIAL KILLER!
Yeah, her.
Fluttershy tensed up upon seeing the mint unicorn in her doorway.
"Why hello there Fluttershy."
"What is it you need Heartstrings?"
Fluttershy’s tone was menacing and her expression was far from calm if the unicorn’s fearful expression was anything to go by.
"I-is Stan around?"
'Dang it girl, leave me alone!'
"No, I haven't seen him today. I was actually considering going to your place to make sure he wasn't foalnapped again."
Her words were sharp and definitely hit home.
I honestly couldn't tell if Fluttershy was being protective or territorial; hopefully the former, but either way that unicorn was f***ed.
She managed a stuttery reply.
"I w-was just hoping to apologize to him, but the real reason I'm here is because...I Umm... Want to adopt a pet! Yeah, that's exactly why I'm here!"
Fluttershy’s demeanor took a complete 180 at her words.
"Oh! I have so many wonderful pets for you to choose from! I even have a song I can sing if it will help you choose! -Now Lyra my dear I cannot express my deli-”
Lyra stuck a hoof into the excited pegasus’ mouth.
‘Ouch, that’s just cold.’
“Actually, I uhh...” She shifted her gaze through the doorway and locked eyes with me. A smile spread across her face.
‘Oh god! Please no!’
I was lifted off the ground in a billowing teal aura and quickly shot towards the doorway.
‘NOOOOO-’
“I already had something in mind, this bunny is perfect! How much do I owe you for him?”
“Well, thirty bits but it’s actually a gir-”
Lyra cut her off in the nick of time.
“Perfect. I actually don’t have any bits on me right now, so stop by my place anytime you’re in town to pick up the money. See ya later Fluttershy!”
The unicorn turned and began to trot away with me in tow, levitating about and struggling all the while.
“O-okay. Bye Ly-”
The door was suddenly covered in a teal aura and slammed shut in Fluttershy’s face.
‘OH DEAR GOD! WHY ME?!?’
We weren’t even 100 feet out from Fluttershy’s place before the unicorn began speaking to herself again, this time in that creepy voice from yesterday.
“Stan... Stan has hands. Want hands. YES!”
Her tone again reverted to regular old speech.
“He wasn’t there Dyra, and even if he was, I don’t think that I could handle Fluttershy alone. Sorry, but no hands today.”
Her head suddenly whipped to the side to look at me, a broad grin was on her face.
“But you’re not alone...And hands...Need HANDS!”
‘Well this day is turning out fantabulous...’
We arrived at Lyra’s home after an extremely long and annoying argument between her and... Dyra involving the uses of hands, which was quite one-sided. Here’s an excerpt:
*Ahem*
Lyra: Opening pickle jars!
Dyra: Hands are good for hands. YES!
As you can imagine, I wasn’t in the best of moods. This was made all the worse after we arrived at her home and she stepped through the doorway.
“Okay little bunny, I have to go do some...Things.”
She levitated me over to a rather large cage in dark corner of the room that I failed to notice last time I was here.
She turned to face me with a creepy smile.
“This cage was built for something much bigger and...Smarter than you. I’m sure it will be like a mansion to your standards.”
The aura suddenly disappeared and I dropped head first onto the hard bottom of the cage.
I just laid there for a moment as my vision began to get fuzzy watching her glowing horn disappear through a doorway.
‘Wow...What a douche...’
I soon lost consciousness.
‘Ugh...Please tell me I’m not a human again. For once that would be a bad thing.’
I took a hand and put it to my aching head.
‘Crap.’
I stood up shakily, and saw through a tiny crack between the curtains that the sun had already set in the sky.
“*sigh*”
‘Not sure if I should be happy or mad that this nightmare of a day is almost over. I spent nearly all of it unconscious and considering the fact that I probably have a concussion, that can't be very good.’
There was the sound of hooves clopping against wood above my head, reminding me that I was sharing this house with a psychopath and needed to get the heck out of there. Looking up, I noticed that she hadn't even bothered to shut the top of the cage considering my meager size as a bunny.
'Well, better to escape now than never.'
Using the edge of the opening on the cage, I hoisted myself on top of it. Unfortunately, I was none to graceful afterwards...
*BOOM*
"S***!"
There was a sudden silence as I laid there on the hard floor and the clopping of hooves above me stopped abruptly. Then, they suddenly started back up at a much more rapid pace.
'No No No No No! Not her!'
I picked myself up off the floor just as fast as possible and ran towards the front door. As I reached for the doorknob the clopping of hooves stopped again, replaced by heavy breathing behind me.
Turning around, I saw Lyra standing there on the top of the steps, a silly grin on her muzzle and a butcher knife levitating close by.
"HANDS!"
I opened the door and booked it the heck out of there.
I failed to remember a key thing when running out the door into the cool air of dusk: I was, again, completely nude.
So naturally, I was forced to streak through the freaking market, where the ponies were putting away their wares and closing up shop. One of which, I noticed to be...The red stallion.
I refused to look at any of them and kept facing forward, I did however hear some jerk whistle at me.
Rolling my eyes, I continued my sprint to Fluttershy’s cottage.
Fluttershy was sitting at her table, overcome with worry for Stan while she played with the salad in her bowl
She was sure that he could take care of himself, however, that didn’t stop her from talking to all of her friends asking if they’d seen him that day. The fact that none of them had worried her immensely.
‘Oh my. I hope the poor dear didn’t go into the Everfree!’
Fluttershy was almost ready to jump out of her chair and fly out the door, when she heard it fly open.
“JESUS! What a rush!”
The pegasus was out of her chair in less than a second and cautiously walked to her kitchen doorway. Her eyes went wide when she saw Stan hunched over and panting in front of the door.
“STAN!”
She flew towards him at high velocity and bowled him over.
“What the-”
“-f***”
‘Couldn’t I get just a one minute break before being knocked onto the floor?’
The yellow pegasus had both her hind-legs and fore-legs wrapped around me, hugging herself close to me tightly. Apparently she hadn’t seen the fact that I was naked yet as her wings were still lying flat on her back.
Her head was still buried into my chest as she spoke.
“I was so worried about you! Where have you been?”
“Well le-”
I was cut-off as she suddenly pulled her head back from my chest and pressed her lips against mine. My eyes widened in surprise at the sudden advance, and considering the fact that my head and back were on the floor, I couldn’t pull away; however, I didn’t even have the chance to try before she pulled off herself.
She stood over me, a blush adorning her features and a slight smile on her face. I was frozen in shock at what had just occurred, but quickly caught my bearings and replied to her question.
“W-well let’s just say my day was f***ing terrible and leave it at that.”
She tilted her head at me.
“What does f*** mean? You’ve been saying it an awful lot...”
My eyes again widened in shock.
‘Did I really just teach an innocent pony the word F***?’
“Fluttershy, NEVER say that word again.”
She pouted at me.
“Why not?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose as I sighed.
“It’s a slang term from my world used either in anger or when referring to...Intercourse-” Her eyes widened. “Just please don’t use it again.”
She nodded at me.
“...May I please stand up now?”
She clumsily got off me as I began to rise from the floor.
*POMF*
‘Oh god d***it.’
Fluttershy was frozen in place staring at my privates. I walked around her, yet she continued to stare at where I just was. She didn’t even flinch after I waved my hand in front of her face.
Shrugging, I went into the kitchen to get something to eat.
Luckily, there was a perfectly good uneaten bowl of salad on the table, I quickly took the bowl and made short work of it. After finishing, I went back into the living room where Fluttershy was and saw that she was STILL staring at where I just was with her wings erect.
By this point, I figured that she’d snap out of it eventually so I just went up the steps to go to bed, her clock said it was eleven after all.
When walking down the hallway to the guest room, I paused in front of her bedroom door.
'Either way, she's going to climb into bed with me... Might as well use the larger bed in her room.'
Making my decision, I opened the door and stepped into her room, unfortunately, my towel wasn't around, so I had to jump into bed commando. Frankly, I was too worn out to care.
Soon there was trotting outside the bedroom door, followed by Fluttershy peeking in with a smile on her face.
"So Stan..."
"Yes Fluttershy?"
"Wanna f***?"