Twilight Sparkle blinks. "...really?"
"Anon for short."
Nice one man.
Thanks BRAIN.
"...If that's what you want. I -guess- it does fit...Okay! Welcome to Equestria Anonymous!" The purple unicorn chirps happily.
"Thanks."
...Bro?
Hm?
Don't you have something to ask?
Uh...Oh.
OH.
Hurr DURR.
Eat shit BRAIN this has been a fucked up morning.
I know. I was there. Anyway-
Right.
"Twilight Sparkle-"
"Just Twilight is fine."
"Okay. Twilight?"
"Yes?"
"Where exactly is Equestria?"
"Why, right here of course!" The marshm- RARITY chimes in.
You bring a hand to your face. Easy, don't lose your shit, just be cool.
"I understand that. What I mean is where is Equestria in relation to where I'M from? I can already tell this is a different world and-" You shake your head. These were the wrong questions. "Do you know how I got here?"
"Twah said somethin' bout a...uh...Transuniwhatsit spell?"
"A Trans-universal- SUMMONING spell. I cast it and, well-" She smiles in excitement. "-here you are!"
....
Bro?
...
Okay dude calm down.
>Jimmies.exe has stopped responding.
"...Transuniversal summoning spell?"
"Yes! I still can't believe it worked!" Twilight says with glee. She even adds an adorable little hop. You would think it's cute if you weren't about to lose it.
"Trans. Universal. Summoning. Spell."
"Er yes? Basically I opened up a portal to your world, and brought you through to ours!"
"No."
Twilight blinks. "Pardon?"
"You didn't bring me from one world to another...you brought me into an entirely DIFFERENT UNIVERSE!"
Twilight and Fluttershy flinch away from your outburst. Applejack and Rainbow Dash immediately take defensive positions in front of them.
"Back off alien!" Rainbow spits.
"Yeah! Sure she ain't got the best judgement, but that ain't no reason ta fly off the handle!" Applejack huffs.
"Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear!" Fluttershy whimpers, backing away from you.
"You shan't lay a...whatever those things are on her you ruffian!" Rarity cries, also moving in front of the now shivering Twilight.
"This..."
The little horses look at you in confusion.
Don't do it man.
"This is..."
C'mon man don't. Don't fucking embarrass me. Please?
"This -IS-...
God Fucking Da-
"THIS IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE!!!!" You scream, leaping out of your sitting position to stand on the bed.
Fluttershy falls over, legs straight up in the air while Rainbow, Applejack and Rarity jump back a little from you.
And for good reason. As far as they are concerned a potentially hostile, meat eating alien life form has completely lost its shit right in front of them. They weren't too far off the mark.
"THIS-" You gasp. "-THIS COMPLETELY VALIDATES AT LEAST TWO DOZEN CONTROVERSIAL SCIENTIFIC THEORIES! OTHER UNIVERSES EXIST, AND I AM THE FIRST PERSON TO SEE ONE! HOLY SHIT! HAHAHAA!"
Why do I have to belong to such a fucking nerd?
NOT LISTENING BRAIN.
You dance around on the bed, laughing and whooping in joy. Seeing that you aren't about to go Ridley Scott on them the little horses calm down a bit. Fluttershy remains stone-still on the floor in fright.
Eventually you calm down a bit, catching your breath. This was ama-
You freeze.
'Transuniversal summoning spell'
Oh come the fuck on. Can't the gray matter catch a break?
Slowly, you turn toward the purple unicorn. She shrinks away in fear.
"Twilight."
"Y-yes?" she asks uneasily.
"You said...you said -spell-. A spell you -cast-. Do you mean...magic?"
The unicorn blinks and chuckles mirthfully, as if she had just been asked a question with an obvious answer by a small child.
"Of course Anonymous! How else would I have done it?"
"So...you can perform magic? There is magic in this universe?"
Without answering Twilight closes her eyes and raises her horn. You watch, mouth agape, as it is coalesced in a purple light. The medical case next to the bed glows the same color and levitates, FUCKING LEVITATES, off the night table a few feet into the air.Eyes wide and slack-jawed you watch as it slowly, methodically, revolves around the room in a small orbit near the cieling before it floats back down to the night stand. That causes you to plant you ass back on the bed. You hardly notice Fluttershy recovering from her shock and standing back up.
Magic exists. Magic FUCKING exists. In this universe at least. A stream of images flow through your mind; sorcerers and wizards and warlocks bending reality to their will. Every fantasy novel you've read, every RPG you've played, every DND campaign you've taken part in.
Here? It's fucking real.
"HOLY SH-
"nnnNOPE!"
There is a flash of brown and cyan. You find your outburst, as well as most of the air in your lungs, cut off. Applejack now has a lasso in her teeth, and you are tied the fuck up. You now also have an annoyed Rainbow maned horse on top of you.
"Will you chill the BUCK out dude?!" Rainbow Dash yells in your face, glaring.
"Prease. Yrr shcarin pwwr Fruttershry shenslessh." Applejack pleads through the rope in her mouth. You notice the yellow horse has already fallen over again in fright.
You take a few deep breaths. In, and out. In, and out.
"Okay. Okay sorry about that it's just...this is...wow."
Satisfied that you aren't about to go off the deep end again, the cyan horse flutters off of you and Applejack undoes your bindings with a simple flick of the rope.
"Thank ya kindly sugarcube." Applejack says with a smile and...a wink? Dafuq?
You sit back up, still trying to regain your composure. Fluttershy is in a similar state. At least she’s standing again.
No thanks to you.
Dude, fuck you. We haven't had much in our life, let me at least have this.
Fine. Just keep it together bro.
Twilight steps forward, right up to the bed you are sitting on. "I know this is a lot to take in Anon, but if you would be willing to-" And then you see the gears churn in her head as she undergoes a realization similar to yours.
"Did...did you say scientific theories?" A small smile creeps onto her face.
"Huh? Oh! Yeah there are a ton related to the concept of alternate universes and realities! A lot of them are within the field of quantum physics. For example, there was the experiment conducted at-"
"Oh for CRYING OUT LOUD!" Rainbow Dash yells, flapping into the air. "If the two of you are gonna egg-head it up, I'm out." She turns to leave, only to have Applejack grab her tail in her teeth and yank her down.
"Woah there sugarcube, we need ya right here." She turns to the purple horse. "Twi, could ya, y'know, stay focused?"
Twilight's face grows red as she smiles sheepishly. "Of course, my apologies." She clears her throat and looks at you with determination. "As I was saying, I know this is a lot to take in but if you would be willing to answer a few of our questions, we'd be more than willing to answer your own."
You nod excitedly.
"Sure! I mean this is huge-"
"-groundbreaking-" Twilight adds.
"-two alien species meeting-"
"-exchanging knowledge-"
"-history-"
"-culture-"
"-ideas-"
" 'It’s history in the making!' " Both of you cry simultaneously. A short pause hangs in the air before you cough. Twilight looks away with a blush as Rainbow Dash groans and brings her hooves over her eyes.
"Right. Shall we?" You suggest after regaining your composure.
"Yes. Let’s." Twilight agrees as her horn glows. With a sudden -pop- two scrolls manifest in midair with a quill. "I have taken the liberty of writing down a list of questions to ask you in the event my spell was a success."
Okay man this can go either very well or very bad.
All depends on what she asks.
If she asks about weapons, war, and violence?
...plead the fifth?
She doesn't know what the fifth is you retard.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it...
"I'll answer them as best as I can."
"Okay." Another pop brings a pair of adorkable glasses to her eyes. "Question One: What are you? What do you call yourself?"
"Male human. In my culture males are called 'men' and females 'women'."
Twilight grins, scribbling some notes down on the other piece of parchment. "That actually takes care of questions one through four! I admire proactiveness..."
You feel your face heat up. You play it off with a grin and a shrug. "I try. Next?"
"Question five. Where do you come from?"
"My world is called 'Earth'. I live in a country called the 'United States'. It's a democratic republic consisting of fifty separate states operating under a central government, which is in and of itself a separate state within another. I live in [REDACTED], [REDACTED]."
Twilight nods, furiously scribbling your answers down. "I am going to forgo listing the question's number, since you are answering so many at a time. Next, how large is your planet?"
This segways into facts about your world in general, which takes the better part of twenty minutes to explain. At some point Fluttershy left to go tend to her animals, while Rarity politely excused herself to make some tea. Applejack and Rainbow Dash have begun to doze off against one another on the floor. Clearly they weren't intellectual types...that said it's still cute as FUCK.
"Oh wow this is amazing!" Twilight practically 'squees' with joy. This jerks the two dozing ponies out of their stupor. "I still have so much to ask you but, I'm sure you have your -OWN- questions so, ask away!"
Fuck yes. Brain? Get ready to record this shit.
"Alright. First, what are you all? You guys remind me of an animal back on my own world called the horse, except smaller...and a lot more colorful." You glance at Rainbow Dash at the last part of that sentence.
"Well, horses were said to have existed long ago, but today there isn't a single living individual. My friends and I, as well as the vast majority of Equestria's population, are 'ponies.' "
-Snrk-.
Fuck off brain this is serious.
"Male ponies are called stallions, while females-"
"Mares?"
"That's right!" Twilight says with a smile. "Now..."
She canters over to her to friends and stands next to them. "Girls? Would you mind helping me demonstrate the three different races of pony?"
"Uh, sure Twah." Applejack agrees with a nod.
"What do we have to do?" Rainbow Dash asks with a raised brow.
"Just follow my lead!" And with that Twilight's lesson begins.
"As you have no doubt noticed Anonymous, there are three different kinds of ponies- well four but we'll get to that later. Unicorns, like myself and Rarity, have the ability to use magic, as you have already seen." She demonstrates levitation once more briefly on a nearby vase.
"Pegusai, like Rainbow here and Fluttershy, have the obvious advantage of flight-" Rainbow flutters into the air with a cocky grin. "-as well as the ability to manipulate weather."
wat
BRAIN run that by me again.
Pretty sure she said 'manipulate weather' you derp. Is that really so hard to comprehend in a world with talking candy colored ponies with magic and wings?
Huh...when you put it that way...
"Manipulate the weather?"
Without saying a word, Twilight unlocks and opens a nearby window with her magic and nods to the rainbow-maned pegasus.
With a shit-eating grin Rainbow...disappears?
No that’s not right. You see a rainbow after-image like trail extend from where she was just standing through the window.
Fucking FUCK she was fast.
A few seconds pass and Rainbow returns followed by a huge gust of wind. In her hoof lies a...cloud? Yep. A tiny little ball of fluff, which you would have mistaken for a somewhat large cotton ball if you didn't see the small wisps of water vapor around it.
"Impressed? You should be!" And with that the pegasus bounces the little cloud between her two hooves, then onto her head, followed by her flank.
"Damn! Thats incredible...and back in my universe impossible, but still, wow!"
Rainbow smirks, shes obviously eating your attention up. She shows off for a minute more, rolling the fluff down her forelegs, smacking it back and forth between her wings, even molding it into different shapes.
"Alraht Rainbow we git tha hint." Applejack huffs in annoyance.
"Yeah, yeah." Rainbow scoffs. Then she gives you a wicked grin as the cloud sliiides into her...tail?
"THINK FAST!" she screeches before whipping the cloud right at your face with the prismatic appendage. With a flinch and a yelp you throw your hands up, but it's far too slow. You cringe as the cloud hits its mark-
-and are awash in a truly refreshing mist as it disperses over your head. The cool vapor condenses into small rivulets of water on your cheeks.
You blink a few times and wipe the water from your eyes. Rainbow is rolling around on the floor. "Oh man the look on your face! That was priceless dude!"
"Rainbow that was highly inappropriate!" Twilight yells. "This is very important to Equestria's scientific advancement! What if you offended him! What if-" She is cut off by the sound of your chuckling.
"No sweat Twilight, no harm done. That was actually pretty good, sure as hell got me.”You say with a grin.
Rainbow shoots up and flashes you a genuine smile. "Oh man! Knows awesome when he sees it? Appreciates a good prank? Anon you may be a freaky, meat-eating alien but your cool in the Dash's book!"
You ignore the jab at your anomalous nature as well as the sheer arrogance of her third person self-reference as she flutters over to you and extends a hoof. You almost go to shake it but-
The way it's cocked.
That position.
No fucking way could it be?
Your own fist extends itself before you can think further annnnd-
BROFI- HOOF ACHIEVED.
"Hell yeah-
"-motherbucker."
BRO ACQUIRED.
The two of you just grin stupidly at one another before a loud cough brings your attention back to Twilight, who looks less than enthused.
"It’s really great that the two of you are hitting it off, but could I please continue?"
"Of course, please."
"Thank you."
As Twilight prepares to continue her lecture Rainbow decides to sit next to you on the bed, to which you find no complaint.
"Now then. Last, but certainly not least, are earth ponies." Applejack puffs her chest out proudly while crossing her forelegs.
"While lacking wings or the ability to use magic, earth ponies possess the highest amounts of stamina and strength. They are also on average the most long-lived of the three races. Possessing an inherent link to the earth and all things that grow in it, many earth ponies excel in the fields of agriculture."
Damn. That sounds like a shit deal. You know you would take the ability to fly, or even better use magic over long life and physical prowess any day of the week. Applejack must sense your lack of enthusiasm over her race's gifts because she frowns. It doesn't stay on her face long though. She smirks and lazily turns to Twilight.
"Sugarcube, would ya mind gettin on that there bed?"
"What for?"
"Ah'm gonna give mah own demonstration."
The unicorn blinks, then complies with a shrug. She hops up and sits on your other side.
Applejack casually strolls over to a nearby table and places her hat down on it. "Don't want that gettin' all mussed up."
She spins back toward the bed, her smirk slowly morphing into a grin. Suddenly, shes galloping straight towards it. Before you can voice your concern however she hits the floor on her stomach and slides under the bed out of view.
For a moment no sound is heard other that some rustling under the mattress.
"Um...what-"
"HRRNNG!"
The three of you cry out in shock as both you, and the bed underneath, are lifted up.
Fucking FUCK she was strong.
The bed slowly lowers itself back down. Before you can feel any semblance of relief however it shoots back up with another strained grunt. Twilight, who had been trying to stand up after the bed lowered itself back down, yelps in fright as she loses her balance and falls over-
-right into your arms.
"Aw yeah go Applejack, push it!" Rainbow cheers.
But you don't hear her voice. You don't feel the bed being lifted again. Your awareness of everything else is arrested by the mare in your arms currently hanging onto you for dear life. She's soft. So soft. Impossibly soft. Her coat feels so...right against your skin. Her scent is a mixture of old parchment and lavender, with a hint of ozone.
Dude? Hey dude?
She’s currently clinging to you in fear as the bed continues to rapidly rise and fall. Shes so warm, and soft, and she smells so nice you just want to hug her close...so you do. She gives no complaint.
Dude what the fuck man snap out of it.
You couldn't if you tried, and you weren't even capable of trying. Her eyes are scrunched up so adorably your heart swells. But that doesn't remotely compare to how everything else falls away from your concern when her deep, violet eyes open and peer into your own.
This...this is-
DUDE. CREEPER ALERT. WAKE THE FUCK UP.
*WHAM*
You return to yourself as Applejack's strength finally gives out and the bed falls. Apparently Applejack had only lifted the bed ten times, but to you it had felt like an eternity. You are vaguely aware of Rainbow congratulating a woozy Applejack on her feat of strength as she helps her out from under the bed. You and Twilight however are still staring into one another's eyes, at a loss as to what to say.
"And that -huff- is what we call -huff- gittin'-r- done." Applejack declares as she retrieves her stetson.
THAT of all things, rouses you. Images of a certain overweight comedian in a trucker cap worm there way to the forefront of your mind. You are about to chuckle at that one joke about edible undies when-
You are still holding the purple unicorn.
Welcome back fuckass! Maybe you should let her go?
Applejack has since turned to face the two of you on the bed. She tilts her head in confusion and...annoyance?
"The hay are you two doin'?"
Rainbow however is snickering into a hoof. Oh balls. Time for damage control.
"Er...you alright?" You ask with a lopsided grin.
Twilight gasps and leaps out of your arms flailing wildly...right off the bed. Rainbow descends into full blown laughter, and even Applejack manages a smirk. The unicorn shoots back up, her face scarlet. "Y-y-yES! Yes I am. T-thank you Anonymous!"
"No problem."
Nice job. We ARE going to talk about this later though.
BRAIN pls go.
"Nuts Twah, yer so skittish sometimes." Applejack chides. "Sometahmes ah wonder if you and Flutters are sisters."
"I-I was just surprised! That’s all." Twilight counters, fixing her mane and regaining her composure. "Now then-" She moves back towards Applejack. "As you have seen, Earth Ponies are incredibly strong."
"Bit of an understatement. That was something else."
"Thank ya kindly pard'. I -am- the strongest pony in Ponyville after all..."
Rainbow has since stopped laughing. You can hear her grumble something almost inaudible. Applejack's ears swivel in her direction. "What was that now?"
"I said, thats a matter of opinion really." Rainbow says dismissively with a shrug.
"Oh is THAT RAHGHT?" Applejack huffs, stomping over to the pegasus. "Ya want ta prove that?"
"GLADLY!" Rainbow cries with an aggressive snort. "How about another iron pony competition? With ANON as the judge!"
"Name tha time and place sugarcube and ah'll-"
The argument stops in its tracks as the bedroom doors slams open and a terrified yellow pegasus comes sliding in. She takes a few deep breaths before looking over to Twilight eyes wide.
"The Princess is here!"