//------------------------------// // No guns, and no Senbonzakura // Story: Gods and Fishing Lines // by Dancing Question //------------------------------// An alternate universe version of Professor Quirrell once gave a fascinating speech about pretending to lose and animal dominance contests. If you take into account the speech about the planning fallacy and proper pessimism the Harry Potter from that same universe gave, then I should assume the impossibly loud-maned pegasus I just got into a staring contest with is Rainbow Dash. I probably need to find a way to pretend to lose, and fast. If I tried pretending to lose now though, it probably wouldn’t be convincing, because I haven’t tried to seriously apply the idea before. “What did you say?” Possible Rainbow Dash asked me. I still kept the staring contest going while I responded, trying to keep whatever the pony equivalent to knees are bent(straightened joints are very breakable), in case the situation degenerated. “Stranger, I asked Twilight if you make entrances like that regularly.” “My name is Rainbow Dash! Who are you anyway?” She said exasperatedly. Two things just crossed my mind. First, she forgot about it already? Second, that was easier than expected. “My real name is Garrett. For reasons that would take a while to go into, you may hear me calling myself Binary Switch later though.” “Why are you going to use a fake name? What kind of name is Garrett anyway? Are you a spy?” She knows about spies using fake names but not “I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you?” I think I just saw Twilight facehoof before she interjected. “You remember that summoning I tried yesterday? The equipment got broken and he got turned into a pony, and by the time a new way of sending him back could be figured out, he'd already have been missing for months. Not to mention, if he told the truth about where he was when he got back, he'd get sent to the looney bin. So, he's my guest.” I think Twilight just glanced at me suggesting I go into those reasons anyway. Am I really going to need to do this 5 times? “I’m actually a human from Earth who got turned into a unicorn. I’ve been told humans are mythical creatures here, and that this world has enchantments that turn them into ponies. If you hadn’t known about Twilight’s summoning, would you believe me?” “I’d tell you to prove it.” “That’s the first reason I’m thinking about using that name.” You go around doing anything that some people think is a summoning on Earth and you become a social pariah AT BEST. It probably gets even worse if your summoning could get actually get something, and Cthulhu is on that list of somethings. “Twilight, my other reason depends on your response to this question. How does unicorn teleportation work? Can one unicorn bring others along with them?” “It takes power just to teleport yourself, and the more you bring with you, the more draining it is. One unicorn can teleport further alone than with another pony, though it’s completely possible for a unicorn simply to teleport another pony without teleporting themselves.” “You’ve already told me this is unlikely Twilight, but it’s still something I want to take into account. I’m assuming in the unlikely scenario that an angry mob surrounds and attacks the library over the summoning, I’d be included in the group teleportation you’d use to get Spike and yourself away. Despite this, it would be extremely rude if I tested your hospitality by doing anything that risked bringing an angry mob here, especially with the reduced teleportation distance. That’s why I should call myself Binary Switch with anypony who doesn’t know about the summoning. For lack of any better ideas, maybe I could say I’m a foreign scholar?” Hospitality can be very SERIOUS BUSINESS. I don't know if Ponies have an Old Testament outlook on hospitality. No matter how disturbed I may be if they do, I don’t want to insult the gesture. “Now that, would tell me you aren’t from around here. You forgot me! If a mob showed up here, I’d be there in ten seconds flat! By the way, why would Twilight have to worry about an angry mob?” Someone’s got a high opinion of herself. She doesn’t seem like the type who’d be fruity nutty oaty bar level dangerous, but I’ve been wrong before. “Her summoning could have brought a world destroying monster into the world that would have considered her containment measures trivial because it dangles shapeshifting bait into a random dimension.” “We already beat two of those. Everypony knows that,” Rainbow Dash responded. “You’re calm about this because you have the resources to do something if one shows up.” “The hypothetical angry mob wouldn’t be able to do much if a world destroying monster shows up, so they’d just try not to think about it. They’d worry about the thing they could do something about instead, the summoner. At least on Earth, if word got out that there was a summoner in the neighborhood with the resources to potentially cause the apocalypse, it would cause a panic.” “Did somepony say panic? Oh, I’ll go first!” A hyperactive voice said from right behind me. I jumped, because there’s a pink pony with a mane as inflated as her balloon cutie mark running around screaming behind me for no reason. Despite startling me, this is still the strangest variation of Chandler’s law I’ve ever seen, and that’s just awesome. When she finished screaming, she proceeded to start looking around. Then she started staring at me. Did she really just notice me? “Hi I’m Pinkie Pie and you must be the human Twilight summoned yesterday! What’s your name? Do you like cupcakes because I looooooooooooovvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeee cupcakes! Holy instant transmission Batman, she got right in my face before I saw her move. I wonder how her speed would compare to an unobserved Slender Man. Well, she saved me a repetition of how I got here, so Pinkie Pie is awesome. “It’s Garrett, but Binary Switch is fine too.” “Okie dokie loki!” Did any ancient culture NOT cross the Demarcation line and Pinkie Pie just barged out of the library before I could say anything about the cupcakes. “So where did she come from, and why did she leave before I said anything about cupcakes?” “Don’t ask, whatever you find will make absolutely no sense.” was all Twilight had to say. Well, I lost my train of thought. “Do either of you remember what we were just talking about?” “Beats me,” was all Rainbow had to say. “Oh yeah, now I remember. You were saying that a summoning spell that could get something like Discord would cause a panic and that’s why you should use a fake name. I just realized why it’s completely unnecessary. We are probably the only ponies for miles who know a summoning spell that targets at random even exists. Anyway, that argument doesn’t really matter anymore.” So strategic vagueness on how I got here would have been fine the whole time? It’s been said that the best way to avoid the planning fallacy when you don’t have a lot of information requires being pessimistic enough that real life comes out better than you expected as often as it comes out worse. Well, I don’t have a problem with it coming out better, it beats the alternative. “Why doesn’t it matter? Also, who’s Discord, and was he the other world destroying monster Rainbow Dash was talking about?” Rainbow Dash answered me. “It doesn’t matter because Pinkie Pie’s throwing you a surprise party. Discord’s a transforming dragon snake griffin thing that likes making clouds out of cotton candy that make chocolate rain, but he likes messing with ponies heads with magic a lot more than that. You don’t have to worry; we beat him with the Elements of Harmony so he’s just a statue now.” I can feel the history crashing through my veins. I’m probably smiling more right now than I have ever since I got summoned. I was probably giggling in some ridiculous way too. “Did the chocolate rain raise neighborhood insurance rates?” “Yep, but nopony really wants to hear about it right now. My best friends and I began fighting like crazy when we were trying to stop Discord because he really messed with our heads. We fought like we didn’t know each other until we snapped out of it. Discord is probably the closest thing in Equestria to this ‘Cthulhu’ you were talking about earlier,” Twilight answered. I seriously hope I had a good poker face back there, but even if I didn’t, that was completely worth it. On the other hand, I’m existing in the same universe as an eldritch abomination. I never thought there would be anything that could make me ask for a blue pill, but HOLY SHIT that almost makes me want one. “Garrett, why did you just make a blue pill?” Rainbow Dash asked me. There’s a blue pill floating in a reddish brown glow right in front of me. I apparently developed a new sense for magical energy too, because I started becoming extremely aware of the energy flowing into my horn, and manifesting as the aura around the pill. “You’re telling me I made this come out of nowhere?” Luckily, Twilight had an infodump handy. “You unconsciously used a simple creation spell to make that pill come out of nowhere. I used one to get parchment to calculate the time difference last night. Try moving it around while I explain how they work.” “Why are you explaining this Twilight?” Rainbow asked “Earth doesn’t have actual magic, so he’s new.” Twilight’s infodump had several important points. Creation spells create a drain on your magical energy to bring an object into existence that stops when you make the object disappear. The more matter you create, the more drain there is on your magical energy. It takes tremendous practice to be able to conjure anything outside of your line of sight. If matter you create experiences a chemical reaction, the energy of the reaction is drained from you. If created matter experiences a chemical reaction with another casters created matter, they both experience increased energy drain. You need to be aware of every part of a mechanism to make a working one with a creation spell. Conjuring something farther away from you is much harder than conjuring it close to you. Attempting to conjure an object in the middle of another unicorn’s created object can disrupt the object if the other unicorn has a weaker will then yours. Created objects are extremely easy for their creator to enchant, but adding enchantments drains your magical energy further. Finally, and this is just as important as what she was saying about chemical reactions, trying to create and control too many things at once is hazardous to a unicorns sanity. If my cutie mark is related to this kind of magic, it would be a very good idea to see how I am at enchanting things. She mentioned that if I could enchant things, I may want to see Rarity about a possible moneymaking opportunity. Rainbow Dash had left a while ago. I wish I had remembered to bring up Karate, but magic is more important right now. If I can enchant, I may have just won the lottery. Magic items are always sold for large amounts of money, so finding out I may be able to enchant things is just awesome. As I continued moving the pill around, two obvious things not to make with creation spells registered in my head. Don’t make a gun, and don’t make Senbonzakura. Maybe I should see about getting a blue trenchcoat instead of a black one? NO. Down that road lies madness. Speaking of madness… “So does Pinkie Pie throw a surprise party for everyone who’s new in town?” “She threw me one when I came here, trust me, you will not see it coming. You gave her two names though, so I’m curious to see what she puts on the invitations. That’s what I meant when I said the earlier argument doesn’t matter anymore. Everypony in town probably knows at least one of your names by now.” Apparently ponies don’t practice Old Testament hospitality, but instead something much stranger and yet less disturbing. This could get interesting.