“I hate boats,” self’s voice seemed to echo across rough winter waters. Leaning over rail and letting contents of stomach flow out, I stood back up, wiping mouth. “Nyet, I very much hate boat.”
A gentle hand patted my back, Rarity providing comfort. How kind of her. It had been long journey, though it had just begun. We had to wait few days for Nestor to contact appropriate people. Acquire “passports,” set up transport to port, and from port to Alaska. I remember looking around cabin one last time, eyeing each portion of rooms, as if taking mental picture. Fire was put out final time, things of importance taken, and door closed and locked. At such moment, I was sure Rarity wanted to say word or two, but only look is what she gave. I knew that it was last time I would see cabin, yet I did not regret, maybe little. Something kept self from holding on too much. I could not place feelings on anything though.
From leaving cabin to Nestor’s, we were given passports, and the three of us left in helicopter. Nestor’s connections had certainly impressed self. Woman seemed quite at awe of helicopter, as if it were first time seeing such invention. Even as we flew across land, there was not moment when Woman’s eyes were not focused at window and mouth open in wonder of white outside world. Like small child receiving special gift.
It took many hours to get to another town, where helicopter was refueled and then many more hours to arrive at port. Nestor and few of his men helped us load supplies onto boat. It was decently sized boat, slightly luxurious looking for area, focused more on travel not work. The grey waters crashed against boat and dock and clouds hung over head. Cold, humid air clung to clothes and skin. Like someone slapped thick wet blanket to face and blanket would not let go of face.
Now on boat, I realized how easily sea made self sick. After few days, maybe I would not be as sick. Such was not case. Woman had kept up look of wonder for some time. When scenery did not change, she managed to stay content. How she did not get sick, I would like to learn. Life wanted to make self miserable, which only brought smile to face. I could not wait to fight back.
“You really should stay inside the boat.” Rarity tried to comfort me. “It would be in your better interests.”
“I have had enough of being prisoner in damned boat,” surprised I am in bodies strained response. How weak I have become. It saddens self.
Rarity guides me to bed, laying me down. Her gaze sends brain back to younger days. How mother would smile and eyes would comfort. From days father was away in Chechnya for first time. Such times I longed and hated for. Such naivety; a terrible gift. All shattered when father did not return.
Woman’s cold hand made thoughts retreat, thankfully. Through her now black hair, her eyes shake in bit of disbelief. “If you don’t stay inside, you’re going to become worse,” sarcastic smile appears, “and I would prefer if I did not have to carry you anymore.”
“You would have to find second bear to assist you then,” my light laugh turns into cough. I fear I nearly had to keep Rarity from jumping to assist, but cough goes away. “How much more longer did Nestor say again?”
“A few more days, three or four because of the weather.” She found spot in confined cabin and sat. Finding a comfortable position in awkward space, she just watched self. Silence hung in air for some time. “Um, you stay put, I’ll try to get us some food. Something, I don’t know.” She smiled meekly, placing hand on self’s cheek as she passed. “Do try to get some rest.”
Rolling over, I pulled blankets tightly over body. “Da, mother, I will do as commanded,” was self’s sarcastic reply.
I could not see Rarity smile, but I could feel it. At least in warmth of words when she spoke: “Sleep well, Arkady.” Door closed slowly after her words. With the sea rocking, sleep slowly beckoned self into its dark embrace.
* * *
Whitewash room made self rub eyes at brightness. I was sitting at table. Yet, I was alone. Alone at this table, alone with teapot and two cups, alone and it was quiet. Only my breathing seemed to break silence. This went on for some time, though for how long, I do not know. Time seemed to be at will of this place. I sigh, reaching for teapot, pouring self cup. Drinking it black, self’s body relishing in welcomed silence. I closed eyes and sighed in relief. No rocking of boat or waves crashing. Even Rarity’s sometimes nagging voice could not penetrate this shield of silence. Another deep breath. Silence, what a gift.
Sound of cup of tea being poured across from self took such gift away. Opening eyes, Mother Winter’s smiling face was revealed. Her focus was on pouring tea and not on me, but smile was still there. Sound of pouring was traded with clinking of spoon stirring sugar. She took sip and hummed in approval. Silence was slowly returned. Unnerving silence, but silence there was.
She was content with lack of sound, sipping tea slowly, her focus turned to papers she pulled from nowhere. Mother Winter’s gaze methodically scrolled down paper, not wanting to miss single detail. Her hair kept following in non-existent wind, such notion bothered self, only slightly. I shrugged off discomforting thought. In non-dream, dream world, such things can be possible.
“Enjoying your time, Arkady?” Mother’s light voice drifted through air, taking away gift of silence. Her eyes did not drift up from paper.
“I was,” self leaned back in chair, closing eyes. “It was quiet. There has been lack of silence recently. I miss such.”
“And I suppose that the fact that this room isn’t in constant motion would be another high point.” Woman smirked, finally looking up from paper.
“That would be true statement as well,” I returned woman’s smile. “Boats are not favorite means of transportation.” Self sat forward in chair, “What is that you read?”
“Oh, this?” Mother seemed bit surprised that I would ask such question. “Just some reports I received recently. I just haven’t had time to read them.”
I hummed positively, I wished to press my interrogation, but in due time. Eventually there would be answers. ‘Patience’, I could almost hear grandfather whispering to me. A hunter is patient, and waits for the right shot. And the patient hunter only needs one shot. I thought of words, but said none. In due time, I reminded self.
“You are awfully quiet, Arkady.” I could see cool smile behind papers. Part of self knew that she knew what I knew. “Something on your mind?”
“Just only wondering why you have not started your own interrogation of self. You usually like to hear how Ms. Rarity and self are doing.”
“Ah, you are right. Where are my manners,” She set cup of tea down and set papers aside, giving self full attention. Her smile turned playful, “So? How are you and Ms. Rarity?”
“We have begun journey across sea to west. I am surprised at haste of journey itself. At least as of now.” I stirred bit of sugar into new cup of tea, trying to figure out words to say. “I do not know your fondness of boats, but I hate them. Though, Rarity has managed not to let sea have her food.”
She hummed positive affirmation. “I don’t quite have that much experience with long distance travel in boats, but I can understand your discomfort.” A sip of tea punctuated sentence. “Being cooped up in a small place for a long time would not be very fun, I presume.”
“And you would be correct,” I rubbed self’s face, sighing. “Makes self miss home. Even though we have only been traveling for few days, I miss cabin in woods.”
Woman was hesitant to reply, taking moment to compose answer. “Why did you move out to the wilderness and live alone? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“It is fair question,” I too paused, trying to think of reason. “There were events that caused me to see life in new way. I did not like such events, so I left, trying to find sense of world. Sold anything that did not matter, cut all ties that were not worth keeping, and I left.”
“Just like that?”
“Da, just like that.”
“You make it sound like you were not missed, what of your family? Did they not miss you?”
I laughed to self, “What family?” I finished off tea and stood before Mother could answer. “I apologize, but believe it is time I woke up.”
She smiled, gesturing with sweeping hand that it was accepted. I turned around and walked towards ever-growing darkness, which is when Mother Winter called out, “I do hope you find what you’re looking for, Arkady.”
I whispered to self, quietly so only self could hear, “I hope as well.” And it was all dark.
* * *
Rocking that brought me unto sleep brought me out of it. I had to fight stomach from releasing contents. Sitting up slowly, I sighed, but I realized I was not alone in cabin. To left at small table was Rarity. She had full focus on article of clothing she was mending. Slowly threading needle in and out, it was surprising how even in small task she held essence of finesse.
“It’s nice to see you awake, Arkady.” Rarity’s voice echoed in small cabin. “I was beginning to fear something might have happened.”
“You? Worry about me?” I laughed at such notion. “Something change while I was asleep?”
“No,” Woman kept focus on her threading, managing weak smile. “You are just my way back home, I didn’t want to make the trip alone.”
I huffed in affirmation, “I suppose so.” I stood up, stumbling for second from movement of boat. Regaining footing, I stretched. “How long was I asleep?”
Rarity paused in threading, thinking for moment. “At least a day and a half. That’s why I was beginning to worry.”
A few of joints popped during stretches, “That would explain soreness.” Stretching again, I felt tightness in midsection. Pulling up shirt revealed new bandages. “I take it you did this?”
“Yes, I took the liberty of changing your bandages while you slept. Seeing as you complain that you don’t need it changed.” She set down thread and needle, looking self in eyes. “You really needed it, it was quite grotesque. Some more care about your own health on your part would do you well.”
“Thank you, Nurse Rarity,” I rolled eyes. “Should I avoid difficult activity for twenty-four hours as well?”
Woman got up and walked short distance to self. She stood taller, and looked up at self, menacing. A quick jab with two fingers into self’s healing wound made self wince lightly. “Forty-eight if you keep having an attitude. You’re lucky I didn’t shave that animal off your face.”
I rubbed beard to make sure it was still on face, which it was. “If that were to happen,” I did not stop smug smile from growing on face. “I hope you know how to swim.”
Her face turned bright color of red, and she huffed in frustration. “Oh the nerve of you, Arkady.”
I laughed as I walked out of cabin, “Please try not to burst blood vessel while I am gone. Blood is very difficult to clean.” I continued to laugh as I closed door, hearing woman’s muffled frustrations become more verbal.
Travel from cabin to above deck did not take long, for soon I was soon in company of Nestor and few crewmembers. They were sitting around table; playing cards and rubles intermixed. Cigarette smoke and smell of alcohol seemed at home with joyous laughter from group.
“Arkady!” Nestor’s voice arose from laughter. “You are alive! Come, come, have a seat, comrade. I was beginning to think that you had taken final nap.”
“I did not have last drink,” I laughed as I pulled up chair, finding space to sit. “Besides, woman managed to nag self awake.” This brought round of laughs from table. Soon, I had cigarette in mouth, drink in one hand, and cards in another. It took self few moments to get accustomed to playing types of Nestor, Pyotr, and Erik. Nestor played what he was given. Pyotr was slow on his turn, calculating each move and move after. Erik seemed to play quickly, like little thinking was involved
It was friendly game of poker, something to keep mind off things. Smoke to relax, drink to forget, play to occupy. That is how it was.
“So, Arkady,” Erik was first to speak of normal matters. His blonde short hair was mess on top of head. He was long and bit skeletal. With small stubble on chin, he had to be more than twenty years. “We have all been curious about that woman you travel with.”
“Erik!” Nestor’s sounded one of scolding parent. “Each man has right to few secrets,” but he could not contain smile. “But, even I have been curious. You do not have to tell us everything, but maybe few details would suffice.”
“I am merely guide back home.” I took pause with smoke, trying to think of way to answer. “She had run in with bandits, I am making sure she gets home.”
It was quiet; people were forming replies in head. It was Nestor who gathered thoughts first. “Why?” he asked.
I took long drag of cigarette; it was legitimate question. I wondered such question often. What drew self to help Rarity? “I fear if I were not to help, no one else would.”
“What is your stake in it?” It was Pyotr who spoke. Man was older than self, yet younger than Nestor. His trimmed beard was in contrast to baldhead. He was thick in center, yet he was built like tank.
“I have no stake in what happens.”
“That is bullshit,” Pyotr laughed. “Every man has a reason.”
“Da,” Erik joined in laughter. “I do not believe you are doing this out of the goodness of heart. From what I have been told, that is not way of Arkady Sakharov.”
“Way of Arkady Sakharov?” This made me pause in sip, “Nestor, have you’ve been telling the young ones of my exploits?”
“Only the good ones,” Nestor played his hand and collected smile pile of cash in middle of table, much to dismay of everyone. “No need to tell youngsters of Georgia.”
“We agreed not to speak of such events again,” I smiled.
“Ah,” Nestor shuffled out cards, dealing even number out to everyone. “I remember you saying such, I see waste of such good stories if they are not told.”
Other two men were in bit of confusion. Which was only natural. There were things in past that were best forgotten, such were events in Georgia. It was not long time ago, but time in wilderness had numbed memories.
I glanced at dealt cards, throwing in appropriate bet on table. “How long was that ago? Three? Four years?”
“Maybe three if memory is correct.” Nestor took long drag of cigarette, exhaling big puff of smoke. “You were lot younger then.”
I paused in reply, “That is how we all were. Young and naïve.” Still looks of bewilderment abounded from other men. “Nestor was with self when government decided that it had duty to protect its citizens in Georgia.” I shot smug glance at Nestor, “Which you still owe favors for.”
“You will not let that rest will you? I thought all expense paid trip to west would make us even? Not to mention that you are bringing guest.”
“I will continue to hold self saving your life on numerous occasions over your head for long time.” I glanced at new cards, tossing hand into middle. “For as long as I can.”
“If I would have known this then,” Nestor lifted up glass in salute. “I would rather have T-72 do proper job.”
I returned Nestor’s salute, “Then I will let it do such, next time.” Drink went down quickly, “But to answer first question. I do not have reason. I just have need to help. Such is hard to explain. Maybe I am becoming soft,” I contemplated notion before shrugging. “Bah, let’s just play game.”
* * *
It took another day before we were in port in Alaska. Thanks to Nestor’s ties, we had little trouble. Everything was covered in thick layer of snow, though none fell. Sky still had grey color like home. What little people we saw were bundled in thick clothes like self. Though looking at surroundings not much had changed from Russia, except for presence of English and fact it was more populated than Russian counterpart.
Nestor led us through town, my muscles aching at each step. Such is consequence with being contained in boat. I was surprised not to hear complaint from Rarity. Glancing at her, she was trailing behind us; preoccupied with taking in surroundings. Her now black hair was tightly packed in hood of parka, though some hairs splayed over face. Her face flushed in cold, making blue eyes seem brighter. She seemed out of place, yet that was not bad thing. Her stance, her walk seemed to draw attention without doing such. Even with thick clothing on, she still had curves. She was sight to look on, beautiful even.
Thoughts stopped. I knew what I thought, I could not believe though. Rarity was certainly attractive, da. I shrugged off thoughts; maybe I was becoming soft.
I turned focus to Nestor, who was beginning to talk. “This is Sergei’s house, you will be his guest. From here, you will be taking his plane. Sergei will drop you off as close to Canadian border as possible. You will have to cross border and best way is to take railway. This railway is cross-country. I suggest taking that all the way to Montreal. It will be better than walking.”
“Da, that would take too long. I would not like to walk five thousand kilometers. That would take better part of two months. At least.”
“I thought I would save your feet for bit, Arkady. Payment for having to carry me for bit.” He laughed for second. “Though you may have to walk when you enter United States. A little exercise may do you good after being on train for long time. That should only be for week.”
“I get feeling that I am going to be prisoner of small spaces for long time. Something I prefer to avoid. “
“It is only week or so at most on train, you should be okay.” He gave me devious smile and brought voice to whisper, “Besides you have good company, what is there to be mad about?”
“I suppose you are right.” Silence followed and stayed such for time. I did not mind such silence. Gave self time to concentrate on walking straight; time on boat seemed to have taken its effects causing sway in walk. I even caught self glancing back at Rarity few times, even to reassure self she was still there.
Arriving at building at edge of town, Nestor told us to pause as he went in with Pyotr and Erik. Rarity and self were left out in cold for some time, awkward silence seeming to cut into conscious. After some time, Nestor returned alone, gesturing us to come in.
“The bad news is that the weather will not be clear enough to fly for sometime. The good news is that Sergei will hopefully be sobered up by then to fly.” Nestor laughed quickly, but it went away as quickly as arrived. “More bad news is that I cannot stay. Erik and Pyotr were kind enough to bring your things here, but we have things to attend to back home. I am sorry.”
I nodded, knowing this would happen, “You will be missing out on the excitement, Nestor.”
“Ah, that is to be expected, Arkady. We cannot share in the fun forever. Hmm, one last thing,” he reached into pocket and pulled out envelope. “Just something to make ends meet.” He handed it over to self and I inspected contents, sum of money in both Canadian and American Dollars.
“Thank you, Nestor.” It was Rarity’s first words today. “There has not been a more generous person I have met. Your sacrifice towards making sure I get home will be remembered. I really cannot thank you enough.”
“Have you been giving her Russian literature, Arkady? Bah, it was my pleasure, Ms. Rarity.” He took her hand, though she took him in hug, which he returned. When they released he gave her a nod, “‘Til we meet again.”
“Until we meet again,” her smile even seemed to warm my heart. “Best wishes.”
“Thank you, now Arkady, anything else?”
“Just one last favor to call in, then we will be even. Some of my more personal items back at my cabin, whatever those may be, I wish those to be sent to my sister, Nada.” I handed him envelope of my own. “Her address is in there, along with letter. Above all, I want her to get our great-grandfather’s rifle. That is all, the cabin is yours.”
“You do not have plans of returning?” He thought for few seconds, but understood. “Alright then, I will carry your wishes.”
“Thank you, it is just if I do not return,” I extended hand, which he took. “And if you do not hear from-.”
“Bah, do not speak of such notions.” He took me in strong hug of his own. “Do not concern yourself, I will speak of the legends Arkady Sakharov for times to come.”
“You are too kind, Nestor.” We released from embrace, I smacked his face lightly, “Just be sure to not include some tales of Georgia, only the good ones.”
“Only the good ones, comrade. My word,” He gave mock salute. “Until we meet again.”
“Indeed, comrade. If we do meet again, I will buy the first bottle.”
“It better be a good one,” Nestor laughed slowly turning away. “Peace be with you.” I returned mock salute, my silent goodbye.
Rarity and self watched him go, with Erik and Pyotr in tow. We stood out there in cold, watching him fade out in distance. Part of me wish I had said more, but I was not one for many words.
“What a kind man,” Rarity sighed. Even without looking, I knew she still had smile on face.
“Indeed, he is quite the man,” I wondered if I could even become like him: kind and generous. I mentally scoffed at self, becoming soft indeed. “Maybe one day I will tell you how we met.”
“We have plenty of time,” she drew a bit closer, she turned to self still wearing that smile. “I’m sure I could share some stories as well.”
“Hmm, it seems so.” I felt wind pick up. Looking up, clouds had rolled in from seemingly nowhere. I patted Rarity on back, ushering her to door of building. “Come, there is no need to get cold.”