Of Coal and Diamonds

by Alaxsxaq


4. Smokey's Bar

4. Smokey's Bar

Manehattan, on a cold Thursday afternoon, was busy as usual. The ponies were traveling along the sidewalks, doing some early holiday shopping and socializing. Nothing too special. Adjacent to the pedestrians, the roads were filled with the newest craze to hit Equestria: the automobile.

They were by no means new or novel. Parades of course had used motorized floats, and the military had possessed trucks for quite a while. But those machines were a tad cumbersome, and expensive to produce and maintain. It was only in the recent several years that an automobile became cheap and reliable. Now more and more families could afford one, and the streets of cities everywhere filled up with these vehicles.

Police Chief Babs Seed was in one of these automotives, painted blue and wearing a siren on the roof. Sitting behind the orange mare was a hoofcuffed pegasus stallion, his mane and coat dirty and messy. Iron bars separated Babs from the criminal, and if that didn't work, her gun was never far away.

The stallion was known as Crank to the underground of Manehattan; to Chief Babs he was just another low-life, peddling his illegal merchandise. Crank was a seller of various banned substances, anything from cocaine and heroin to narcotics and methamphetamine. For far too long he hooked dozens of innocent teenagers on the addictive drugs, and Babs finally busted him.

He didn't go peaceably, however. His face was covered in cuts and bruises from her black nightstick. She would chase a law breaker halfway across town, a reputation that frightened many of the scum she devoted her life to stopping.


"Soooo...." Babs Seed began, trying to awkwardly start a conversation. "How's your...jaw."

"You crazy bitch! You coulda knawcked out awll my teeth!" Crank yelled, his bloodshot eyes filled with rage.

Babs merely chuckled. "Yeah well ya shouldn't have run away."

"I already was on the ground!"

"And who threw the first punch? I’m probably gonna need stitches.”

"You'll hear from my lawyer!" The stallion shouted, desperately trying to wiggle out of his cuffs.

"Yeah yeah, cry me a river." The Chief said as she turned up her car radio. "These new portable radios are great! Hope you like 'Black Hooves in Chains'!"

About ten minutes later, Babs pulled into the Station parking lot, and got out of her vehicle. She opened up the back door. Crank fell out, unable to stand on his hind legs.

"C'mon, get up. I got plans tonight. I wanna get youse processed and locked up."

He squirmed around on the pavement. "Dis is humiliatin'! Could I get some help?"

"Alright fine." She picked him up and slung the dealer over her back.

"Wow...you're strawng for a filly..."

"Shutup." Babs Seed replied nonchalantly as she made her way to the door of the Station.

Inside, they walked towards the jail cells and she threw him into one. Locking the gate behind her, the Police Chief addressed one of the guards, placing about 8 ounces of cocaine on the desk.

"Hey, I nicked ol' Crank over on Seventh Street. Caught him trying to sell two unwitting colts some base. Bring him up. I gotta go. See ya all tomorrow!"

Just as she was about to leave the building, the guard stopped her.

"Wait! Chief!" Said a yellow unicorn mare. "I'm afraid we can't do nothin' 'bout him."

"W....what do you mean? The evidence is right there!"

"No go. City Council voted on it, and cocaine is now legal in Manehattan."

Babs grew even more puzzled. "City Council don't decide stuff like that. They can't just do that."

"I know. It's causin' a whole constitutional uproar. Unfortunately some politicians have buried the matter. Might be months before they actually appeal the case in Canterlot."

"So....we can just lock him up, right? He broke the law."

"When did you find him dealing?"

Babs Seed pulled a notepad from her jacket pocket. "Uhhh....1:37 this afternoon, right after I had lunch."

"The law went into effect at noon."

"Well he's been dealing drugs for months now. I finally got him!" She said, wearing a proud smile.

"We can't prove that with the evidence you brought, and since the law isn't retroactive, he's free to go. Also, you could get into trouble for arresting him without due cause"

"Whaaaaaaat!!" Babs yelled, her jaw dropping. "That's not how it works!"

"I'm sorry Chief, but we gotta let him go." The unicorn grabbed a ring of keys with her magic and unlocked the cell door containing Crank. "I'm very sorry sir. You're free to go now." She then opened up his cuffs

"Damn right!" He looked straight at Babs. "Dis ain't over. I'll see you in court! I'm going to file assault AND battery charges. Throw your sorry plot jail!" Crank made obscene gestures on his way out of the station, but not before reclaiming his bag of white powder.

The Police Chief continued to stand dumbstruck, uncertain about everything now.

The unicorn placed her hoof on Babs' shoulder. "Don't worry. We'll get an investigation going as soon as possible. I don't like this anymore than you do."

The orange policemare smiled. "Thanks, Aina. But why did nopony tell me?"

"Lieutenant Cruller said he'd radio you about the law change. I'm guessing he forgot."

"Cruller...that..." Babs looked at the clock. "Listen, I gotta go."

"Alright Chief! See ya tomorrow!"

The crimson-maned pony waved back and ran out of the Station. Her destination was several blocks away and during the short journey, she began to try and piece this whole matter together. Hopefully talking to her best friend could allow her mind to peel back the mystery and come up with a logical explanation for everything.

Why did City Council legalize such an addictive and harmful drug? How did she let such a dangerous criminal walk free? And how come Cruller didn't tell her?

First Palomino, then Crank; things weren't looking good for such a highly decorated police officer of Manehattan.

Half an hour of walking later, Babs came up to one of her favorite establishments; Smokey's Cigar Bar. Inside she found the usual crowd for a Thursday night. Behind the bar stood a gruff-looking dark brown unicorn, his mane a muted gold. Dressed in a black vest and bowtie, the bartender wiped down empty glasses.

Babs trotted up to an empty stool in front of him and sat down. The stallion looked up at the blue-uniformed pony and smiled.

"Well if it ain't Police Chief Babs Seed! Coming down here for a cold drink after a hawrd day's work, hah?"

"Oh Smokey, you know I'm ALWAYS on duty. Crime don't sleep. It's a shame I do though."

"Serve and protect! So is it dat time of da month?"

"You bet! I'll take a house special."

At the magic words, Smokey produced a glass from beneath the bar and filled it with a cold lager from the tap behind him. Hoofing the drink to the officer, he then fetched a cigar from the wall.

Babs picked up the rolled-up bundle of tobacco leaves and ran her nose form one end to the other.

"Finest cigars in Equestria! Care for a light?" The bartender offered, levitating a metal flip lighter.

"Not yet. I'm waiting for AB." Babs reached into one of her pockets and pulled out some money. She then placed several bits on the table.

"Danks for ya patronage." Smokey said, grabbing the money.

"I'm happy to give it." Babs replied, taking a healthy drink from her beer.

"Yeah well my customers treat me right, so I treat dem right." After the stallion made sure one of his favorite clients was satisfied, Smokey walked to the other end of the bar to cater to some other ponies.

Babs sat quietly for several minutes, listening for every ring of the door's hanging bell. The first few times were just regular ponies, but on the fourth an expected mare walked in.

It was that yellow earth pony, dressed in her usual business attire. Waisting no time, Babs yelled halfway across the room. "Hey Applebloom!"

The mare's eyes lit up, and she galloped towards the stool next to her friend.

"Hey Smokey!" She called, removing her jacket. "Whiskey on the rocks, and whatever Babs' smokin'!"

Unfortunately, a passing by young colt, who frankly looked too out of place at this bar, noticed something when Applebloom took off her black coat. A pistol holster rested around her waistcoat, holding a loaded weapon.

The colt's eyes bugged out. "Gun! A pony's got a gun!" Nopony really paid any attention. "Everypony!" Some rougher looking stallions glared at him, wanting to enjoy their drinks and card games in peace.

Smokey came up to face the disturber, placing Applebloom's requested items in front of her. "Ya better pipe down. I'll throw you out."

"B-But does she even have a concealed hoofgun license? And what if she shot up the place? How can you allow such barbarous weapons in your bar?"

"She's got one of those, though it ain't concealed no more. And if she decided to shoot up da place...everypony what do ya think?"

A smirk grew on Smokey's face as over half the room's occupants pulled out some kind of firearm and pointed it at the colt. His face became pale and he froze in place.

The bartender leaned to meet the stallion's face. "Kid I think dis place just isn't for you. Now head home to your chai tea and pillow fights, before I have Babs over here arrest you for disturbin' my lovely customer's evening."

"O-Ok...but before I do, why do you all have such violent things?"

"The world ain't full of sugar and lollipawps, colt." Babs Seed answered. "And a policepony will only get you so fawr."

Scurrying out of the establishment, the pony left with his tail between his legs. A good hearty laugh was had in the bar, and the patrons returned to whatever they were doing.

"Thanks, Smokey." Applebloom said, sipping her drink.

"No problem. I'm tired of dem young morons who think they know everything. Anyways, how 'bout a light?"

"Be mah guest!" The bartender obliged and lit the two cigars before delivering a tray of drinks to a table.

After a few seconds of puffing, Babs began to speak again. "So, AB, how'd your day go?"

"Ain't nothin' too special. Selling, buying materials, expanding factories. I don't wanna bore y'all with the details. What about you?"

"I tell ya, Applebloom, something's going on around here."

The businesspony's expression became stern. "What do ya mean?"

Babs puffed her cigar and drank from her glass. "Remember that ol' crime baws? Big Daddy Palomino?"

"Yeah Ah think so. Was he the one on the East End?"

"Yep." The policemare said in a melancholy tone.

"Well? Did ya ever get him?"

"I did. But get this: the Mayor gave him a pardon. No hearing, no trial, no nothin'. Just pardoned."

Applebloom's eyes widened. "What?? Why?"

"The official report says there wasn't sufficient evidence to arrest him. Biggest load of shit I've ever heard. Also, just before I left the Station today, the guy I caught after lunch is let off scot-free! What the hell?" Babs took out her cigar and took a deep breath, trying to lower her anger. Celestia knows what happens when she loses her temper.

It wasn't working.

"And nopony seems to care! They all just disregard it as not our business! My Lieutenant seemed very eager to change the subject whenever I mentioned Palomino. That just don't sit right with me."

"Yeah Ah remember now, about City Council's latest deeds. What's going on with those idiots? I read an article about some embezzlement, but today the paper actually ran an apology for lying about the story."

"I tell ya what's goin' on, AB. I smell corruption. I don't know who is involved or how far it goes, but I do know no sane pony would acquit a murderer."

Applebloom giggled. "Ah know, but if y'all look around, ya might see some of those ponies we elected aren't necessarily all there. Do you really think it's corruption?"

"Maybe I don't have enough evidence, but I do have a strong gut feelin'. Have you noticed anything else weird?"

Applebloom finished her glass, and then place her hoof on her chin. What else had she seen, read or heard that wasn't...right.

"Well...a week ago Rich Enterprises bought Amber Foods."

"Is that...bad? I mean don't companies buy other companies all the time?"

"Yes...but Ah know the amber family...they wouldn't sell their company. Not for a billion bits."

"Maybe they got a reeeeeally good offer?"

"Perhaps...but like you said, Ah got a feelin'..."

"Didn't that bitch Diamond Tiara take over after her daddy died? You sayin' she's responsible?"

"No! Not at all. Ah mean she is-was mean, but Ah'd never think she'd have the capacity to do anything illegal. Besides, I’m sure she’s just a figurehead. The directors hold the real power."

"Alright. Hey, speakin' of her, how'd your little date go yesterday?"

The yellow mare gave her drinking buddy a light punch to her foreleg. "It was fine. Kinda dull, but she seems to have changed. Tomorra she's hostin' a cocktail party. It'll be a nice way for her to introduce me to all those fancy ponies."

Babs shook her head in disappointment. "Ugh...Applebloom! You still fixated on gettin' 'accepted' into those rich snobbish assholes’ circle?"

"Ah know Ah know...but Ah just gotta do this."

"Whatever. I hope you find what you’re looking for." Babs may not have cared much for this desire of Applebloom's, but she was a true friend, and supported her nonetheless.

"Thanks!" The two toasted their friendship. Babs turned and called out to Smokey.

"Yo! We need refills!" She shook her glass in the air, and then placed the cigar back in her mouth.

"Comin' right up, Chief!"

Spinning back to meet her friend, Babs suddenly recalled something important. "You excited for Saturday?"

"Oh how could Ah forget?? The derby!"

"That's right! Ain't Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash gonna be in it?!"

"Hell yes! Ah got us two tickets in mah box. Fancypants'll be there!"

"Haha and do we get drinks?"

"What do Ah look like, a teetotaler? Of course!" Their anticipation was only interrupted by Smokey putting two glasses down in front of them. They placed money on the counter and resumed their conversation.

"And before the race," Applebloom continued. "Sweetie Belle's gonna preform the national anthem. Boy Ah tell ya Saturday night we four are gonna paint the town red!"

"Saturday done right!" Babs shouted, taking a swig of her beer. "You know Hearth's Warming is in less than a month. Done any shopping yet?"

Applebloom's mood immediately soured as she recalled the awful memories of holiday wish lists and shopping. "Oh no...Ah sure do dislike this time of year sometimes. Everypony expects something big and expensive from me. Ah tell ya nopony will be satisfied until Applebloom buys them a brand new dream home!"

Hey, you brought this on yourself." Babs retorted, trying to withhold a laugh. "Though I can imagine the stress. Ponies can be greedy sometimes. They forget about the true meaning of the season. Plus that weddin' is five presents all in itself."

Again the billionaire's eyes grew large and she slammed her head down on the bar counter. "Oh the weddin'. The weddin'. Why me? Gosh dang Rarity...Big Mac ain't innocent in this neither...Ah swear if she decided to have it anytime near the holiday..."

"Hehe take it easy. We're here to relax."

"You're right” Applebloom puffed again. “This cigar ain't bad."

"Smokey always has the best. I might get another."

"Probably shouldn't or y'all be here all night. Got work in the mornin', right?"

Babs waved a hoof dismissively. "Fine, 'mother'."

Several hours passed and several rounds of drinks were had. By the time their cigars were finished, the two mares were wavering between heavily tipsy and slightly drunk. The final bill was paid, and the two wily ponies noticed across the bar two rather handsome stallions. Applebloom and Babs made their way over towards them, and began to speak seductively to the "victims".

The words were sweet, and in a humorous reversal of gender stereotypes, the two managed to lasso up some warm company. It wasn't too hard, in truth; a stallion is not a hard puzzle to solve. A mare on the other hoof...

The four walked outside and hailed two cabs. Babs and Applebloom bid goodbye, while the males made a gesture some would interpret as "score!"

Back in the bar, Smokey just smiled and leaned in to talk to two young colts sitting on the stools.

"Hey lemme give ya some advice: if ya ever spot a nice lookin' mare, just be careful. Those rough ones can be a little ornery, especially dem country types." He then returned to wiping off a glass, watching the night's patron return home.

Back in front of Applebloom's mansion, the cab pulled up, and the two passengers exited. After paying the fee, Applebloom opened up the gate and led her guest down the lightly snow-covered pathway to the front door.

"Wow you live her?!" He said, never seeing anything bigger than a city apartment.

The yellow mare only gave him a seductive nod and led him further into the house, up the grand staircase, and into her bedroom.

Inside she disrobed, tossing her suit and hat into a corner of the room. Then she threw him down on her luxurious red comforter. He was momentarily lost in the pure, heavenly softness of the mattress. This bliss was short-lived, and Applebloom jumped on top of him, holding the colt down by his hooves. His excitement waned when he saw what was staring at him: beautiful orange eyes burning with unfettered lust.

Meanwhile in the parlor just before Applebloom's bedroom, Jeffery was sitting in a chair, enjoying an excellent novel and drinking green tea.

Never looking up from his literature, the handypony listened very intently as his employer entered the house. Several minutes after the door was shut and locked, he took a sip of his beverage. The sounds could not be mistaken.

"It seems Miss Applebloom was brought yet another unsuspecting pony to endure Luna's night in her amorous embrace. He will be raw by the time she has satiated her carnal desires. Poor stallion."

He turned the page in his book and took another sip.

"And I had just washed her bed sheets..."