//------------------------------//
// Chapter The Thirteenth 
// Story: The Equestrian Refugees 
// by InspectorSharpWit 
//------------------------------//


Chapter the Thirteenth, or "In Which the Party Begins"


Still in good spirits, Twilight and I chat on the way to my car. “Did he really say that?” my secretary asks for the umpteenth time.
“Of course he did!” I laugh, unlocking my car door. “He was ecstatic about you! I swear; he’ll pop the question any second now!”
She blushes deep red. “I bet he says that about all his employees,” she says modestly.
“Are you kidding?! I’VE NEVER LOST A CASE, and the nicest thing he’s ever done for me is a five percent raise! I’m telling you, Twi, you’ve got him around your little finger!”
She blushes even deeper. “Aw, you’re just saying that…”
“No, seriously, and I can see why: you’ve got this whole brainiac vibe about you, you know? Even without that, you’re still the hottest girl in the office!”
She looks at me, apparently surprised. “You think I’m hot?” she squeaks.
“Of course you are!” I grin, punching her lightly on the shoulder. “You’re one of the hottest girls I know!”
Her face reaches a new shade of red. “You think I’m hot?” she repeats meekly.
“Oh, don’t be so modest, Twi,” I tease. “I mean, you’re at least in the top five hottest girls I know!”
For some reason, a shadow passes over her face. “Top… five?”
“Well, there’s Spitfire, Rarity, Applejack, and then you! There’s no shame in that!”
She stays quiet for a while before turning to me with a spark in her eye. “What about Fluttershy?” she asks aggressively.
I look at her, confused at her sudden change in tone. “What about Fluttershy?”
“Well, you hang around her all the time!” she says accusingly. “I bet you’ve gotten some real good looks at her, huh?”
I look incredulously at her. “Fluttershy? Aw, come on, Twi!” I groan. “I’m not THAT much of a perv!”
It’s her turn to look surprised. “What do you mean? Fluttershy’s gorgeous!”
“Well, yeah,” I admit, “but I can’t see Shy like that! I mean, that’d be like checking out my little sister, you know?”
“Oh,” she says quietly, “so then who’s the fifth hottest?”
“Easy: Rainbow Dash.”
“What about Pinkie Pie?”
“Well, she’s cute, but I don’t think I could handle THAT!”
She smiles at this. “Well, glad to know I’m at least in the top five.”
“Oh, get over yourself!” I say in a mock snobbish voice as I start up the car. “So, you want to go with the gang and get a meal to celebrate your first day?”
Her eyes suddenly widen. “Oh wait, I forgot we had to pick up the kids from school!”
I give her a look. “You’re sending them to school?!” I ask, shocked.
She nods; punching an address into the dashboard. “It was about time they got back to learning! They've already had two months off!”
I continue to look at her in shock. “THEY WERE SUCKED FROM THEIR DIMENSION AND TURNED INTO A COMPLETELTY DIFFERENT SPECIES!!”
“That’s no excuse to skip school,” she says with a calm air of finality.
I look at my secretary in horror. “You sound just like my mother!” I cry.
“Oh, shut up!” she laughs, shoving me playfully. “Let’s just get going, okay?”
I sigh and check the GPS screen, only to be met with a surprise. “St. Faust’s Catholic School?” I ask.
Twilight nods happily. “It’s the best school in the city!” she gushes. “It’s got a greenhouse, a theatre, a— Why are you laughing?”
I wipe the tears out of my eyes and give her a grin. “It’s nothing, probably just a coincidence,” I assure her.
“If you say so,” she says reluctantly. “Now let’s go, we’re going to be late!”

At the school…

I pull up to the school parking lot to find six middle schoolers awaiting my arrival. “Hey guys! How was your first day of school?” Twilight asks excitedly.
Spike groans and loosens up his tie. “Ugh, awful,” he says tiredly. “Father Juan, our principal? HE’S A RELIGIOUS FANATIC!!”
“And don’t get me started on Sister Louise!” huffs Scootaloo. “She got onto my case just for trying to ask a question!”
“What was the question?” I ask.
“Scoots wanted tah know if we get recess,” replies Apple Bloom, equally pooped. “Guess what tha answer was.”
“And don’t forget the food!” pipes in Pip. “Makers, I don’t think I’ll EVER get the taste of baked beans out of my mouth!”
“I told you to bring your own lunch!” Sweetie Belle says smugly.
Twilight turns to Dinky in a last ditch effort to get a positive response. “What about you, Dinky? How was your first day?”
Dinky shrugs, her face completely blank. “It was alright, I guess,” she says stoically.
I chuckle. “Hey, at least YOUR Father Juan wasn’t as bad as the one I had when I was your age. I can still remember him: thinning hair, hooked nose. And he had this funny little mole on his cheek,” I say reminiscently.
Spike suddenly looks terrified. “Uh, Sebastian?”
“And he always had this weird habit of pushing his face right up into the car window and breathing right on it!” I laugh. “Weird, isn’t it?”
“S—s—s—Sebastian?” stutters Pip, scrunching up into the fetal position.
“I wonder what happened to him,” I ask myself out loud.
“Perhaps you should look out the window,” Dinky replies calmly.
I turn to find that my window has fogged up completely. I roll it down to find an irate priest peering at me as if I were a piece of something you’d find at the bottom of the toilet. “Padre Juan!” I say suavely, trying to drown my fears. “It’s been so long! How have you been doing?”
“Fine, no thanks to you!” he spits. “These are your children?”
“What? No!” I laugh a bit too loudly. “These are just kids that live in my building. I’m just giving them a ride.”
“Hmph. I see you haven’t married yet,” he growls. “Or what is it you young people are calling it? ‘Finding a partner’?”
I try to brush off the comment about my sexuality. “You’ve met Tina, haven’t you?” I ask, throwing my secretary under the bus. “Tina, this is Padre Juan, my old Sunday School teacher!”
Twilight, surprisingly, smiles kindly at the old man. “It’s nice to see you again, Father Juan!” she says cheerfully, shaking his old, craggy hand.
The old priest actually smiles back. “Hola, Senorita Tina! You know Sebastian?”
She nods. “I’m his secretary!” she says proudly.
The priest gives me a dirty look. “How… nice!” he says suspiciously. “So… are you two—?”
We both blush and shake our heads. “Nah, we’re just good friends—” I stutter.
“—a purely professional relationship!” Twilight finishes.
He scrutinizes all of us for a minute longer before leaving. “Well… It was… interesting to see you again, Sebastian,” he says, pulling his head out of the car. “I better see you at this week’s mass!”
I chuckle nervously. “Yes, Padre!”
“Well, good day to you,” and with that, the old buzzard finally leaves.
I sigh in relief as soon as he’s a safe distance away. “After ten years, that man still gives me the creeps.”
Twilight giggles. “You are such a baby!” she teases, shoving me playfully.
I give her a look. “Since when did you know Padre Juan?”
“Well, I had to show up for the interview, obviously!” she says, rolling her eyes. “Rarity, Applejack, Derpy, and Princess Luna were all there!”
I do a double take. “Luna?! I thought she and Celestia were—”
Before I blurt out anything dangerous, Twilight seals my mouth with a lavender flash. “REMEMBER?!” she hisses in my ear. “SECRET MISSION!!”
She turns to address the kids in the back, all with varying looks of skepticism. “Nothing!” she says shrilly. The Princesses aren’t doing anything!”
Spike simply rolls his eyes and shrugs. “So, we going home, or what?”
I nod, mouth still sealed. However, Twilight stops me from starting the car. “Actually, Sebastian wanted to take you guys out to eat, right Sebastian?”
“Mph?” is all I can say to respond. I feel my mouth unseal and I get the picture. “Sure, I guess,” I say unsurely. “Where do you want to go?”
The kids all look at each other before responding simultaneously: “FROYO!”

After the FroYo…

Spike scoops up the last of his frozen yogurt as we reach the apartment complex’s parking lot. “Aah,” he sighs in satisfaction, “that makes today a bit better.”
Applebloom nods, wiping her mouth with a spare napkin. “Ah don’t know why, but Ah cain’t help but smile when Ah eat those things!”
Scootaloo belches noisily, as if to salute Applebloom’s comment. Sweetie looks at her disgust, and continues to eat her frozen yogurt daintily. “Just because it’s good doesn’t mean you get to act like a slob,” she chides.
“You’ve been staying with your sister for too long!” declares Pip as he slurps up the rest of his frosty delight. “Honestly, I think she’s starting to infect you with OCD!”
“Actually, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a mental condition, not a contagious pathogen,” recites Dinky mechanically as she finishes her own cup.
I chuckle as I pull into my parking spot. “Sounds like you guys are having fun back there.”
Twilight smiles slyly as she exits the car. “Trust me; you’ll have more fun at the apartment”
I raise an eyebrow. “Really?” I say as I push open the door. I look around the lobby, as if to find said fun. Except for it being strangely quiet, nothing seems out of the ordinary.
The group stays silent as we climb up to the apartments. Occasionally, I steal a glance from Twilight or one of the kids. They say nothing, but I get the feeling that they were trying very hard to conceal smiles. Well, except for Dinky. For her, it was pretty much business as usual.
When we reach my apartment, I turn to find that everyone was STILL following me closely. “Ok, WHAT is going on here?!” I ask, finally losing my patience.
“Well, we’re here for the surprise party,” says Dinky calmly.
I look at her as if she had suggested that the sky was falling. “What party?”
Twilight smiles smugly. “You’ll see,” and with a flourish, she turns the key, unlocks the door, and reveals what was inside.
“SURPRISE!!” The whole apartment had been magically extended to be the size of a small village. Everyone in the apartment had shown up, led by the party princess herself. “Heya Sebastian!” she squeals, wrapping me in a tight hug. “Welcome to your ‘Welcome To Ponyville’ Party! Well, actually, WE should be getting the party, since we’re the newcomers, and it should be a ‘Welcome to Earth’ Party, but then YOU’D have to throw the party, and I— MPH!”
Joe had wrapped his hand around his talkative girlfriend’s mouth, smiling smugly at his genius. “Can we just get this thing started before Pinkie talks her head off?”
I’m still blinking in surprise at this. “How’d you even come up with this?” I ask incredulously.
Pinkie slides out of her boyfriend’s grasp. “WEEEELL—” she starts…

Earlier That Day…

“Ooh, I’m so super-duper excited for today, Joey!” Pinkie chattered as her boyfriend drove them to their new jobs. “I mean, it’ll be just like in Ponyville! Me and the Cakes, making stuff… Except YOU’LL be there this time!”
“Yeah,” smiled Joe wryly, “after three generations of owning a donut shop in Canterlot; I get to work for someone else. Woo-fricken-hoo.”
“Oh, cheer up, Mr Grumpy Pants!” scolded Pinkie. “Try to look on the bright side! The Cakes made you one of the two head bakers!”
“And you’re the other one, Pinkie. That’s because we’re the only two people working there!”
As they pulled into the driveway, Pinkie took time to examine the new shop. “Well… it’s not as big as the old bakery, and it’s a little gray, but it’s nothing a little Pinkie Pie can’t fix!” she says chipperly as she bounces into the store. “I wonder if Mr and Mrs Cake have everything—”
“Surprise!” cried the two shop owners. The inside of the bakery was decorated festively, and the Cake twins had little party hats on their heads, cooing in fascination at the confetti falling from the ceiling.
Pinkie gasped. “You did this FOR ME?!” she cried joyfully.
“Well it’s your first day, dearie!” replied Mrs Cake cheerfully. “We just wanted to have a little celebration for you two!”
A small smile crept on Joe’s face. “Wow. Thanks, Mr and Mrs Cake,” he said, looking around him. “This is actually really thoughtful.”
“No problem, Joe!” answered Mr Cake, punching him lightly on the shoulder. “After all, you work for us now. You get the same employees’ perks!”
Joe’s face soured a bit when he heard this. “Yeah… employee…”
“It’s too bad we couldn’t share this with everyone else,” said Mrs Cake wistfully. “Everyone could use a party to lift their spirits, right, Pinkie?”
Pinkie suddenly became quiet, her eyes slowly widening to the size of watermelons. “What did you just say?” she whispered.
“Well, it’s just I thought it’d be nice to throw a party for every— Oh no.” Mrs Cake’s face shifted from one of cheerfulness to one of horrified realization.
Joe began to cautiously approach Pinkie. “Uh, Pinks? I think you should calm dow—”
Pinkie sprung up above everyone’s heads, landing with a graceful flip. She took a deep breath, and with a triumphant smile, yelled “PARTY FOR EVERYONE!!!!”

Back to the Present…

“The noise actually gave the UPS guy outside a seizure,” Joe recalls fondly. “We ended up having to call the ambulance.”
I give the man a look. “Did he, you know, make it out alright?”
Joe shook his head, as if awakening from a dream. “Huh? Oh yeah, he’s okay now. We sent him a goodie-basket.”
“Enough talkin’, let’s just PARTY!” yells Rainbow Dash from the back of the room.
Pinkie grins and makes a signal. Within seconds, the place is flashing with lights, and music is blasting from every orifice of the apartment. “WOOHOO, PARTY!” she cries triumphantly.
Everyone begins to move. I catch Big Mac awkwardly dancing with Fluttershy, who is uncharacteristically bouncy and excited this evening. “Hey, Sebastian!” she calls enthusiastically to me. “Isn’t this fun?”
I look at Mac, who mouths “Open Bar”. I nod and make my way over to the kitchen; converted into a makeshift cantina. Lyra and Bon Bon are there, bickering as usual.
“I’m telling you, Bonnie, it tastes better with mint!” Lyra explains exasperated. “Sweets and alcohol don’t mix!”
“What about wine?” Bon Bon argues, blue and pink curls bouncing with indignation. “Everyone likes sweet wine!”
“Uh, hey, ladies!” I say, squeezing between two of the complex’s residents. “Could you pass me a Sprite from the fridge? No alcohol, thanks.”
Bon Bon nods and gives me a glass. I take a swig and spit it out in surprise. “This has vodka in it!” I shout in surprise.
“So… you like it?” she asks tentatively.
“Not really,” I admit, trying to spit out the harsh taste of spirits from my mouth.
“HA!” says Lyra triumphantly. “That’s three people that agree with me!”
“Spike agreed with me!” Bon Bon shouted back.
My eyes nearly pop out of my head. “You gave Spike alcohol?!”
“Yeah, so what? Let the kid have fun!” Lyra said dismissively.
“You think it’s safe to assume that the FIRE BREATHING TEENAGER can handle liquor?” I ask incredulously.
“Oh, relax, it’s not that strong!” Bon Bon laughs.
Suddenly, a multicolored blur zooms past us, knocking over anything not bolted down to the ground. “ORGY!!!” cries Rainbow Dash, swaying ever so slightly. With a cheer, about a third of the crowd begins to move to the hallway outside.
I give the pair a look. “Not that strong, huh?” I say skeptically.
An inhuman grin grows on Lyra’s face. “C’mon, Bonnie, it’s been forever since we’ve been to one of these!” she begs.
Bon Bon blushes bright scarlet. “Okay, MAYBE you have a point…”
Without waiting for further indication, I run off to find what very well could be a ticking time bomb.