~One Point Eight Three Years Later~
A mountaintop is a pretty sweet place for a home, if the occupants don't mind having a little less atmosphere around them than one might have at a more normal location. And our home was pretty sweet as mountaintop-located homes went. Hewn straight into the rock, it was, in essence, a deep artificial cave dug into the summit of the mountain that held Canterlot. It was oddly structured and designed, as if building decisions had been made on whim. Which, as they had, made absolute sense. The layout and furnishings of the place varied from week to week. Sometimes from day to day. Each lasted only so long as Discord wasn't bored with it, which was never a long period. Sometimes I would wake up, realize Discord had gotten bored during the night, and then have to spend the next half hour reaccustoming myself with the hallways and tunnels and random hollow spaces. There were precisely two permanent fixtures in the place: My room, and a tower with a base inside the mountain and a top a solid 30 ft above the highest point of the peak, atop of which were two elegantly crafted stone thrones, one decidedly larger than the other.
I was sitting on the smaller of the two thrones, one arm placed under my chin, keeping my head fairly upright. I liked to come up here when I wanted to think, as I did right now. The wind stung my face as it blew across my skin.
Discord seems bored again. That could be dangerous. My free hand's fingers drummed on the stone armrest of my throne. He hasn't moved for like three hours now. He's never motionless for that long. I took a deep breath, enjoying the cold of the air as it filled my lungs. I wonder if I should do anything about it...
A bright burst of light appeared for a moment. My eyes closed almost instantly, though they stayed closed a while after. I rubbed them casually with both hands.
"You know, your teleporting is much more annoying when I don't expect it."
"Apologies," he said. I managed to make my right eye blink open. The left stayed firmly shut. Discord strolled past my sight, and took a seat down next to me on the larger throne. He was silent.
"You ok? You've been bizarrely non-obtrusive today. It's setting me on edge. I keep thinking you've been saving up the madness or something." I forced my left eye open again as well. Both eyes blinked as they readjusted.
"Just tired," he said.
"...Are you ok?" I asked again. He laughed.
"Perhaps not. Do you have a way of making me feel... better?"
"Depends on what you want," I said, ignoring his implication. "You hungry?"
"Not terribly."
"Hmm," I said back. Neither of us spoke for a time, simply looking out over the world. I resumed leaning on my left arm for support and examined the lines and details of my right hand. Not a practical thing to examine, really, unless damaged and in need of repair, but hands did at least have the decency of being complex and interesting to look at. They also made good symbols of creative spirit and humanity. I wasn't sure which I was looking at it for at that moment, the physiological complexity or my attached symbolic meaning, but it was something. "The weather is okay today. Could be less sunny and more damp, but overall it's okay. The right temperature, you know?"
"Are we really going with the weather as a topic?" he said, more amused than actually contemptful of the idea.
"Why not? It works as one."
"True." He took a deep breath, before releasing an accepting sigh. "The weather is nice, yes."
I reached over to his taloned hand and grasped it in my own not-taloned hand. He glanced over. "We could go do something, you know."
"Like what?"
"Well. You could... Chaos. I'd watch you. I like seeing you work."
"You do," he said. "I'm not in the mood, though."
"For chaos? That's strange." I paused. "We seem to be heading in a circular sort of direction in this conversation."
"I am in a rather peculiar mood today. I haven't even felt the urge to see your cute little attempts at being romantic or sexually competent."
"Hmm. Yeah. That is peculiar." Another gust of cold wind blew over us. I let go of Discord's hand to rub my face. My beard had grown out a bit, enough that I ran my hand over or through roughly a half-inch of hair, mostly due to the simple fact that I was lazy and didn't have a razor. "Say. Do you think I should shave?"
"What?"
"Shave. Kill my beard."
"Well, you could," Discord said. "You'll look fine either way."
"Ok." I stretched out on my throne, trying to shift into a comfortable position. For being made of stone, the thrones were actually surprisingly comfortable, but now that Discord had followed me up to them they were far less restful. I awkwardly grabbed at my hood, folded between the backs of me and the throne. It came up from between the two and I pulled it over my face. The cold of the air had chilled the cloth, but it blocked the wind immediately. And it'd warm up. "I think I'll head inside in a bit."
"Why? Dislike my company?"
"It's cold," I said back. "Half of why I like cold is that it makes warmth feel amazing. Besides, you aren't talking and it's weird."
"So I was half correct, then."
"Yeah, I guess." My beard itched. I rubbed my face again. "I mean, I could stay out here. But it's not like we're doing anything."
"We're sitting," Discord said.
"Anything interesting," I corrected. "Sitting's somewhat dull."
"It's very kingly, though," Discord said back. He twisted his body to look back at his chair, showed a momentary irritation, casually bent the stone in such a manner as to promote a more reclined position, and then resumed sitting.
"We're not really kings," I said.
"Why aren't we? We operate on our own authority, I have birthright, I command vast power, and you're tied to me in a romantic and acknowledged manner."
"I don't know. We don't have servants?" Discord laughed.
"Oh, but we do. You have me, and I have you."
I chuckled too. "Dude, you got ripped off in the servant department. I don't even do my own laundry."
"True," Discord said, smiling.
"...Or cook," I added. "Or clean... Or otherwise be helpful."
"All also true," Discord said calmly.
"Yep," I said back. I was silent for a time. In a sudden burst of motion, I lifted myself from my chair. Discord looked over at me curiously. "I think I'm gonna go inside."
"Meet you there," Discord said, snapping. I averted my gaze on instinct. I sighed in sarcastic irritation (a somewhat pointless act, given no one could hear), turned around, and walked to the start of the the spiral staircase that'd let me descend from the tower, knowing Discord would be waiting at the bottom. I walked down the dark stone steps, watching the flickering patterns of the orange glow on the walls as I went. Our home was lit with torches that never went out; due to the rather limited lighting capacity of torches and a decided lack of windows in the architecture, everywhere was lit, but dimly, and with light having the inconsistent, shifting quality of flame. I liked it. Wonder what we should have for dinner...
Discord was, indeed, at the bottom of the staircase, hovering beside the door. He joined me as I walked down the hallway.
"What do you think we should have for dinner?" I asked.
"Did we eat a lunch?" Discord asked.
"I don't think so."
"Hmm. Maybe something bigger, then."
"Some kind of sandwich?"
"Yeah, that would be fine. Though I'd need a bit more specificity then, 'sandwich' to make any."
"...Bread then? I like bread. Maybe with some grapes. It's classic."
"We could do that," Discord said, a light smile playing across his mouth's edges. "Perhaps I could feed you the grapes one by one."
"Perhaps."
"And little bits of bread."
"Perhaps."
"You don't think the idea of getting fed is cute?"
"Not particularly, no. It does give a sense of power or weakness to the eating party, though. You know. Depending on if they want it."
"Definitely doing that, then," he said. I gave a small smile, which I did my best to restrain. I didn't find the idea astoundingly amusing, but it was a more Discord-like behavior than the other acts (or, perhaps more accurately, non-acts) of today, which was rather reassuring. Discord had been getting these weird days recently, and normally they led to some form of unexpected... stuff. Like the time he flooded the basement with honey.
I took a seat on a sofa as we entered the next room, which held a number of sofas arranged over its floor in no particularly evident organization. "So, bread and grapes?"
"I suppose so, yes." Discord sat down besides me, making a lazy gesture with an arm as he did so, which summoned a platter before us loaded with massive portions of bread and grapes. I plucked some grapes from the vine section laid on the silvery platter and took a chunk of bread. My attempt to put the grapes in my mouth failed, as my arm stopped moving halfway to it. "Ah, ah, ah," Discord said calmly. "I'm doing that."
I let my arm fall, let the food hover from my open palm into Discord's fingers, and then let those fingers artfully deliver them one at a time to my lips. He made sure to let his digits linger at the area.
Good grapes. I gently kissed one of his talons as it drew away, prompting a small chuckle. For someone who never needs to eat, Discord knows food, I thought as I split another grape open between my teeth and felt a small burst of juice spread through my mouth.
"So," I said as his hand moved again to pick more food off the platter. "Are you recovered?"
"Rather spontaneously, yes," Discord said. "Hopefully that will hold, but who knows. You could find me crying in a corner after another hour." I took the small group of grapes in his palm as he offered them over to me, snatching them up one at a time with small, awkward nips. I chewed and moved much of the mass over to a cheek.
"Fair enough."
"Indeed it is."
We continued this slow feeding process for a time, in relative silence, until Discord proclaimed that he was bored, after which I fed myself while he produced various patterns of light over one of his hands. Honestly, that seemed pretty boring too. Not that there's much better to do or look at.
"Hmm, what do you think of this one?" Discord said, holding aloft a series of geometric lines in all the colors of the rainbow.
"Eh," I said. He gave a thoughtful pause and then nodded. "Maybe make some kind of statue?" I said. "I miss that one hallway we had that one time with all of them." That had been a glorious hallway. One side was lined with ten statues of me in various poses and outfits (all of which truly captured my lack of presence and vaguely average looks), and the other side lined with ten statues of Discord, in equal variety. It had always had an interesting atmosphere. It had also been relatively informative as to how it felt to have a statue of you somewhere; weird, mostly. Though my ability to feel weird about anything was almost gone, so it'd been left more of a pleasant tingle than really a weird feeling it gave me.
"Perhaps," Discord said. The lines of light bent inward and compacted down into a small, bright sphere of radiant energy, which Discord flicked into the air and swallowed.
"Ugh. What are we doing?" I said after a moment.
"Well. Sitting. Eating. Considering making statues."
"Ok, well, yeah," I said weakly. "I mean, like, what could we be doing."
"Basically anything," Discord said.
"Well, that's useless," I replied back. I heard a small tap come from somewhere in the house, so light I wasn't sure it had actually happened. As such, I assumed it hadn't and ignored it. "Wanna head down to Canterlot? Maybe visit a coffee shop?"
"I can produce coffee at will, Aaron."
"I don't even drink coffee. But it'd be fun to see the Canterlot ponies reacting. It's been a while since we popped into town."
"True," Discord said, with a musing tone. Another tapping sound, a bit louder. Both of us glanced at a door; a different one for each of us.
"Is that the door?"
"I believe so, yes," Discord said.
"I'll get it," I said, rising from the sofa.
"Ok," Discord said, remaining motionless. I left the room and walked to the... well, door. There was like one, placed at the top of a long, steep staircase. Another knock sounded as I approached it. Wonder who's here, I thought as I opened the door. The golden gleaming armor and white coat answered my question. Sort of.
"Hello," he said in a formal tone. "You are Aaron, correct?"
"Discord!" I yelled over my shoulder, ignoring him. "It's a guard!"
"What does he want?" Discord yelled back.
"I dunno! Get in here, it probably involves you," I said back. I turned to the guard, who was staring at me stiff faced from two feet below my eyes. "Yeah, I'm Aaron. Wanna come in?"
"Yes," the stallion said formally, ignoring that I'd ignored him, and stepping into the open door. Discord popped into reality besides me.
"Why, hello, guard who neither of us knows! I do imagine you're going to end up delivering some sort of message to us, probably on one of our sofas! Let's go there, shall we?" He snapped. We all reappeared on a sofa, after a brief stint in dimensional darkness. The stallion couldn't hide the surprise he undoubtedly was experiencing as a result of the forced teleportation, which made him look oddly vulnerable in his newly-seated position on the couch opposite me and Discord. I was completely used to the means of travel by now.
"So, what?" I asked, after a moment of silence.
"Well, uh," the stallion said, still clearly not in his element. His voice was a bit higher and more relaxed, though not much. He cleared his throat uncomfortably, and then continued in the normal guard voice. "The Princess has sent me to request your aid."
"Celestia wants our help?" I said.
"Oh, do tell us with what!" Discord said as the guard opened his mouth to respond. The guard closed his mouth, submitting to the conversational whims of the draconequus. No one spoke a moment, until the guard realized that that was all Discord or I were going to say, and then awkwardly reopened his mouth to speak.
"The Princess has requested your aid regarding a mage who has recently taken control of a city using forbidden magic," the guard said.
"Well, ok then," I said back. Sure. Why not. We're both bored. I think.
"Yeah, sounds good," Discord said.
"You accept?" the guard asked.
"Sure. I mean, why wouldn't we?" I said.
"Because you're..." the guard paused.
"Evil? Anarchic? Crazy? Weird? Alien?" Discord said helpfully. The guard got a strange look on his face for a moment.
"Yeah. That."
"Nah, man. Well. Ok, kind of. I'm probably crazy, we're both definitely weird, I'm an alien, and I think we might be anarchists. But we're like the harmless intellectual kind that sits in their house and thinks about being chaotic instead of doing it." Discord chuckled at my small speech. "Mostly," I added, acknowledging that Discord still did a number of things that were "chaotic," in nature, if done far away from others. "Still. I don't think we're... evil. Probably."
"Depends on how shallow-minded your definition of "evil," is," Discord said, sipping at a small cup of steaming liquid that he just kind of... had, then. "But, no, evil seems a tad strong."
"Still. Enemies of the nation," the guard said, somewhat awkwardly.
"Oh. We're still that," I said back. "Discord, what is that, out of curiosity?"
"Tea," he said.
"Eh, I'll skip then."
"You want any?" Discord said, gesturing lazily with his cup towards the guard.
"I'm good," the guard said.
"Sure?" I added.
"Yeah, I'm... sure," the guard said, somewhat hesitantly.
"Nah, dude, have some. I'm going to go shave anyways, and you can teleport down with us instead of going out in the cold. Much more... warm," I said. I walked out of the room, glancing back to see Discord smirking maliciously and the guard looking several degrees away from comfort. Wait. Razor. "Discord! Razor!" I yelled. A razor popped into existence, and I snatched it from the air as it fell. "Thanks!"
"No problem, dear," Discord yelled back.
I made the way swiftly to a bathroom, stood in front of a mirror, splashed water on my face and beard, and commenced the act of shaving. At home, I rarely cared enough to bother, but hell, if we were going to go out to Canterlot... I slid the blade slowly down the left edge of my face. The lack of shaving cream (and the amount of hair the blade was running into), made the act feel rather strange. Well. Maybe not for the Canterlot. The evil sorcerer might be a tad more important to impress.
After my face was clean of hair (excluding my goatee--A bare face would at this point just feel weird), I returned to the sofa room. Discord grinned at me as I entered through the door. The guard ignored me. He seemed to be staring resolutely forwards, though I did note that he now had a cup floating in the air in front of him.
"Ready now?" Discord asked. He glanced down at the guard besides him with mock sympathy. "I do believe our hospitality has somehow made the poor thing anxious."
"Yeah," I said simply. Discord raised his hand and snapped. And to Canterlot, we go.