//------------------------------// // Chapter 3: Acquaintances // Story: Ponies on Red Dwarf // by Sound Shard //------------------------------// ACQUAINTANCES Ponyville Rarity still had a concussion, so she wasn't allowed out of bed. It was very annoying from her prespective, because they provided her with little to no entertainment. "Dead of the Tree" and "Youth Store: 50 Short Stories About Life" were the only books provided, but she owned Youth Store, and Dead of the Tree and it's sequel "Life After Breath" were required reading in school. A long week was just slowly ticking by, and Rarity felt as if it had been 2:30 for two hours. She decided to pass the time by watching the two scrolls sent to her so far. She had lost intrest in the first, listening to it, but she paid no mind to her friend's surroundings, as of then, and she felt like doing as such now. The train scroll was fuzzy, so she had a hard time noticing certain details, but she did see that there were, in their car, three bunks on each wall, two up on each, making a neat 3X2 array. Each bunk looked military grade, maybe nicer, but hardly comfortable. Each was a dull green-gray colour, with a white pillow. It was obviously not fit for a Pegasus, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy could hardly sit! For Rainbow, that is to be expected, but Fluttershy? She's the calmest out of anypony in exsistence as far as she was concerned! Pegasi don't normally take trains, so one could only guess they didn't really need to prepare for one. Air travel is more their thing. The back walls were orange and gray, creating an oddly futuristic look. She realized no real detail could be sucked out of this scroll, and set it down. She picked up the next scroll and began to re-watch it. She noticed the room Twilight was residing in was mainly gray, with a few bits of blue writing around, illedgable from this distance. The given living quarters were furnished with what seemed to be a card table, the bed she was headed to, a bunk above it, which held an impatiently bulging mass she could only guess was Pinkie Pie, and two lockers, for holding belongings, apperently. Twilight had probably shoved them chalk full of books. Rarity sighed and sat it back down. Nothing could suck her from this void of unenjoyable boredom. She couldn't even sleep properly anymore. Not that she was supposed to. -------------------------------------------------- Starbug "So explain this to me again, we're going out here why?" asked Rainbow Dash. Her, Kryten, Rimmer, and Twilight were in the ship's scouting craft, Starbug 1. Starbug was a forest green ship who had 3 sections, first for the cockpit, second for the midsection, kitchen, stasis chambers, and sleeping quarters, and last for storage. Each of these sections were perfect circles. "We have discovered another sign of potential life forms in the arear. We beleive the Pluto mining ship Woodward Warhawk is inhabited with human beings. We may be able to trade supplies, or use each-other's facilities. We aren't boarding immediatly. We're scanning it for dangerous substances or seeing if we could open up a communications feed with them." Kryten explained. "Holly? What's the response?" "on't bor te ip! Tey ve n Emow imution prorm! Wt i it woul uc tee nice ponie o tier mot prminent emotion? Even i it' for protection ue, it' i too nerou. I repet, o not bor tt ip! on't even et tem now you're ere!" she garbled. Everyone gave a strange look. "What's your malfunction?" asked Rimmer. She shook her head. "I'm miin my ome row ey. in, te eybor tt type wt I pe i munctionin. on't bor tt ip! It' nerou! You cn't! Tey've even one ti to me! o you unertn me?" she continued to speak gibberish. Kryten turned to them all. "Sorry. She's an older AI system. Almost three million years." he shook his head. "Lot's of malfunctions. Last week she talked Sdrawkcab!" "Sdrawkcab?" repeated Rainbow. "That's backwards for backwards," explained Twilight. Rainbow nodded. "It took us three hours to figure out what 'Pleh ,sdrawkcab gniklat otni denoitcnuflam ev'I!' meant!" laughed Rimmer. For once, people were laughing with him, not at him. He felt so big-headed he didn't notice theobvious glitch in Holly's system. All that was flashing on the screen was : ASDFGHJKL. -------------------------------------------------- Red Dwarf "So this is beer?" asked Pinkie while making a sour face. She brought the cup back to her muzzle, thinking it would be better the second time. Nope. She set it down. It was disgusting, but it left her with a warm-y feeling in her stomach. "I was expecting better. Isn't party material, I wouldn't think." "Not party material? Not party material?? Thish ish the besht 'party material' you'll ever gonn get," Lister slurred. He was on his fifth cup in the past ten minutes. Every cup he finished he'd take the cup and hold the mouth on his head. This bothered Pinkie. Lister was a nice stallion... er, man, but Pinkie was unsure if she liked this man. For the first time in her life, she wasn't sure about this guy as a friend. "Well, whatever y'all want, Ah like it!" confessed Applejack. "'S givin' me a headache, though. What happ'ns if ya drink too much?" "You get drunk. Sh'like gettin' a really bad headache, gettin' shick, shlurrin' yer shpeach, and doin' thingsh you won't 'member in the morning," he explained. Applejack made a face, set the drink down, shrugged, and picked it back up. "Ya know, Pinkie, this could be a hit at yer parties. Vinyl'd get a kick outta this," she nodded. Pinkie shook her head. "Definitly not. Did you just not hear what it does to you? Imagine the ponies that could get hurt from it!" she protested. "Comin' from tha same pony that nearly got me killed ohn mult'ple occashuns..." mumbled Applejack under her breath. "Like when?" "Fer starters, on my barn raisin' with Big Macintosh and Wood'n Toaster, you and yer duplicits nearly sqished me flatter 'n a pancake!" she said angrily and took a chug of her brandy. "What kind of name is Wooden Toaster?" asked Pinkie, stopping herself from going into giggle fits. "Applebell was never right in the head. She shouldn't have had children. Why do you think he goes by Glaze?""He? But...""Long manes are safer in braids when workin', regardl'ss of gender. Now are y'all gonna let me finish?""I...""Just a month before that on my birthday, you gave me such a sugarrush with your 'apple' pie, if those were apples, that I was in a coma for a week! A week!""Applejack..."Applejack took the last of her glass and refilled it. Her speech began to slur."An'... An' what 'bout tha time... You tol' me to 'giggle at tha ghostly', an' that led mah... me to laugh at Big Mac and Apple Fritt'r when they got 'n a fight. Woah, nelly, was that a bad idea. I couldn' luk 'em in the face for a munf. Why shud you jus' now start worryin' 'bout saf'ty?""Applejack, you've had enough!"Applejack downed her current cup. What was she doing? Applejack would never down a substance like this. She hadn't even drank this much cider in one sitting. Pinkie began to ponder something. She turned to Lister. "Is it addictive?" "Oh, yeah. Get it away from 'em, though, and they'll go inshane," he warned. Pinkie took the chance and smacked Applejack's glass onto the floor. Applejack got up out of her seat and headed for the door. "Fine. Y'all be that way. I'm headed ta bed," she grumbled and walked into a wall. A loud hissing sound could be heard and Holly appeared on screen. "We're bc. o to ocin By . I've munctione. urry!" she garbled. "What'd she say?" asked Pinkie. "I'm not shure. We should probably head down to Dockin' Bay F. If she'sh onshcreen, they're back from thier mishion," Lister suggested. A pink line and a dustcloud was all that stood in front of him then. It dropped to the floor with a "splish" and streamed down the floor as if it was paint. Lister shook it off as a drunken hallucination. "Well, Holly malfunctioned," put Rimmer plainly when she got there. "Details, if you would," moaned Twilight. She was on the ship when it happened, so Pinkie had figured she'd know what had happened. Twilight was staring at the screen, trying to figure out what happened. Kryten was peering over her shoulder. "May I recommened you look at the data files, ma'am," he suggested. Twilight mashed a few buttons. "Now look at malfuntion records." She pressed more flashy buttons. "Go to the bottom, and that should be that." "Aha! The... Home row keys? On the keyboard... Are inaccesable to her speech databank... Home row keys? Keyboard? As in the musical instrument?" said Twilight while squinting her eyes. "Do you see the array of letters on the board in front of you?" "Yes?" The middle row of letters is the 'home row'," "Ah." "How do we dishable it?" asked Lister. "Is he drunk?" asked Rimmer. "Yes," groaned Pinkie. "Well, we have to find the source of the issue, it says," said Rainbow. "Whatever that means..." "It men tt you nee to o bc to te ip tt you were tryin to expore n te tem to ix wtever tey've one!" said Holly. Kryten pressed a button on his head. "If you could repeat that," he said as he connected a wire from his body to the computer Holly's face was shown on. "It means you need to go back to that ship you were exploring and tell them to fix what they've done! I believe they're what is the problem," she said. "Probably not. We would like to be allies. The amount of malfunctions you've had..." said Twilight as she scrolled thru the list. "I require charging. This drains my battery quickly. Permission to go charge myself in fear of perminate shut down?" "Permission denied," demanded Rimmer. "Ignore him. Permishion granted," corrected Lister. "I am your superior officer! You cannot..." "Shut up, shmeg head," "Um... Guys? What're we going to do about the Woodward Warhawk?" asked Rainbow as Kryten walked away. "I have a feeling Holly doeshn't like them," said Lister while nodding his head. "Er... Um... I think you should... Maybe... Get some rest? if that's okay by you... i don't want to impose..." suggested Fluttershy from a corner, in refrence to Lister. Seeing his current state, she thought a good nap might do him good. "Gah! When'd you get there? Well, yer right tho... I should be gettin' ta bed. I have a little bit of a buzh goin' here," he agreed and headed for the door. "A little bit of a buzz? You're more lit up than a Roger Fox barbeque!" compared Rimmer, agrivated. "I... Er, sorry..." stuttered Flutterhy. "Not yer fault, pony. Rimmer'sh jusht a shmeg-head," he wavered. Rimmer rolled his eyes. "i coo eve re very i," said Holly. "IQ ever very I?" asked Pinkie, confused. "I'm munctionin, or i you mi tt?" "I'm munchkin in or I you me tut? This hurts my head..." Pinkie began to walk in circles and a myserious dotted line trailed from her head. "O coure it i. Now cn we et me ixe?" "Oh core it eh? Now kin we it mix? I need to lay down!" she said and walked out the door, leaving only Twilight, Rimmer, Rainbow and Fluttershy to deal with this mess. -------------------------------------------------- Ponyville "Befire yiu head fir bed, ma'am, twi pieces if news. Yiur friend sent yiu a scrill, and yiu'll be able ti walk ariund the histpital by timirriw. Giid night!" informed a nurse and handed Rarity a scroll. "Thank you," she said, nervously. "Yiu're welcime," responded the nurse on her way out the door. "See yiu in the mirning. It's my shift!" This made Rarity sigh sadly. That nurse bothered Rarity. She was too happy all the time, and not in a good-fun way, like Pinkie Pie, but in a freaky way, and she said all her "o"s as "i"s. She would hate to hear her say that o toungtwister. How'd it go? "Overly orginised ostriches ordered opera". The thought of iverly irginised istriches irdering ipera made her cringe. Or the nurse telling her to take a shot at it. Rarity almost giggled at the thought. Rarity would watch the scroll later, but right now... -------------------------------------------------- Red Dwarf "...I'm really tired. Are we almost done?" groaned Spike. Him and Twilight had been helping Kryten repair Holly. Twilight ignored him. "Try now, Holly," instructed Kryten. "m I oo?" asked Holly. "Unless she tried to say Maya, I don't think it worked," said Spike. "I on't tin you're epin," said Holly and glared at Spike. "I owned teen your eh pen. Not fixed," he confirmed. "If that's all you're going to be good for, then please, you may go to bed," groaned Twilight. "I'll sit here," decided Spike as he squinted his eyes and plopped down. -------------------------------------------------- Ponyville Rarity wasn't allowed to sleep, you can't with a concussion. She got bored after an hour, and watched the scroll. She had discovered that if she watched it under the covers, the noise was muffled enough it didn't bother other rooms. It's me, Twilight. I'm sending you this message because I have a break. The ship has... A Person inside it. Oh, um, the race we've encountered is the People race, the singular being Person. Strange, know, well, this Person kind of runs the ship. She has developed a problem, named a Mal-Funk-Shun, that has caused her to speak in gibberish. Something about 'home keys' and 'middle row'. I'll understand soon, or as I'm told. Well, we're still working on it. Talk to you soon? This gave Rarity an idea... Morning "Giid mirning, Ms. Rarity. Hiw are yiu feeling?" asked Nurse I. That's what Rarity had settled on naming her. Nurse I. "Feeling fine. But I had a question or two..." "Hiw may I help yiu?" asked Nurse I. Speak like a normal pony, for Faust's sake! thought Rarity to herself. "Um... Well, first, how do you recieve Twilight's letters?" "Is Twilight the name if yiur friend? Well, a very talented unicirn wiuld recieve it here, and I deliver it ti yiu! Neat, am I right?"----------------------------------------------------- Red Dwarf "Twilight..." inturrupted Spike. "Not now, Spike! So, anyway, what did you find, Shining?" "Well, it would seem, we just need to take this doohickey here and replace it," he pointed to a keyboard on the inside of Holly's main computer system. "Doohickey?" giggled Cadence "You know what I mean," Shining giggled along. They rubbed muzzles and Twilight looked away. Seeing her foalsitter and big brother being so lovey-dovey made her uncomfortable. "Twilight..." moaned Spike "What?" she asked, a bit concerned. "I have a letter coming on..." "That's impossib--," A loud BUUUUUUURRRP ripped the air. A letter fell into Spike's hands. "ble? Read it, Spike," "Aherm. Darling Twilight, It's Rarity! I know you must miss me, so I figured out a way for us to comunicate two-sidedly. On second thought, I'm not sure that's a word. Well, I've been preoccupied with an annoying nurse. I don't know her name, but I call her Nurse I, in myhead, of course. Do you know why? She never says the letter O. It's an I in it's place. For example: Giid mirning Miss Rarity, may I get yiu simething? And she's giddy and over-the-top happy. Not in a fun way like Pinkie Pie, in the annoying way. Good luck with Holly! Yours Truly, Rarity," "We, e cre!" said Holly, exasperated "Weh, eek er?" "t et e' nice!" "Tee-tee nice. Well, you make less and less sense by the minute," "Be nice, Spike," said everyone in unison. (Except for Holly, who said "Be nice, pie.") End Chapter 4