It had been a month; she counted each and every day that she didn’t feel any better. Her scars had mostly healed, but days after it happened the headaches started, headaches that turned into voices. She couldn’t walk to see Rapid Quill in the mornings anymore, for she was much to scared to. So, she stayed in her room alone, the door locked. Not even Quill came to see her much anymore… she wished he would. She missed him. She wanted to talk to him… she thought she could. She supposed it was boring for him to just sit and watch her lay there, and didn’t blame him for not coming around.
Soul looked over at the calendar: December 13th. “Its my birthday…”
“And happy birthday to you, my love” came Rapid Quill's voice from the doorway. Soul stood up quickly and ran to him, snuggling her head up under his chin. He smiled. “I missed you”
“I thought you wouldn’t come…” her voice was quiet and broken sounding and Quill layed her back down on her bed. He sat beside her and stroked her now overgrown mane. She looked as if she hadn’t washed or groomed in days… weeks and her eyes were bloodshot and sleepless.
Rapid Quill spent almost an hour cleaning her up and brushing out her mane so it looked nice. He planned to take her out to the club to see her old friends and hoped she would enjoy herself a little.
Quill finally got her up and down the stairs before it happened. At first he thought it was a seizure. Soul Mare screamed and fell to the floor and Rapid Quill rushed to catch her, but she hit the floor, smacking her head on the wood.
The voices spoke to her, yelling inside her head. It had caught her off guard and it scared her to know she was going out when something like this could happen. He’s no good for you… remember what happened? You remember don’t you? He hurt you.. broke you… why let another man do the same? Every time they spoke her scars stung and made her want to throw up.
She sat up slowly, vomited, and began to cry.
Quickly, Quill gathered her up and brought her to the couch, where at least she could listen to some of her music and see friends.. She sat quietly for a while, like she often did, and he sat with her, stroking her mane and whispering to her that he loved her.
Kill him.. Go away from here. Ponies only want to hurt you… rape you.. She vomited again and Rapid Quill pulled her body close to his chest. She didn’t want to believe what they were telling her, but it was hard not to listen and she pulled away from him.
He didn’t argue it, and instead sat across the room.
“Leave.” Soul muttered under her breath, and Rapid Quill looked at her, surprised. “I said leave, didn’t you hear me? Or are you deaf, faggot?” This time she yelled, tears streaming down her face. She barely knew what she was saying, like she was watching someone else control her, but he didn’t know that.
“Fine! All I ever did for you was good, and this is what I get? I cleaned puke off of you!”
Soul cried harder, wanting more than anything to tell him to stay, to hold her, to stroke her mane again, but she couldn’t. Something stopped her. “Just go!”
And he did..
Better isn't it? Being alone.. Calm.. peaceful.. safe. You don’t have to worry about him anymore. Its just you.. and me. Soul’s head pounded and she could barely see a foot in front of her face, but she managed to stagger to the bathroom and look herself in the mirror. “What's happened..?”
You changed… she looked from the mirror to the sink side and saw a loose razor blade. Do it. You’ll feel better, you dumb cunt. Soul picked up the razor slowly, watching the sharp edge shine in the bright bathroom light. She held it tightly, staring at it for what felt like an hour, before bringing it down on her other arm hesitantly. She was surprised how easily it cut, and how much it bled. The blood dribbled over onto the floor and down her side. She stopped, afraid, and tossed the razor across the room, splattering blood on the wall and floor.
“Wh-what am I doing?” Soul sank down the wall.
You pussy, keep going.
She was bleeding far more than she expected; most of her arm was stained red and she was sitting in a pool of the red sticky stuff. Her head spun wildly. “Too much… too much blood. Help somepony!” she screamed. Her legs wouldn’t work, she couldn’t stand up and her bloody hooves made streaks down the wall.
Stop struggling, you're making it harder on yourself.
“Shut up! Let me go!” Soul screeched at the top of her lungs, reaching for the razor again. She just wanted it all to stop… Not even death could be worse than the hell she was living. Every time she closed her eyes she saw his white splotched face.Whenever she slept she had terrifying nightmares of being eaten alive by dogs or her limbs being stretched until they popped and ripped off. Sometimes she even dreamt of that day…
Slowly she brought the razor to her throat, sobbing uncontrollably. She wiped her eyes with her other hoof, smearing more blood across her face and staining her tears red. Soul paused for a moment, thinking about Rapid Quill; how she had sent him away.
“I love you forever… its sad that forever ends here..” her voice was broken, dry an monotonous. She took a deep breath, and another, and brought the razor across her neck.
It barely hurt, and she let out her breath before the blood began to flood her mouth. A few moments peace, an odd warm feeling, then nothing.
“She couldn’t mean it..” Rapid Quill sat outside of Soul Mare’s house, debating whether to go back in. He knew she was having a rough time getting herself back together… and he had been so harsh to her. Suddenly from the top floor of her house came a loud thud, and Rapid Quill rushed inside, tripped up the stairs and burst into the bathroom. “Mara!” he dropped to the floor and pulled her against his chest, covering her throat with a towel. Blood bubbled over her lips as she tried to speak. “No, shhh.. don’t move. You’ll be okay”
“I don’t want to die..”