//------------------------------// // Chapter 8: Why Didn't I Stay Home Today? // Story: Le Retour // by k12314 //------------------------------// CHAPTER 8 Authors note: OK, so... The last chapter was just something that popped into my head after reading Cupcakes, and immediately afterwards, Anthropology. And Owen... He's an OC my friend wanted me to put in, and I decided that it would be kinda cool. So... Think of this HUMONGOUS chapter as an apology for that last one... And as you may have been able to tell, it's based off of "Why Didn't Ah' Stay At Th' Farm?" If you haven't already, read it, it's hilarious. I had taken Owen to Fluttershy's, since he was in pretty bad shape, but he seemed to be healing REALLY quickly. When I got him there, he walked right into the door. "Dude... I know you're bleeding badly, but seriously?" I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at him. "Man, I have more morphine in my body than I do red blood cells..." He stumbled around a bit, and then fell over onto a patch of flowers. "Oh, my goodness OK! FLUTTERSHY! YOU HERE?" I shouted. She flew out of a nearby chicken coop, and landed next to me. "Oh, hello Kyle... Why are y- EEP!" She jumped when she saw Owen sitting in the flower bed. "Yeah, as you can see, he's hurt pretty bad. Think you can patch him up a bit?" "Oh... My... Umm... He won't hurt me, will he?" "YOU'RE SO ADORABLE! I JUST WANNA HUG YA!" Owen jumped at Shy and puts her into a bear hug. "Does that answer your question?" I smiled, as did she. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I'd gone home, and spent most of the night explaining why I didn't come home, and convincing Dashie not to seriously hurt Lyra. The morning after, I decided to go see Owen. "I wonder what his story is... I know he didn't get here the same way I did... What if Torrentican... No..." I shook the thought off. Why would he give me more manpower? I knocked on the cottage door, and Shy answered. She smiled warmly when she saw me, and stepped aside to show me Owen, who looked like he hadn't even been hurt in the first place. "How did you..." I just stared. NOBODY heals that well. "The wonders of my job... So... You saved me, eh? What did you say your name was?" "Kyle. Kyle Alexander Bucy." I stuck my hand out, and he gave me a firm handshake. "As you know, Dr. Owen Vincent Brahms. Vince, for short. I hate being called Owen, that's my dad's name." "Ah, I see... Vince... I'm gonna call you Vinnie." I grinned mischievously. "Oh, please don't..." He facepalmed. "Relax, I was only joshing..." A couple of mares walked by, and looked at us, wide eyed. They proceeded to whisper to each other. "Weird... It must be because of Vince." "So... How did you get here Kyle?" "Well, I was skydiving for my sixteenth birthday, fell through a rip in space and time, and now I'm here. How did you get here?" "I dunno, I was fighting a giant alien, and I felt like I was dying. Then a voice told me it would take me to a better place... And then I was in that basement." "Ah... Wait, giant alien? Where were you at, Black Mesa?" "Oh ha ha, very funny. No. You see, I owned a company that did all sorts of 'stuff' for the government. One day, we were testing a device that could open portals to other worlds, when one portal was picking up MASSIVE heat signals, and then these demonic alien things came through and started killing everyone." "... So you were on the Phobos moon base?" I raised an eyebrow jokingly. "You play way too many video games." He shook his head, chuckling. "No, I USED to, then I did something with my life... I ended up here. I just wish I could have played Half Life 2: Episode 3..." I hung my head dejectedly. I do still wonder where our bespectacled, crowbar swinging hero ended up. He looked at me with a confused face. "Why didn't you just buy it? It was just released before the accident." "Wait, WHAT!?!? I missed it!?!? I knew it would be released in 2011..." Gabe Newell, I hate you. "2011? Dude, it's 2015." WHAT. "... I THINK you might be from a different time... Well, I have to talk to The Doctor about this..." I started rubbing my chin, thinking. Big Mac walked by, and gave me a friendly nod, which I returned. "Wait, The Doctor? You don't mean..." "Yep, THE Doctor. The one with the blue police call box." He was speechless. I couldn't blame him. After a few minutes of just walking, he spoke up. "So... What is there to do here in this 'Equestria?'" "Well, you could tell me the whole story of what happened." "Alright... Where to begin... I was in the weapons testing area checking out the prototype of a multi-form carbon blade which is basically a super sharp knife that can turn into any type of knife, sword, or even spear on command. A few researchers were walking by, laughing over some sort of joke about waiting for their code to compile. Even though this was a super high security laboratory, we don’t really care too much about the clothes you wear, so I was, and still am, rocking jeans, a charcoal high collar Mao suit coat, white T-shirt, grey converse, and my favourite charcoal grey British driver’s cap. I have prematurely silver hair (I’m twenty eight)," He removed his hat, and sure enough, his hair was silver, shining in the light of day. "I stand at six foot three, and weigh in at a whopping one hundred and sixty five lbs, all muscle and bone. I’d been told that if I wore all black, I could pass as an Enderman from Minecraft." "So there I was, jamming out to some sick dubstep beats on my personal media device, when all the alarms went off. I mean ALL the alarms. There were sirens, klaxons, wailing screeches, beeping noises, flashing lights, etc." "I was rather put out, to say the least." "Urgent calls and messages started assaulting my heads up display (implanted, duh). It turned out that while experimenting with the inter-dimensional storage devices, some idiot accidentally opened a portal to another plane of existence. Now all sorts of vile... things were pouring through the rift. Guns didn’t work on the creatures, most people went mad just seeing the things, and fires were breaking out all over the facility." "I’m not going to lie, I was flipping out. I was about to fly off the handle and do some sort of acrobatic pirouette off the handle. It was like the handle and I were talking and suddenly, we both want a divorce as quickly as possible, and then I move to a new country just to get away from the handle." "That ought to give you some sort of the state of mind I was in when I had my first encounter with what I affectionately call 'OH-CRAP-WHAT-IS-THAT!?!??' or Oc’Wit for short. Hey, I’m no H.P. Lovecraft, so I pretty much suck when describing eldritch abominations." "This creature burst into existence on the other side of the room and promptly began devouring the two researchers who had been joking only moments ago. So, I did that which I had trained to do during those two years at a Shaolin monastery (a nerd can have his hobbies, sue me)." "I attacked." "Now, you’ll recall I was examining a prototype melee weapon, that being said, let us continue. I sprinted across the room, the small knife shifting into a broadsword just as I leaped into the air. The atomically sculpted blade cleaved through the body of the vile creature with no sound, and for some inexplicable reason, the beast exploded into a black mist that slowly dissipated. It looked like something straight from a video game. I seriously almost expected to find loot lying on the ground." "After that thought, I really can’t remember all that much honestly. Everything kind of goes into a fuzzy blind rage as I rampaged through the corridors striking down anything that wasn’t human. Several more Oc’Wits and many other strange creatures that defy logic and physics by existing. At some point I must have stopped by the armory and put the experimental organic armor on, because I do remember wearing it for most of the fighting. Also, I quickly discovered that projectile weapons were useless. Even while consumed with righteous fury, I realized that something was emitting micro-excitations that caused the bullets in a gun to swell up and preventing it from firing. I like to imagine that I looked like something out of a really cool anime or something, striding through the blood-stained hallways, evil creatures dissolving into black mist as I relieved them of their bodies, clothed in futuristic armor made of carbon, tungsten, and various ceramics." "I eventually made it to where the portal first opened in the deepest part of the facility (why do the worst things always happen in the hardest to reach places?). By this point, I had taken quite a beating, and my armor was almost at the breaking point. I opened the door to the room, preparing myself to face whatever was on the other side. This is where my righteous fury was replaced by another emotion." "Fear." "Absolute terror gripped me as I stared at the most heinous crime against God’s creations. A massive pile of slime, tentacles, joints, wings, and a huge burning eye atop the whole thing. It was hunched low in the room that was large enough to house five Yankee Stadiums stacked atop each other. It’s great yellow three-lobed eye turned its gaze to me as I entered the room." "A voice filled with hatred and chaos ripped through my head," "'SO YOU ARE THE ONE WHO HAS BEEN KILLING MY CHILDREN!'" "I nodded dully, still processing the fact that there was a colossal alien in my research facility." "'THOUGH YOU HAVE INCONVENIENCED ME, THE END TIMES ARE COME! NOTHING YOU CAN DO CAN STOP THIS NOW! NYOGTHA IS COMING!'" "I finally got my head on straight and said the best comeback in the history of humanity." "'O RLY?'" "I knew that if this creature escaped this facility, nothing could stop it. The micro-excitations that it emitted would make all conventional weaponry useless against it. Missiles ans bombs would explode before they were even shot at it, guns would not fire, and vehicles would not run. The only reason that my armor was still functioning was because it was based off of organic technology. The situation was hopeless... unless... yes. There was no other way." "I called up the computer and set it to run subprogram Delta Epsilon Eleven Psi dash Six, the total self destruction program. I had always considered myself a bit of a mad scientist, and what kind of mad scientist doesn’t have a self-destruct protocol built into his lair? I knew that the explosives would have already gone off by now due to the micro-excitations, but there were still a few nanites that were holding the place together. Until I turned them off that is." "Almost instantly, the whole cavern started to collapse in on the creature." "'NO! NYARLATHOTEP CANNOT DIE HERE!!!'" "The creature, 'Nyarlathotep,' suddenly glowed in a brilliant light and it started to shrink till it was only twenty feet tall. Its form was almost identical to its, except for the size difference. Nyarlathotep flapped his wings and tried to fly past me, but I was not having that. Apparently even if you break physics by existing, it is difficult to fly when one of your wings is chopped off by an irate, vengeful human with a sword. A wordless cry of pain emanated from the beast, though I’m not sure where the mouth was. What followed was probably the most epic of all fights in the history of forever. A human with a prototype sword (though I changed it through other forms during the fight, the naginata version was very effective) against a towering monstrosity that shoots flaming lasers out of its eye. No joke. LASERS THAT WERE ON FIRE. I still have no idea how the heck that worked. All the while, the entire facility was crashing down around our heads." "After what felt like hours, but was really only about five minutes, I plunged my blade into Nyarlathotep’s eye and it exploded into a black mist. I had burn marks all over my armor, and in several places the armor had been burned away. My HUD was lit up like a Christmas tree with health warnings about cracked ribs, lacerations, burn marks, blood loss, etc. I knew that I wasn’t going to leave alive, so I settled down near a wall. I remembered that we weren’t allowed to let research fall into the wrong hands, so I had the armor auto-disintegrate. That hurt. Not literally, but I felt like I had gone through so much with that armor, and now I had to get rid of it. The sword suffered the same fate." "There I was, lying in a growing puddle of my blood in my old clothes in a collapsing building. Somehow, my hat had survived the whole ordeal. It felt good to know I would at least go out like a man. Wearing a hat. My mind started wandering." "I had never gotten around to forming a family. I was always too busy experimenting to get into relationships. I was grateful in a way. It meant that now I wasn’t leaving anyone behind. My parents had been long dead due to a drunk driver crashing through their house, and I had long ago accepted that. I even forgave the guy who killed them, because that is what the bible tells us to do. It was kind of funny, usually most scientists end up rejecting religion because it couldn’t be proven, but that was the whole reason I drew closer to it. It made sense of things that didn’t make any sense." "My thoughts continued spiraling out of control when a new voice pierced my thoughts. It wasn’t loud or hateful like the other one. This voice was calm and quiet." "'Don’t go giving up yet... You have performed an incredible feat, and you have earned a reward...'" "My foggy mind barely comprehended what it was saying." "'I am going to take you to a new place, a place where you can be happy. Know that you will be needed there in the future for a purpose that I cannot yet reveal. Now then, Dr. Brahms... Get going.' And then I was in the basement, I helped you out, and I glomped a mint green pony." "... Uh-huh... Honestly, I can believe that. Crazier stories have been told to me the whole time I've been here." I still remember the story Twilight told me about "Discord." 'Well, at least you're open minded... Can I just ask one thing?" "Yeah?" "Why was that mint green pony going to carve you up like a Thanksgiving turkey?" He looked at me, expecting an explanation. "Well... She apparently has this obsession with humans, because we were supposedly here thousands and thousands of years ago, then we just disappeared. Well, she thought they were all gone, she saw me, and I guess her obsession got the best of her, and she went COMPLETELY off her rocker." "Ah. I see..." He looked back to the road ahead of us, where we saw a few more mares, and they stood in a defensive position in the middle of the road, blocking our way. I took a step forward. "Excuse us, ladies... You're sorta blocking the roadways..." Then, one of them spoke up. "See, girls? Men!" She waved a hoof in our direction for emphasis. "Alright, so we're dudes. So what?" Vince looked at me, expecting me to know. I just shrugged. Then, I remembered a story Big Mac told me. It happened around this time last year, all the mares in town were in... I spoke at a near whisper out of the corner of my mouth. "Vince. We need to run. NOW." "Why?" He gave me a confused look. Then, one of the mares started galloping at us. "GET 'EM GIRLS!" "NO THANKS LADIES, I'M TAKEN!" I grabbed Vince by the collar of his shirt, and flew off. I wanted to kiss my sneakers then... "Note to self: Thank Twilight a million times over for enchanting these to fly..." "So... Why did they all come after us like that? I mean, I know I'm handsome, but that's a little ridiculous..." 'I'm surprised you're not questioning how we're flying." "Meh, I'll just mark it up to anti-atomic field manipulations." Wait, what? "Actually, magic." "Like I said, anti-atoms. If any science is sufficiently advanced, it seems like magic." "... You know, I think I'll introduce you to the unicorn who enchanted these shoes, THEN try telling me it's just science." I grinned smugly. I just outsmarted a scientist. "Did you say unicorn?" "Yep. There are three major species that inhabit this planet, along with several others. The main three being ponies, griffons, and zebras. Ponies come in three types, earth, unicorn, and pegasi." I felt like Twilight. I was even using that "Matter-of-fact" tone of hers. "... OK then... So, why didn't you tell me that the mares were going to be in heat today? I knew that 'Fluttershy' you took me to was acting strange..." "Dude, I didn't know. Nopony told me. I guess they assumed that I already knew, and that I told you... Or they MAY have been too... 'Out of it,' to have the sense to tell us." I cleared my throat. The sheer thought of all those mares being... Like THAT... "And by 'out of it,' you mean horny, right?" "Yeah. And now we need to find a place to hide... Hey, look, a cloud house... But you can't walk on clouds..." I kept hanging onto him with one hand, and scratched my chin with the other. "Wait, walk on clouds? Cloud house?" He raised an eyebrow. I thought of how he could walk here, then in hit me. I landed on the clouds with a little pomf. Vince fell right through the cloud, but I held on with one hand, and took off my sneakers with the other. Twilight had enchanted me to walk on clouds anyways, I didn't need the shoes on all the time. I handed them to Vince. "Here, put these on, you'll be able to walk on clouds." "OK..." He slipped them on, after taking off his. They were a little small for him, but they worked. I pulled him up to his feet, and he stayed. "Well, apparently this is possible... Now then, where the heck are we?" He looked around a bit, slightly frantic. "Relax, we're on a cloud. I'm fairly certain there aren't any more mares following us, now we just need to see who lives here..." I knocked on the door, and then somepony eerily familiar answered. "... Zeph?" "... Kyle?" His eyes widened, and he broke out into a huge smile. "ZEPH! It's good to see you man! Sorry I've been gone for so long! And you grew a beard! AWESOME." I brought him into a friendly hug. "No, it's fine! The girls filled me in on the details. It's great to have you back, but BOY did you come back at a bad time... And thanks, it took me a while to grow it like this." He broke the hug and shot me another smile. "Yeah, no kidding. I was kidnapped by a crazy mare who wanted to dissect me, and the day afterwards, here I am, on the run from a bunch of mares. It's just one of THOSE parts of my life where random stuff just will NOT STOP happening to me." I remembered whenever I first met The Doctor. THAT was random. "So... Who's your friend?" Zeph looked behind me, his happy expression changed to a quizzical one. "Oh, Vince, this is Zephyr Verve, Zeph, this is Vince. He sorta... Popped in, so to speak..." I shrugged. "Nice to meet you Zephyr." He extended his hand for a hand/hoofshake, which Zeph returned with vigor. I thought Vince's hand was gonna fall off. "Well... You're the energetic one... SO! Where're we gonna hide...?" "Come with me, we'll hide upstairs. Spits is up there, but she can control herself... I hope." A twang of fear shot across Zeph's face, but he immediately dismissed it, and had a blank expression on all the way to his guest room. "So... Welcome to Breezehome, as I like to call it." "This is a nice place you got here, Zeph... Man, it feels as if I'm forgetting something..." "Hm... Well don't worry about it. You two are safe here, that's all that matters." Zeph trotted off to another room, and I heard muffled speech. I recognized two of the voices as Zeph and Spits, but the third I couldn't recognize. I looked over to Vince, ready to start a conversation, when I saw that he had a hologram of sorts in the palm of his hands. "Woah, cool. What is that?" I just stared. "Oh, just the nanites in my body. I commanded them to show me a hologram of my condition. Your friend, Fluttershy, is really good at fixing people up." I nodded. "Actually, she probably gets a lot of practice on me. I get hurt all the time. Heck, the first DAY I was here she had to help fix my head. I cracked it open." We both laughed at that. Then I saw Zeph walk in with a young pegasus filly with a tan coat, freckles, green eyes, a yellow and blue striped mane and matching tail, and a yellow music note as a Cutie Mark. When I looked at her, she shied away behind Zeph's legs. "Hey Zeph. Who's the kid?" "This is my daughter, Divine Melody. The name speaks for what her special talent is." "Really? A musician? I can respect that, being a DJ and all." Then, she hopped out from behind Zeph and was in front of me in a matter of seconds. "Wait, you're a DJ? The only DJ's around here are DJ P0N3 and DJ 1NS4N1TY! I know you're not Vinyl Scratch, so you're..." She hopped up and down, letting out a fangirl squee. "I'm a huge fan! I love your music!" She started jumping circles around me, babbling incoherently about me. I looked at Zeph, a grin on both of our faces. "You're daughter has good taste in music." When she stopped bouncing around, I ruffled her mane. "So, you play music? What instrument?" "I play a guitar! I sing too!" Her grin was as wide as Scootaloo's whenever she first moved in with me and Dashie. "Huh. Ain't that something. I used to play the trumpet when I was a little kid..." Then, Vince put on his best troll face. "BAND GEEK!" "Ah shut it, Vinnie." Trollface.jpg "Don't call me that!" "Don't call me a band geek." HA! "... Touché." Then, we heard several loud banging noises downstairs, followed by the sound of screaming mares... Ascending the stairs. "Zeph... Can Vince sit on your back while he takes off my shoes so we can get out of here?" "Sure." Vince gave me my shoes back, and I grabbed him by the collar and was out the window faster than a bullet. Zeph ran off, but he flew off in another direction, towards the mountains. "Why can't I just have ONE NORMAL DAY in my life...?" I shook my head. "I dunno. Hey, I don't see any ponies down there, we could probably land. I wanna stretch my legs, and my arms are falling asleep." "Alright, sure. We'll probably be fine." When we landed, I looked around a bit, and realized we were on the path leading to Sweet Apple Acres. Then, I remembered something. "'... I THINK you might be from a different time... Well, I have to talk to The Doctor about this...' I started rubbing my chin, thinking. Big Mac walked by, and gave me a friendly nod, which I returned." "... Big Mac." I stopped walking. The realization had hit me like a freight train. "What? There's McDonald's here?" I facepalmed. "No... My friend, Big Macintosh Apple, or Big Mac, as most like to call him. I saw him on the streets whenever we were talking. I hope he's alright." "He's probably fine," I looked behind Vince, and saw AJ approaching. "I mean, he sounds tough enou-" I lowered my voice to a whisper. "VINCE. TREE. NOW. MARE INCOMING." Before I could react, Vince was up the tree and out of sight. I jumped into a bush, and pushed some leaves out of the way to see. She walked by, but then stopped, and turned to face the bush. "Y'all can come out now." I climbed out of the bush, and threw my arms up. "I GIVE..." I had a plan in case she tried to... Yeah. "It's alright, sugarcube. Ah' c'n control Mah'self." She gave me an honest smile. "Oh. Alright... I trust you." "And Ya' can tell Yer' friend t' climb outta Mah' tree." Her smile went from honest to smug. Vince climbed down from the tree. "Awwww... How did you see us?" "Ah' know Mah' own property. Ya' cain't hide from me here." I chuckled. Leave it to AJ to have a mental connection to apple trees... "So, AJ, have you seen Mac anywhere around?" "Sure did. Last Ah' saw of 'im, he was hidin' in th' barn. Ah' gotta go t' town t' buy some groceries. Figured now'd be a good time, since everypony's either runnin' or chasin'." "I can see the logic behind that. Well, seeya AJ." "Bye, sugarcube." She trotted off, and me and Vince headed up to the farm. Outside of the barn, Vince stopped me before I opened the doors. "Are you SURE we can trust her?" He had a serious expression on. "Yeah. She's the Element of Honesty, she can't lie... Well, she can, but she is HORRIBLE at it." "Element of... Nevermind. Lets just check on your friend." I opened the barn doors, and none of the lanterns were on, so it was pitch black. Somepony had closed the windows. I assumed Big Mac was hiding. But after I walked in, the barn doors swung closed behind me, and I heard a large plank being slid into a slot, barring the door shut. Then, one of the lanterns turned on. AJ was standing there, Big Mac nowhere to be found. "Howdy, sugarcube..." I heard Vince banging on the door, but it slowly ceased, and I heard him walking away. (Listen to this) "AJ!?!? What's going on here?" I pretty much already knew, but I wanted to confirm my fears. She trotted up next to me, and started running her tail along my face. I was pretty much paralyzed with fear of what would happen. "Ya' know full well what's goin' on, hun..." She gave me the "bedroom eyes" and I almost let out a Fluttershy "EEP." "AJ... You can't do this... What would Dashie think?" "Oh, Ah'm not worried 'bout her... Right now, Ah'm just worried about you, and all th' fun we're gonna have..." She kept inching closer and closer to with every second. Apparently, when the Element of Honesty is incredibly horny, she throws Honesty out the window. Her having a crush on me COULDN'T have helped the situation. "Erm..." Then, an idea popped into my head. "Alright... Fine. I give... But, there is one condition..." "Oh really? And what's that?" She inched even closer, her face was right in front of mine. "I be the one to take control." She stepped back a bit, and her face flushed. Then, she grinned, and laid down on a pile of hay. "Ah'm ready when you are..." "OK... Just close your eyes..." The plan was working. "Just gotta hope her hormones get her to think I'll do this..." Amazingly, she listened. I silently hovered up to a window, and unlatched it. Then, a lasso wrapped around my ankle. "Gotcha! Don't Ya' think Yer' gettin' away THAT EASY!" "AJ, it's been fun, but.. IGOTTAGOBYE!" I yanked as hard as I could, and the lasso came out of her mouth, and I flew off. I had to find Vince AND Big Mac. GREAT. (Stop the music) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ After a half an hour of searching and a few groups of mares chasing me, I ended up in Canterlot. I had half a mind to ask Luna for help, but that didn't seem like a good idea, with her being female and all. "Sometimes, I really HATE my luck... NOTHING ever goes my way. Heck, the only thing that could make things worse is if Torrentican popped up in my head... Nothing? OK, that's ONE good thing today. Now I just gotta find those two..." After an hour of wandering, I eventually walked past an antique store, and the door opened. A very fancy looking stallion poked his head out, and mouthed the words "Get in here, NOW." I was all too happy to comply. I walked in, and he closed the door behind me, locking the massive amounts of bolts and locks on the door. After he finished, he turned to me and looked at me like I was crazy. "I say, what in blazes where you doing out there?" "Looking for my friends. One of them looks like me, the other is a big red stallion with half an apple as a Cutie Mark." "Ah, you mean Vincent and Big Macintosh! They are both here, as Macintosh knew they could hide with me. They're upstairs. This way!" He led me up to a big guest room, where Mac and Vince sat, talking to each other. "An' then she told me t' go t' town, have th' day off... Well look who it is!" Big Mac looked up at me and smiled, that bored expression still on his face otherwise. "Long time no see, bud." "Yeah, long story..." I rubbed the back of my head. "AJ already told me all 'bout it. Ah' understand. It's good t' see Ya' again, though. Even un'er these circumstances." I tried my best to mimic his voice. "Eeyup." We all shared a good laugh. We sat down and started telling our stories of how we got caught up in this mess, and me and Vince told our stories of how we ended up in Equestria. Vince and I spent the night with the fancy stallion, who's name was revealed to be Fancypants, respectively, and Big Mac. The next morning however, I awoke to the sound of glass shattering, and Big Mac practically kicking the door down to my room. "KYLE! WE GOTTA GO! NOW!" (Listen to this) "What happened!?!?" I rolled out of bed, luckily I slept in my clothes. I put on my jacket and hat and raced down the stairs with Mac to see Vince and Fancypants holding the door shut, barely. "So... We'd best be running chaps. Come with me, there's a back alley we can escape through. Tally ho!" "Ah' feel like Ah've been through this b'fore..." Big Mac facehoofed for pretty much repeating what happened to him last year. "Well, it could happen to any of us... But that doesn't matter right now. Vince! Quick!" He nodded, and as soon as he let go of the door, it burst open, and A LOT of mares cam through. We all ran out the back door, Fancypants leading the way. Then, I had an idea. I stopped running. "KYLE! What in blazes do you think you're doing!?!?" Everyone else had stopped running, and were all staring at me. "You three go ahead! I'll hold them off! I'm not going to listen to reason, now GO!" They hesitated for a second, but then turned and ran off. The mares then came flooding out of the shop, and I just stood there casually... But I was sweating bullets. "H-Hey ladies... Now just calm down now... We can talk about this..." I started to back up, and rounded a corner into another alleyway... And ended up backing right into a brick wall. They all advanced on me, and before I knew it, I had a crowd of a hundred-plus mares surrounding me. On of them leaned onto me, and put me in a very awkward position for a married man. "So, big boy... What'dya say we go back to my place-" Then the entire crowd erupted into a fury of shouts and yells, consisting of "No he's mine" and "Stay away from my man" and phrases to that effect. I couldn't escape, but the inevitable had been withheld. I was so freaked out, I didn't notice the cloud above me until an orange hoof grabbed me and yanked me onto it, and whisked me away. I looked, and my saviour was none other than Scoots. (Stop the music) "... Man am I glad you're my daughter." I smiled. "What were you doing out here during this time of year, Dad!?!?" She gave me the same look Fancypants did. "Nopony told me! Of course, I think you all thought I knew. I should have known, because when Big Mac told me what happened last year, he told me the month and day... I completely forgot what month it is. Heh..." I rubbed the back of my head, and Scoots just laughed at me. "Dad, you're nuts." "Well, I'm not being violated by hundreds of mares right now, so it's all good, right?" I made a crazy face. She shook her head and kept laughing. We headed home, and I got a long lecture from Dashie, but she eventually just gave up. I don't know why she didn't just pounce on me... Mares, I'll never understand them... But, needless to say, I managed to wait out the rest of the week with Dashie, and we... *Ahem* ANYWAYS, everything went smoothly, and no mares busted down my door, and we kept Scoots under control. So... Everything went well... And I am STILL mad that this kind of stuff keeps happening to me. ********************************************** Well, that was long... I guess it's because I was more or less writing another story here... Needless to say, that was fun. I enjoyed writing that! And now that all the ideas I have that were inspired by other fics are out of the way, we can get back on track. ALLONS-Y!.