“NOT HAPPENING. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. NO WAY IN HELL THIS ISN’T A DREAM.”
Frank desperately tried to bunch his non-existant fingers into a fist. He failed miserably.
“NO! NOT MY VOICE, TOO!” Frank shouted at the top of his lungs, probably waking up the whole block.
“Maybe it’s just my hands..?” He tried the same with his toes, only to provide the same result. Exasperated, he threw his hoof into the wall next to him, and it connected.
“AHhh..?”
He felt little to no pain in the hoof. Didn’t stop him from boiling over, however. Soon the apartment he was in was filled with every cuss word Frank could roll off on the top of his mind, plus connectives. He did get an A* in English, after all.
Three hours later, Frank was still in the bed, his voice hoarse from swearing. Any more and the neighbours would probably get picky, he thought.
“Sleep? No.. definitely not possible. Maybe I need some food to think over this...”
He flung off the covers, and jumped out of bed, only to fall flat on his face. “Oh yesh.. I wash a bipedal pershon...” The floor offered no comfort, to his dismay. using his back legs, he propelled himself forwards to a empty space on the floor. Now was the tricky part.. He had to stand. This was going to be a challenge...
“Keep calm.. you can do this, buddy... Learning to walk again will be easy... I think.”
He slowly, but surely, lifted his back and forelegs at the same time.
“Yes! It’s working... NO WA-” He crashed onto his side with a dull thud.
“This is going to take some time...”
“Yes! Standing achieved!” Frank looked around, surveying the gloomy room for any signs of other life. Then, he realised, he’s probably scared them all off with his big fit earlier. ‘So..’ he thought to himself, concentrating on staying upright. ‘I’m alone... maybe I should take some time to look over my new self.. I don’t even know what I am yet.’ He looked over his body, from the coarse cocoa coat to the long, slick orange and dark brown tail.
‘Fuck, a tail. What the fuck do I do with this? Should I try to move it? I didn’t even know which muscles in my arse can do that... I’ll save that for later exploration.’ Frank looked just below the tail to the flank, and sighed. Not only was he a different species, he had a fucking tattoo right on his arse in plain sight. “Oh for fuck’s sake... I’m now a hooved animal and I’m already one of the weird ones? That one guy who’s 33 years old, lives in his mom’s basement, wears a trenchcoat and plays Warhammer 40k religiously? Ok... maybe not..” he squinted in an attempt to make out the tattoo. “What is that.. is that a cup of... coffee? Liquid dirt? Why did I get a cup of brown liquid as a tattoo? Oh, this just gets better and better, doesn’t it. Thanks a lot, jackass.” Who he was addressing not even he could fathom. “Right, I better get onto this goddamn walking business then, otherwise I can’t do anything...”
Frank tentatively lifted one of his hooves, checking if he would topple over immediately. Fortunately for him, he didn’t. He placed it back down, 5 inches from where he took it. ‘Nice.’ he thought absently to himself. ‘Progression ahoy!’
---
The swearing had ended almost an hour ago. There was quite a lot of it, considering how late it was. Luna looked around from her perch on the top of the building, and flew down silently as is equinely possible, hovering near the windowsill of the apartment on floor twelve, peering through the blinds.
“So, that was the mare shouting to herself.. odd.”Luna mumbled to herself. “She seemes to be okay, just checking over herself in the dark. Wait... she’s a unicorn, why doesn’t she turn the lights on? Maybe she’s trying to save power?” Luna pondered for a couple minutes, flapping in front of the window nonchalantly.
“The apartment still seems to be the source of power, though... Could it be her..? Maybe. But what powers does she have? And if they’re so great, why isn’t she using them? Maybe I sho...” Luna looked down from her few minutes of pondering only to see the mare staring at her with wide, golden eyes through the blinds. She was frozen still, hoof half in the air.
“DAMNIT, LUNA!” She bolted off, using her large wings to propel her 30 metres away, out of sight of the window.
“Dark and mysterious flying object hovering outside your window in the dead of night? And you let yourself get seen when you were supposed to be the shady onlooker who never gets seen? Come on! She could’ve thought you were an assassin, or had come to burgle her, she might’ve even thought you were a teenage dragon come to burn the block down! You really need more practice with this...”
---
Goddamn. What the hell was that? something was outside that window. Something big. Something dark. And worst of all, something flying. Frank couldn't even to begin to imagine what that could've been. He didn't dare. So he stood rooted to the spot, even ten minutes after it flew off. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, and noted the position. One step closer to understanding his new biology, and luckily it was quite a large step.
Finally he collapsed. Relaxing his muscles as best he could, he calmed down his erratic heartbeat. ‘Fuck me... I never realized how tired I am...” He groaned. Tonight certainly won’t be his best in a long time. His thoughts dwindling, Frank decided he’d continue tomorrow. Drifting into sleep, Frank recounted how normal his day had been before he went to bed.
“He ain’t in, dude!”
“Fuck that! He pulled this last time we came, don’t you remember?”
“He had a reason, like he probably does this time! Last time his mum broke her leg, dude!”
“Exactly! Thank you, Simon. Let’s go get a coffee or something.”
Frank awoke with a jolt, sitting bolt upright on the floor, then groaning as his muscles complained about it. He brushed an orange and deep brown strand of hair out of his face with a cocoa hoof. “So I did dream it, then. I wish this wasn’t, though.” Without thinking, Frank got up and strechted his aching muscles. He should’ve slept on the bed instead of the floor, but screw it. He was a man. He could tough it out. Today’s agenda would be finding out where he is and learning some of the culture and language first, anyway. And, hopefully why.
Looking around what appeared to be his new bedroom, Frank noted everything seemed... cartoony. he didn’t know why, but everything was bright, vibrant and colourful. Much like that game he used to play, but with more... pink.He looked down at his.. Is hooves the word? yeah, that’s it, only to find the same results.
“Odd...” He pondered it for a minute. “Never mind... Onto more important matters..” Frank sighed.
Taking a few tottering steps, Frank wobbled to the bed, drawing on what he taught himself last night. Over the course of an hour and half, Frank trotted the space between the bed and the wall, over and over, until he he managed to stay upright moving more than ten metres. But most of all, the time learning gave him time to think. Why was he here? What or who is here? And why am i in a bedroom? Does that mean civilization? He hoped so. Coming to a halt and looking at the door, he sighed. he knew what he had to do... But he was still on edge. What if everything he knew was useless save for walking? What was their language? Oh, so many questions. Trotting over to the seemingly closed door, Frank went over the events of last night. The waking up, the freaking out, working out how to walk again, then freaking out again, to now. Reaching the door, he decided to test if it was shut tight, or if was a push door, despite the prominent doorknob. To his surprise, and maybe his luck, it opened. He leaned the side of his head against it and gave it a light push. The door swung open, and he trotted through.
Looking around the cluttered living room, Frank noticed one thing instantly. The door didn’t have a lock. And it was clearly the door into the hallway, considering the door he just came through was a couple inches thinner, just right for him to go through. He trotted over , still amused by the clopping sound his hooves made, and tried the door with his head,the same way he did with the bedroom door. Amazingly, it gave, and for a second, revealed the bleak hall of an apartment block. Frank pushed it again, to be sure he wasn’t dreaming again. Nope. Same result.
‘Hah... That’s odd...’ he thought to himself. ‘Forget the door for now,there must be a reason. I better look for supplies to go about the town. He turned and looked at the room, and looked over the mess.
‘Is that it...? That messenger bag?’
He trotted over to the messenger bag, and poked it with a hoof. Sure enough, it gave a slight jingle, indicating coins.
“Jackpot!” He pushed the bag off its hook, and after 4 minutes of struggling, managed to get it on in a comfortable position.
“Hell yeah!” Frank exclaimed to himself, delighted in his small victory. He headed over to the door, and pushed his way out. Manehatten awaits.