//------------------------------// // Cadance -- Another Interview // Story: The Album // by Peregrine Caged //------------------------------// Written by: TypewriterError Rated Everyone “So, Princess Mi Amore...” “Please, call me Cadance,” the alicorn said, more than a little uncertain about the interview. “I like that...no formality, just trying to be ‘one of the ponies’ and not sticking your muzzle up in the air.” Cadance cringed as the interviewer laughed obnoxiously. How many more of these would she have to deal with? Couldn’t the Cutie Mark Crusaders try to do a story on her instead? “Actually, I just prefer to be called Cadance.” “Oh, I see! Well, the readers of my column in the Crystal Inquiry are just dying to know how you and Shining Armor are getting along since your wedding last year!” “He and I are doing well.” “Oh? Can we expect the patter of little hooves soon?” the interviewer asked, leaning forward in a somewhat invasive manner. “Well...I’m currently not expecting...” The other mare went to town on her notepad. Oh...great. “So tell me...Cadance...” she said with a nudge. “How is it to live in the lap of luxury? What does a rich pony do all day?” “Well...to be perfectly frank... Can you please move that recorder a hoof or two away from me?” “Oh, I’m sorry. I understand completely! I’ll not use this then, if you’re uncomfortable. Don’t worry about me using every bit of information in the papers. I won’t tell anything that doesn’t truly belong there. So just tell me everything!” she said, putting the recorder on the table, still turned on... Did this mare think Cadance was a fool or something? Regardless, she continued. “As I was about to say...money and title do not always mean luxury. Yes, I am a Princess and married to the Captain of the Royal Guard, but that does not mean I sit around doing nothing. The Crystal Kingdom needs constant supervision and defense—” “Oh my, I know! I’ve heard how hard your husband works to protect us. You must be proud of him.” “I definitely am proud of him.” “But who protects you while he’s away? Are there any...assigned guards for you, Cadance?” “Assigned guards? What do you mean?” “Come on, Cadance...let’s be realistic here. Unless your husband doesn’t love you, he’d make sure you were safe when he couldn’t keep an eye on you... But, he’s gone for a very long time is he not?” she said with a wink. Cadance had promised this insufferable nag half an hour...though her own blood pressure didn’t seem to agree to the prospect. But, she had to be gracious. She had never forcibly thrown an interviewer from her home before, and she didn’t want to start now. That didn't make the idea any less tempting, however. “My husband loves me dearly, and I love him just as strongly. I am very proud of him and help him whenever I can. He does not have an assigned guard to me because he knows I can protect myself. Yes, he can be gone for days at a time because of his duties in Canterlot and, no, it’s not always easy, but it is always worth it when you look at the big picture.” “So how do you ‘help’ him exactly?” “Well...mostly I work with the legal aspects of running a kingdom, but there are times I assist him with magic, keeping his health in check, and I’m also the first response when a situation comes up and neither of my aunts can be reached to assist at that moment.” “I bet you keep him in shape, too...” she said with a wink. Cadance’s eyes narrowed. “I will not respond to such impertinent questions.” “Oh...so you’re not keeping him in shape then?” she asked, her face ecstatic. “If you attempt another juvenile innuendo while this interview is in progress, then this interview will end. Next question?” “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?” “Yes!” “Ok! So, your mane. How do you get it so long and healthy? Is it magic?” “It grew. Next question.” “What quirks about your husband annoy you the most?” the pony said, biting the end of her writing implement in a way that she probably assumed was attractive. Cadance was thoroughly convinced this pony had never practiced the technique in front of another pony, unless she had ignored the slight look of disbelieving contempt from the receiver. She took a deliberate deep breath before replying. “That is between him and me, unless you interview him and he decides to divulge this information.” “When would he be available to talk?” “Send a notice to him, not me. I am not a way to get to my husband.” “Does he do interviews?” “No.” “But you said—” “I heard what I said, you don’t need to repeat it.” “But your husband is the latest news! Mares everywhere want to get the scoop on you two. He was the most eligible bachelor in Equestria...” she said with a flirty push of her cat-eye glasses up her muzzle and quick toss of her mane. “You’re kidding me...” “What? The public likes a pretty face.” “Shining Armor is not a pretty face!” “Yes, I know that but—” “No...you don’t know it.” “But I—” “Stop it right now! Did they send you as a joke? In the the same amount of time I’ve talked to you, I have discussed—with more capable reporters—my imprisonment in the Canterlot caverns, my family history, the King Sombra attack on my home, how I was influential in the Griffin-Crystal Pony treaty 3 months ago, and the story of how Shining Armor and I knew each other before we got engaged! All you have asked about is questions pertaining to if my husband and I are happy in our relationship or if he is able to fulfil the fantasies of pathetic ponies all over Equestria or if I really am as lazy as the kingdom wants me to be.” “Well—” “Oh, shut up, you pathetic excuse for a columnist! Shining Armor and I love each other very much and plan to stay together for a very long time--namely, the rest of our natural lives. I do more than sit around all day acting bored with the fact I’m a Princess...” “Yes, but—” “I’m not finished!” The interviewer's muzzle clamped shut to make room for her widening eyes as she shrunk back into the chair. “Good... As I was saying, I am more than a pretty face to be displayed next to my husband’s pretty face for ‘the public’ as you imagine your readers to be and, if you want to interview me, you will need a great deal more respect than I believe you’re capable of. Since last year, I’ve been kidnapped, imprisoned, deprived of sleep for three whole days, tortured, thrown off a balcony, harassed, stalked, threatened, and slandered more times than I ever care to think of. I did not do all of that to be asked inane questions by some untrained beauty school dropout who is looking to get at my husband to put him on public display!” “What, are you scared he’s going to leave you for me...?” the interviewer asked, the thrill of a challenge written on her face. Cadance had never forcibly thrown an interviewer from her home before. But, there was a first time for everything.