"Ah think you two should make love," Applejack says silently, so as not to alert our fellow diners as to our conversation.
I clench my jaw. I can practically feel my pupils dilate.
"I'm sorry, the fuck did you just say?" I ask the work pony.
"Ah said-"
"I heard you," I interrupt her. "I'm just having a hard time believing that I heard you say that."
"Who cares?" Rainbow Dash giggles excitedly. "What're we waiting for!? C'mon, Peter let's-"
"No," I cut across. "Not until Applejack explains why." Rainbow Dash sighs, and crosses here forelegs with a pout.
"Ah think that y'all should make love 'cus it would bring ya closer t'gether," Applejack explains as I raise an eyebrow. "An', it'd help ya get over th' fact that she's a pony. Y'see, Ah was thinkin' that if you do somethin' as emotional as make love, then you'd see how she's not really that different from you after all!"
I shake my head, and rub my eyes. "I don't mean to sound rude, but...I am not going to put my cock in a pony's cunt," I mutter under my breath. Applejack jumps a bit, shocked by my vulgar language, and Rainbow Dash punches me in the shoulder.
"That's mean," she growls.
"Yet true," I retort. Which rewards me another punch.
"Peter, there are some things in life we don't wanna do," Applejack says, reaching across the table to grab my hand with a hoof. "But to be happy, and to make sure that we keep the people we love happy, we've got t' do them. In this case, yah've got t' do Rainbow Dash."
I pinch the bridge of my nose, and Rainbow Dash whispers something into my ear.
"You know you want to," she whispers in a seductive tone of voice.
I grind my teeth, and pull my hand away from Applejack's hooves. "No. I won't do it. I won't have sex with Rainbow Dash."
Applejack sighs. "Even if it means that you'll end up breakin' up?"
This gives me pause. "No," I respond after a few minutes. "I would do it to keep he-" I cut myself off as I turn to Rainbow Dash, and take a deep breath. "Rainbow Dash, if it meant that I would prevent us from breaking up any time soon, I would do it. But...as it is...I don't know if I can."
Rainbow Dash nods, and bears a small smile. "Peter, I won't break up with you just because you can't have sex with me. I mean, I'd like to have sex with you, but that doesn't mean I'll break up with you if we don't."
"Yeah, well, I don't believe in pre-marital sex," I point out. "I may not be devout, but when it comes to values, I'm a true Catholic or Christian or whatever-I-am. I keep forgetting. But that doesn't matter. What matters is that unless we get married, I'm not going to have sex anytime soon. I mean, wing massages are fine, and up to third base or whatever is fine, but all the way? Yeah, no. Not until marriage."
Rainbow Dash's jaw drops, and I can't help but laugh. "What? Is abstinence really that much of a crazy idea to you?"
She shakes her head "no," and I give another of my misgivings.
"Not only that, but I want to have more of an emotional relationship," I explain. "I've had a relationship that was based on physical contact, alone. It didn't end so well, because she and I never liked each other. We just enjoyed what we did with each other."
Rainbow Dash raises an eyebrow. "What'd you do with her? What, did you two grind, or-"
"Can we change the subject?" Applejack butts in. "Or are we gunna have t' keep takin' 'bout yer' sex lives all day?"
I chuckle, and nod. "Yeah, let's. Rainbow and I can talk about this later."
Rainbow opens her mouth to speak, but it's then that the food arrives, and I immediately scoop up some eggs and shove them in her mouth.
"No talk-talk," I declare. "Eat!"
With that equivalent to the Gettysburg Address, I turn to my eggs and begin to chow down, up, left, right, diagonal, and backwards. I ignore the strange looks Rainbow gives me as she swallows her eggs, and I set aside my fork.
"Peter," Applejack says carefully, "Ah think ya' ate those a bit too fast."
Rainbow Dash nods, and does the one thing no pony should.
SHE SPEAKS WITH A FULL MOUTH. THE AUDACITY!
"Yeah, Perrer. You ferrished jhem in, fwike, tenffff seconds fwat."
I can't help but laugh as egg hits Applejack in the face. "Really, Rainbow? Ah mean, come on. Even mah manners'r better than that."
Rainbow Dash swallows, before saying, "eh, fuck you Applejack."
I practically burst out laughing. Rainbow and I share a quick bro hoof before I pull out my iPod to check the time.
"Oh, shit," I mutter. "Hey, do either of you have the time? And the date? And the year? And the time zone?"
Rainbow raises an eyebrow at me. "I know the date and year," she says. "It's 83 3rd, 1008."
I put away my iPod. "Well, shit. My iPod doesn't have months like that. It has names that make fucking sense."
"It makes sense," Applejack says. "Our calendar starts from when Celestia sealed away Nightmare Moon. And we have ten months in each year, and we count up the ten months for a whole decade. So, startin' from the year 1000, the month resets to 1, an' in the year 1010, it will reset after month 99, year 1009. An' there are thirty days in each month. We jus' reset 'em every month."
I can't help but admire the simplistic system. I mean, Augustus and Julius never ruled in Equestria, so they never made their own flipping months (August and July). Also, it seems like the date could be counted by just using an abacus, which is very convenient.
"Alright, it makes sense," I admit. "So, my iPod is not useful as a clock at all. Damn you, Steve Jobs...Almost as bad as Slender-"
I stop talking. Why didn't I think of this earlier?! First off, I'm pretty sure I have a morph suit in my bag. Secondly, I'm pretty sure I have videos of Markiplier playing Slender: Haunt on my iPad. Well, that, and some random Internet connection. I don't know how it works here, so don't ask me.
That, and I have amazing Bob Marley headphones.
And speaking of horror games, I have videos of Cry of Fear, Emma's Story, and...Something else! Oh my God, this is brilliant!
"Rainbow Dash," I declare giving her an evil grin.
"Yesh?" She asks through her eggs. I wince as an egg lands on my cheek. I flick it off, and continue.
"When we get back to the guest chambers, I am going to scare the ever living shit out of you!"
She raises an eyebrow. "Doubt it."
"You will never look at mannequins in the same way again," I whisper to her. "Especially not after I show you Emma's Story...That, or SCP-173...Or the Weeping Angels...Oh, Lordy, the amount of options is too damn high!"
Rainbow Dash simply gives me a weird look. "Whatever. I just hope we can get this sex thing settled out..."
I nod. "I kind of don't want to think about that right now, though. Wait, never mind: Applejack, what did you hope to accomplish by bringing us here?"
Rainbow Dash frowns. "Yeah, Applejack. It seems like we're at the same point where we started..."
The work pony shrugs. "Ah didn't really know. Ah just wanted to make sure everythin' was okay between you two, that's all."
I do a facepalm, and then press my other palm to my face because one facepalm isn't enough for this. "So you just wasted our time with talking about sex for nothing?"
"Nah," Applejack responds. "Ah think Ah got you two t' come t' a sort of agreement, an' maybe understand each other a bit more. Which is an achievement in mah books."
I shrug. "Yeah, I guess you're right..."
Applejack nods, and swallows her hay before asking a question. "So, what's this "Cry o' Fear" thing you were goin' on about?"
I clear my throat, and explain it from the ground up, starting at the physics engine "Quake," then on to "Gold Source," the on to "Source," then on to "Source 2" (which is currently under development. [No joke, I'm going to break the fourth wall here, if you didn't know, it is. That's why Half Life 3 is taking so long to come out. Plus, it's going to be open world.]) I also explain how Cry of Fear takes Quake and makes it better than Source, and also about how it is one of the scariest mods of all time.
Of course, Rainbow Dash doesn't believe me. So, I explain Emma's Story.
I start at Amnesia, and all the gory aspects of it. I smile as she shivers. Mission: Complete.
Since I won't be showing her vanilla Amnesia, I don't care about spoiling that. But I won't spoil Emma's Story. No, I want to see her reactions to that. They will be fucking priceless.
"Gee," she says, "sounds scary..." She sees my smirk, and shakes her head. "I-I mean, I can tough it out!"
I laugh, and muss up her mane. "Sure, whatever. We'll see about that when you're shitting yourself..."
She rolls her eyes, and I decided to change the subject. "So, Applejack, how're you doing with...recent events?"
She sighs. "It's tragic, but...he's in a better place now. Ah jus' hope Twi' can hold in there..." I nod, and look to Rainbow Dash. "What about you? You haven't said much about it."
"I think it's best not to talk about it," she says softly. "When it comes to friends passing away, I think it's best to give it some time to settle before I speak about it. But you two are more than welcome to talk about it, just, please...Don't ask for my opinion."
I nod, and realize that she must have matured because of Spike's passing. While she still acts immature at times, her inner maturity has boosted, and she's less likely to be a complete fool.
"So, Peter, how d'ya feel 'bout Spike?" Applejack asks me. I simply shrug.
"I didn't know him very well, so it's not so shaking for me. Plus, death is such a common thing where I come from that it barely fazes me. Albeit, it's a scary concept, but I'm hardened to it, and I appreciate the fact that I don't fully understand it."
Applejack nods, and drops a few bits on the table. "Ah think that should cover the food," she remarks as she stands. I hadn't noticed that both she and Rainbow had finished their food. I nod, and stand with them as we walk out into the soft mid-day, autumn sun.
"Awwwww!" Rainbow cries out. "I missed the Autumns Falling!" She sighs in defeat. "Oh, well...There's always next year, right?"
I shrug. "I don't even know what you're talking about."
"It's when a bunch of Pegasi get together to bring autumn," she explains. I notice that crisp leaves are crunching underfoot, and I look at the trees to see that they've changed color. "We go into a stock of dead leaves, and make a giant twister. When it's super crazy, we bring it up to the atmosphere, where it gets to be too low of a pressure to sustain the winds. At that point, the twister essentially explodes outwards, and we let the resulting air currents carry the leaves around the world and get dumped down everywhere. That makes sure that we can have a nice coating of dead leaves, while the leaves on the trees gradually change color and eventually make a blanket over the older leaves. This lets them decompose, and fertilize the soil."
I give a small "humph". "You know quite a lot about this, don't you?"
"Of course!" She cries out. "If I'm gonna be a Wonderbolt, I want to be able to use every one of my skills as a Weather Pony!"
"Like nappin'," Applejack comments. I laugh, and shout "bitch just got served!" The cyan Pegasus rolls her eyes.
"Ugh, fuck the both of you, y'know?" She mutters as she continues to walk along. I laugh, and we continue to have idle conversations. By the end of our walk, I've learned that Applejack is struggling to design a mechanical irrigation system for her orchard. I scratch my chin, and, as we enter the guest chambers, I explain my solution.
"You could have PVC tubing with several valves. Or, just pipes. And you would have to have a large water tank, with a giant pneumatic compressor. Then you could divide each...either acre or square mile into different sections, and gradually install a framework of piping with sprinklers every few yards. Then, the main control panel would have valves for each line, so you could shut down a full strip of irrigation, and then separate valves at joints to shut off specific pipes so that you can alternate the watering cycle..."
"Peter," Rainbow Dash calls. "C'mon, we've got stuff to talk about."
I look over at her, and shrug. "Could it wait? I'm going to work on a design for an irrigation system with Applejack."
She guffaws at me. "Peter, we've go to talk! Fu-" She blushes as she glances over at the fillies in the room. "Forget the irrigation system!"
I look at Applejack with a shrug. "It'll have to wait," I excuse myself as I stand. Applejack nods. "Ah understand, sugarcube."
I nod, and join Rainbow Dash at the door.
"I was going to suggest we go for a walk before we got in," she explains as we leave yet again, "but you got caught up with Applejack..."
I nod, and she beckons for me to follow her. We walk in silence for a few moments, before reaching the outskirts of the city. As soon as we're alone, Rainbow begins to speak.
"I...I've never had a boyfriend before," she admits. "So, I...I don't know what to do. Am I going to fast? Am I...Am I going to lose you?"
I look over at her, and gesture towards a bench overlooking a wide plane. She takes the hint, and takes a seat. I sit next to her, and wrap an arm around her. She rests her head on my shoulder, and rests a hoof on my leg.
"Rainbow Dash, you are going a tiny bit fast." I admit with a small chuckle. "Okay, maybe a tiny bit isn't the right word. In all honesty, I can see how you're known as the fastest pony in all of Equestria..."
She laughs at the joke. "Sorry...I guess I got over-excited. What with an alien being my first boyfriend..."
I smile, and shrug. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart. I should have told you my views on premarital sex before we started dating..."
She punches me in the side. "Don't go trying to make it look like your fault! I shouldn't have tried sex that early. I know Applejack said we should make love, but I'd you're not ready, I'd understand."
I smile at her, and shake my head. "God, you're such a pussy..."
"Fuck you!" She cries. "You're the one who wants an emotional relationship!"
I shrug. "Oh, whatever. I just want to be closer to you...And I like to think of joking around with you as a way to do that."
The cyan Pegasus smiles. "Yeah, it's fun. I like it when you joke with me. So, don't stop or I'll beat the shit out of you."
I smile, and rub the cyan Pegasus' foreleg. "Heh...Don't worry, I won't stop anytime soon. It's too fun to fuck around with you."
She chuckles, and snuggles into me. We sit there in silence for a few moments, enjoying being in one another's presence.
After a while, Rainbow turns to look at me. "So, you said you want to feel closer to me?" She asks me. I look to her, and nod. She takes a deep breath, and snuggles up against me.
"I think you're the nicest, coolest, and all around greatest guy I know. And I'd like to get to know you more, not just as a boyfriend, but also as a friend. So, let's get to best friends, that way we can be super close as boyfriend and girlfriend."
I nod, and smile at her. "Sounds like a plan. Y'know, for an idiot, you've got some pretty good ideas."
Rainbow Dash punches me in the side. "Oh, Celestia, I fucking hate you, Peter..." She mutters. I smile, and ruffle her mane. "Looks like we're one step closer to being best friends, eh?" She nods in agreement, and I can't help but laugh. Now that we have that little blip settled, we may as well...
Watch Emma's Story! Can't believe I almost forgot about that...I mean, I would have Markiplier's babies! How do I just forget him?
"Well, we might as head on back," I tell Rainbow Dash. "I really wanna show you Emma's Story and Cry of Fear..."
Rainbow Dash sighs. "Do we have to? I was just starting to enjoy this!"
"Good," I tell her. "That way you will be able to refer to it as heaven."
She looks at me with a look of confusion. "I don't understand..."
I grin at her. "I'm going to bring you to Tartarus and back."
With that cheery note, I stand, and beckon for her to follow me. She gulps, and follows me.
Oh, I'm going to have fun with this...
Note from the Author
First off, no matter what, the next chapter is going to be the last explicitly Peter and Rainbow Dash chapter for a while. If I break that rule, I will stab myself in the appendix. Which I had removed over the summer, so it's quite a lot of work to find the ashes that constitute the remains of my appendix.
Also, this almost became a "Rainbow rapes Peter" chapter. Thank God it didn't.
Anyway, please, say whether you want to see the aftermath of Rainbow viewing the videos, or if you want to see her reactions to certain parts. Either way, it will be the last explicitly blah blah, I've already said this.
Bye.
Don't follow me.
REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY ASSNUGGETS WOO!!
Also, did you like the title? As in the Part ¥? Yeah, I'm going to use random symbols to designate parts of a chapter from now on. Why? Because you touch yourself at night.
You sick, sick bastard.
Anyway, bye!