//------------------------------// // The Camping Episode // Story: My Little Pony: Square Pants Are Magic // by Ultimauser50 //------------------------------// The story begins with Pinkie Pie having the idea to go camping, she told her friends about it, but only SpongeBob, Patrick, Rainbow Dash, and AppleJack were willing to go on the trip. Hearing this, Squidward had prepared himself for the night of his life, with Patrick, Pinkie Pie, and especially SpongeBob out of his hair Squidward was determined to enjoy himself. Later that night Squidward had himself ready for the night. “Ah, finally, the weekend is here. And this isn't just any old weekend. This is the weekend that SpongeBob, Patrick, Pinkie Pie, AppleJack, and Rainbow Dash go camping.” Squidward gestures at his "Dance Quarterly" calendar at a picture of the five on his calendar. “Wouldn't it be great if they got lost in the woods and never came back?” -in Squidward's thought bubble- “Guys, I'm scared!” said SpongeBob in fear. “Ho-ho, that would be great!” Squidward quickly hops into his bed. “You've waited a long time for this. A soft bed, warm tea, a good book, and two whole days with no…” Squidward imitates SpongeBob's laugh and when he stops, he can hear SpongeBob's laughter along with Patrick’s and Pinkie Pie’s. “What the…?!” Squidward goes outside and sees SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie in a tent in his backyard. While Rainbow Dash and AppleJack were just star gazing next to the fire they started. “SpongeBob, aren't you guys supposed to be camping?” “We are camping.” “SpongeBob, it's not camping if it’s in my backyard.” “Aww, it doesn't matter where you are as long as you're outdoors. While all those soft city folk are safe in their beds reading books, we're out here, pitting ourselves against the formidable forces of nature. You wanna join us?” “Yeah Squidy! Join us!” said Pinkie Pie. “No.” “Ok. Have fun inside.” Squidward leaves then quickly comes back. “What do you mean, "have fun inside"?” “Just…have fun inside. See you tomorrow.” “Oh. Bye.” Squidward leaves and then comes back again. “You little sneak! I see what you're doing!” “What?” “Don't think I can't see what you're doing!” “What?” “You're saying I can't take it!” “But all I…” “AH! You're saying I'm soft! You think your little "have fun inside" challenge is gonna make me come camping with you, but that is NEVER GONNA HAPPEN! There's no way I'm gonna sit out here all night with you losers! So, get used to it!” with that Squidward left. “Ok.” “Have fun inside.” Pinkie Pie said innocently. Squidward comes back and yells at them. “That's it! I'm in! I'll show you camping!” Squidward quickly runs into his house. Rainbow Dash and AppleJack slowly walked up to the three as they left there tent. “What’s goin’ on fellas?” asked AppleJack. “Squidward's gonna come camping with us!” SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie giggle while Rainbow Dash scoffed. “I can see this going well.” Rainbow Dash whispered to AppleJack. They both shared a quite laugh until Squidward comes back with a big backpack on. “Now you'll all see how a real…” Squidward falls forward into the grass from the heavy backpack. “...outdoorsman does it!” Squidward crawls out from under the backpack and gets out a cylinder looking bag. “Here we are-- my remote-controlled, self-assembling tent. Watch and learn.” SpongeBob takes out binoculars while Patrick and Pinkie Pie gets out a notepad and a pair of glasses while Rainbow Dash only rolled her eyes. Squidward throws the bag in the air then gets out the remote and pushes the button. The bag explodes and the tent, sticks, and rope fall on the ground. “Bravo, Squidward. Bravo.” said Rainbow Dash rhetorically. “Yeah, that was great, Squidward! But how do you get inside?” asked SpongeBob. “Yeah, it's all crushy-looking.” asked Patrick. “Is that how you guys set up tents under the sea?” asked Pinkie Pie. “No! It isn't put up yet, you idiots.” Squidward starts to mess with his tent but tears it. “Huh?” “Customization.” “Genius!” Squidward starts beating the tent with a wooden stake. “Bah! bah! bah!” Rainbow Dash and AppleJack fall out rolling on the ground while laughing at the scene in front of them. “He's tenderizing the ground!” “Of course!” said Pinkie Pie. Squidward gets himself tangled in the rope and is trying to unravel it causing Rainbow Dash and AppleJack to laugh harder. “Write that down!! Write that down!!” It turns out that Patrick is playing tic-tac-toe with Pinkie Pie instead of writing notes. Squidward then kicks the pile of tent pieces and it magically becomes a tent. “Huh? Voila.” The tent collapses so Squidward rolls it up out of the way and brings back a sleeping bag. “But what could compare to just lying out under the stars?” SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie applaud while Rainbow Dash and AppleJack sat next to them after pulling themselves together after Squidward’s episode. “Well, I've worked up an appetite as big as all outdoors. Time for a little grub.” “You should be hungry after all that wrestlin’ with yer tent an’ all.” laughed AppleJack with everyone else joining in. “Whatever. Anyway, for terms of food, especially knowing it involves the five of you. I suppose you’re gonna stew up some twigs and rocks, right?” “Nope, we've got something even better-” Hearing SpongeBob’s statement Pinkie Pie hides her twigs and rocks behind her. “-Marshmallows.” SpongeBob takes out a bag of marshmallows and eats one. “Mmm-mm. Just like the astronauts eat.” “What’s an astro-whatever?” asked AppleJack. “You really need to get out more.” said Pinkie Pie. “Astronauts are people that go inside a space ship and they go up into space and explore the stars! I’d like to go into space one day!” “Yeah, like that’ll happen.” said Rainbow Dash. “You really think so? Thanks Dashie!” “Uhh…you’re welcome?” Patrick then puts a fishbowl over his head and he imitates static, like an astronaut. “Patrick to SpongeBob. Patrick to SpongeBob. Do you read me? Over.” SpongeBob has a fishbowl over his head and imitates static as well. “SpongeBob to Patrick. I read you. Over.” Pinkie Pie puts a fishbowl over her head a imitates static. “Pinkie to Spongey Do you read me? Over.” “Spongey to Pinkie. You’re coming it loud and clear. Over.” Patrick imitates static. “Patrick to SpongeBob. I’d like on. Over.” Pinkie Pie imitates static. “Pinkie to Patty. Me too.” The trio imitate static back and forth for a bit while Squidward, Rainbow Dash, and AppleJack stare vacantly at them. SpongeBob imitates static. “SpongeBob to Patrick, SpongeBob to Pinkie. Help yourselves. Over.” Patrick and Pinkie Pie grab a marshmallow. “Yummy!” Patrick and Pinkie Pie then jams the marshmallow in his mouth, through there fishbowls, breaking them. “Patrick to SpongeBob! The deliciousness has landed!” “Same goes for me!” “Hey, don’t go hoggin’ the marshmallows! Pass us the bag!” said Rainbow Dash. “Sure Rainbow. Here ya go.” said SpongeBob handing her the bag. “Well, you astronauts can eat marshmallows. I gonna have a can of Swedish Barnacle Balls....” Squidward holds up the can in his hand. “just as soon as I can get my can opener.” “But Squidward, didn't you take a can opener when you hiked out here?” “Why would I bother? We're ten feet from my house.” “But this is the wilderness. It just doesn't seem to fit the camping spirit.” “Pretty weenie.” “Yeah, Squidy, don’t be a weenie.” “All right. All right. Gimme a marshmallow.” Squidward begins roasting his marshmallow until Patrick's marshmallow catches on fire and he blows it on Squidward's face. Squidward wipes it off and begins roasting his marshmallow until Patrick's marshmallow catches on fire and he blows it on Squidward's face again. The third shot Squidward avoids and laughs… until the marshmallow flies back into Squidward's head. “Ok. Besides spitting molten food stuffs at me, what else do you do for fun?” “Simple!” said Rainbow Dash. “Well tell scary stories!” Rainbow Dash slowly hovers over the group. “You guys do like scary stories, right?!” SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie gulp nervously. “Uh, s-sure R-Rainbow.” said SpongeBob hiding behind Patrick. “W-We don’t mind…r-r-right Patick?” “R-Right SpongeBob! We can totally handle it, we’re not babies. R-Right Pinkie Pie?” Pinkie Pie didn’t even say anything. She only shivered and quickly hides behind Patrick with SpongeBob. “Uh-huh.” “Good. It all started on a night, just like this, deep within’ the Everfree Forest. A filly was trying to get home after playing all day so she decided to take a short cut through the Everfree forest. Little did she know that she was being watched from afar, by the infamous being, known as Slender Pony!” “Slender Pony?” Squidward asked rhetorically. Rainbow Dash instantly flew into Squidward’s face. “Yes! Slender Pony!” Rainbow Dash flew back above the group. “Anyways, back to the story. The little girl had discovered that is was darker then normal in the Everfree Forest, so she pulled out her flashlight and began to look for a way out. As she got deeper and deeper into the forest she discovered a piece of paper attached to a tree, the paper read ‘Help Me’. The little girl felt a cold tingle travel up her spine. But she shrugged it off, thinking it was just a stupid prank. She continued into the forest and stumbled across an old abandoned carriage with another note attached to it. This note read ‘Can’t Run’.” At this point SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie were ready to wet themselves. “After reading the note the little girl heard rustling behind her, she quickly turned to see who was back there, but she saw nopony. The little filly tried to brush it off, but as she continued on the rustling sound seemed to be following her. So she started to run as fast as she could until she found another note. But this note didn’t have anything written on it, it only had a drawing of a tall slender pony surrounded by trees. This particular note made the filly shiver, and as she turned around she saw him…” “S-Saw who?” asked Pinkie Pie. “Slender Pony!!” Rainbow Dash yelled causing the three to jump. Squidward and AppleJack were just sitting there listening to the story. “Wh-What happened n-next?” asked SpongeBob in pure fear. “Well, the filly had noticed that Slender Pony had no face, and was wearing a black suit with a red tie and white shirt.” “Uhh…” started Patrick. “By no f-face, wh-what do you mean?” Rainbow Dash flew into Patrick’s face. “I mean no eyes, no mouth, no skin, no hair, no facial features at all. Just a pure white head.” Patrick shook like a leaf. “I-I see.” “The filly also noticed the longer she looked at the pony she began to develop a head ache so she decided to hall tail outta there. Running as fast as her little hooves could carry her, she kept running until she found a rest area in a clearing of the forest. Seeing it as a safe house from Slender Pony she quickly ducked inside. With flashlight in hand, the filly looked through each room to see if she could find anything to defend herself with. She kept searching and searching until she entered a room with another note attached to the wall.” “Oh no.” mumbled Pinkie Pie. “She slowly approached the note and took it off the wall, again, it had only a drawing of Slender Pony with no written all around him. So she took the paper and slowly turned around…and…” “What?” asked SpongeBob. “What happened next?” “Are you sure you want to know?” “Yes.” answered Patrick. “Are you really sure you want to know?” “Yes! What happened next?!” yelled Pinkie Pie. Rainbow Dash instantly appeared behind the three. “He got her!” she yelled causing the three to scream in pure fear. Squidward and AppleJack laughed there heads off watching the three screaming friends run in circles. “Alright Rainbow, you can calm em’ down now.” said AppleJack. Rainbow Dash then quickly flew in front of them and stopped them in there tracks. “Okay you guys, you can calm down now.” “Sorry Rainbow Dash, it’s just that story was really scary.” said SpongeBob. “Yeah.” Agreed Patrick and Pinkie Pie. “Well, so far I’m entertained. But I’d like to move onto the next activity.” said Squidward. “What else do you guys do for fun?” “Well, after a long day of camping and scary stories, it's nice to unwind with a nice, relaxing campfire song." After the song had ended Pinkie Pie was clapping her hooves while Squidward, AppleJack, and Rainbow Dash looked at SpongeBob and Patrick like they had lost there minds. “Ahh, now, wasn't that relaxing?” “No! This is relaxing.” Squidward holds up his clarinet and plays "Michael, Row The Board Ashore". “Oh no! I'll save you, Squidward!” SpongeBob picks up a marshmallow and uses a slingshot to shoot in the clarinet and into Squidward's throat causing him to collapse. “Squidward, are you all right?” SpongeBob held up Squidward’s head as he started chewing. “That's it, chew, chew, and swallow. There, better?” “Better?! I was fine until you lodged that ballistic junk food into my windpipe!” “But I had to! It's too dangerous to play the clarinet badly out here in the wilderness! It might attract…an Ursa Minor.” “An Ursa Minor? You mean like the ones that DON'T EXIST?!” “What what’re you sayin’?” asked AppleJack. “There's no such thing! They're just a myth!” “Oh no, Squidward, Ursa Minor are all too real! It says so in the Equestria Inquirer!" SpongeBob holds up the magazine. "I Married an Ursa Minor"? “Yeah, and Fake Science Monthly!” Patrick holds up the magazine. "Ursa Minors and Fairy Tales Are Real?" That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!” “Well, maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb!” “Pinkie's right, Squidward. Ursa Minors are no laughing matter. As a matter of fact an Ursa Minor even came through Ponyville once!” “What? When?!” “When Trixie came by boasting about how ‘awesome’ she was until a real one came by and almost trashed the town until Twilight saved the day.” explained Rainbow Dash. “Yeah Squidward, ah don’t think you should be doubtin’ an Ursa Minor until ya see one for yourself.” “You know what AppleJack? You’re right! I should be more careful. In fact, why don't you tell me all of the things I shouldn't do if I want to keep the Ursa Minors away?” “Ok, that's easy. First off, don't play the clarinet.” “Okay. Then what?” “Never wave your flashlight back and forth really fast.” said Patrick. “Flashlights are their natural prey.” said Pinkie Pie. “You're kidding.” “Don't stomp around. They take that as a challenge.” “Yeah.” “Go on.” “Don't ever eat cheese.” “Sliced or cubed?” SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie converse quietly to each other. “Cubed; sliced is fine.” “Yeah, yeah, and?” “Never wear a sombrero-” “-in a goofy fashion!” “Or clown shoes.” said Pinkie Pie. “Or a hoop skirt.” “And never…” “Ever…” “Ever…” Pinkie Pie then gasps. “SCREECH LIKE A CHIMPANZEE!!!” “Wow! That's amazing how many things can set an Ursa Minor off." SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie hold each other in terror. “They're horrible!” “And… and suddenly I have the sense we're all in danger!” “Why?” Rainbow Dash’s eyes grow wide and she whispers to AppleJack. “He’s not really gonna do it is he?” Squidward runs off and comes back wearing all the items mentioned from before. “Just a feeling!!” “He is.” replied AppleJack. “No.” “Yes.” “No!” Squidward begins making monkey & chimp noises. “U!UHUHU!” “SQUIDWARD, PLEASE DON'T!!” begged everyone. Squidward continues to do whatever it takes to get a Ursa Minor's attention. “Uh! Uh! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Ah! Ah! Ah!” “SpongeBob, what are we gonna do? An Ursa Minor is sure to come over and eat us!” “Don't worry, everyone. I'll draw us an anti-sea-bear circle in the dirt.” SpongeBob grabs a stick and draws a circle around all of them. Squidward continues to screech like a chimpanzee. “Uh! Uh! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Uh!” “Good thinking!” says Patrick as Pinkie Pie holds up another issue of Fake Science Monthly. “All the experts say it's the only defense against an Ursa Minor attack.” Squidward stops screeching and laughs. “Ha! ha! ha! You guys are so gullible! See? I did everything that attracts an Ursa Minor and nothing happened! If Ursa Minors really exist, why didn't one show up?” “Maybe it's because you're not wearing your sombrero in a goofy fashion.” suggested Rainbow Dash. “Oh, pfft, sorry! How silly of me! You mean like this?” Squidward tilts his sombrero to the right then laughs. As he is laughing, a clawed paw turns the sombrero upside-down. “No, like that.” said Pinkie Pie. “Grrrrrrrr!” “AAAAAAAH!” “GROOOOOAAAAAR!” Squidward runs as fast as he can but the Ursa Minor quickly catches him and starts to beat the tar out of him. “Squidward, are you okay?” “No.” “Quick! Jump inside our anti-sea-bear circle before he comes back.” yells AppleJack. “Yeah. Ursa Minors often attack more than once.” “Are you all crazy? A dirt circle won't stop that monster. I'm running for my life!” “No!” Everypony screams, but unfortunately for Squidward the Ursa Minor comes back and attacks him again until it eventually leaves. “Don't run! Ursa Minors hate that.” “Thanks for the tip. I guess I'll just limp home, then.” “No!” The Ursa Minor almost instantly comes back and attacks Squidward again. “They hate limping more than running!” “Well, I guess I'll just have…” Before Squidward could finish his sentence the Ursa Minor instantly comes back and mauls him again. “I should have warned you about crawling.” The Ursa Minor once again attacks Squidward and leaves. “What’d I do that time?” “I don't know! I guess he just doesn't like you.” “Pretend to be somebody else!” yelled Pinkie Pie. “Yeah!” yelled Patrick. Rainbow Dash looked at them. “Are you two serious?” “Probably.” replied Patrick. “Here, draw a circle.” SpongeBob throws Squidward a stick. “Ok.” Ursa comes back and attacks Squidward yet again. “That was an oval! It has to be a circle!” “Move over!” yells Squidward as he runs and sits on top of SpongeBob, inside the circle. The Ursa Minor comes back, growls at Squidward, sees the circle, points menacingly at Squidward, then leaves. “Hey, it worked! You guys saved my life.” Everyone cheers. “I gotta say, that went better than I though it would be.” said AppleJack. “Yeah, I'm glad it was just an Ursa Minor. This circle would never hold back an Ursa Major. “What attracts them?” “The sound of an Ursa Minor attack.” an Ursa Major is snorting beside them. “Heh, good thing we're all wearing our anti-sea-rhinoceros undergarments, right, guys?” “Uh-huh.”