//------------------------------// // Ch. 5: Laughter!! // Story: The Elements of Excess // by cleverpun //------------------------------// Ch. 5 Laughter!! Pinkie Pie was tired. It wasn’t something that happened to her very often. Being energetic came naturally most of the time. Some days she had to try harder than others, other days she had to force it, but it always happened. As she dragged her hooves into Sugarcube corner, she was thankful the Cakes were on vacation. She was too exhausted to be quiet as she trotted up the stairs. She flopped onto her bed and wriggled under the covers, too lazy to actually pull the blankets up normally. She finally decided she was close enough and let her body sink into the mattress. She started counting cakes like she usually did to fall asleep. One cake (it was a cupcake), two cakes (a carrot cake this time), three cakes (pound cake), four cakes (pineapple upside-down cake), five cakes (a three-tier wedding cake)… Her eyes began to droop, her breathing slowed, and the sixth cake type she had been pondering slowly slipped out of her mind. Suddenly her eyes snapped open. She sat bolt upright. She felt like she had been asleep for hours, but a quick glance at her clock proved that wrong. “I don’t get it, Gummy. I was so sleepy three minutes ago! What happened?” Gummy gave her a blank stare, and she pictured him shrugging. The mental image of those tiny alligator shoulders bouncing up and back again gave her a tiny fit of giggles. “You’re right. It’s probably not a big deal. Maybe I need a snack? That noxious nymph did steal our lunches when we were fighting that dumb ol’ acid creature.” She bounced out of bed and into the kitchen in no time at all. She intended to make a quick sandwich and go back to sleep. Just slap something together with two slices of bread and whatever was in the fridge, then shove it into her mouth, and start chewing. But once the food was in there, she couldn’t help but savor it. “Mmm, this is pretty good! But, you know, it could be better…” She went back to the fridge and began to rummage through it, pulling out everything that looked remotely appetizing. Mustard, ketchup, not horseradish, salami, lettuce, tomatoes, macaroni and cheese, pickles, and a half-dozen other things. Okay, the horseradish too. She opened the salami and started putting a few slices onto her sandwich, but she had the urge to taste it beforehand. She popped a slice in her mouth. “Mmm! Was this always this good?” She grabbed the bottle of mustard and poured it directly into her mouth, and one after another she did the same with the rest of the ingredients. “That was delicious! Who needs the sandwich part anyway…” She realized that she had left the incomplete sandwich on the counter. “Oh, well, don’t want to waste food!” Her stomach sloshed around a bit from how full it was, but Pinkie took no notice. “What can I spice it up with? Jelly beans!” She turned to the pantry, but realized she had left the fridge open. “Oops! I’m such a forgetful Fiona! Or a forgetful Felicia. Or Fanny! That’s such a silly name! Haha! “Uhm…what was I doing again?” She started staring at a spatula, unsure where it had come from, why she was holding it, or why the brushed finish was so interesting. “Where was I? Oh, right, some more food! How abouuuut…popcorn? Yeah, popcorn is fun! It explodes! Explosions are fun!” She rummaged through the pantry trying to find some microwave popcorn. “I wonder…are there are any other foods that explode?” Nothing came to mind. Well, why not make one? That was a great idea! Of course it was, all her ideas were great. Except how could she make an explosion with food? Or was it exploding food? Or had she meant… Wow my hair is really poofy! “It’s like a hair explosion! Haha!” And then, it occurred to her. Edible dynamite. “Applejack, you can’t just leave Twilight alone up there! She’s clearly—” “Unhinged? Well, I’m not arguing that, Spike, but I think an explosion rates a mite higher on the importance scale than a fussy academic.” “I agree with Applejack,” Rainbow said. “But we can’t just leave Twilight here alone!” Spike protested. Applejack rubbed her chin contemplatively. “Hmm…paranoid, but ya have a point. Rainbow, you stay here ‘n’ keep an eye on Twilight.” “But I want to stay with you!” Rainbow pleaded. “What?” “Oh, uhm, I mean…we should stick together, Twilight’s fine…?” Rainbow’s backpedaling was both unconvincing and transparent, but Applejack didn’t have the energy to argue. “Fine. Fluttershy, stay here and keep an eye on Twilight.” “Oh, but, Applejack, I have to go check on Pinkie too. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to her.” Applejack let out a heavy sigh. “FINE. Spike, stay here and keep an eye on Twilight. Call us if anything happens.” “Maybe I should write a letter to Celestia?” Spike said. “I’m sure she has better things ta do than babysit her obsessive student.” “Yeah, AJ’s right. Celestia has better things to do,” Rainbow added. “Don’t fret, sugarcube. We’ll go check on Pinkie, and then we’ll be back here faster than a dog after a dinnerbell. I’m sure we’ll be able to figure out what’s wrong in no time at all, but first we have to make sure Pinkie hasn’t done anything crazy. Well, crazier than usual, anyway.” Applejack sounded sincere, but Spike remained visibly concerned. The three ponies left him alone with his worries, and set off towards Sugarcube Corner at a brisk pace. Rainbow Dash walked very close to Applejack, while Fluttershy floated along in front of them, scanning the path. “Stop!” Fluttershy shouted suddenly. “Why? What’s wrong?” “There’s a big rock in the path! You could trip and hurt yourself.” Applejack rolled her eyes and continued walking. “Pebbles are the least of my problems…” “Oh, they really should repair this path. If I had known I could have done it myself… Oh, I know.” “Fluttershy, what in tarnation are you doin’?” “Carrying you, of course. Until I re-tar this road later it’s the only way to make sure you’re safe.” Fluttershy tried to wrap her arms around Applejack’s torso, but the earth pony quickened her pace. “Ooh! Let me help!” Rainbow said eagerly. She tried to grab Applejack as well, but the earth pony squirmed free and began running faster. “Both of you get offa me! Mah legs ain’t broken!” “Oh, but they’re just one rock or pothole away from a hairline fracture! Just let us carry you, Applejack. I promise we’ll be gentle.” Fluttershy attempted to pick up AJ again, but was foiled by a fresh sprint. “Yeah, we’ll be gentle!” Rainbow assured her. “Last thing ah need is a pair of unhinged pegasi carryin’ me everywhere!” Applejack had begun sprinting, but her two friends kept pace with her, making numerous attempts to pick her up. She dodged grab after grab, the two pegasi coming at her from both sides. Thankfully the chase was cut short when they arrived at Sugarcube Corner. Applejack skid to a halt, and the other two bumped into her as she stopped. “Thank Celestia…” Applejack wiped some sweat off her brow, then strode up to the door and knocked loudly. The door wasn’t locked, but it stubbornly refused to open when AJ tried the knob. “Pinkie!? Are you in there? Are ya alright?” There was no answer, but there was a distinct flurry of noise coming from inside the building. “Fine. Stand back you two.” AJ turned around, and after rearing back kicked open the door easily. The scene waiting for them was unexpected to say the very least. The entire building, normally immaculately clean, looked as if a tornado had struck. It was hard to rule out the possibility that a garbage truck had then rammed in afterwards. Clothes, baking ingredients, partially-eaten foods, and countless other things were scattered across every inch of the place. A fine layer of pink dust clung to every surface, just thick enough to be visible. Fluttershy seemed ready to pass out. “Dang, this place is messier ‘n a pigsty after a stampede! What happened?” “Good question. Maybe it had something to with that explo—?” Rainbow was cut short as a bright pink cylinder flew out of the kitchen and landed in front of the three ponies. It was hard to tell what the tube was made of, but there was a short piece of licorice sticking out of one end, and there was a very large bite taken out of the other. “What the hay is that?” Before anyone could hazard a guess, the cylinder exploded. A bright pink flash lit up the house, and a huge cloud of pink dust blew across the room. There was a noticeable squeal of fright, and several rounds of coughing. “Is everypony okay?” Fluttershy asked. “I’m fine.” Applejack coughed loudly as she tried to get her bearings. “I’m sticky,” Rainbow declared. The dust quickly settled, adding to the already-thick layer across the floor. “C’mon, you two, we’ve gotta find Pinkie!” AJ plowed across the inch-deep mess towards the kitchen. The two pegasi floated after her, though Fluttershy was still clearly distressed by the abundance of refuse and the thin layer of pink on her friends. They popped through the archway leading into the kitchen, and all three stopped for a moment to take in the fresh scene. Pinkie was zipping around the kitchen, attending to various pots and mixers and other culinary equipment. Several of them were dangerously close to bubbling over, and a thin cloud of pink smoke hung near the ceiling. “Pinkie?” “Oh, hi, girls! What’re you doing here?” “We heard an explosion,” AJ explained. “We also experienced an explosion.” “Luckily we survived.” Fluttershy had trouble forming her words. “Y-your house is so messy…” “Are you okay?” Rainbow asked. “Oh, I’m fine, Rainbow! Thanks for asking! Sorry about that explosion! I was testing my edible dynamite recipe. I had to try a buncha different things before I finally got one, and it totally explodes, but now I’m trying to make it taste better! You see—” “Whoa, whoa, slow down! Why were you trying to make edible explosives?” “Well, I was having trouble falling asleep, so my mind just started to wander, and the idea just popped into my head! Hasn’t been easy though, I’m having trouble focusing, so I have to keep writing notes to myself.” She waved a hoof at the fridge, which was plastered with multiple layers of sticky notes, all covered in the same microscopic handwriting. There was a noticeable overflow of notes that had started to creep onto the counters and cupboards near it. “You haven’t slept?” Applejack asked. “Oh, don’t be a crazy Carla, Applejack! Haha—crazy Carla! Of course I slept! While I was waiting for the sugar to set I got a full three hours. And then by the time I woke up I had another idea for the water ratio and…” Pinkie tasted the contents of one of the pots, but didn’t stop talking even as her hoof was in her mouth. Rainbow leaned close—well, closer—to AJ and whispered into her ear. “I think Pinkie’s gone insane.” “This definitely ain’t normal, even for her.” “What should we do?” “I got no clue.” Pinkie was still explaining her experiment, oblivious to her friends’ lack of attention. Fluttershy, meanwhile, was starting to get over her initial shock. “Okay, Pinkie. I think it’s obvious that you can’t take care of yourself. You’re coming with me.” “Don’t be silly, Fluttershy! I’m right in the middle of a culinary masterpiece! Sure, the house is a little messy, but I’ll have it cleaned up before the Cakes get back from their trip, and I left myself a note to remind me to eat! Oh, speaking of!” She reached into a nearby bag of sugar, shoved a hoof-full into her mouth, and started chewing loudly. “Crunchy!” “Blegh.” Applejack poked her tongue out as she said it. “Yeah, blegh.” Rainbow mimicked AJ’s movements. “Oh no, no, no. This house is a deathtrap. Those pots are a burn hazard, all this food is a health hazard, the mess is a fire hazard… You’re obviously incapable of being by yourself, so I’ll just have to take care of you until you’re all better.” “Hehehe. Fluttershy, you’re so funny! I’m fine, really. Now stop distracting me! I have to focus on these, or I’ll forget what I was doing again. Wait, what was I doing again?” The pink pony rushed over to the shell of notes covering the fridge, scanning them rapidly. “No, no, no, did that already, still need to start on that, oh here we go! Edible dynamite, right!” She grabbed the square of paper and slapped it onto her forehead. “You’ll see, once I have the recipe perfected, everyone will love it! It’ll be hilarious and delicious! Deliciarious! And it’s not even that dangerous, it just explodes sugar everywhere. Flavorful flakk! Sugary shrapnel! Masticate-able munitions! Tasty, uhm, TNT!” Applejack and Rainbow could only watch, dumbfounded, as Pinkie continued talking even faster than her usual pace. The pairs of words became increasingly disjointed the longer she went at it. Fluttershy, meanwhile, had turned off all the burners, and was scanning the collage of reminders plastered across the kitchen. “Hmm... I wonder...” She turned to Pinkie. “Pinkie, could you do me a favor?” “…delicious deton—sure, Fluttershy! What do you need?” “Well, I wanted to write myself a note, but I’m out of paper. Could you do it for me?” Fluttershy blinked. “Did you always have that pen and paper?” “Of course! What should it say? Something about spatulas? Or sausages?” Fluttershy floated over to Pinkie and whispered something into her ear. Pinkie didn’t bother to look at the paper and had finished the dictation almost as soon as it had been said. “That was easy! Here ya go! Now, what was I doing?” Pinkie instinctively turned back to the cascade of comments on her icebox. “Oh, don’t you remember? You were coming with us to Twilight’s house.” “Really? I coulda sworn I was doing something cooking-related…” “Trust me, Pinkie. I would never do anything to hurt you, would I?” “I dunno, I wrote down something somewh—hey look! A doughnut!” Pinkie grabbed the dusty pastry, but Fluttershy slapped it out of her hoof before it reached her mouth. “Don’t eat that. The dirt could clog your colon!” “Haha! Good one, Fluttershy! I think I know what I’m doing, though. Or I would if I could find that note…” “Oh, you mean the one that told you what you were supposed to be doing?” “Yea, that one! Have you seen it?” “Yes, it’s right here.” Fluttershy handed Pinkie the dictated note back. “Ohboyohboyohboy, finally!” Pinkie snatched the note and read it in one swift motion, but as she processed the words on it, she became noticeably confused. “What’s it say, Pinkie?” Fluttershy asked innocently. “It says ‘listen to Fluttershy.’ Except that can’t be right, can it?” “Well, you wrote it, so that must be what you’re supposed to be doing, right?” “I guess so…” “Good. Now let’s get you out of this horribly hazardous house.” Pinkie scratched her forehead. Something felt off, but it was hard to place exactly what. She could’ve sworn she put a note there to remind herself of something, but she didn’t find one. Her mind had been moving so fast lately that the notes had just been easier. They were all written by her, so obviously it had been in her mind at some point. She just couldn’t place exactly when she had decided to listen to Fluttershy. It was confusing. As she was moving her hoof across her forehead, she felt her skin scrunch slightly. It was pretty funny. Oh no, she had done it again. What had she been thinking about before? Something about her notes. She looked down at the note in her hoof. It said, “Listen to Fluttershy.” It was definitely her hoofwriting and her brand of paper. “Pinkie? Are you okay?” Fluttershy sounded slightly concerned. “I’m fine, I guess.” “Good. Let’s go.” “Okay, Fluttershy, if you say so!” Pinkie stuck the note to her head and hopped after the yellow pegasus. “Oh, let me carry you over this junk. We wouldn’t want you to trip and hurt yourself.” “Okay, sounds like fun!” Pinkie bounced into Fluttershy’s waiting hooves, and the two floated across the mess and out the door. Applejack and Rainbow finally came to their senses. “Uh, what just happened?” Dash asked. “I think Fluttershy brainwashed Pinkie, or somethin’.” “Uhm, should we let her do that?” “Well, ah guess we can’t really leave her alone here; she’s not right in the head. Shorter memory than a goldfish, and more energy than a barn full a fireflies. And her breath was terrible. Has she bin eatin’ nothin’ but sugar all night?” “Maybe… What do you think we should do?” Rainbow asked. “I think we better keep an eye on her until we figure this whole mess out.” “Whatever you say, AJ!” Dash draped an arm around Applejack, and the two walked out of Sugarcube Corner. Applejack sighed. Dash was nuzzling her neck, again. She should’ve been concerned by Rainbow’s behavior, but she wasn’t. Perhaps she was preoccupied by Pinkie’s, or perhaps she was starting to wonder about Rarity. Perhaps she was starting to realize that Rainbow was actually the most stable of her friends and was unsettled in a whole new way. Whatever the reason, Rainbow’s sheepish attachment to her wasn’t bothering her as much as it had been. Applejack and her blue backpack emerged from the building to find Fluttershy checking Pinkie’s mane for ticks. “Fluttershy, this is sooooo booooring! Let’s go do something fun! Pie-eating contest! But not Pinkie Pie, I’d prefer cherry pie, or apple pie, or—” “Pinkie, shush.” “Okay.” Pinkie didn’t argue with Fluttershy, even though it felt like she should. “Well, now that Pinkie is, uh, accounted fer, let’s get back to Twilight’s.” Applejack turned to head back to the library. “I agree with AJ.” As the four ponies began to leave, a small white blur shot past them. “Sweetie Belle, darling, come back!” The accent was unmistakable. Even before anypony turned around the white unicorn’s identity was obvious. When Rarity noticed her friends she slowed to a stop. “Oh, hello, girls! What are you up to?” “Rarity? Havin’ sister problems again?” Applejack asked. “You really shouldn’t chase ponies like that, Rarity. You could trip and fall and break your neck, or worse,” Fluttershy chastised. “Oh, it’s nothing, I assure you. Sweetie Belle was upset by somepony insulting her little project. Naturally, I was eager to comfort her. She’s very grateful, I’m certain.” Rarity waved her hoof dismissively. “Then why was she running away?” Pinkie asked. “Was she playing tag? Are you ‘it?’ I wanna play!” “Tag is dangerous, Pinkie. All that running and physical contact and carefree happiness. Oh, it makes me worried just imagining it…” “Oh, uhm, she ran off after her manecut. I’m certain she just wanted to show off her new ‘do. I helped her style it.” Rarity pushed her mane a little and smiled. “Hey, Rarity, want a hug?” Dash put her hooves toward Rarity, who wasted no time giving Dash an overenthusiastic squeeze. “You two really shouldn’t hug each other, it spreads germs.” “Nonsense, Fluttershy. I’m always willing to give my friends some well-deserved attention,” Rarity said. Dash rubbed her face into Rarity’s fur, eliciting a grimace from Fluttershy. “Speaking of well-deserved attention, we should all go to the spa!” Rarity declared suddenly, clapping her hooves together. “I really don’t get enough presents for any of you.” “Yay, I love presents! Almost as much as I love opossums! Or pastries!” “Pinkie, I told you not to eat food you found on the ground!” Fluttershy smacked the bearclaw out of Pinkie’s hoof. Applejack glanced around, unsure what to say. “Well, uh, that's…unexpected.” “You're welcome! Honestly, it’s no trouble. So, what are we waiting for?” “Well, we kind of have a problem.” “Oh no, what is it? You know you can always count on me to help! What's the matter, what should I do? Is it financial trouble? You know I have a lot of savings if you ever need—” As Rarity began itemizing all of her available resources, Applejack’s hopes of having one sane friend left were dashed. She could only bring herself to bury her face in her hoof. “‘Parently insanity is contagious today,” she muttered to herself.