White

by Banops

The Reawakening - It Begins

White, everywhere, everything White. The walls White, the floor White, the ceiling… Even my own coat, my own feathers and wings, tail and mane, White. Was I always this color? I don’t think I was… Wasn’t I black or at least dark brown. I could swear I wasn’t White.

And didn’t I have a horn...?

Wait a tick, where am I again?

I had been lying down in the middle of this strange and foreign box of a room. It was strange but yet somehow I had the feeling I had been here before. Actually the more my mind dwelled on it, the more it occurred to me that I may have always been here. I lifted my head up off the hoof I was using as a pillow and brought myself into a sitting position. I craned my head and looked about, carefully taking in my surroundings. Nothing but closed White tiled walls surrounded me. They seemed to reflect the White light about the room, and I could see my reflection in them. I looked up at the ceiling, trying to see the light fixtures. I didn’t see any visible sources of light. The light rather flooded in from the ceiling tiles themselves. It then occurred to me that this entire room was made up of these White luminous tiles and that everything from the ceiling to the walls to the floor constantly leaked this sterile White light.

Heh, at least there is enough room to walk around, though it may be a bit cramped.

I rose the rest of the way so I could more easily stretch my legs out and began to pace in circles around the square shaped room. I paced, deep in thought. At first my thoughts were too scrambled to make sense of, but I eventually managed to pull the more important questions to the front of my mind.

I… Who? Who am I? What is my name? I’m drawing a Blank…

I stopped circling the room and sat back down for a moment in thought.

Oh yes now I remember, at least I think I remember.

My name is… Turncoat, yeah that sounds right. I am a Pegasus, obviously, because I have wings and… I am a filly…?

I lifted a foreleg and trailed it down my belly until I felt between my haunches, quickly reeling back when my hoof met something definitely not present on a female.

Wait, no I’m not. Fillies don’t have those. Guess I’m a colt.

So that’s the answer to the what, but who am I? Think, think, Turncoat think.

Where am I from? What is my job? Do I even have a job? Do I have any family?
Maybe my cutie mark can help me remember.

I turned my head and twisted around a bit so that I could get a good look at my flank. My flank was bare. There was no cutie-mark, just my White coat.

That’s strange my flank is Blank. I certainly feel big and old enough to already have my cutie mark.

I stood back up and walked warily over to one of the four walls. As I approached it, the phantom of my own image in the slightly reflective wall grew larger and more defined. Once I was right up next to the wall I put a hoof on it and felt the sleek and glossy tile that held my reflection. In my reflection, I saw the image of me that I already knew but still had trouble coming to terms with. It was a shadow of myself not quite familiar, but yet still something that I could believe at least for the moment. I peered deep into my own eyes hoping to find answers. And saw very little. My own image was only able to kindle a few scattered memories. The feel of the sun on my face, the pleasant smell of night air and a few other sensory images clouded my head. But these were useless. I wouldn’t be able to see who I was with a few sights and smells.

Damn it, what is going on?

I slammed my hoof onto the tile in frustration.

Why can’t I remember anything? WHO AM I?

I pounded my hoof against the tile wall again. This time I felt something crack underneath my hoof. I slowly removed my hoof from the wall, letting fall a few shards of tile. Behind the White tile there was… nothing. It was pitch-black space behind the wall.

What? Perhaps I should break more.

I threw my forehoof several more times at the chipped wall. Flecks of White tile pinged away, leaving a growing hole in the wall. Blackness poured in through the now sizable hole.

I must figure out who I am, and where…

My mind sunk into contemplation as I continued to peel a larger hole in the White. It didn’t take too long for the gap to be big enough for me to fit through. Once I realized that it was large enough, I took a step back to observe my work. The hole was indeed large enough for me. The area I punched through flickered with light as if I had broken through a light fixture.

I wonder what could be out there… hopefully a way outside. Maybe, just maybe.

I gave my wings a shake to make sure that I could use them. They seemed to work just fine. I tested my ability to fly, swinging my wings up and down, lifting me slowly off the White tile floor.

Ahh, at least I haven’t forgotten how to fly, though I am a tad clumsy at it.

I felt comfort in the fact that I knew how to fly. I walked over to the edge of the room where I had smashed through the wall. The hole hung over a black abyss, which saw no end. I poked my head through the gap and peered down. Again there was no end. I started having second thoughts about flying into the unknown.

No! I need to do this. I need to find a way out. I need to figure out what the hay is going on. I can’t let a little fear of the dark or heights stop me.

I swallowed some of my anxiety and tried my best to mentally prepare myself. I bend my legs getting ready plunge into the dark oblivion. I fanned my wings out setting them for flight.

Here goes nothing.

“Three,” I said aloud to myself

Was I really going through with this!?

“Two…”

I think I am…

“One…”

Yes I definitely was!

“Go!”

The muscles in my entire body had by this point been in full tension. I released this tension, pushing forward with my greatest effort possible. I launched forward into black. Almost immediately, all the White light that had been encasing me in the room dissipated. I was left flying blind in the dark and open void. I had no idea where I was going; I just beat my wings furiously, hoping to hit something or to see something come into view. I looked down as I pushed ever onward seeing nothing below. This scared me and I clenched my eyes shut hoping that I would reach something soon. On and on I flew. Minutes turned into hours, or so it felt.

Then I felt warmth on my face as I pushed on. It felt nice. It felt familiar. It felt friendly. I opened my eyes and realized that I was no longer in the dark abyss that I thought I was in. Rather, I was outside somewhere… I was actually outside, in the world, in some… open grassy field conceivably. I slowed the flapping of my wings and tilted myself so that I was flying in place. I was hovering barely over the ground now.

Hmm… maybe now I can figure out who I am… wait my legs. My legs… my wings….

I had caught a glimpse of one of my forelegs. It was no longer White. It was instead brown. My coat had turned brown, as had my feathers. I brushed a lock of my rather long, straight mane in front of my face to get a look at it. As it figured, it also was no longer White. It turned to a rich blonde hue, reflecting sunlight into the area around it. I had changed colors.

Oh great, another mystery. Nothing is making any damn sense. Why is this happening to me? Wait, if my colors have changed then maybe…

I slowly let my self make contact with the ground, slowing down my wings’ flapping to a complete stop. I landed softly in the grass and then I twisted my head to look at my hip. As I had expected, the area that once was Blank on my flank was now taken up by a cutie mark. I squinted my eyes as I looked at it to make out what it was, but I couldn’t. It looked like just some random shapes. The imaged failed to help me find my memory. I stamped a hoof in due frustration.

The sound of another pony’s wing beats caught my attention. A pony, a rather young mare, landed next to me and I turned my head towards her.

Finally, somepony else…

Something clicked in my head though. It was recognition. I knew this pony. I knew her well. I looked her over, trying to think of a name. She was… breathtakingly beautiful. The light of the sun accented her golden-orange coat making it look almost yellow. She had a flowing dark brown mane, which was held back by her ears and seemed a bit frazzled through excessive flying. I also caught a look into her eyes as she looked into mine briefly. She looked at the world with her own topaz colored eyes, which accentuated the color of her mane. Looking at her again she kinda reminded me of a winged sunflower. Her figure was that of a slender athlete, and her tail twitched playfully as she inched closer to me in a friendly manner.

I… know her. But who is she? I know that I know her. But I can’t think of a name.

Seeing her smile at me kindled a warm blanket of emotion inside of me. The emotion made me forget, only for a moment, the predicament that I was in.

What is her name? Maybe, her cutie mark could spark that memory.

With out so much as turning my head, I looked her over quickly again, scanning for her cutie mark. I saw it on her flank. It was, fittingly enough, a sunflower. If I had to take a guess, I would say that was probably her name too. But I was too afraid to call her out on that for fear of being wrong.

She spoke up to me as she reached touching distance.

“I’m soooo happy that you took me here.” She began, panting lightly from slight exertion.

Well she seems to recognize me.

I didn’t know how to respond, so I sort of nodded back to her.

She continued after seeing my nod, “Hey remember the first time you and I came here, to this exact place. We spent the entire evening together watching the sun set.”

I wish I could remember I really do.

I was afraid to tell her that I didn’t remember anything. She seemed so nice, and I knew, somehow that we were close, I just knew that saying no now would be a like a kick to the gut. So this time I opened my mouth answered her verbally.

“Yes, I do.” I lied. My voice was yet another thing that I didn’t recognize.

She inched even closer. Now she was standing right up against me. She nuzzled her head against mine and I froze slightly in shock by such an intimate move. We stood here like this for several seconds in silence. I didn’t want to say anything, especially now that this girl was so comfortable. Besides, she seemed to enjoy the silence and I couldn’t say anything if I wanted to anyways. I felt too shy to speak. I did try to think of something to talk about.

What could I say… What could I ask to get information about who I am, without looking like a freak. I know if I start asking her these questions now, then I’ll look like a total jerk…

She continued to rest the side of her head against mine affectionately while we looked out beyond the horizon. The longer we stood there in silence, the more I let myself fall into the intimacy of the moment. It wasn’t too long before I finally released my tension that was built up from the shock.

Well this is nice, so I can go with this for now.

After another while, I leaned my head away and looked at her, into her sunflower face as she turned to look at me.

“Turncoat…” the beautiful mare began, her eyes half lidded in contentment. Her voice was amorous.

Good. So I was right. Turncoat IS my name.

“Yes?” I said back to her quietly. By now, my stomach was fluttering with excitement. I could feel the love emanating from the mare beside me.

“I… d-d…” her voice faltered a bit, and her once lovey voice began to tremble, “I don’t deserve you.”

A tear rolled down her pretty face and dropped off, landing on the soft green grass beneath us.

Oh, what should I say to her…

I was stuck emotionally. In the heat of the moment I had forgotten that I had no real clue who this was. I knew the feelings that I felt for her at this moment were superficial and lustful, but that didn’t seem to matter. Out of the few minutes together, I had already grown love for her. But I didn’t want to take advantage of somepony who I didn’t know… who I didn’t remember.

Damn it, I’m thinking about this the wrong way. She knows who I am. That should be all that matters right? So what if I can’t remember her. Her feelings for me are clear.

I put a hoof on her face and wiped away another tear that had found its way to the surface.

So seriously, what to say back to her…

“I don’t deserve you.” I whispered back to her. It was the first thing I had thought to say. “Actually…” I began again, right before she did something that completely caught me off guard. She moved her head forward towards mine and pressed her lips against mine. I jerked slightly and my eyes shot wide open from the surprise. She pulled back a second later, looking at me guiltily.

“I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?” There was a glint in her eyes that told me exactly how she felt. The look told me that she was afraid that she had messed something up…

I thought hard about what I was going to do next but didn’t come up with any satisfying answer. So I decided to do what felt right in the moment.

“Does this answer your question?” I said holding her chin up to look at me and then quickly but carefully moved my head in for another kiss. This time it was her turn to tense up, but she quickly released her tension in favor of the passion that held us together.

Time had become irrelevant. For all I cared, this moment could last for all eternity. The moment she had released her tension and gave in to the kiss, something washed over me. Nothing physical, no, it was emotional. And with this emotion came strong and vivid memories. These were memories of this exact moment, as if they had happened before. And the emotions I felt, or rather the one emotion that I felt above all else had been love.

I felt love. It was tied to the moment like the fleeting memory of a life once lived. It seemed to be an expired passion that hadn’t lost its charm… And just as the love and passion escalated into more than just the amorous kissing, just as it I felt her tongue push through into my mouth and I felt myself taking her then and there, it came to an end.

And the end came in the form of a soulless White void. The White void overtook my sight, as if I had been sent back to the White box again. But I hadn’t. Instead, the white light quickly faded into black.

No. No… NO! Don’t take her away from me. Not her, please, no don’t.

But my thoughts and hopes went unanswered as I was flung back into the blackness. It was the same blackness that had surrounded me earlier, or so I thought. I couldn’t really know what it was or where I was, but I was definitely somewhere. Except this time I felt myself being pulled in a seemingly random direction. I tried flapping my wings to guide myself but that had little affect. All I was able to accomplish with my furious flapping was to maintain a little stability in my unguided course.

Oh, my… will this nightmare never end?

On and on the void dragged me, and all I could do was wait and hope that it would end. When it did finally come to an end, I was racked by what I hoped was the real world piecing into view. This time my eyes were open and I was able to capture every moment of existence forming about my body. The area was different this time. Buildings slid in around me like set pieces and the final bit of world came in under me, in the form of a brick paved road. The lighting of the area danced with the glow of fire, as if the city was burning down, but I couldn’t spot the source of it anywhere. I found that a bit strange given that it was nighttime and that should make fire easy to spot. I even could hear the crackle and jetting sounds of flames in the distance, but not a single flame was in sight.

Rather than plopping down on the road as the world finished building itself, I landed atop something softer, something like another pony. I cast my gaze on the mare that I had landed on. It was her! It was the sunflower pony, the filly that I had just earlier spent time with. She lay on her back, apparently asleep or something. She wasn’t moving.

I almost immediately scrambled to all fours and then wrapped my forelegs around her, hugging her tightly.

Oh thank you! I still have you. I thought I would lose you forever.

“There you are…” I whispered displaying only a fraction of what I felt.

I let my forehooves fall, gently letting her lie back on the ground. I kept one leg under her, and I watched while she lay there under me.

I won’t let you go this time I promise…

I watched her close-eyed face for several moments, moments that I never wanted to pass. I wanted to keep her with me forever. Even if it was just like this, I felt comfortable.

And I stayed here with her in my embrace. I ran my hoof through her hair, watching, waiting for something to happen, waiting for her to wake or for myself to be pulled from reality again. I hoped… I prayed that I wouldn’t have to be torn away again but something in my gut told me it was going to happen.

I pushed aside that thought and spoke softly to her, in an attempt to gently wean her from her sleep. “Come on, we need to get you up and out of here.”

I gave the leg that I had rested under her a slight shake.

She didn’t move…

Wow, she must really be out of it.

I put more force into the shake, trying yet again to help her back into consciousness, but she still didn’t wake up.

Wait, surely she isn’t…

My heart sank, and that awful gut wrenching feeling nearly crippled me. I felt a chill creep down my spine.

I quickly slid my foreleg out from under her and she fell limp back onto the ground. The first stages of panic were beginning to set in by now and I quickly put my ear up to her chest.

No…

She wasn’t breathing.

No, no…

I think she was… but she couldn’t be. Just moments ago, we were…

She’s dead…

I wrapped my foreleggs around her again and brought her in for another hug, this time shaking her. I shook her harder and harder, madly hoping that she would just wake up.

Wake up damn it!

I buried my face in her chest. Even with my eyes squeezed shut, rivers ran through them. I had suddenly lost the will to hold anything in.

“Please just… wake up!” I said through sobs, my voice muffled through her coat.

I felt despair.

Through my crying and sobbing I hardly noticed when I felt a hoof fall on my back. The weight of the hoof suggested somepony who might be here to console me for my loss.

I looked up. The pony was behind me so I turned to face him or her.

That isn’t a pony is it? Ponies don’t look quite like that, do they?

I was a baffled by the appearance of the creature that had its hoof on my back. It sure looked similar to a pony, at least in shape and relative size. But then it was also like it had been crossed with an insect. It had a black chitinous armor plating that seemed fused with its skin, and it had this instead of a fur coat. It looked cravingly into me, as if it saw not friendly pony, but a meal. I looked into its big blue bulbous eyes.

And for some reason I recognized it.

“It was you.” I said to accusingly, tears running down my face. “It was you wasn’t it? You did this to her didn’t you!? You bastard, you damned bastard.”

It didn’t answer me, it just stared back at me, a slight grin slithering onto its face.

I felt anger. I wanted to tear this thing apart. I just knew that it was responsible for the death of my Sunflower… But just as I made an effort to act on my anger, just as I was about to attack my new found enemy, something happened. I found that I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even turn my head, or even my own eyes. I was frozen in place, stuck peering deep into the blue eyes. In the edge of my vision I could see its wings splaying out making it look bigger than it already was. It had a spike on its forehead that rather resembled a unicorn horn. It started to glow green. That combined the slight blue sheen that surrounded the eyes gave the creature a very sinister feel.

I felt fear.

What’s happening to me… My hooves, my body, I can’t move anything. What is this monster doing to me? My vision... its going white. I can’t breath. I can’t bucking breath.

My vision began to White out. I started to lose all senses to the Whiteness. It felt as if my very soul and mind were being Erased. Or stolen.

But above all else, I stopped caring. My anger faded, as did my sorrow for the dead one.

This continued until everything had completely faded to White.

And then… I lost myself again back into the soulless White void.

***

“Your majesty, I think it’s wakin’ up.” It was a voice, a gravelly male voice. It carried into my thoughts and seemed to push away the Whiteness from my mind. My vision remained White but my thought started to return.

“Really, are you sure?” asked another pony. This one was a mare. Her voice was exceedingly pleasant and carried a motherly tone. “Be on the ready, we don’t know what these things are capable of when cornered like this.”

“It shouldn’t be able to move, dear princess, we ‘ave it tied up all nice like.” Responded the stallion.

“Even still,” continued the soft motherly voice, “best to take as few risks as possible. Stay close.”

“Yes’m.”

As my eyes fluttered open, my ability to think returned and the memory of the past few events flooded back into my head. The White ebbed away and as it did, the outline of the mare that I heard came into focus. She… was, intimidating. She was much larger than I was. And her coat was White.

Ugh I’ve seen enough of that color.

The next thing I noticed was the fact that she had both a horn and wings.

Wait, no ponies like that existed, did they?

My head began to start hurting. Her image conjured some sort of faint memory. Was it her pastel mane, her royal looking crown or her immense size over me? Something was telling me that she was important, which would make sense considering how the other pony was speaking to her, with the yes ma’ams and the majesties.

My thoughts were interrupted when she spoke, directing her now regal sounding voice at me. “You need not fear us, so long as you do not try anything.”

“Try anything…?” my voice trailed off. I wasn’t exactly prepared to respond to her, my mind seemed to be everywhere, trying to recollect what I had just been through.

“Indeed,” she started back up, “so long as you remain calm and cooperate with us.”

“Um ok, wait, what happened to that monster that attacked me and what happened to Sunflower?” It was now that I realized that I was tied up for some reason, I could barely move, as if I was bound in a straitjacket. I turned my head to look around the room. I appeared to be in some sort of dungeon. The walls and the floor were made of rock and the room I was in was lit up by torchlight. It gave off a sort of eerie yet calming glow.

“Monster?” She sounded slightly confused. She turned her head to look at the other pony beside her who returned her look with his own surprised glance. The male pony beside her was a sturdy looking pegasus stallion covered with golden armor.
He seemed ready for anything, as if any moment, I would somehow break free of my bonds and… well do something.

“Yes, the monster that attacked me and killed my…” the memory of seeing her dead flooded into my head. I fought back tears and my throat became sore with dread.

The armored pony tried speaking up, “Your majesty, this one seems a bit off, that he does.”

She waved a hoof, dismissing his comment and then spoke back up to me. “Could you please describe this ‘monster’ for us? Do you remember what it looked like?”

Remember, hah! How could I forget that… well I guess I still don’t even know who I am or what’s been happening.

“Yes of course, a monster like that, how could anypony forget.” I said. The winged unicorn just looked at me waiting for me to continue, so I did. “Well, it… sorta looked like well… Like a bug, but if a bug was a pony. It was covered in jet black armor, and had blue bulbous bug eyes, it had the wings of maybe a dragonfly or maybe a wasp… oh and…” I would have continued but the pastel maned pony stopped me.

“That’s quite enough.” She said calmly, then she sighed.

“It’s gobbin’ mad! Who does it think it is?” Blurted the stallion.

“And that’s enough from you as well, Brass Back.” She shot a scolding look over to the other pony.

“Yess’m. Sorry ma’am.” He said.

“You are a very interesting one.” She said turning to face me again.

Interesting? What is she talking about?

“Interesting?” I couldn’t help but think there was something important I was missing.

She continued, “Yes, you are the first of your kind willing to speak to us, willing be anything other then aggressive. You are the only one of your kind to be calm. And…”

I interrupted her, “What are you talking about? What do you mean one of you? And why am I tied up? What’s going on?!”

I had a million questions now flowing into my head like this. Something didn’t feel right. I just noticed something else that caught me a bit unsettled. It was my voice. The way it sounded had completely changed to some alien sound. It reverberated as I talked and almost sounded like something was stuck in my throat.

“…And,” She continued, “the monster that you described, sounds exactly like you.”