//------------------------------// // Chapter 5 // Story: Guns, Pineapples, & Ponies: A Story of Nonsense // by BlazeHydra //------------------------------// Ok, riddle me this, do I look like Hasbro? Do I look like Treyarch of Activision? How about Capcom? Yeah, didn't think so, so don't give me crap about copyrights, lest Luna have to shiv a filly! Guns, Ponies, & Pineapples: A Story of Nonsense Chapter 5: They've Found the Killstreaks, Celestia Help Us All Loading game components... ---Round 1--- Search & Destroy! said an extremely manly voice, hey why can't I sound that manly? How much does that guy even get paid anyway? I should go ask him after this, but anyway the teams spawned on their respective sides of the map. It was another snowbound area, but this time there were 3 major buildings: one near the north spawn where the team of 5 were, another closer to the center of the map, and next to it was a more or less shed-like building, running along the western edge, connected to a series of walls that divided the map somewhat into sections. As the match started, the 4 on the southern spawn of the map quickly found cover as they tried to form a gameplan. Well, 3 of them were anyway. "Ok, we may be outnumbered, but we can still get the jump on 'em." Said an overconfident pink pony, "Besides, maybe that other pony is really awes-" [MLP]Xlilflippper >>L96A1>> [2th]xX1337DentistXx Oatmeal didn't bother continuing his train of thought. "How... the buck... did Flippper get a L96!?" Blaze said as he proceeded to flip out, probably giving away all their positions. "That doesn't matter! Right now they might be closing in on us as we speak, so we need a plan." Prime said, ever so calmly, tapping into his inner commander as a few other players could be seen creeping into the corner of his eye, "Blaze, scout the perimeter. Oatmeal, take the bomb. Move from buildings and stay away from open areas, Flippper has the outdoors secured as long as he's up there." "Right, wilco!" Blaze said as he dashed off into the shed area, and noticed as soon as he got there someone poked their head over a pile of metal bars. He managed to avoid a spray of bullets as he took cover behind a forklift. "Hmm... that looked like Jacz, no doubt he's using a SMG too. If I'm lucky he's using dual wield, either way burst fire should put me at a slight advantage WOAH WHAT THE B-" was the last Prime and Oatmeal heard from Blaze for the rest of that round. [MLP]Tehqman24 >>Stakeout>> [MLP]BlazeHydra "Heh, you think he likes the new shotty?" asked the iridescent les- I mean cyan pegasus in a fool-hearty tone. "I know I do!" was all the minty-green unicorn could say as he reloaded his newly acquired weapon. "Alright Jacz, your turn to take point." The pegasus' arrogance almost instantaneously faded as he shifted nervously "W-what? We just started, do we seriously have to do this now?" Tehqman's face grew annoyed quickly, "I thought we agreed, switch roles between kills! I know I agreed with someone..." he said, as he stood in plain sight for someone say, on point A? "Perfect..." said Oatmeal, M14 in hoof, laying prone right behind bomb site A, just out of sight of Flippper's sniper. "Prime, cover me. I'm lining them up as we speak." It took a while for the colt to say anything, in fact Oatmeal was about to ask him again right before he responded. "Uh... I got some problems of my own right now... I'll get back to ya... [MLP]PRiME_ENiGMA >>Famas>> [DCRD]ChocoCloud21 ...in a sec... oh jeez where'd this come from!" Prime said as a frag rolled in his general direction. Acting on instinct, he decided to try a throw back, even though at his distance it would've been better to run. The grenade got about halfway to the building Prime threw it towards before it went off, dealing a good amount of health off of him. Right as the grenade exploded, a certain overconfident caped unicorn slid out from the doorway to face Prime, "Ha! Edwin has you now!" he said in an enragingly condescending voice. In one fell spray, whatever was left of Prime's flagging health was there no more. [TG&P]EdwinprGTR >>Enfield>> [MLP]PRiME_ENiGMA "Never-mind, I got it then..." a very focused Oatmeal said, lining up his iron-sights with Tehqman, also noting that he has a good shot at Jacz as well. He had time for 4 well placed shots before Flippper noticed where he was. [MLP]McSqueakers >>M14>> [MLP]Tehqman24 2 body shots and Tehqman was down, and another hit Jacz clean in the leg, causing him to flinch and recoil, dodging the second bullet while doing so. "Great, someone's running around half dead and probably knows where I am, and who knows where Flippper could be right now!" he said, sprinting to the building right next to point A, the same building Edwin is in. With the room cleared, a panting pink party pony creeped his way down the steps, making enough noise for some unicorn of the magician variety to take notice. Without a moments notice, Edwin heard the steps, but no, he didn't decide to check his back, or move at all. Instead, Edwin decided to monologue. "What's this? Edwin hears something, is someone attempting to assassinate Edwin? Well, whoever you are, you should know that the great and powerful Edwin always comes prepared!" and with that, Edwin raised his hoof so that Oatmeal could clearly see the yellow clicker in said hoof. And then Oatmeal heard a very distinct clicking sound right as he noted the flashing red light below the staircase. Oatmeal clenched. He heard the explosion. But... the round didn't end? Somehow surviving the imminent explosion, Oatmeal opened his eyes "Huh? Oh yeah, flak jacket." and then took a nice, long look at Edwin, giving just enough time to turn around and see how he failed. [MLP]McSqueakers >>M14>> [TG&P]EdwinprGTR [MLP]jaczrwild3 >>Semtex>> Mistakes Were Made You're the only one left! "...The buck?" was all Oatmeal could say, just walking out confused, trying to find out what the buck just happened, when all of a sudden... [MLP]Xlilflippper >>Claymore>> [MLP]McSqueakers Black Ops Wins "Was there ever any doubt?" "How did your claymore get me before you did? I was right under you for a while." "Oh, you were? I didn't notice, I'm sorry..." "C'mon, hurry up, I wanna buy the grip for my new Stakeout!" "...Shut up." ---Round 2--- Make this quick and clean! As soon as the match started Blaze, Oatmeal, and Prime immediately took cover behind the nearest wall and watched as a spray of bullets covered the opening in said wall, as well as something else... [MLP]Xlilflippper >>Tomahawk>> [2th]xX1337DentistXx "Ok, that's DEFINITELY not making this easier!" Blaze panicked, just after witnessing the death of his team-mate as soon as the match started. "Calm down!" Prime said, gripping the shaking alicorn's shoulder, "We already know their game. Just stay behind cover and plant at A." As Blaze calmed down, Prime kept his weapon aimed down the western shed, posing as an over-watch for Blaze as he made his way down the corridor next to it. Oatmeal decided to take a different approach, going through the opposite side of the map, and unfortunately, running into a bit more opposition. Edwin jumped out from behind an oil container Oatmeal was approaching, a look of cold vengeance on his face. "Oho! So you think you can make a foal of Edwin and get away with it unscathed? Well, you've got ano-" [MLP]McSqueakers >>Knife>> [TG&P]EdwinprGTR "Ha! No commando my left flank..." Oatmeal chuckled to himself, basking in the glory of his victory, but only momentarily as he knew someone had to be paying attention to their mini-map. So he continued on his way to point A, hoping that Flippper would make the same mistake twice. "Yo Flip, any sign of 'em yet?" Jacz asked, fiddling with his Skorpions, and coming quite close to making a few more mistakes. "Um... no, not yet. H-hey, Jacz?" whispered Flippper from atop the tower next to the northern spawn building, turning away from his scope just long enough for Oatmeal to slip right under bomb site A again. "What happened? You know, near the end of last round..." Jacz smiled sheepishly "Oh, that? Well I wanted to fire a semtex by sticking it to a LAW rocket. But instead of it launching, it just kinda... blew up, heh heh..." his ears perked, and he stood up immediately, "Flip, check the ground! I hear gunfire!" Flippper had already quickly examined most of the area he could see before finding Tehqman in a tight spot, "Oh no, Tehqman tried charging the spawn, and it's not looking well..." Jacz was standing on the railing with his wings flared by now "Don't worry! I can fly right to him and back him up! Thank Celestia for these wings." He jumped right down... and fell. He managed to slow his descent by haphazardly flailing his wings, but he still took a crap-load of damage. Oh yeah, and it looked pretty painful too... "Ow... so much for wings... well at least I'm down here. Now I can work on saving Tehqman!" [MLP]PRiME_ENiGMA >>Famas>> [MLP]Tehqman24 [MLP]BlazeHydra >>MP5k>> [DCRD]ChocoCloud21 "Or not... hey Flip, listen change of plan. Tehq's down but while I'm down here I'm gonna secure the perimeter. Cover me ok? Flip?" [MLP]PRiME_ENiGMA >>Famas>> [MLP]Xlilflippper [MLP]McSqueakers planted the bomb We've planted the bomb! "All it takes is a well placed burst. Gets 'em every time..." Prime muttered to himself, quite content with his team's current advantage. Now with Flippper out of the way, he felt much safer as he made his way down the center of the map, proceeding to keep an eye on the bomb to make sure it goes off. That's how it would've went at least, except Prime was taking fire! Pull through, you're the last one! Shooting from behind, Jacz was entirely in Prime's weak-spot. Closing in as fast as he could while maintaining a constant stream of fire on Prime, resulting in a quick, clean kill. Hm, why does that sound familiar? [MLP]jaczrwild3 >>Skorpions>> [MLP]PRiME_ENiGMA "Aw, too bad. Next time, try to be a bit quieter." Jacz mocked, his ego getting the better of him just as a pink blur flashed from behind the bomb site. "Peekaboo!" Oatmeal yelled, unleashing a full M14 clip at Jacz, managing to hook him in the leg, again, and making him double over into prone, avoiding all the other bullets and imminent doom. Again. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" crouching back behind cover, Oatmeal resolved to a much more precise attack than spray-and-pray: lobbing grenades. Still in prone, Jacz crawled towards the bomb site, dodging grenades coming in from angles that shouldn't exist, until he was right on the other side of the bomb site. He was contemplating defusing the bomb while the agitated pink opponent was distracted, until he caught sight of another player creeping in from atop the northern hill. "Uh oh, at this range he'll get me for sure! Wait a sec... oh yeah, how could I forget!" As Blaze readied his sights, dead on Jacz, preparing to- [MLP]jaczrwild3 >>LAW>> [MLP]BlazeHydra ...actually, forget I said anything. Complete the mission, you're the only one left! "Huh?" Oatmeal said, turning his head to the left a tad, completely not deaf from a rocket launcher going off next to him. But right after turning to Jacz, he was completely dead from dual Skorpions to the face. "No way! Awww yeah! Lone wolf, took out the whole team! Oh man, MVP here I come! Whoooo!!" Jacz boasted, he did this for a good 45 seconds, and managed to get on the complete opposite side of the map compared to where the LIVE bomb was. But no worries, right? He's still got a good 23 seconds, and he can defuse that bomb in 10 seconds flat, he can still pull this off, right? Right? *BOOM* Spetznaz Wins "..." "..." "..." "Heh, eh heh heh... oops?" "Huh... so we're tied then..." ---Round 3--- No mistakes! Everyone stared at Jacz for a few moments when the match started, and Tehqman was the first to come forward. "Friendly fire off? *sigh* Just come charge the spawn with me." He said before leaving, Zap-apple jelly donut in hoof. He was followed out unceremoniously by Jacz, trying not to look anyone in the eye. [MLP]Steveo8178 joined the game "Hey did you see that? Somepony joined! The teams'll be even next round, yes!" Blaze nearly exploded twice in excitement, before Prime pulled his head back below cover, saving him from what almost certainly would've been a headshot. "Ah, don't worry about that now! We've got this round in the bag!" Oatmeal said as he pulled a Hind out of his... pocket? Anyways, he was beaming with pride at his latest conquest of the 4th wall, while everyone else was all but speechless at the sight. "There are so many things here that shouldn't be justifiable, and yet they are." Prime said, barely able to form words with his mouth still agape at the massive helo sitting before him, "How did you get this? You need like, 10 kills for one of those!" "Actually, 10 kills gets you a pilot for one of these..." said Oatmeal matter-of-factly, "...and since that's obviously not happening, I'll need a volunteer." He said, locking his gaze upon Blaze, who, within much reason, backed up as if Oatmeal was sitting next to an oven large enough to fit a pony. "W-what!? Oh, nononono! You remember what happened in Battlefield 3 right?" Blaze signaled for a flashback, and to no avail once again. "Um... no?" said Oatmeal. Without a flashback, there was nothing to jog his memory. [2th]xX1337DentistXx >>Commando>> [MLP]Tehqman24 "Well, if you don't remember, then I don't see why not!" Blaze said, putting the oh-so valid facts together as he boarded the cockpit of the helicopter. "So wait, how do you fly one of these?" [2th]xX1337DentistXx >>Commando>> [MLP]EdwinprGTR Oatmeal turned away from the gunner seat towards Blaze, "Oh that's simple! The green lever controls altitude, that Street Fighter Joystick (c) controls everything else. All the other buttons do things that autopilot does anyway, so don't worry about those!" Blaze stared quizzically at the controls "Well that's not very efficient..." he said to himself, getting a feel for the controls, "...ok so he said this green lever is for altitude, so I'll just give that a nudge up here, and... alright! We're in the sky!" getting in the air had convinced Blaze that the REA should their drafters to his doorstep, but just after hitting 700 ft, the helicopter started BARREL ROLLING UNCONTROLLABLY OH SWEET CELESTIA HELP! "What is happening!? This shouldn't be possible!" Blaze yelled, worried he could see a few cracks in the very fabric of reality, wait nevermind that's just the windshield. [2th]xX1337DentistXx planted the bomb [2th]xX1337DentistXx >>Commando>> [DCRD]ChocoCloud21 The bomb has been planted! "Oh come on!" Jacz said. Ever since the match started he's been running to or from something, and now this. Not to mention the helicopter owning every scientists' soul right above him, and then he looked up. "What the buck... should I shoot it?" he was asking himself, but his immediate shock caused him to lose all control of his volume, and Flippper ended up hearing his query. "Yes shoot it! It's trying to kill me!" Flippper said, trying to find cover in his high altitude vantage point, now not so very advantageous. While Flippper couldn't find cover, he could still make a few key shots, which is exactly what he did. "Dammit Blaze, will you stop getting shot! You're getting blood all over the interior, the re-sale value is gonna plummet at this rate!" Oatmeal whined, if you didn't know him, you'd swear he was a Rarity fan. Blaze snapped at Oatmeal, "Well excuse me! Whenever you're ready to take the wheel, I'd be happy to move!" "Are you crazy!? I don't know how to fly one of those things!" Oatmeal stared at Blaze as if he was insane, who was quick to return the gesture. Blaze looked back at the controls, frantically trying to make something happen, "So you're telling me that you had no idea this whole time and- oh buck..." [MLP]Xlilflippper >>L96A1>> [MLP]BlazeHydra The helicopter continued spinning, and Oatmeal continued trying to shoot at Flippper, not doing too well either. But Flippper had other plans, his anxious expression made a full 540 to pure, plasma-shattering rage, and bad-flank music began playing from every possible direction, resemblent of the cage Flippper had his victims in as he stared their very souls to submission. "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! I'M TIRED OF THESE STUPID LITTLE PELLETS FLAKING OFF MY FUR! YOU! YOU DUMB HELICOPTER! I SWEAR TO CELESTIA IF YOU DON'T STOP SPINNING AND MAKING ALL THAT NOISE I WILL FLY UP THERE AND TEAR YOU 5 NEW PROPELLERS TO SPIN WITH DO YOU HEAR ME!?" The helicopter stopped. It stopped everything. It stopped spinning, it stopped it's engines because they made noise. Out of sheer terror the helicopter couldn't explode because that would be too loud, so it made the most silent implosion imaginable, and then some, taking Oatmeal with it. [MLP]Xlilflippper >>GTFO>> [3arc]Helicopter [3arc]Helicopter >>implosion>> [MLP]McSqueakers Flippper sat, satisfied and content in the new found silence, "Ah, much better..." *BOOM* Spetznaz Wins "Aw, there was way more time on that bomb!" "How the buck am I at the bottom!?" "Yeah I don't think the re-sale is lookin' too good now..." "I'm scared..." "Well that was boring, I couldn't find anybody." ---Switching Sides---