//------------------------------// // Eviiiiiillll! // Story: An offer you can't refuse... // by The Psychopath //------------------------------// "Unhand me vile women!" "Look how cute he is." "Who is a pwecious wittle thing?" "I will have your skin for this! I'll wear your skin as coats!" "He's got a little head with big eyes." "They are evil! EVILLLLLLLL!" I was being hugged and pinched by every single female around. Luna went to each and every single pony here who was apparently a mother to get tips and information from. There was one who looked like she was ninety-seven, what with her white hair knotted in a ball, and her darker gray coat. Another was the weird, absent-minded pony who seemed to stay quiet on her place on one of these ten yellow couches covered with...fishes. What's wrong with these people? If I got Al-Bojur to teach them the finer works of decorating and fashion...That mare was so creepy. Another one of these females had a ragged olive-green coat with a strange motif of mane style. The hell was that? It looked like half a saw blade used in saw mills. This room was a wide open area on the second floor. Those window-door things were wide open, letting in lots of fresh air and sun. Luna looked awful. What is she? A bat? "What's with these lines on his head? Do they mean anything?" "I honestly don't know. He seemed to have some form of control over the wolves that attacked yesterday." "Yes. Yesterday. One thing not to do when you are tiny is trying to overpower a giant with extremely heavy armor. I hate policemen, let alone armored guards. Always corrupt. I'm pretty sure I'll find some here too eventually." "What have you decided to call him?" that gray one asked, her hindlegs bouncing up and down in eagerness. "Aethelwulf Lyall, or Aethel for short."Luna replied with a grin. They all looked at her as if she was some otherworld creature. "What language does that come from?" "I believe Gaulish and Stallo-Saxon." "Those are really old. No wonder I didn't recognize it."one laughed. I was getting tired of being hugged and pinched. "So you want some help on being a mother, my dear?"an elder asked. She was like, older than the other old hag. "Yes. If it does not bother you too much." she did a sad face. Even I'd cringe for that puffy lower lip. "Not at all. The first thing you need is discipline, but not too much! If he does something bad, then you have to either tell them they're doing something wrong, or spank them. If spanking doesn't work, then grounding them or taking away their toys is another course of action." she said as she sipped her glass of tea."HOWEVER!" the green elder interjected." They shouldn't be treated like such when they're barely a few days old like this little one." "True. Also, you should breast feed them so they get their needed nutrients and anti-bodies." While Luna choked on her tea, I choked on my spit. We both gave off a strange face of disgust, which the invited crowd seemed to find auusing due to the similarities. "Awww. You really are mother and son." "What do you mean?" Luna asked, retaining her impending vomit of doooooooom. "You both act the same, look the same, and seem the same all around." I crossed my forelegs in anger. Those were all lies. "LIES! LIES AND SLANDER!" I yell, sticking my foreleg outwards in anger. Luna just levitated me in front of her and onto a pillow right in front of her. How do they do...oh right. Unicorn horns. I was furious, and this mare knew it, so she tried to hold me down onto the pillow. She couldn't dare to hurt me, and she knew it, but still. She was really tough. "What's wrong with him?! Hrngh." she stresses herself to say as I struggle even more to free myself and try to flee. "I...I'm not familiar with this way of acting." a blue mare says as her body shakes even more. As Luna tries to keep me held down, that absent minded bizarro approached me and stared at me for a second. I stopped moving as I stared into those empty voids that were supposed to be eyes. So empty and cold. (Narrator transition) Aethul just stared at this mare who stared back with no apparent signs of intelligence on her planet whatsoever. Everypony in the room, even Luna, just stared at her as she slowly extended her right foreleg towards the foal's back, then began to scratch it. She even started to hum a tune that was so soothing that, despite the protests of the colt, he couldn't help but fall asleep, his mumbling slowing down to a calm rythm of slumber. The absent minded mare slowly stopped and stared at the sleeping foal, then left the room before she could be thanked. Luna just stared at Aethulwulf for a short while then asked the others: "Who is she?" "Oh. She's Rose Milk. She WAS a mother." the gray mare set her cup down and a look of sadness overtook her face. "What happened?" "Nopony knows." "One day, she left with her colt. It was her day off from the castle. The next thing we knew, she came back looking like that. It's like she's looking for her foal as if he had completely disappeared from the world." Luna looked perplexed and saddened suddenly as well."She seems very effective." "Oh yes. She was a nurse here as well. A type of foalsitter for the castle's workers' children." "Hmmm. She still foalsits them?" "No. Not anymore. She tends to the gardens. Your sister had to do that, because everytime she went to take care of the children, she broke out in tears. Now she just seems like an empty husk. Losing a child is difficult. Yes. But we still don't know how she became as she is now." "I see. As for food?" "Mashed foods are best for the little ones. They don't have teeth, so they can't chew their vegetables."the old mare gestured to her own teeth. "You also need to keep a diaper on them. You know. They aren't potty trained." "They aren't? But he goes to the bathroom on his own." "W-what?" the gray mare chuckled, looked around, then looked back at the princess. "You joke?" "No. He really does go to the bathroom on his own." There was a long silence while Luna became pensive, until she realized: "It's noon, is it not?" "Yes...OH MY! It's feeding time. Thank you for reminding us, Princess Luna." "My pleasure." "Have a good day." the mares all said as they left the room. "Uff. Now I can stop this 'extremely kind and gentle' thing. What am I going to do with you?!" she asked with exhasperation as she held Aethulwulf up in her arms. He was sleeping like a rock. "*sigh* Let's see if I can't ask the cooks to make you some purée. Little foals are such a hard thing to take care of. I suppose this is what my sister wanted me to do. Well, let us do it." A quick trip to the kitchen's doors had an enjoyable ending to it. In three days it would be "Pumpkin's Dining", a celebration held in Canterlot where everything is decorated like a pumpkin, and the main dishes are made from pumpkins. Pumpkins. Luna just drooled at the thought of eating some sweet pumpkin pie. It was something celebrated after Nightmare night, usually. Sometimes it was before. Either way, Luna was eager to try the new pies. The doors to the kitchen were very big and made of a fine wood carved out to look like an assortment of fruits and vegetables. Simply opening this great carving drowned Luna's nose in a hefty richness of sweet. She began to drool without knowing, even Aethul started to squirm on her back. "Princess Luna. What brings you to meh cooking house?" "You mean the kitchen?" "Ya." The cook in question was a weird looking griffin. He had dreadlocks made from twisting several of his head feathers together, but how he made them long enough to reach the wings on his back was anypony's guess. He didn't wear the chef's hat, thinking it would "Ruffle up his style", and even went so far as to color his lion half green and red, as to represent his tribe's colors. In the kitchen, he would dance around to a beat he would make himself and cook at his own rythm. "What you be needin' my princess?"he asked with a wide smile as his green eyes reflected the broccoli he was preparing with some garlic and a type of white cream. This kitchen was pretty cramped. Several ovens and counters were slammed together into a silvery furniture gathering. Pots, pans, and cooking utensils hung from hooks on the walls, and the other cooks were hard at work. It's best not to describe everything they were doing. "I need some mashed food for the little one on my back." "Oh? You're a mother now?" he continued to smile as he mixed up his concotion in a bowl and tilted to the side to see the tiny ball snuggling between Luna's wings. "Sorry ta trouble ya, but da foals be needin' milk from their mother. You should be breastin' him. Aha!" Luna's right eye twitched. "Aha! Ya don't like the thought? Ha! Don't worry, princess. Wet nurses are at your disposition in the nursery nearby. I don't know why we have one in the castle but we do." he shrugged."Besides, I don't think it would look right on you. I shudder at the thought." "What does that mean? That I can't be a good mother?" "No." the cook turned his back and looked completely casual to his surroundings. "And where is this nursery?" "Third floor. Take the steps near the entrance, and when you reach the top, go left. One of the doors is pink with a pacifier on it. That should be the nursery. The head nurse should be there to greet you." "Thank you, Green Pepper." "All a good day."he said, almost making no sense. Luna almost slammed the doors shut in fury, but managed to withhold herself and gently closed them, keeping the elegance a princess should have. She would have continued her conversation about her being a bad mother, but she had a rather short temper when it came to her own self. Just as she started to leave, a furiously loud beat ran throughout the veins of the castle, literally making every nook and cranny shake viciously, making some dust fall off the walls in the process. "Some funky beats to the cooking always put someone in rythm! Nahnahnah!" (Aethul transition) I woke up with a tired yawn as I heard that blasted music booming everywhere and destroying my ears. "The hell is that? Disco music?! Wait, how did I get on her back, and why am I curled into a ball?Wh...what are you looking at?" Luna was looking at me with big eyes indicating cuteness overload. I felt my ears floop down. A Don having become an adorable little thing is enough for me to want to kill myself. "Aww. That wittle yawn was so cute! Ahem. Erm." She readjusted her posture, and I just looked at her with a 'seriously?' look. "I'm going to get you some food, because I'm sure you're hungry. I know that you haven't eaten since you crashed and destroyed my room."she snorted."So I'm going to take you to where there is food." My stomach growled and I licked my lips in eagerness."Meat? I'm going to get a nice juicy steak with garlic sauce?" I "purred" as I landed on Luna's neck with a smiling, open mouth and wagging my tail. I actually had no idea how it was moving. "Yes. You'll get some milk." "Milk?"my head twisted in confusion. "There are some wet nurses on the third floor, although I doubt you know-WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" "Wet nurses? BITCH YOU CRAZEH! I must flee to Valhalla lest I fall in Helheim." I had jumped off her back and ran as far away from her as I could, avoiding every single one of those weird magical projectiles I could. Damn bullets exist here too. Luna even went to call those weird guard guys from before. I didn't escape my bullies by being slow. The first guard, apparently with wings, flew directly at me. I just slid under a stool and watched him smack into it and tumble onto the ground. The second somehow teleported in front of me, but I've dealt with this by way of oncoming cars; by jumping on the hood and sliding away, the hood being his nose. He seemed stunned for a moment, allowing me to escape towards the door open further away. I let a smile rip on my face as I reached the end, until I smashed into another foal of my stature, causing us both to tumble further into the garden. I heard a womanly scream, suggesting that I either hit him hard in the stars or his mother just yelled. Regaining my senses, I realized this guy had a brownish coat that was extremely rough, and a black mane and tail that seemed to out grow themselves, although his fluffy tail seemed to have been going pink at the end. "Watch it!" he said. "Well sorry! I didn't...I know that voice." my eyes began to fill with fury and my heart with bloodlust. His began to narrow and he actually became paler. "A-A-A-A-Adone?!" he yelped, his voice stuttering like clanking cans. "THE RAT!"