//------------------------------// // CROSSOVER pt. 5: Date Night is Troll Night! // Story: Mobius: Equestrian Adventure (Revamped! Old chapters included) // by Mobius of the Moon //------------------------------// Aaaaannnd here's another quote from me! "Eat muffins. They're quite good." -Mobius of the Moon Mike flashed into the cloud house at a speed that, I have to admit, would give Rainbow Dash a hard time. Then he skid on air, actually making a skidding noise, stopping right in front of us. Had he gone any farther, I would have killed him. Crashing into me is not on a list of things you want to do. So instead, Rainbow and I stared at Mike, who looked back up at us, his eyes wide with fear. “Mobius I need your help I just asked Fluttershy out on a date and I have no idea what to do on a date and I don’t think anypony else can really help me so I came to you and oh hi Rainbow what’s up?” Mike sounded almost like Pinkie, just with a deeper voice, “Anyway, yeah, long story short: I need help! Quick!” “Calm down there, cowboy,” I instructed, keeping Mike from a spaz attack with my magic, “Stop freaking out. It’s not a big deal.” “It kind of is,” Rainbow pointed out. I glared at her, and she just shot one right back. “It’s a big deal alright! What am I supposed to act like? Talk about? Is there anything specific I need to do? Oh dear Celestia I should’ve let Rarity actually make me a suit, I could’ve worn that!” Mike ran to the wall and tried to use his routine of banging his head against the wall. Sadly, being a cloud wall, he fell on his rump after bouncing harmlessly off. “…Yeah, we need to help him,” Rainbow decided. “Mike, there are five steps to dating,” I began as I helped Mike get up. “Step one: Don’t panic. Panic shows weakness, and mares hate signs of weakness. Either it shows them that you’re cowardly and aren’t worth it, or it shows that they can get what they want by intimidating you. Neither one ever works out well.” “Maybe you should let an actual mare teach him how a girl feels?” Rainbow suggested. I gave her a despairing look. “Is anything I said untrue?” “…No.” “Exactly.” I turned back to Mike. “Step two: Show off. If you get the chance to show what you can do, do it. Do what you can to impress her.” “So you want me to buck the restaurant to make it collapse?” Mike snarked. Hey, at least I'm giving you tips, bud. I thought. “Only if you don’t get served quickly enough,” Rainbow said with a grin. I chuckled, and Mike had to laugh. “And show off doesn’t just mean show how strong you are,” I continued. “If something weird happens, don’t freak out. Pretend it doesn’t bother you. That way, if Fluttershy gets freaked out, she’ll go to you for comfort.” “And knowing Fluttershy, anything more startling than a cold breeze is gonna freak her out,” the cyan pegasus chimed in. Mike glared daggers at her. “Don’t talk about her like that,” he growled. Rainbow blinked in surprise. “Haven’t even officially started your first date and already you’re getting protective,” I laughed. I had been right all along. “Which actually leads into step three. Defend her. If something bad happens, think of her first. Rush to her and protect her. For anything bad, from a bunch of punk colts insulting her to an Ursa Major stomping into town.” “I’m still somewhat traumatized from the last Ursa Major. Can we not bring that up?” “Would you rather talk about dragons? “…Let’s just get back on topic before I buck you in the nose.” Mike sighed and ruffled his mane with his hooves. I raised an eyebrow. He would get rid of his best source of dating info so easily? Ignoring me, Mike continued, “Okay, so don’t panic, show off, and defend Fluttershy. What are the other two steps?” “’Unknown’ and ‘profit’,” I said, grinning. Mike continued his glare with me. "“Okay, in all seriousness, step four is to try to keep conversations going. Awkward silences are the third-worst thing that can happen on a first date, so talk about stuff as much as you can.” Seriously. When I first dated my date actually fell asleep on me. Wasn't cool. “Keep it interesting, though,” Rainbow added. “If you act like Twilight and just talk about molecular structures or whatever that stuff is, she’ll get bored. Extremely. Preferably, talk about stuff that she wants to talk about, but that you’re still fine with.” That I had to agree with. “This is sounding very complicated,” Mike groaned with a facehoof. “What’s step five?” “Profit.” I stated again. “You used that joke already.” Mike gave me a withering look. “I’m serious. Step five is profit.” I insisted. Mike sighed again, and used his other hoof to add to the facehoof. “This will not end well…” "Well, it could be better, but it could also be worse." I said. Mike gave me another exasperated look. "Really?" I Pinkie swore. "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." A slapped myself in the face. "Ow." Dash shook her head at me. "Mobius, something must be seriously wrong with you." Now it was my turn to look hurt. "Aw, Rainbow! You too?" Mike stepped in between us, "Okay now. Can we get back to talking about my date?" I shook myself. "Yeah, sure. What else do you want to know?" I asked. Mike sat there, sort of stunned for a moment. Then: @@@@@@@ “This will not end well this will not end well this will not end well this will not end well!” I watched Mike in amusement and annoyance as he paced his living room. Why would he panic at a time like this? Not good. The two of them had gone there to prepare the pegasus for the date while Rainbow flew to the restaurant to see if she could find a bush or something for us to watch from. That way, if Mike needed help, he could just find us and ask us while Fluttershy was busy. I personally thought that Mike would do fine, but he was panicking. “Mike, for the last time, calm down. Step one, remember? Don’t panic. That includes before the date, too. Don’t make me summon another bucket of water.” I gestured to the clock on the wall. “It’s six-thirty. You’ve got two hours to go. Don’t spend it turning yourself into a nervous wreck. You’re enough of one already.” Mike stopped his pacing long enough to shoot me a glare. “Thanks.” “Anytime.” Someone knocked at the door and I opened it with... DE MAGICS... wait, wrong moment. Oh well. Any-who, I opened it with my magic. “Find a spot, Rainbow?” “Yep! Has Pomeo calmed down yet?” the cyan pony asked, walking in. Mike growled slightly. “Does that answer your question?” I sighed, facepawing. “Yeah. Just calm down, Mike! You’ve got Ponyville’s coolest pony and a cat from another dimension helping you out here! What could possibly go wrong?” If you hadn't guessed, that was Rainbow. “You know that if this was a story of some kind, you saying that would guarantee that something goes wrong,” Mike pointed out. “Will you stop being so pessimistic?” I facepawed again. “We’re trying to help!” Then I turn to you all. "So, what do you readers think will happen?" Mike stared at me like I was crazy, "Who are you talking to?" he asked. Rainbow looked from me to Mike, "Like I said, problems." I sighed, "Trying to make a joke, guys." Mike again ignored me and continued the conversation, "And I appreciate the help, but your interpretation of helping is significantly different from mine. Rather than finding ways to keep me calm, you’re just telling me to be calm. How do I do that?” Mike, though he had stopped pacing, was shivering slightly. “Um…think of happy things that have happened to you in the past,” I suggested. Then the answer I expected came. “…Yeah, those thoughts don’t exist.” Pessimist. “Try a bit of cider,” Rainbow suggested. A bottle appeared next to me and I floated it towards him. "No way! I am not getting back into alcoholism!” Mike fumed. “You don’t have to chug a whole bottle down. Just take a sip. It calms you.” I didn't know Dash drank. Well, that's new. “Look, no. Just…let’s figure out all my problems and tackle them. First off, I look like crap. Secondly, I don’t know a lot about making conversation. Lastly, thanks to Mobius, now I’m afraid our date’s gonna get interrupted by an Ursa Major.” Stupid pessimist. You're the one who keeps on thinking that, not me! “It’s not.” I sighed. Again. “For conversation, we’ll help you with that when the time comes. For the looking like crap thing, just brush your mane for the first time in your life and it’ll all be good. Maybe I can go get a suit from Rarity or something for you. Now take a deep breath and relax.“ Mike nodded, took a deep breath, and held it. He stood without releasing it for a full two minutes before finally letting it out, coughing and hacking. I sighed.“…He’s right. This won’t end well,” I said aside to Rainbow, who merely nodded. @@@@@@@@ Rainbow Dash and I had situated ourselves as comfortably as possible in the bushes, and we were waiting for Mike's arrival. When Mike rolled his eyes at us, I realized that we were probably visible. I shoved Rainbow Dash down And then Brought my tail under the bush, which didn't really work. We were still visible, as Mike rolled his eyes again in our direction before turning to the restaurant. He had tried to brush his mane, but it ended up looking like bedhead, so Rainbow offered to do it. Of course, Rainbow never even brushed her own mane much, so she wasn’t very helpful. In the end, his mane ended up looking like the cyan pegasus’s, only shorter and pure yellow. His tail, after a full half-hour of brushing, was finally completely straight, though not styled anyway else. I had sent him off with a flick of my tail. His suit was one Rarity had apparently made while she was making his Nightmare Night costume, which I wished I hadn't missed. I heard Mike say, "Partamos, I suppose.” and he walked inside. Rainbow and I sat there, waiting until Fluttershy came. She looked stunning. Her mane was all done up and out of her face. Her dress was like her gala one, and quite nice. It was a light blue instead of green. She walked inside and sat at the table Mike was in. He smiled at her and then a waiter came up... wait, was that... Applejack!? She looked at the two of them and placed some cider on the table before going back into where I assumed the kitchen was. Just then we heard a rustling next to us. Rainbow and I turned to see none other than Twilight and Rarity. Rarity looked extremely uncomfortable, and Twilight had a book about romance in her saddlebag. I sighed. "Really? I mean, I can understand you Twilight, but Rarity?" They both looked up, and our groups stared at each other for a long moment. Twilight was the first to speak again. "Well, Fluttershy came to us for help, and we promised we'd be here if she needed us." Rarity grimaced, "Although this was not what I had in mind." I chuckled, "We can do it, so can you." I said. Rarity glared at me, then scooted on to a different clump of bushes. Twilight followed. Rainbow and I turned our attention back to the restaurant. Shy and Mike were talking. "... animals?" was all I heard of Mike's side of the conversation. "Oh, they're fine. Although Angel got really sick earlier from eating too many carrots when I wasn't looking, and he- " "CHANGE OF TOPIC! CHANGE OF TOPIC!" Mike shouted at the top of his lungs. the whole room stared at their table, and I facepawed yet again. Rainbow muttered something about him being an idiot and then we went back to attention. Mike then launched back into the conversation. Well, sort of... "Uh...ohwaitIjustrememberedIleftmybedonfireI'llbebackinasecond!" he said, turning and running to our bush. Shy was left slightly confused. He pushed into the bushes and stared desperately at us. "What do I do?" he whispered. I stared at him and sighed. "Just go for it! You only live once! Well, unless you're me..." I grinned evilly. Mike glared, "Can you stop thinking about yourself for one second?" he said angrily. I tapped my chin with a paw. Well, I could, but then I'd leave myself open for some kind of assault from Hunter. If I start thinking about Mike I'll suddenly be thinking about some very wrong images of him and Fluttershy. If I pay more attention to myself I can stay alert and make sure I look nice... Well, I don't really care how I look, but you know... I could really go for a muffin right now. Maybe I should start taking them with me to other worlds. That would be interesting. Wait, what am I doing again? Oh, yeah, that. "Nope." I finally said. "I hate you." Mike said. "Oh, you don't really mean that, do you?" I said teasingly. "But really, just go for it! Do whatever you think would make her get more interested. She probably likes you the way you are, but add just a liiiitle flare to your conversation. You know?" Mike nodded then looked to Dash, "You got anything for me?" he asked quickly. Rainbow shrugged. "Nah, not really. Just go on,she's waiting!" Mike nodded and left, his mane a little messy. Rainbow and I sighed at this. Oh, well, guess that's as good as we'll get him. Ever. Mike went back to the table. "So..." he began, "How about singing?" Again, I facepawed. Fluttershy blinked, "Mine or yours?" I heard Rarity mutter something under her bush, but I didn't quite catch it. Mike was struggling again. "Well... I guess just singing in general. I mean, you can sing pretty well, and I can sing pretty well, so... uh, I guess... What do you like to sing?" The question was asked as if he were asking Dash and me if it were a good question. We both groaned. Fluttershy thought for a moment, "Well, I really only like singing, um, quiet songs. I don’t really like loud ones.” “I know what you mean,” Mike nodded, then paused again, “Um…” “So…” Fluttershy fidgeted in her seat. “…um…the food looks good, right?” I was having to strain my ears to hear her, she was speaking so quietly. Mike realize his mistake and quickly picked up his menu, but not before saying: "Oh! Uh…yeah. Looks pretty…” He lifted up the menu and looked confused. “…good.” “Oh, er…I’ll be right back,” Fluttershy hopped to her feet and trotted out of the restaurant. She walked by our bush and then stopped at Twilight's and Rarity's. I could hear them talking. "Oh, darling, you're doing fine. Although Mike must have had some bad teachers." she coughed meaningfully. I had to restrain Rainbow with my magic. Fluttershy protested softly, "I think he's doing fine..." Dash and I turned my attention back to Mike and we waved for his attention, When he looked, I pointed to his hair. Mike shrugged. I pointed to my mouth. He looked like he thought he knew what I was talking about. But then he looked confused again. I grabbed Dash's mane, and she gave a soft squeal of protest. Mike looked at me like I was crazy. I facepawed again. Mike turned back to his table, then a slow realization spread across his face. That's right. I thought. Talk about her hair. Idiot. I for one think my charades were impeccable. He muttered something that I caught as, “I feel like such an idiot," I know. You should. Fluttershy finished her conversation and went back to the table, blushing slightly. I missed the rest of the conversation and asked Rarity, "What exactly did you tell her?" Rarity stared at me, "Like I would tell you. You're so horrible with advice that I wouldn't go to you to ask how to drink water." That's the best you could think of Rarity? I thought. I sighed. "Ah, well. We'll just see how it turns out." We all went back to our respective bushes. Rainbow pressed close and we both watched intently through a little peephole I had created. I could smell her sham... wait, what am I talking about!? That's really odd. I shook my head and turned my attention back to the date. Shy and Mike were both sort of silent as they waited for Applejack, or their waiter, to return. I saw her walking towards the table, and suddenly I could her Dash's breathing acutely. We were squeezed together and... okay, what the hell am I doing. Head out of the gutter, Mobius. @@@@@@@ Author's Note: Hehe, surprise at the end. Don't have any idea why I put that in, but I did. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter, because it'll only get crazier.