//------------------------------// // The Royalty Recurrence // Story: Dr Sheldon Cooper goes to Equestria // by Lancelot //------------------------------// A long, uncomfortable silence loomed over the group. All eyes were on Sheldon, the six ponies knew all too well how much the physicist valued the object. Everypony aboard the chariot was starting to feel nervous and even Rainbow Dash discreetly shuffled a little closer to the guards, in fear that Sheldon might take his anger out on her. Sheldon remained quiet, as if trying to appear calm. He would have succeeded if it wasn't for his rapidly twitching eyes and the violent tremors in his hands. The chariot remained quiet, not a single word was spoken. "Hey! You get all twitchy-witchy too!" remarked Pinkie, finally breaking the terrifying silence. "Well you see, I have this super cool thing called 'Pinkie Sense',which basically let's me--" Sheldon lunged forwards and delivered a swift karate chop to the side of Pinkie's neck. "PINKIE!" Twilight and Rainbow Dash gasped in unison. "Ouchie, why did ya do that for Sheldon? That actually hurt," she stated, rubbing the sore spot on her neck. "I have just dealt a fatal blow to your Carotid Sinus. Your Baroreceptor is now reducing your blood pressure to the point where you will be rapidly losing consciousness within the next few seconds," explained Sheldon, with a smug grin. As quick as lightening, a white Pegasus guard stood up and aimed his spear directly at Sheldon; who retorted by pulling a Chinese Throwing Star from his pocket and mimicking a Ninja stance. The ponies were trying their hardest to hold back laughter, but Sheldon looked deadly serious. "This is an authentic Chinese Throwing Star, and I must warn you. I've seen many people throw them in movies!" "I don't care what movies you've seen; in Equestria we have laws against assaulting civilians. Laws that are punishable, if not heeded," replied the guard, sternly, his spear still dangling inches from Sheldon's face. "You can hardly justify me breaking any laws, the only laws being broken here are the laws of physics," accused Sheldon, gesturing towards the chariot which remained at a perfect ninety-degree angle, despite only two flying ponies pulling it from the front. "Dr Sheldon Cooper, I'm gonna give you one chance to put your weapon down, or I will forcefully remove it from you." Sheldon snorted in response. "I'm going to give you one chance to put your weapon down, or I will contact your superiors, who will 'forcefully remove' your title, position and credibility, as retribution for violently harassing an innocent, tax paying citizen." The guard tilted his head sideways, he wasn't sure if the physicist was joking or if he was actually this stupid. Maybe he was crazy; if that's the case he belonged in an asylum, not the Princess' throne room. He'd given the creature enough chances to surrender anyway; it was time for drastic measures to be taken. The guard edged his spear closer, and advanced on Sheldon. Sheldon's face fell ashen and he flinched. He was actually getting assaulted by a government-funded, self proclaimed 'peace keeper'. Once he regains internet access the first thing he's doing is sending the details of this encounter to Wiki-Leaks. Once the world learns of this misconducted behavior, that guard's short career will be devastated. Before the Royal Guard could take any significant action, an expanding purple light appeared in front of the physicist, which suddenly surged; revealing a lavender unicorn. "Please, hear me out!" she pleaded, waving her hooves around frantically. "I know what Sheldon did was wrong, but he has been personally requested by the Princess. Yes, I know, he's obviously a little crazy, but-" "I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested," interrupted Sheldon. Twilight rolled her eyes and continued. "But I don't think he meant to hurt anypony purposely, he wasn't hostile when we found him, and he's clearly intelligent and capable of rational thought. His outburst earlier was probably blind rage, I'd imagine the item Pinkie damaged had some sentimental value." "Not really, it's just really expensive," added Sheldon. "You're not helping our case Sheldon, I'm on your side here," scolded Twilight. The guard lowered his head and squinted his eyes, deep in thought. "Please, just let me take care of this, I'll tell Princess Celestia about the whole incident later. She'll know what to do," reassured Twilight, with the biggest exaggerated smile she could muster. "Fine," conceded the guard. "Who am I to question the Princess' judgement?" Twilight released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. A contented smile found it's way onto her face, as she turned around to face Sheldon. "Now, Sheldon. Put your Chinese Sta-" "Chinese Throwing Star," he corrected. Twilight ignored him and repeated herself, "Put your Chinese Star away, please." "Chinese Throwing Star," corrected Sheldon, once again. "It's such a simple thing to say, why are you unable to summon forth the mental capacity to do so?" Twilight groaned, and stomped a hoof on the floor, irritably. "I don't care what it's called Sheldon, just put it away!" "How am I supposed to know what you're asking me to put away, if you're not going to refer to it using it's proper title," argued Sheldon. Twilight gritted her teeth. She was so close to retracting her previous statement and letting the guard subdue him. "Will. You. Please. Put. The. Chinese Throwing Star. Away. Sheldon?" uttered, Twilight. "I most certainly shall, thank you for asking so nicely," Sheldon complied, slipping his peculiar weapon back into his pocket. Twilight let out a sigh of relief and used her hoof to wipe a bead of sweat off her forehead. "Darling, If I may inquire... why would you carry around such a bizarre weapon in the first place?" asked Rarity. "A group of Asian college students live on the opposite end of my street," replied Sheldon. "And... how exactly is this related?" "I'm convinced they're ninjas, they always watch me through their window when I leave the building. Leonard thinks I'm paranoid, but he'll come crying back to me when they decide to attack," he explained. "I carry the Chinese Throwing Star whenever I leave the apartment to blend in. It's a disguise, so they think I'm part of their clan." "Ah... I see," bemused Rarity. She didn't understand anything Sheldon just said, so she decided to drop the subject. "What's a 'ninja'? Ah haven't heard of anythin' like that before," inquired Applejack. "Yes, but you live in Texas mom. You haven't heard of a lot of things." "Ninjas! Where!? We need to be on our guard!" Pinkie interjected out of nowhere, pulling a pair of nunchucks from thin air and waving them around defensively. Sheldon frowned, as his gaze landed on the pink pony. "You should be unconscious right now, why aren't you unconscious?" "I dunno," shrugged Pinkie. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy quietly giggled amongst themselves at the prospect of Pinkie actually being unconscious. Both of them agreed it probably isn't possible. * * * The rest of the journey was uneventful, aside from Twilight occasionally freaking out at the thought of being late. The chariot glided effortlessly across the rampant gusts of wind above Canterlot, like a knife through butter. It came to a halt above the lush vegetation of the Royal Garden. The courtyard was beautifully decorated with exquisite rows of exotic flowers and superbly crafted statues. The sunlight glistened, stunningly off a gold-encrusted fountain, which stood idly at the center, sprinkling the surrounding foliage with tiny, droplets of water. The chariot descended gracefully and parked itself on an immaculately tinted stone pathway, next to a cluster of bushes bedecked with wild berries. None other than Prince Shining Armour was there to greet them. He stood vigilantly, his eyes scanned the area for any signs of trouble. He watched the group attentively as they exited their transport, but his face melted into a warm smile as soon as he saw his little sister. "Twily!" he beamed, a grin plastered over the rough exterior of his face. Twilight ran up to her brother and hugged him affectionately, to which the stallion kindly returned the gesture. The platoon of guards accompanying Shining Armour, chuckled and whispered among themselves. Their captain was a stone-cold hardass most of the time, but whenever family was involved he melted like ice-cream on a warm summer day. The two guards from the chariot escorted Sheldon over to Shining Armour to make the necessary introductions. The stallion stood proudly, one hoof around his little sister, and another balancing his spear against his chest. "Greetings Dr Cooper, my name's Shining Armour," he asserted. "I've been sent by the Princess to welcome you." "Shining Armour? That's an interesting name, are you a cleaner by trade?" questioned Sheldon. "Uh-" "Is it true that cleaners are among the lowest paid salaries in the united states?" "He's not a cleaner Sheldon, he's Captain of the Royal Guard," addressed Twilight. "Oh... I see," bemused Sheldon. "Well then, we have a lot to talk about, regarding an unlawful guard that accompanied me on my journey here." Shining glanced down at Twilight, who was beginning to look uncomfortable as soon as Sheldon mentioned the subject. She wished she'd kept her mouth shut about her brother's job. "I'm listening," stated Shining. * * * "And then he pointed a spear towards my face, and threatened me!" asserted Sheldon. "Yes Dr Cooper, I know. But you physically assaulted a civilian. My Guard was just doing his job, nothing less is expected of him." Sheldon folded his arms and snorted in annoyance, "This is ridiculous." "No, Dr Cooper, it's not. I'm sorry, but I have to decline your request to strip him of his rank and throw him in the dungeons." "Very well," began Sheldon. "Can you at least refer me to a rogue ex-guard?" Shining Armour merely glared in confusion, "What?" "You know, one who was drummed off the force because he refused to play by the rules, and now he hires himself out to impose his own brand of rough justice?" "No... Dr Cooper, what are you suggesting here?" he questioned, cautiously. "Nevermind, I'll explain later. It's too early in the morning for excessive social interaction." "If you say so," Shining commented, as he led the group towards the Castle. * * * Sheldon had to admit, the interior of the castle was far superior to outside. He was in a long hallway, beautifully decorated with massive colorful, glass windows. Each one depicting a pony performing an heroic feat. It reminded him of the windows he used to see at church with his mom, in his childhood. Actually, that would explain a lot of things. His subconscious truly is a diverse place. The group stopped in front of a huge wooden door. Twilight looked extremely nervous, she was practically shaking. She let out an audible gulp, then directed her attention to Sheldon. "Right, this is it. Behind this door are the Princesses, the rulers of all Equestria. Please, please, please promise me you'll be on your best behavior!" "I'm always on my best behavior," replied Sheldon. Twilight stared at Sheldon with pleading eyes. "Fine... I promise to be on my best behavior," he conceded. "Thanks Sheldon." Twilight gave Sheldon a small, friendly nuzzle before stepping aside as the Royal Guards used their magic to open the door. Sheldon was greeted by a huge, spacious room. The two reigning oligarchs resided at the opposite end of the chamber. One sat comfortably upon her throne, the other stood close by, gazing down at the group as they approached. The white alicorn stood up from her throne and dismissed the guards, before directing her notice to the arrivals. "Greetings my little ponies. It's good to see you once again." "The honor is ours, Princess Celestia" Twilight smiled. "Likewise, my faithful student." Celestia then shifted her gaze towards Sheldon. "I take it this is our esteemed guest? Dr Sheldon Cooper, we are humbled and grateful for your presence in our fair kingdom of Equestria." Princess Luna stepped forward, alongside her sister and addressed Sheldon. "THY HAST SHOWN US GREAT KINDNESS AND WE ARE THANKFUL THOU AGREES TO HELP US." All the ponies stared at Sheldon in utter bewilderment. He had a meeting with the Princesses, prior to the one taking place now? And he's agreed to help them with something? When did this happen? Sheldon just noticed, literally everyone in the room was staring at him. Had someone asked him a question? He didn't think so.They were obviously waiting for him to do something, so he spoke the only thing that was on his mind. "Wow, that's a big horse."