//------------------------------// // Bender // Story: My Little Professor: Farnsworth's an Idiot // by Lavaman //------------------------------// It was about noon, and the crew had left the Professor with the natives just mere minutes ago. And of course, Bender was already trying to get himself into trouble. He had sneaked off back towards the town square, and decided that he would work his way from there into the market. He had soon realized, probably not too long after they had found civilization, that he'd have to begin collecting the native currency to be able to purchase the precious, life-sustaining alcohol and cigars that make him look cool. His shiny, metal coat (and ass) gleamed in the sunlight as he made his way to the market. Ponies walking by him gawked at what they thought was a coat of solid armor, and were confused as to if he was a royal guard. Bender took notice of this. “That’s right, look at how great I am!” Consequently, he broke into his trademark “Bender is Great” song; it was a song in which he only sings about how “great” he is. He finally arrived at the market square, and began to survey the victims that lay before him with pockets... wait, no. Bender saw that these ponies were as stark naked as everyone on the Nude Beach Planet. So, they didn’t have any pants or pockets to speak of, but what they did have were many purses. So many purses! Purse-snatching was possibly one of Bender’s most favorite crimes to commit besides mugging and holding hostages.        The purses were quite awkward, as they hung over the backs of the ponies; they looked more like backpacks, but Bender didn’t think much about this, as he was too busy concentrating on stealing some money. While it would make more sense to rob a place and get what he wanted from there, Bender thought it safer to steal some local money. He lacked his regular tools at hoof, as he wasn’t planning on robbing any joints the day of the launch to the planet, which was quite unusual for him.         Bender searched the market square using the special X-Ray Coin Detector he had installed into his eyes. He began to search for the pony carrying the most loot, and that was be a pink pony with a white and purple mane, crowned with a princess tiara. That tiara was probably worth stealing, too. The pony was young, and was accompanied by a gray, silver-maned pony about the same age wearing glasses. They were both chatting amiably near the edge of the market.      Bender laughed in excitement as he approached the young filly. He then hid behind a nearby potted plant, and hoped that the odd transformation hadn’t altered or broke his extendo-grip technology. Lucky for him, it didn’t. He extended one of his arms into the filly’s purse-bag-thing, and felt around for the coins. It was a little tough, as they were mixed with an assortment of textbooks, pencils, and... cupcakes? Bender ignored that fact, and kept searching carefully around the bag, till he felt a cold, round object at the bottom of the bag with the bottom of his hoof.        Then a terrible realization came to Bender; the transformation did alter some of his technology, and it was the most useful and simple one of all. His metal claws. How could he possibly pick up anything without the iron pincers? He sobbed a little.       He removed his arm from the bag carefully, to make sure neither of the ponies would notice. “Diamond! There’s a snake in your bag!” “Damn it!” Bender whispered loudly in frustration. “That doesn’t look like an ordinary snake, though... It’s going behind that plant!”         Bender looked around nervously for a place to hide. He didn’t want to get locked up in jail thanks to two bratty ponies; he had crimes to commit! He heard the clip-clop of their hooves against the dirt ground as they approached his hiding spot. Luckily, their legs were very short, and made it hard for them to walk over two miles per hour, so that bought him a little time for him to search for another hiding place.        Sadly for Bender, he was unable to find another spot in a manner of two seconds, as he lacked the attention span to do anything in over two seconds. So naturally, instead of darting away in a stealthy manner somehow, he jumped out from behind the plant and began howling as he galloped right towards the two girls. “AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!” Bender yelled, as he ran through the two fillies, knocking them onto their backs, and causing the rich one’s bags to rip open, making them leak their golden preciousness. Bender halted, as he could not resist the urge to get free money. Awww, but my damn hooves don’t let me pick up stuff! Stupid things... I wish there was a way I could pick the coins up... And as if by magic, his computerized thoughts came true. His antennae was shrouded by a yellow aura, and so were the many coins scattering the ground. Bender was amazed at what was happening or what he was doing right now. He couldn’t tell the difference, but he didn’t care, as long as the coins made it into his chest cavity. Upon the very thought of performing his wished action, his container opened, and all the coins were plopped inside.        The only trouble with his new form is that his chest cavity is on his belly, meaning that whenever he opens it, everything inside would fall out as it succumbed to the merciless forces of gravity. So, as a quick solution, Bender rotated his entire torso so that the cavity would be located on his back. “I’m such a genius,” he said to himself.        By now, since the gathering of coins took merely a few seconds, the two brats had finally gotten up after getting the wind knocked out of them. The dumb tiara-ed one took notice of the absence of her funds. “Hey! That unicorn took the money Daddy gave me! Someone! Catch that thief!” she ordered.         This was the last thing that Bender wanted in a pickpocketing situation: to draw a crowd. Since the filly was screaming like a banshee, all the ponies in the market took notice, and surrounded Bender with intentions that probably weren’t too good for Bender’s sake.         C’mon new powerful money-getting antennae! Don’t fail me now! “I wish I could fly!” yelled Bender awkwardly, with the crowd of ponies really close to him. They all stepped back in confusion at the odd statement, but to their surprise, Bender’s rear was lit with the fire of a his new jet-propelled, shiny metal ass. He promptly sat down, and the rocket-ass did the rest, launching him into the air and out of prosecution’s way. Bender felt that he had flown far enough from the square to be out of harm’s way. So, he had to try and learn how to turn off his rocket ass, as it kept spurting out flames. “Argh! I wish this damn thing would turn off!” His antennae glowed, and just like that, his rocket ass was as if it had never existed. Bender fell on the hard, grassy ground that was beneath him, with a loud clunk, and a possible dent or two. He got up, still very woozy, and rubbed his head with his hoof, which was a bit awkward for him. As he got up, a warning system went off inside his eyes, telling him that his energy levels were running dangerously low.        “Oh, shut up you damned thing! I’m trying my best to find some booze, but this planet is as dry as Kim Kardashian’s talent. Wait a minute, with my new horn thingy, I can just wish some booze for me!” He concentrated, and simply wished for three whole kegs of 900 proof vodka, and of course, when he opened his eyes, there before him lay three wooden kegs, obviously filled with robots’ life-sustaining nectar.         He didn’t hesitate even for a second. Bender rushed toward the keg closest to him, and turned the dial on the tap with his “magic,” or whatever it was. He positioned himself underneath the tap, and let the vodka flow. The alcohol was pouring into his mouth and overflowing, leaking out into the ground and onto his chest. But Bender didn’t care, he was so low on energy. In a matter of minutes, the first keg was drained of its last drops, and Bender moved on to the next keg and did the same thing to it as he did the first. He repeated this for the third keg, but not in such a haste.         He stood up and belched out a huge amount of fire, which licked the surrounding trees’ leaves, burning a few trees to a crisp immediately. This caused the scent of fried apples to fill the air. Bender now took notice of the fact that he was in an apple orchard, possibly the very large one they had seen after they crashed. In his dizziness, fatigue from low energy, and haste, he had not even noticed where he was, and unluckily for him, he was smack dab in the middle of the orchard, quite far from dirt paths and quite lost.         “Well then, if I’m lost, might as well get that GPS system I always wanted installed into my head!” He laughed. He wished for the GPS system, but instead of the image of a map popping up inside his head’s programming, the warning signs beeped alerting him that he was low on energy again. “What the- stupid things! I just drank three kegs of strong vodka! Don’t tell m- me if I- I- I’m uh...” Bender felt woozy and sapped of energy, which was quite confusing for a robot who just overfilled his tanks. Bender turned around and was going to perform another wish to get alcohol, hoping that it would fill his tanks this time, when he was startled so greatly that he literally shat three bricks into a neat pile on the ground.this time, when he was startled so greatly that he literally shat three bricks into a neat pile on the ground. Before him stood the one robot he least expected to be here on this planet with him - the Robot Devil. Many moons ago did Bender joined the religion of Robotology, in hopes of ending his obsession with abusing electricity. In the end, however, Bender ended up committing many sins and suffering “eternal” damnation. He escaped his fiery prison with the aid of Fry and Leela, and for some odd reason, the Robot Devil hasn’t ever bothered to truly pursue his robotic soul.        The odd thing with the Robot Devil was that he was unaltered from his original form. He did not look like a unicorn, or a pegasus, or a pony; he looked like a normal robot leaning against an apple tree. The Robot Devil opened his mouth to speak. “Greetings, Bender! I do hope that you’re enjoying your stay on the planet of Equestria.” “This planet is probably the crappiest of all the planets I’ve ever been to! There’s no alcohol, no cigars, and it’s too damn hard to steal much of anything in this form! Especially since these damn ponies can notice the smallest of details!” He crossed his arms in anger and whispered. “I’d probably be happier in your hell-hole of a place..." The Robot Devil leaned over and held his hand up to his horn. “What was that, Bender? You want more damnation? Alrighty then! Gentlemen?” Music began playing in the background and the hellish robot grabbed a top hat and cane. “No! No! Stop it! I never said anything!” The music abruptly stopped, and the Robot Devil threw away his hat and cane. “What the hell are you doing here, anyway?” “Well, it’s quite simple, Bender! You see, the planet of Equestria is simply the purest and sweetest planet in the whole of the universe! While there are still evils here, those evils are so adorable, petite, and benign compared to the rest of the universe’s evils.” He stated, looking down on Bender. “And so, because of this, I was contacted by a higher power to download a virus into your software. That virus prevents you from wishing up objects that would cast evil unto this world, such as alcohol or cigars.” Bender began to boil up with rage. “What?!?!? Who the hell is this ‘higher power’? Well tell that higher power that they can bite my shiny, metal ass! I need alcohol! All robots need alcohol to function properly! And then they deprive me of my cigars... Damn them! Damn them all to whichever hell they’re supposed to go to!” After venting all his rage in the manner of ranting, Bender has finally broken down, balling up on the grass and beginning to cry at the realization of a ban of alcohol and cigars on the planet. “Come now, Bender! You’ve done this before, haven’t you? When you were addicted to jacking on and getting a high from electricity? It’s for the better, isn’t it? I’m willing to make a deal with you. If you manage to spend the entire time on this trip without committing one single sin, I shall call off the chase to hunt you down and damnate you.”         Bender sniffled, and stood up abruptly. “Hey, wait a minute! You’re trying to trick me, aren’t you? You haven’t been chasing me down! I haven’t seen any of your minions chasing after me or trying to kill me!”         “Oh, but we have, Bender! All those times that something terrible has happened to you or your crew, it has always been us. We’ve been trying to not only stop you from sinning, but we’ve also been trying to drag you back to Robot Hell,” he stated in an almost sing-song voice, dancing around the robot pony.         “Oh really?” said Bender skeptically. “Name one thing that you did to me or my crew that was so ‘terrible’”        The Robot Devil suddenly stopped dancing, and starting looking around the orchard as if for an answer. “Well, there was that one ti- GOODBYE!” The air fizzed with electricity, meaning that the Robot Devil was broadcasting that message live to him via hologram.         “Well, better get a move on, I guess. Maybe I can try and make my own beer? Or...” Bender looked around at the apple trees, laughing maniacally as he hatched a perfect plan and defy the Robot Devil’s wish to prevent him from ruining this “perfect world”.         But, in order to do so, he would have to recieve a bit of help from really anyone who was stupid and uneducated enough to aid him in his nasty plot. Though he was stuck in the middle of the orchard, he was able to make his way quite easily towards one of surprisingly many dirt roads that were scattered around the orchard; the place was just so big that made it harder to locate.         And so, the robot began his journey towards the orchard’s barn, or house, or whatever they had to keep tools and apples and whatnot in. He could only assume that they had one, since most do anyway.       After thinking of a few more things to tie up some loose ends of his plan, Bender grudgingly began trudging along the dirt pathway. The power levels in his tanks had become dangerously low, so his progress was extremely slow-going. The poor machine had never experienced such low levels of power since that one time he converted himself to a Bending Unit model made entirely of flimsy wood. But even then he decided it was best for him to go into power-saving mode, which made it much easier on his batteries. But in this case, he had to work against a fairly steep slope with a battery level of four percent, decreasing fairly rapidly judging on the rate he was going.        But this is due to the fact that Bending Units were never designed with efficiency or the environment in mind. Their only objective was to bend steel girders with complete disregard for the safety of other lifeforms. And yet, even though his battery was nearly drained, Bender still managed to somehow move along dreadfully slow, as he would occasionally pick apples and ferment them with advanced technology. In doing so, he was able to get a small bit of alcohol from them, but he then discarded this process completely, as the amount of energy created from the aging of the apples was far less than the amount of energy needed to age them.         His energy levels had reached to such a low level that Bender was forced to shut down half of his body. So, now it appeared as if Bender had suffered a major stroke, as his right eye was completely black from it being powered down, and he was somehow crawling along with both of his left legs while his right legs dragged along the ground. He was quite miserable at this stage, and was beginning to think it would be best to just power down and be left to rust, or until one of his friends came along and gave him some booze.         But, as he was almost considering this dreadful feat, he saw on the next hill a long line of the colored ponies. A very long line of ponies. So many that the line reached almost all the way back to the hill he was standing atop of now. He was slightly curious about this, even though he was about to die. And his interest was piqued when he began to hear chanting going along the lines of:         Cider! Cider! Apple Cider! Cider! Cider! Apple Cider!       Suddenly, the robot felt a burst of energy run through his system, as his processor involuntarily booted up a small backup power cell in the depths of his mechanical anatomy. It would only provide about thirty minutes of pure, incredible power for robots in desperate need of refueling, only when they sense a source of fuel somewhere.        “Boooooooooooooooooozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!” Bender screamed at the top of his audio device, which caused all the other ponies to look backward towards the top of the hill in bewilderment. Without a second thought, and being bent on pure energy, Bender plowed through the entire line in a blind scurry for alcohol, knocking over many ponies who were patiently waiting in line for cider.         In a matter of seconds, Bender could already see the source which caused the long line: theApple Family’s Cider stand! Bender knocked over the rainbow pegasus standing in front of the stand, who had just received her own mug of cider. But, because of this, she spilt the entire contents of the mug onto the dirt path, causing her to tear up and fly away ever so quickly screaming, “No! Not again! Every year! Ev-er-y year!”        The orange country mare standing behind the stand stood there in sheer confusion, as did her relatives. Bender leaned over the stand and yelled “Cider! NOOOOWWWWWW!” And so, in fear of getting harmed or something of the sort, the family quickly produced a mug filled to the brim with cider. In all their years of Cider Season, they have never seen this armored unicorn, nor have they ever seen a pony step out of line with reckless abandon for the safety of everypony.         Anywho, getting back to the current situation at hand. Without truly knowing how to react to this pony, they simply handed over a mug to him with the haze of complete befuddlement.         Bender snatched the mug from the small foal who was pouring the cider for their customers, who quickly cowered underneath the stand. Bender cocked back his head and let gravity do the work of pouring a stream of cider down his throat, only for him to spit it all out again. He looked the orange mare directly in the eyes, getting extremely close to her face and causing her to back up a tad. “What the hell is this?!? This isn’t Hard Cider! Don’t you damn ponies know how to make decent booze!” he jumped up and destroyed their entire stand in blind rage.         Bender could sense his backup power cell beginning to run low, and he was starting to calm down and revert back to regular old Bender again. So, using the remaining energy he had, he ran at extremely fast speeds, almost topping 500 miles per hour, around the entire orchard to find some ingredients. He dashed into the family’s kitchen and grabbed many, many things: yeast, sugar, pots and pans, matches, and also stole many firewood logs. He then rushed back towards the stand, where the family was helping all the ponies in the line get up and began to assess the damage to their stand.         The orange mare looked across the hill. “He’s back, y’all! Hide! I don’t know who he is or what he wants, but Ah don’t think he has good intentions!” And so, all the ponies either ran away or hid in various places that were close by.        Bender began setting up a small brewing stand for hard cider. His power cell was starting to run dry, and it would cause him to revert back to regular power and feel quite sluggish and drowsy. So, he did his work quickly, adding in the cider, sugar, yeast, and other various ingredients into the pot, and put it over the flame. He had to use even more power to create a starter and speed up the process at which the yeast would ferment, and other various tasks included in the making of hard cider.         In a matter of minutes, the robot had created a large vat of hot cider, which he gulped down all for himself in sweet relief, pausing only once to look up and say with delight “Oh Bender, you sure do know how to make booze!” And so, with his fuel cells completely full, he let loose a very large stream of flames from his exhaust pipe, catching fire to a few nearby apple trees. This, of course, caused the family of apple ponies to come out of their terrible hiding spots and try their best to douse the flames to save their beloved apple trees.         Seeing as Bender was fairly satisfied with his fuel cells fully recharged again, he decided it was a wonderful idea to begin brewing his own cider, hard cider, to sell to all of Equestria. He didn’t give two damns about what the Robot Devil said, mostly because he was lying out of his metallic ass and trying to get Bender to revert back to Robotology. It wasn’t going to happen for a billion years, most likely.         So, with newfound strength, Bender began to build his own stand on the family’s farm, right next to their own stand mind you. With the family’s precious trees safe and uncooked again, the orange mare looked up and spotted the metallic colt doing many unsatisfying things-like he already had not. She of course would not let this stand. “Yeah! What y’all think you’re doin’? This is the Apple Family’s farm, and Ah don’t care if yer a metal psychopath or whatever you are, but you need to get off our property.” the orange mare got really close to Bender’s face. “Or we’ll do it for you.” she said in a menacing whisper. Of course, when anyone begins to harm the Apples’ trees, the orange mare Applejack will immediately without hesitation defend the trees. All fear of this crazy new chrome pony had left her body.        Bender did not walk off, nor did he go into another fit of rage at the Apple ponies. He calmly leaned on the fence he was next to and looked into the orange mare’s eyes. He, of course, had a plan to take advantage of these ponies and defy the Robot Devil’s wishes.         “My dear, I must apologize for my behavior beforehand. You see, I have gone for quite some time without a delicious beverage to aid my dreadful disorder, in which I begin to go berserk after long periods of dehydration.” Bender, of course, did not mean this at all, and he knew better than to reveal that he was a robot to the ponies, even though it was fairly obvious. “I am now trying to remedy this solution by creating another stand for you and your dear family members. I will do anything to help you repair the damage I’ve caused.”         The orange mare blushed slightly at the fact of how much of a gentlecolt this pony was. “Oh, well, I guess it’s alright, if ya have a disorder an’ all... Just as long as you promise to fix everythin’ up, mister...?”         “Bender, m’lady.” Bender was really pulling out all the stops. He was dying slightly inside because of how flirty he was being, but not to get into this mare’s pants. (He had to admit, that he did find her slightly appealing, but it was most likely due to the fact that his anatomy had changed greatly.)         “Well, nice to meet ya, Bender! Mah name’s Applejack, and this is Granny Smith.” She pointed to the elderly green pony walking feebly towards the two ponies introducing themselves. “My brother, Big Mac.” He was a large red stallion who was well built. “And my little sister Applebloom.” A small pony with a tan coat and a giant bow in her mane walked up, slightly scared of the mysterious pony.         “A pleasure to meet you all.” Stated Bender in his bullshit gentleman voice. Applejack promptly turned away from the conversation, as she had a pressing matter to attend to: the ponies who had been knocked over and scurried to find a hiding spot.         “Listen y’all, cider season is going to be postponed for a while due to the sudden turn of events.” All the ponies who were still at the farm poked their heads out from behind the trees or the clouds, depending on what breed they were, of course. “We’re all quite sorry to tell ya this, but we’ll do our best to get operations running again soon.” All the ponies immediately turned around, moaning and groaning about how something terrible seems to happen ever cider season.         Applejack turned back to her family and Bender. “Well, how are we gonna make our quota this year? Mister Bender here appears to have drank all our remainin’ cider, and not only that, most ponies seem to have been turned off of cider season because of how limited our supply is every year.”         “I think I have a suggestion,” Bender chimed in, arousing all of the Earth ponies’ suspicions. “Well, it isn’t too hard to create regular apple cider, all you need to do is get those ‘perfect’ apples, and then squeeze them and let it sit overnight to create a pure liquid. But... I have a plan that is sure to bring major profit to you and your family. You see the little stand I made here? It’s a brewery to create hard cider. Hard cider has alcohol in it, which is probably one of the best things ever created! I can guarantee you that it’ll be a major success with all the ponies of Ponyville.”         The Apples were unsure as to what they should do. Should they really trust him? They were merely putting up a bit of a guise as to make him believe they trusted him, but they were trying to act calm towards the pony since he seemed prone to causing mass havoc and also they had no idea what the hell he was. They debated and pondered this issue for quite a good while, and decided it was best to go along with this plan, seeing as they had not many other options to choose from, and they were quite strapped for bits as it was at the moment.         “We’ll do it. Anything you need to accomplish your plan to add ‘al-kee-hawl’ to our cider, we’ll get it or do it fer ya,” Applejack said with a worried look on her face. “Oh, I hope this plan works...”         And the plan was working! But definitely not in the Apple’s favor-at least, to end with. Bender’s plan was extremely simple and pretty fool-proof. He had even devised a simple checklist: 1. Fool the owners of the apple orchard into trusting him. (Check!) 2. Make hard cider for not only his personal use, but for the other inhabitants of the planet, too. (Check!) 3. Cause havoc and make the world into a crime-ridden place. (Getting there!) So, Bender was getting two things out of his hair-brained scheme: one being alcohol to recharge his fuel cells, and two being the ability to perform crime without all the inhabitants making a big deal out of it. --- It had taken almost a whole night and a day, but Bender and the entire Apple family had pulled it off - they had reconstructed the stand, created a large amount of pure apple cider from apples that Granny Smith had approved of, and brewed it all into numerous barrels of hard cider. It seems like a truly impossible feat, but they were somehow able to pull it off (mostly because Bender was able to use his magic and robotic abilities.) And the big day had finally arrived. The Apples had announced that they had happily created numerous amounts of their new and improved recipe for what they called “Special Feel-Good Apple Cider”. This was because the entire family had sampled a whole bottle each, and of course, since not a single pony on the planet had ever been exposed to alcohol before, had gotten drunk in a matter of minutes.         Because news spread around town like a wildfire that the Apples had created a new brand of apple cider, and had numerous amounts of it, practically every single resident of Ponyville and the inhabitants living around it showed up; even a few upper class snobs from Canterlot had gotten word of it, and as they put it, “Simply have to try this new ‘awl-koh-hawl’." and how it would probably "Taste simply ravishing in tandem with a wonderful glass of grape juice."         In less than an hour or so, the Apple family had gotten rid of their entire batch, and everypony was capable of getting at least five mugs each, especially the one rainbow pegasus, who had somehow met Fry along the way.         “Hey Fry, how’s it goin’?” said Bender as he began cleaning a mug.         “Oh, pretty good. These wings are awesome! I was able to do some sort of cool thing where my ass lit a rainbow in the sky or something like that, and I broke the sound barrier.”         “Good for you. Now buy a mug or get out!” said Bender rudely, and Fry, being the idiot he is, purchased a single mug with the money he “borrowed” from his rainbow friend.         Now all Bender had to do was wait. And it really wasn’t a long wait, actually. He barely had time to look at five minutes of his ten thousand terabytes of porn stored in his hard drive before there began to come rumors of regular ponies who had gone sour, angry, and thirsting for more cider. And the most wonderful part about all this was that the ponies were committing so many crimes that had never even been conceived of occurring. So many, in fact, the palace guard from Canterlot had to come in to try their best to ease the situation, but to no avail whatsoever. “Catch you all on the flip side, ponybags!” said Bender, as he dashed towards the town square yelling in glee. The Apple family waved goodbye in bewilderment, right as the coin box holding all the profit they made from the hard cider was stolen from them by Derpy Hooves, who was handling the alcohol not too well.         Bender looked at the town across from a distant hill which led towards the farm. Fires, riots, guards, and screaming as far as the eye could see. “This sounds like it’s gonna be fun on a bun!” yelled Bender, as he kept galloping towards the city.        He began going crazy. He didn’t care what precisely he did, he just wanted to commit crimes. He did a bit a stealing, he punched a bunch of guards, who had pretty much given up the whole thing by now, and he probably even did a few more serious crimes...         Like stealing candy from a foal. That’s a serious offense.         Bender really didn’t remember much of what precisely he did, but all he knew was that he was elated at the fact he was a part of it. And when the whole town was finished being pillaged, he could lead his alcohol-driven hoard towards other towns, and become King Bender the Great, of Equestria!         But it appeared that Bender’s ambitions were too far-fetched and outlandish, for not long after he had filled his arms and compartment up with junk from other pony’s homes and businesses, other ponies began stealing the stuff he stole. They would simply come up to him, perhaps knock him over, and then steal anything that he may have dropped. “Hey! Come back here you little bastards!” he yelled as he chased after two ugly unicorns with the marks of a snail and scissors, who had simply picked up all the stuff he was carrying with magic.         His plan was failing completely now. Not only were other ponies stealing stuff from him, but they were also beating him up and just being really mean to him in general.         As Bender looked across the road with a tear in his robotic eye, he saw a familiar silhouetted figure hiding in an alleyway. He crawled over to him, hurt and broken. “Please... help... I’ve done something terrible...”         The pony looked down. “Sweet Celestia of Equestria, I’ll say you’ve done something terrible, mon!”