//------------------------------// // Civil Conversation // Story: Me and My Lord of Chaos // by Abryssle //------------------------------// Celestia didn't take too long. That was rather fortunate; I was falling asleep in Discord's obnoxiously warm, comfortable means of embrace, and the slam of her door against her wall as she entered snapped me back into awareness. I blinked tiredly and lifted my head back off Discord. "Our gracious host joins us at last," Discord said. Celestia's horn glowed, and the door behind her swung shut, held in a bright golden-yellow glow. She looked bitter, face flat but with stern, spiteful lines etched at the edges of her forehead, mouth and eyes. "I really do hate you, you know," she said flatly, without emotion, as she bent her legs to sit down in front of us. "There's no reason at all for you to teleport here besides angering me." She did not mention our position. "There is privacy," Discord said in response. "Aaron here is shy and timid. Presuming you actually want to speak to him and have him be sort-of functional, and I know you will, this is a decent place." He gave a small chuckle. "Also, angering you is fun." Celestia sighed. "Fair play, I suppose. Could you conjure some wine?" "I could," Discord answered. He snapped, and a blue-tinted bottle of wine appeared on the ground between us all, along with several glasses. "I can't drink," I said immediately. "Well, you can," Discord said. "Shouldn't," I corrected myself. Celestia ignored us and started pouring herself a glass, as Discord argued that my new reservoir of magic would remove anything harmful in my system after a little while and I said stuff about how it wasn't legal and also about how, "Wouldn't that ruin the point?" Discord laughed at that. In the end, I ended up holding a glass of grape juice. I suppose Discord had filled it so I wouldn't feel left out. He then poured win for himself, took a sip, and then stared expectantly at Celestia. She said nothing for a moment, then closed her eyes and released a long breath, as if in bracing. When her eyes opened, she spoke. "Well, I can't remove you without all of the elements, at least not as of yet. So what do you want?" "Hmmm... Some anarchy, a fancy chair to sit on, and the ability to enjoy a mundane life with my boyfriend here," Discord said. "Though, conveniently for you, I've been in essence banned from anarchy. Not doing anything to anypony without approval is mildly inhibitive to conquest. So. Really, just the fancy chair and mundane, average god-of-chaos life." Celestia's eyes moved over to me. "You actually are holding the leash?" "Well, he says so, at least," I answered quietly. Hmm. That was supposed to come out louder. She gave me a harshly questioning glance. "He's obeyed everything I've ordered so far," I added, a bit louder. "So far as I know," I added a second after that. "Ours is an interesting relationship," Discord commented empirically, as he took another drink of wine. "Yeah, it is," I added. Celestia ignored both of us and kept her eyes firmly on me. "What matters is that, between you two, I'd appeal to you so as to prevent conflict, correct?" "Yeah, I guess," I said. "He guessed right," Discord added. Celestia ignored him again. "What would you demand?" "I don't know," I said. "Mostly just peace, I guess. Which is what you want. I don't even know if we need a discussion." Celestia looked over meaningfully to Discord. "I'm not sure it can be so simple." "I'm not submitting to your authority, if that's what you're implying," Discord said. "Though if I'm doing nothing to any of your citizens, I hardly think that should matter to you. I plan to be an unlawful, depraved, cruel bastard, true, but I'll be doing those things privately. For the most part." He paused contemplatively. "Maybe not the depraved component..." "I can't allow that," she said immediately. "Why?" I asked. "Principle," she said back, as though the idea of "principle," could in-context justify a large scale conflict of gods. And me. I took a drink of my grape juice. Gods and me. "Why can't we just compromise?" I said. Celestia's gaze still didn't look away. The continuous scrutiny under her bright pink eyes was beginning to get to me, even though we'd been talking for less than two minutes. I took another drink; My throat suddenly felt rather dry. Probably nerves. Or maybe just an extension of my being in barely-functional condition. "I accept that Discord walking around your country unrestrained except by me, who you don't really know, is unnerving, and, well, how horrifying what I just said sounds, but I mean... The alternative is that you two just fight, and then you for sure have stuff get damaged. Or just very strange, I guess, since Discord won't do anything to any of you without permission." "True. But there's little point in making a peace between two sworn foes. Discord cannot tolerate concord. He'll break any oath he'll make here." "We don't need an oath. We just need niceness," I said. Discord laughed. "Niceness?" Celestia said. The word sounded forced from her lips, and positively coated in spite. "Yeah, uh... Niceness." Celestia looked bitterly at me for a moment. "Has Discord displayed such a thing to you? And I don't mean superficially. I mean, has he ever—just once—made a personal sacrifice for you, or has he simply been following you around and laughing at you?" I started to respond, and then the question sunk in, and instantly slaughtered the yet ill-defined answer I'd almost uttered. I looked over my shoulder to Discord. His face was a relaxed mask with a grin painted on, and I couldn't read into its artificial construction. He raised his eyebrows. "Go on, answer." I looked back to Celestia. "Mostly the following and laughing," I said. Celestia smiled then. It was a horrible thing to behold, some kind of awful blend of sadistic joy, contempt, and pity. The pity stung the most, even though it was the most vague and subdued of the elements; I couldn't even see where the idea it was there had come from. Nothing on the surface of Celestia's grim visage implied it existed. "I see," Celestia said simply. "Did you enjoy that?" Discord asked suddenly. "Hmm?" I muttered in response. "Excluding the most unfortunate elements of our combined journey—eternally losing your access to your home dimension and family, getting knocked out once—have you enjoyed being followed and laughed at?" "...Yes," I said hesitantly. "Ignoring those, yes. I think." Discord's face radiated joy for a moment above me, despite the uncertainty. "My point stands," Celestia said. "Discord is selfish, unpredictable, and completely untrustworthy. I'll not be ni-" "Sister!" came a muffled shout. The door swung open in a dark magical field. All three sets of eyes in the room turned to look. Luna, I thought. The dark alicorn stood in the open portal, a frustrated look on her face. "Lu-" Celestia began. "How dare you presume to ignore us in a matter as important as this!" Luna cut in. "I thought you had learned after the changelings to keep me more involved!" "Luna, this is just a conversation. We're doing nothing of importance," Celestia said tiredly. "A conversation with an enemy over politics, yes," Luna said in a rather appreciably clever riposte. Celestia said nothing back. Luna closed the door behind her as she walked and sat besides her sister. She gave us a strange look as she did so—whether due to the oddity of the circumstances, my strange and new presence, or the way I was currently enveloped in Discord's body, was impossible to say. It could have been all of those things, really. All of them certainly seemed worthy of a confused glance. "Hi," I said. "Aaron." My hand shifted forwards along Discord's spine a little bit to extend in offering before I realized how stupid my current position would have made it look. Also that Luna didn't have any hands to extend towards my offered one. After those realizations and a short surge of embarrassment, I stopped. "I am Luna, Princess of the Night," she said, thankfully not offended by my stupidly casual greeting. She looked between the faces of the rest of us, eyes open and perceptive. "Where do we stand?" "Awkward, vague compromise, potentially," Discord said. "Without the elements, we do seem to be heading that way, yes," Celestia said quietly. "That is good," Luna said after a moment. "In a way, yes, I suppose it is," Discord said. Celestia took a massive drink of wine and said nothing further. Luna looked at her sister with irritation for a moment, and then looked back to me. "What manner of beast are you?" "Huh?" "To what species do you belong? I've never seen one of your kind, you see," she said, in a mild tone. I was glad that she seemed to have learned normal speech habits in the indeterminable time gap between "Luna Eclipsed" and what was happening now. If there was a time gap. I was likely in an alternate universe—I couldn't see the Hub having suddenly having a number of episodes following a weird gay romance between a defeated antagonist and a human. Though, I wonder how the fandom would react to that... "I'm a human," I said. "From some dimension. I don't think it's named." "Intersting," Luna said, with what to my surprise sounded like genuine interest. "Am I correct in assuming by your close proximity to Discord that the two of you are partners?" Discord snickered. I knew a blush had yet again blossomed on my cheeks. "Yeah, I guess," I said. "Are you mortal?" she asked. "Yes." Luna looked over to Discord. "This is your current choice?" "Mmmhmm," Discord said. "He's weak, freaky, and decently cute in behavior. If not looks." "I don't understand your decisions, as usual," Luna said calmly. "Fair enough. Neither do I," Discord said. I gave a tired chuckle. "So, are we done? It feels like we're done," I said after yet another pause. Well, mumbled, more. I was tired and still felt rather small in my present company. "I suppose we are. A temporary ceasefire, accepting that you do no harm. "Harm," as defined by me," Celestia said with a firm, flat voice. "Fair enough," I said. "Would you prefer us to be anywhere in particular?" Discord asked. "Hmm?" "Would you—that is, Celestia, in case you've forgotten your identity somehow—prefer me and Aaron to settle down in one location? You know, to provide you a place to go if you need to speak with us or confront me about some kind of horribly destructive, cataclysmic event that might occur within this ceasefire period. That sort of thing," Discord concluded. Celestia stared with bitter indifference toward him for a moment. "You may live where you like. But away from others." "Nice," I said. I looked back to my draconequus boyfriend. "Discord, let's go to... There." "Where?" he asked. "Wherever. Home." For a moment again, my life a week ago flashed in my mind. That home. That house. Its occupants. My family. I closed my eyes at the vague, hollow ache the memories, which felt already distant though they were not, gouged into my chest. "Our new home." "You don't want a say on where that is?" he asked, with a perceptive softness. "Nah. I don't know Equestrian geography. It'd be like getting advise on what color to paint your walls from a blind man." "Very well, then. I'll decide." Discord put his fingers together. "For now," he added, after a moment. "He gave a curt nod to Luna. "Always a pleasure, Luna." He turned to face Celestia. "Also a pleasure, despite your efforts. Enjoy the wine~" And then he snapped. And I let the flash overcome me, not caring where it might take me.