Lyra stood smirking as Rainbow Dash took off. Fluttershy placed herself between me and Lyra, her movements eerily similar to my own when protecting someone from a threat.
“Matthew still needs his rest Lyra, maybe you could come back tomorrow.” I had expected Fluttershy to get all silent and shy now that there was a pony I assumed she didn’t know very well. Apparently not.
“Fluttershy, you’ve been fussing over me for three whole days. I don’t know about you but I need to get out before I go stir crazy. I’m going to put on some of my armor and Lyra is going to take me on a tour of Ponyville, then I’ll come back, we’ll redress my leg and I’ll stay with her and Bon-Bon tonight. I want you to take it easy, spend some time with Angel, hell, go on a date, but you need to relax and I need to get out.” I leave them outside and limp back into the house, just inside the door sits a tidy pile of metal with the left leg of my bodysuit folded on top.
Lyra and Fluttershy followed me and watched as I suited up. Fluttershy seemed nervous of me as more armor went on. It wasn't much armor, just the full leg armor, torso, and right forearm plate. It left most of my body covered only by the bodysuit. It was the bare minimum I was comfortable with I squatted down so I was eye level with Fluttershy, she didn’t meet my eyes.
“Fluttershy, look me in the eyes.” She did, her eyes were an almost unnatural shade of blue, like she’s been into the melange shade of blue. I smiled at her and she did her best to return the gesture with a nervous grin.
“Good, now what do you see? Am I a different person? Does putting on the armor make me less me?” I thought it did, but that was a technique to make it easier to change my mindset to one more capable of causing serious injury. Not something to reassure scared girls.
“This is what I need to wear to stay safe, ok? It doesn’t change anything about me.”
“But it makes you look all big and scary and intimidating.” Fluttershy looked towards her couch as if trying to establish if she could fit under it.
“You didn’t have a problem when you met me in it.” I must have sounded hurt because she seemed to be attempting to melt through the floor.
“That was because you were hurt and scared and I didn’t know that you were supposed to look different.” I sighed, I guess there’s simply no changing Fluttershy.
“Promise me you’ll never hide from me just because I’m wearing my armor. If you do it’ll hurt my feelings.” I felt a hint of guilt for manipulating her like this.
“O..kay, I promise.” She tried to look brave, but only managed to pull off a level of bravery equivalent to an abused puppy. One of these days I know I’m going to mess everything up by petting a pony just like a dog. I managed to stop myself but Lyra didn’t look pleased.
“Sorry Fluttershy, I’ll see you later.” I walked out of the room, the bodysuit and leg assembly make walking easier, even if I still limped slightly. Lyra stayed close by my side, most likely to catch me if I stumbled.
We made it to the center of town with no issues and it was virtually identical to the show, minus the million extra subtle details that were never in the show. It was just like the second reality, the broad brush strokes were identical but the reality exceeded even my most vivid imagination. I paused in front of the town hall, it looked like it had seen better days... or a war.
My eyes were wide with wonder and tried to take in everything at once, I’m sure I must have been grinning like a kid at christmas.
“Can I take you home?” She gave me the puppy dog eyes, or was that pony eyes? I snorted in amusement.
“I don’t know Lyra, taking care of a human is a lot of work, you have to feed him, play with him, give him lots of affection, clean up his messes. It’s a lot of responsibility for a young filly, are you sure you’re up to it?” I tried to say it in the same tone my mother had when we had gotten my first dog, I think I managed to pull it off pretty well... Perhaps too well, Lyra was nodding her head so violently I was almost afraid it would come flying off.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to stay calm. I had to fight the urge to laugh but at the same time Lyra was over eager and probably dead serious. That should be terrifying, the irony of me being scared to treat them like animals and Lyra’s desire to treat me like her pet was probably what I found so funny.
“Noooo Lyra. I was...” I burst out into laughter, I couldn’t keep it together long enough to tell her I was joking, besides Lyra wasn’t stupid, she had to know I was joking, right?
My threat alarm tweeted from the speaker embedded in my forearm plate. The pitch told me it was a physical impact from behind, the speed and volume told me that it was imminent and probably going to hit me hard enough to knock me off my feet. If I’d been wearing my helmet it would have just shown me the threat, deciphering the audio alert took longer, I could hear a buzzing behind me, I froze as my mind struggled to identify the sound that for some reason made me want to smile.
Ponies scattered as if a grenade was tossed in their midst. I turned towards the sound. Why I didn’t even try to move out of the way is beyond me.
Hesitation can get you killed, or in this case run over by a red wagon being pulled by a pegasus filly on a scooter, as I flipped head over heels time slowed as my mind filled in the blank, it was very similar sound to what Scootaloo’s wings sounded like on the show.
I managed to get my hands up in time to avoid face planting in the dirt roadway. The sound of tires screeching to a stop sounded behind me.
“Oh my gosh we hit Alex! Scootaloo why didn’t cha watch where you were going!” I could name only a few ponies with a southern accent like that, and only one that would be party to turning me into a bowling pin.
“I told you we were going too fast, Scootaloo. One of these days we’re really going to hurt somepony.” That voice could only belong to Sweetie Belle, she sounds even more adorable than she does on the show.
The rarest of sounds filled the gap, silence. If it weren’t for the fact I was on my hands and knees recovering I’d have thought I’d passed out again.
“Sapphire’s right, that’s not Alex. Lyra who is that?” Which left the obviously tomboy voice as Scootaloo... Who’s Sapphire? I hopped back to my feet, my left leg protesting but between the leg armor and bodysuit it had been protected from further injury.
“I’m Matt, I got here earlier this week. I figured small town gossip would have made the rounds by now.” I tried not to be offended, I’d gone out of my way several times in the past to stay low key, so why should I be annoyed by actually managing to pull it off for once?
“Geez are you sure you’re alright, Scootaloo hit’cha pretty hard.” Apple Bloom sounded concerned, maybe it was because I was very obviously putting most of my weight on my right leg. I spread out my weight and managed to not flinch at the pain.
“I’m fine, see? Now what are you girls up to today?” It dawned on me what I had just asked them.
“We’re trying to earn our cutie marks in mail delivery.” Oh that wasn’t so bad,
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, MAILMARES! YAY!” Yes it was. I’ve stood in between thousands of screaming fangirls and their idol, they could have taken lessons on how to scream from these fillies.
The fourth threw me for a loop. She looked like she could be Dinky Hooves, but her eyes shone a brilliant sapphire filled with a fierce intelligence and strength of character that almost seemed out of place on a young filly.
I found myself liking her instantly, I lowered myself to my knee so I would be closer to her height.
“I recognise your friends, but who are you little filly?” I spoke gently to her, softly. My instant affection for her something about her raised a small red flag in the back of my mind. I mean, I’d always found the pony kids to be adorable, but I didn't know her at all. Feeling sudden attachment to a pony I just met left me wondering if there was some form of magic involved. I’d have to set up the MRI in my helmet to watch for unusual or unnatural reactions.
She stared directly into my eyes with her sapphire ones. One word lingered in my mind, sapphire.
“Her name is Sapphire. She can’t talk but she can usually make herself understood. She’s the newest member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.” I’d never heard of a disabled pony other than Derpy’s before, and even then Derpy was classified as an animation error at first.
“Hi Sapphire, nice to meet you.” I looked up at the other, better known Crusaders. Apple Bloom looked fairly neutral with just a hint of curiosity, I was slightly concerned with the look in Sweetie Belle’s eyes as it looked like she was assessing me for something, if I got dragged along for a CMC outing I would probably end up scratching my armor or worse, have to spend a few hours cleaning it.
Scootaloo’s reaction however was the most interesting, unlike most other ponies who seemed curious or friendly she looked cautious and perhaps slightly scared, almost like she was expecting me to try and gobble her up. Despite this, she was the closest and gave me a defiant glare.
“My dad says you’re dangerous and that I should be careful around you.” Her dad sounded like a clever pony.
I smiled down at the brave little filly, “Oh, and just who is your dad?”
Alex walked towards us from the direction of the market. I wasn’t sure what he could possibly want. “I am. I adopted this little angel about half a year ago.”
Lyra's voice was incredulous, “Wait she calls you dad? Is it right for a filly to call one of her mothers that?” We all looked at Lyra, not having a clue where that came from. I recovered first.
I managed to say, with a slight smile, “What?”
“Isn’t Alex a female? I mean Alex has nipples, only females have nipples.” I burst out laughing.
She thinks Alex is a girl? That’s hilarious.
“What!? No, I’m a male. Human males have vestigial nipples, they don’t have any functionality.”
“I thought you were trying to court Matt for your herd, despite it being a functional system it’s not very common. I assumed that you were trying to establish one.” Lyra sighs, ”I’m going to have to re-write the entire chapter on mating behaviours, males with nipples... kinky.” I stop laughing for a second to look at Lyra, her expression setting me off again.
I clutch my chest as my laughter gets worse.
Applebloom looked at Sweetie Belle questioningly, “What’s kinky mean?”
Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes in frustration, “I don’t know, why does everypony think I’m a dictionary?”
Scootaloo, obviously proud of her feat of deductive reasoning, said with a grin, “I know! Maybe it has something to do with what happens when you bend a hose?” We all looked at her, not understanding. She answered our unasked question, “You know. Kink in a hose? A hose with kinks.” She could read our reactions, “No? Aww...”
Sapphire looks on curiously as if this is the secret of life, this just sets me off more. I fall to my knees clutching my chest. I manage to calm down for a moment, “Guys, guys please. There’s kids here.”
“Dad, what’s kinky? Are you and mom kinky?”
Lyra smiled, lost in her memories, “I know Rainbow could be. Me and Bons sometimes take turns pretending to be the stal-” I clamp my hand over Lyra’s muzzle to keep her from finishing that.
“Is that like what happened with Cheerilee and Big Mac when we accidentally gave them love poison? Like in Sugarcube corner?” Sweetie Belle squeaked out the last part, I could feel my entire insides trying to explode, I let go of Lyra’s muzzle and clutched my chest again.
“That was kind of hot.” I clamp my hand over Lyra’s mouth yet again. Too late.
Sweetie Belle’s face lit up in her own brilliance, “So if something hot happens it’s kinky?” Again, her voice squeaked on the last word and melted my heart.
“Come on girls, let’s go to sugarcube corner and ask Pinkie Pie for some kinky pastries! Maybe we can get our cutie marks in being kinky.” Scootaloo hops on her scooter and the other CMC pile in the back of the wagon, leaving Alex stunned, Lyra lost in her memories and me rolling on the ground laughing so hard that tears streamed out of my eyes.