“Look, you probably just slipped, hit your head, passed out, had a weird dream,” Hex said dismissively, “You tend to daydream. What’s to say this wasn’t a dream?”
I doubted my own memory. Hex was right; I daydream a lot. I found my life boring, so I routinely escaped into dreams and fantasies. It was entirely possible that I had imagined the whole thing.
But it seemed so real. I didn’t buy it.
“Hey, focus!” Hex ordered. He led me through a door back into the main ballroom. The party was still in full swing. Even more evidence that I was going insane. Had it all been in my head?
CRACK!
Hex hit me!
“FOCUS,” he growled, “Stop thinking so much or your brain will short out.”
I sighed. It was possible the whole thing was imagined…but it didn’t feel like that. The mare had mentioned, ‘We know a message had gone missing.’ Could that have been the letter I got weeks ago?
“What happened to that letter I gave you?” I asked Hex. I remember he didn’t answer earlier when I asked.
He groaned loudly and said, “Am I going to have to smack you again?”
“Be serious. I just had a run-in with a nut who tried to kill me,” I replied.
He rolled his eyes and said, “AGAIN, maybe you imagined it.”
I persisted, “I got a weird letter. The mare mentioned a message went missing. She knew I talked with Princess Celestia after you ran off.”
Hex stopped and stared at me, “You ran into the Princess?!”
I waved my hoof and said, “Yes, but that’s not important! This mare was watching me! She said something about bringing down the princesses! THIS IS SERIOUS!!” My voice had risen to a shout, causing several ponies around to stare.
Hex sighed and said quietly, “Look. You need to calm down. Put it out of your head, and we’ll talk later about it.”
I took a deep breath and tried to relax.
Hex started walking again, and said, “We’ll talk later, ok?”
I shrugged and followed him. He wasn’t in the mood to discuss it, so it will have to wait until later. There was no use forcing it.
“Cheer up dude!” Hex said, punching me lightly on the shoulder, “You ran into Princess Celestia! That’s pretty cool! Plus, you’re gonna meet Princess Luna in a second or two! One more, and you’ll meet the whole set!”
Huh?
HUH?
Lost in my thoughts, I failed to realize where Hex was leading me. We had crossed the ballroom and exited out onto a large terrace overlooking the valley below. There, standing in the moonlight in a beautiful ice blue dress that matched her mane, was Princess Luna. Any thoughts having to do with the odd situation I was in quickly vanished.
“I ran into her at the Wonderbolts show! I figured I’d introduce you-“ Hex stopped when I began walking back the way we came. I got three steps before Hex popped into existence between the door and me.
I quickly came up with an excuse, “Sorry, I don’t think I can meet her! I have to…go…” Think of something you moron! “It’s getting pretty late…and…Moorfrost! Yeah! She’s staying up for me, and I feel bad staying out late. She’s so nice to me.”
Hex’s eyebrow arched. He wasn’t buying it. He grinned darkly and said, “Emerald Shine! I’m surprised! Are you nervous about meeting the love of your life? The one you’ve been obsessing over for…what, half a year? Don’t worry! I’m here to help break the ice!” Suddenly, Hex’s magic surrounded me and spun me back towards Luna. “Who knows,” His evil grin had returned, “You might even get laid!”
Why was I friends with him again?
I stood rooted to the spot. There she was. The longer I looked at her, the more beautiful she seemed to become. Sure, I could go talk to her. It’d be totally normal. Say hi, chat a little, nothing big. What’s the worst-
GRADUATION CEREMONY.
My eyes widened in shock. Yes, it could be a repeat of that! My eye twitched. Oh no…what if she remembers me?!
“Hello?” Hex asked, waving his hoof in front of my face.
I didn’t blink. The scenario I was watching in my head had my attention.
She’ll recognize me.
Celestia appears.
She’ll protect Luna.
Banished to the Sun.
I felt Hex starting to push me slowly towards Luna. He said, “Whatever worst case scenario you have in your head won’t happen. Just go talk to her!” His light tone sounded to me like a horrible omen.
I dug my hooves into the stone as I said, “She’s not going to like me. Better to have loved and lost and however that saying goes.”
Hex groaned and said, “That saying really doesn’t apply. Just go talk to her.”
We were getting closer. Slowly. My vision started spinning. It always did that when I was panicking. I can’t do this!
“She’s talking to those guys! We’ll come by later when she’s free.” I replied.
“So? Those guys look like tools. I bet they have the IQ of brain-dead plankton. Be more interesting!”
“Uh…But…”
“NOT LISTENING LALALALALALA!”
“Please don’t do this.”
“TOO LATE!”
With that, Hex gave me a final shove.
With that, I was stumbling towards Luna.
Stumbling towards…
MY DESTINY.
Apparently my destiny was to stumble face first into the side of the stallion talking to Luna.
“Hey!” the stallion barked as I picked myself up from the floor. I blinked the stars out of my eyes. It felt like I ran into a brick wall. He shoved me hard and said, “Watch where you’re goin’ chump!”
“Oh! Uh…” I muttered. I hadn’t any idea what to do next. I considered my predicament before saying anything. The two stallions were solidly built earth ponies who looked like they spent a lot of time working out. Hex had taken a few steps back and was watching the situation from a safe distance with a smile on his face. Luna looked somewhat surprised and…wait, was she smiling? I must be imagining – no, she is smiling! Subtle, but it’s there.
That’s all the motivation I needed to pull a stupid move.
“You wanna start somethin’?” The dark orange stallion took my pause and shifty look as a sign of some resistance on my part.
“Start something? Ha!” I blurted out, “No. I intend to…end…something. Like you!”
Oh hey look! It’s me trying to take on two solidly built and athletic stallions in an effort to impress a pretty mare!
This isn’t going to end well.
They started laughing. Had it not been me in this position, I would be laughing too. “Oooh! You must think you’re a big shot to talk like that!” The other stallion, his coat a dark blue, jeered.
“Watch your tongue…” Peasant? Nah, I needed something with more punch and authority…cur? Foal? “Foal!”
That didn’t faze them. “Alright tough pony. I’m gonna kick your flank right here and teach you some manners,” the orange pony yelled as he reared back on his hind legs. I couldn’t react fast enough to dodge; the double hoof hit sent me rolling back in pain.
I came to an abrupt stop after a few rolls. I was lifted back on my hooves by Hex’s levitation magic. He stepped forward, his horn glowing a soft brown, and said aloud, “I apologize for the Master’s behavior.”
Hex! Whew. Glad I could get some…what is he doing?
“Oh yeah? Ya think?!” The blue stallion shouted. Both were advancing on Hex and myself menacingly.
Hex stood his ground, explaining, “Again, I apologize. Master Lovecraft has let his recent success go to his head. I fear he may use some nasty spell on you both if left unchecked.”
The stallions stopped. The orange one asked slowly, “Wait…Lovecraft? HP Lovecraft? The author?”
Hex smiled and replied, “Yes. His last expedition had him defeating a shambling monster from another dimension and saving the village of Stallion’s Gulch. However, the experience left him a little short with other ponies.”
The two stallions looked me up and down. The blue one said, “Nah, I don’t buy it.”
“Do you not see the mark of the Elder Sign?” Hex asked. His magic spun me around so my flank was visible to the stallions. There, set against my dark green coat, was a crudely drawn five-pointed black star with an eye set in the center. It was kinda weird having two stallions stare at my flank, but oh well. Hex continued, “The Elder Sign. It is the mark that grants Master Lovecraft the power to destroy those abominations that come from the stars. It is proof of his power!”
That hit must have made my brain stupid. It only just now clicked what Hex was doing. Man I’m clueless sometimes.
Hex advanced slowly towards the stallions, dragging me along with his magic. He bowed his head and said, “The master has private business with the princess. I ask that you humbly leave.”
The two stallions looked at each other, nodded and began to walk away. They looked a little fearful of what he had said about HP-er, me.
“Here,” Hex said as he handed me a handkerchief, “They got you pretty bad in the nose.” I guess I hadn’t noticed the sticky feeling and copper smell in my nose. Got me pretty good indeed.
“Thanks for the help,” I replied, dabbing my nose with the cloth.
He shrugged and smiled, “No problem. Just don’t impersonate me too often.”
I chuckled. Hex Pen can be a good guy sometimes.
“I thank thee for thy assistance,” A mare’s voice came from behind Hex. Hearing it, Hex stepped away and dropped into a full bow. I quickly wiped my nose and shoved the handkerchief in my pocket before bowing as well.
Time to meet Princes Luna. Weird stuff has happened, but forget it. Stay cool. Be confident, charming, suave, and stop panicking! Am I freaking out? Yes, yes I am. I can totally do this. Just talk to her, make friends, then something, something, BAM! Love.
The princess spoke first.
“I AM LUNA, PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT. IT IS A PLEASURE TO MEET THEE.”
I flinched. I’m not used to being yelled at. By my boss, yes. This was different and wholly odd. Did I do something wrong? Why is she yelling at me?
Hex stifled a giggle. He shouted back cheerfully, “HI LUNA! IT’S ME, HP LOVECRAFT!”
Why is he shouting back? Did she lose her hearing at the Wonderbolts’ show? What is going on here?!
“THIS,” Hex shouted, turning towards me and shouting in my ear, “IS MY FRIEND, EMERALD SHINE! I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT HIM EARLIER!”
Sweet mercy, my ears! Dude, we’re less than ten feet from each other!
“IT IS A JOY TO MEET THEE, EMERALD SHINE!” Luna shouted, extending her hoof towards me.
I hadn’t said a word, and the conversation had already gone off the rails. Must be a new record for me.
“Uh…It’s nice to meet you as well, “ I replied. Should I have shouted back? Nah. I shook her hoof lightly and asked, “If I may ask, is there a reason that you’re shouting?”
“WELL EMERALD, IT’S-” Hex started yelling, but I shoved my hoof over his mouth to silence him.
“You, I understand,” I said darkly, “And you should be ashamed.”
Hex shoved my hoof away and said in a normal tone, “Why should I? I was just answering back.”
“You were making fun of her,“ I replied. Hex’s manners were severely lacking sometimes.
Hex voice dropped to a serious tone, “No, it is you who should be ashamed. How dare you not understand royal traditions?”
Before I could reply, Luna cleared her throat and explained, “It is the traditional Royal Canterlot Voice. It is for addressing one’s subjects.” She looked down at the ground before adding, “I apologize, my thousand year absence has left me somewhat difficult to speak with.”
Now I felt horrible. Of course Princess Luna would act a little different. A thousand years is a long time and a lot has changed. I do feel ashamed. I bowed my head and apologized, “I’m sorry princess. I was not aware of your situation.”
“Now that the apologies have been passed around,” Hex piped up, cheery as always, “Princess, you should ask Emerald here about his dragon assistant!”
“Ah, yes. Is it true thy dragon was born with the ability to breathe ice instead of fire?” Luna asked excitedly.
“Uh…” I stuttered. I still felt hesitant about talking, fearful I may hit another conversational landmine. I gulped and replied, “Uh…yes…my dragon assistant was born like that.”
She gasped and said, “Incredible! Such mutations are exceedingly rare.”
“Yeah, don’t let her hear that though. It might go to her head.”
Luna laughed. Her laugh made me blush. Hex was grinning like mad at me. I must have looked stupid, but I didn’t care. Everything was going better than I expected.
I was brought out of happy daydreams when Luna asked, “I am curious, how did you and Hex become friends?”
I paused before speaking. I was subtly ensuring that I wouldn’t say anything foolish before explaining, “Well, Hex and I met when we were at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. He and I had to work together on a project and became friends.” I scratched the back of my head uncomfortably and added, “I had trouble making friends, and Hex weirded out most ponies. So we stuck together.”
Luna smiled and said, “Ah, so you two went to my sister’s school? I remember…wait.” She stopped and suddenly became silent. She looked at me like she was trying to remember something. “Have we met before?”
CELESTIA HAVE MERCY, SHE REMEMBERS.
I panicked, “N-No! We haven’t!” I waved a hoof in front of me and said, “Nope, nope, first time meeting!”
Luna opened her mouth to speak, but a male voice from behind me interrupted, “Princess Luna!”
I flinched. I immediately dropped flat onto the ground, cowering and cried, “I’M SORRY, I DIDN’T MEAN TO! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!”
Silence filled the air. I shut my eyes. My worst nightmares were coming true.
I wonder how long it will take to fry on the Sun.
I heard somepony clear their throat behind me. The voice spoke again, “Princess Celestia would like to speak with you.” There was a slight pause and the voice said, “Lovecraft.”
I opened my eyes and looked behind me. Standing there was a royal Pegasus guard dressed in bright gold armor. He had a bright white coat and what looked like a blue mane and tail. His eyes though were a light green. He looked down at me and sneered, “Another one of your…henchmen, Lovecraft?”
I heard Hex chuckle as he trotted up to the guard and joked, “Come now Stonehoof, where are your manners? You scared him half to death!”
The guard, Stonehoof, looked at Hex and said, “Do not talk to me about manners, Lovecraft." He glared at Hex and repeated, “Princess Celestia would like to speak with her sister. You have no objections, correct?”
Hex glared back, a slight smirk on his face. He bowed his head slightly and said, “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
“The way I heard it, you and your little…group…thought that there was some sort of threat to the princesses. Some nonsense about stars,” Stonehoof replied.
Hex nodded and said, “You heard right. Glad to see you’re doing your job.”
Stonehoof leaned towards Hex and growled, “Do you have a problem with how the Royal Guard conducts it’s work?”
Hex chuckled, “No, no. You do good work. Like the Nightmare Moon Incident? Great job there.”
“That is enough!” Luna shouted, not quite the Royal Canterlot Voice, but close.
I got back on my hooves as Luna walked by me. She looked at Hex and ordered, “Still thy tongue, HP.”
Hex shrugged and replied, “As you wish, princess.”
Luna trotted towards Stonehoof and said, “I shall return once I have spoken with my sister.” She looked at me and smiled, “Please, calm thyself. I’d like to speak with thou once I return.”
I nodded slowly. With that, Luna turned and left with the guard back into the main ballroom.
Hex pat me on the back and laughed, “Not as bad as you thought, eh?”
“I have to leave before she gets back,” I said quickly.
Hex walked in front of me and protested, “No way! Things were going great! Sure, you could be a little less stiff, but still!”
I shook my head and replied, “WAS. WAS going great. It’s about to go downhill fast, and I’m bailing. She remembers me!”
Hex was silent.
“You’ve met her before?” He finally asked.
“OF COURSE I MET HER BEFORE! YOU DID TOO!” I shouted.
“Oh…really?” Hex asked. Is he just trying to annoy me?!
I gritted my teeth as I growled, “You forgot graduation?!”
Hex stared at me blankly.
My eye twitched. Did I have to say it?
Right before I could speak again, Hex suddenly burst into a wide smile. Then he started laughing.
He’s such a great friend; I can’t wait to find a place to hide his corpse.
“Oh my- HA HAHA! Oh jeez, how could I forget?! HA HAHA! Oh man! If she remembers, your flank is grass!” He could barely talk between fits of laughter, “You…and her…and…HA HAHAHA! Best moment ever!”
“I didn’t mean to, ok?! It happened by accident!”
Hex was giggling now, but stopped long enough to exclaim, “You punched her! In the face! POW! Right in the kisser!”
“I didn’t mean to! I flinched and I accidentally hit her!” I cried.
“Who flinches by throwing a right hook?”
“I zoned out and when I came back, I flinched! I was reaching for the diploma!”
“You hit her in the face! Did your brain shut off and you forget you’re a unicorn?”
“So…you’re THE Emerald Shine.”
Stonehoof must have returned while Hex and I were talking. How else would his voice seem to emanate from the spot directly behind me? I gulped and turned slowly to face him. If he seemed like a no-nonsense Pegasus before, his expression now only reinforced it. The expression sat between ‘controlled anger’ and ‘loathing.’
“What do you mean…THE Emerald Shine…?” I asked, trying to keep my voice level and calm and HE’S GOING TO KILL ME.
He narrowed his eyes. “It’s time for you to leave.” The sound of clanking metal announced the arrival of two more guards. I slowly backed away, already starting to panic.
Hex stepped between us and growled, “Sorry, but he is my guest. Back the hay down, Stonehoof.”
“The palace and those within it are under our jurisdiction, Lovecraft. Your little club has no say here.”
Hex chuckled smugly. “Wrong. He is my guest. He is under MY jurisdiction.”
Stonehoof was starting to lose his temper. He gritted his teeth and glared at me, “If I realized who you were, I would have barred you from entering when you arrived, let alone let you near Princess Luna.”
“Speaking of Luna, I wonder what she would say if she saw this?” Hex muttered. Stonehoof blanched at this. Hex grinned widely and said, “I’m sure she would love to hear how you kicked out the personal friend of her second-in-command. Mares love hearing that. Turns them on.”
Stonehoof shook his head and replied, “This is an order from Princess Celestia herself! We are to remove Emerald Shine from the castle, by force if necessary!”
“Why?” I blurted out.
“Princess Celestia has made the order. Though, I am glad to be throwing you out.”
Hex rolled his eyes and groaned. “Take the hint already! SHE. DOESN’T. LIKE. YOU.”
Stonehoof growled as he glared at Hex. “This has nothing to do with-”
“Oh come on! Celestia and Emerald here were chatting quite civilly earlier. If she wanted him gone, he wouldn’t have gotten past the entrance hall.”
“The princess is allowed to change her mind, especially when the safety of her sister is threatened!”
“Her sister’s safety? Come now Stonehoof, don’t you mean the safety of your little fantasy?”
Stonehoof turned bright red under his armor. Their argument was reaching the limit. I just hope Stonehoof doesn’t put his hoof through my teeth and claim I was resisting or something.
“That will be quite enough!”
Luna voice rang out across the terrace. Stonehoof and Hex immediately fell silent, though Hex’s smirk had returned. Luna trotted forward and stopped between Stonehoof and Hex. “My sister gave no such order,” she said simply.
Stonehoof cleared his throat. “I am acting in her best interest.”
“You admit your lie?”
“W-well…”
“My sister is worried for my safety, yes, but she respects my decisions. I hope you would do the same.”
Stonehoof bowed and said, “Forgive me, princess.” He rose and left, the two guards following silently behind him.
I let out my breath loudly and collapsed to the ground. Tonight was turning into a rather long night. I don’t how much more my heart could take before it gives out.
Hex laughed and raised his hoof to Luna, cheering, “Woo! Up high!”
Luna looked at it for a moment before slowly raising hers and tapping his lightly. Hex pumped his hoof and gave another triumphant shout.
“I cannot believe Stonehoof would try to remove Emerald from the castle,” Luna said.
Hex shrugged and chuckled, “Eh, it happens. What can you expect from the Royal Guard?”
Luna turned to Hex with a disapproving look on her face and said, “I wish you wouldn’t keep riling them up like that.”
Hex shrugged again and replied, “Sorry, it’s just too easy.”
I got back onto my hooves with a heavy sigh. The night had already gone back and forth between ‘Best Night Ever’ and ‘Please Let This Be a Dream.’ I wish it would stop on one and stay there. I can’t take this emotional roller coaster much longer!
And what the hay is going on between Luna, Hex, and Stonehoof?
“Are thou alright, Emerald Shine?” Luna turned and asked. I hadn’t noticed Hex trotting after Stonehoof, and now found myself absolutely alone with Luna. And no, I hadn’t figured out how to relax.
I quickly dusted myself off (what is this, the eighth time?) and said, “Yes, thank you. So you know who I am?”
Luna smiled and said, “Of course. It’s not every day one is hit in the face. Such a thing is hard to forget.”
My heart sank. This is terrible. She must hate me.
“Well…if you knew who I was…why’d you let me stay? I mean…I could be a nutjob or something…” I asked slowly.
Luna smiled again and said, “The past is the past. Hex said it was a rather funny accident.”
I take back anything bad I ever said about Hex Pen. He is the best friend a pony could ever have!
Hex apparently hung around long enough to hear us talking and shouted from the doors, “YOU TWO SHOULD JUST MAKE OUT AND GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY!”
You know, I think I might be able to hide his corpse under the floorboards of my apartment.