//------------------------------// // The Pony Who Wanted a Date // Story: The Fabulosity of a Winning Fashionista // by Incidental Pegasus No. 5 //------------------------------// I have no idea how something so disastrous could have happened. Here it was, Hearts and Hooves Day, only the most romantic day in the Equestrian calendar, and I, one of the most attractive, most sophisticated, most eligible mares in all of Ponyville was... dateless. Unattached. Single. Oh Celestia, I wish I'd brought my fainting couch. I had spent the day alone last year as well, but that was by choice. I'd had my share of gentlecolt callers, you understand, but I'd had to turn them all down. Poor Blues was, I regret to say, aptly named in every sense of the word that day. I feel like I should explain, lest you think that my problem is that my standards are simply too high. Last year's Hearts and Hooves Day fell only a few months before my trip to the Grand Galloping Gala, where I had intended to win the heart of a prince, just like a fairy tale heroine – but let us say no more about that debacle. Anyway, that is why I had to say no to all those ponies. If I had begun a relationship that day, I would have done so knowing that it was doomed to be short-lived, smashed against the rocks of princely romance, and that is simply not how a lady behaves. I will meet him, you know, one day. My knight in shining armor. He's going to sweep me off my hooves. One day. Today, however, did not seem fated to be that day. That is why, instead of spending the morning preparing for a date, I was heading to Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie Pie had asked me the night before if I would be able to help her with something. She wouldn't say what it was about, only that I had to Pinkie Promise I wouldn't tell anypony about it. It was still rather early when I arrived at Sugarcube Corner, early enough that most of the tables were still free. Perhaps fewer ponies were here than usual because most of the town was home getting ready for their special someponies. Pinkie Pie was standing behind the counter, talking excitedly – although, being Pinkie, this wasn’t so much remarkable as normal – with a pair of pegasi I recognized as members of Rainbow Dash’s weather team. “Good luck, Pinkie,” said the blonde mare with the lavender coat. I can’t say I knew Cloud Kicker very well. Like most ponies in town, I was aware of her proclivity for – how shall I put this? Socializing? Yes, that should do. I couldn’t help but feel put out that Cloud Kicker had never expressed any interest in... socializing with me. Not that I’m saying I would have necessarily said yes, mind you. Still, one likes to be asked. I put a lot of time into looking my best, and it would be nice to know it was appreciated. Some ponies prefer to do more than just roll out of bed and go about their day – there are times I’m not sure Rainbow Dash even owns a manebrush. “I hope everything works out,” agreed Cloud Kicker’s companion, a mare with a pink and green striped mane and a rather fetching white coat. Blossomforth was, I believe, Cloud Kicker’s paramour, at least as much as a pony as... social as Cloud Kicker could be said to have a paramour. Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth passed by me on their way out, and we exchanged the sort of pleasantries one does with casual acquaintances. There were a couple of things worth taking note of. The first was Blossomforth herself. She had these little freckles by the corners of her eyes that were really quite cute. I may have only met her a few times, but I’m not sure why I never noticed before. The second was that I’m fairly certain I caught Cloud Kicker admiring my backside when she thought I wasn’t looking. I couldn’t help but smile at that. One does love to feel appreciated. “Rarity!” Pinkie exclaimed, far too loudly for this time of day. She was by my side in a flash, talking breathlessly in that way only Pinkie Pie can. “Thank you so much for your help!” I instinctively took a step back. I like Pinkie, but I also like my personal space. “Of course, dear.” “Can I get you anything?" Pinkie had once again bolted back behind the counter, tossing baked goods out on it before her. "Cupcake? Muffin? Chimicherrychonga?” Now there was an experience I didn’t need any reminder of. Let’s just say that Rainbow Dash is fortunate she’s saved my life more than once. “Just coffee will be fine.” “Sure thing, Rarity! How would you like it? Half-caf? No-caf? Latte? Mocha? Mocha latte? Esp–” “Black, please.” I had to interrupt before Pinkie rattled off every variety of coffee known to ponykind. I did not want to wait for Pinkie to make anything complicated. Not today. Today, I just wanted the caffeine in my system as quickly as possible. Most of the time, I prefer a cappuccino, which I first discovered in this lovely little café in Veneighzia I found when I attended a fashion show there. Such a lovely city, Veneighzia. You simply must go. So romantic. Unfortunately, all these thoughts served to do were to remind me about my current dilemma. Pinkie passed me the mug. It was a tad more bitter than I like – a regrettable but necessary side-effect of choosing speed over flavor – but I drank it as rapidly as the heat and decorum would allow. “Thank you, Pinkie.” “No, thank you, Rarity. I have something super-duper important I need to do today, and there isn’t anypony who can help me with it but you.” Pinkie hyperactively declaring something “super-duper important” wasn’t all that strange, but the seriousness in her expression told me this wasn’t like the time she couldn’t wish Caramel a happy birthday on his actual birthday because he was on vacation in Baltimare. By this point I was, naturally, rather curious what kind of problem Pinkie had that nopony else could help her with. “You know I’m always willing to lend my friends a hoof. What’s the matter?” Pinkie’s eyes narrowed as she looked back and forth around the room – overly dramatic, if I may say – before she placed a foreleg on my shoulders and whispered for me to follow her. She led me into the back room of Sugarcube Corner. Back there, on a counter, sat the largest cupcake I’ve ever seen. “There it is! I need your help to make sure it’s abso-posi-lutely perfect!” Oh Celestia, please tell me I didn’t wake up early for nothing. Not on a day when I’d just as soon remained in bed all day long. In fact, if I didn’t have spa plans with Fluttershy, I would be sorely tempted to do just that once I was done here. “Pinkie, you do understand I’m a fashion designer, right? Not a baker? You’re the baker. I’m afraid I don’t really see how I can help you, especially since you already finished making it.” Pinkie just giggled. “Of course I understand, you silly filly! But this cupcake isn’t just important, it’s super-ultra-mega important! Tasting perfect isn’t enough. It has to look perfect, too! And you’re so good at making ponies look their best, I though maybe you could also make a cupcake look its best. Can you look at it, please? Make sure it’s perfect?” I was going to say yes regardless, but the big puppy dog eyes she was giving me would have convinced anypony. I approached the cupcake. It was, as I have said, an exceedingly large cupcake, sitting in a powder blue wrapper, and topped with rainbow bands of frosting. “So,” Pinkie asked, “what do you think?” “The frosting stripes could use a little straightening. May I?” Pinkie agreed, and passed me a butter knife. Slowly and carefully, with a precision born of years of delicate stitching, I straightened the lines between the colors in the frosting and cleaned up the excess around the edges. When I was finished, I stepped back and let Pinkie take a look at it. “It’s perfect!” Pinkie’s hug was so sudden it nearly knocked me over. “It’s the most perfectly perfect cupcake I’ve ever seen! She’s going to love it.” She? Well now, this was intriguing. “Pinkie, if you don’t mind my asking, what is this cupcake for?” Pinkie leaned in close enough to violate my personal space again. “Can you keep a secret, Rarity?” “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” It sounds silly, I know, but in our little group it means a lot. Perhaps it’s one of those things that you need to have been there to understand. “It’s for Rainbow Dash. I’m going to ask her to be my special somepony!” Pinkie Pie was in love? How wonderful! I think I may have squealed. “Really? Oh, I’m so happy for you both. And to think, I didn’t even know you were dating.” I chided myself for not realizing it earlier. In retrospect, the signs were obvious. Not too long ago, right before Rainbow Dash had that accident that put her in the hospital, Pinkie and I were watching her practice her flying maneuvers. The way that Pinkie was talking about Rainbow, looking at her – it wasn't how one regards a pony they simply view as a friend. In my defense, I have been mistaken about such things before. In my eagerness to see those dear to me happy, I have at times found signs of affection where there was really only friendship. For the first few weeks I knew Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, I thought they were a couple, a notion I was only disabused of when I idly mentioned Fluttershy's fillyfriend in a conversation with her, a conversation which rapidly became rather awkward. Twilight says it's because I read too many romance novels, and should spend my time with more substantive fare. They're just so much fun, though, and besides, I've read one of those "Daring Do" adventures she likes so much. It wasn't exactly Shakespur. At any rate, between all that and Pinkie Pie being, well, Pinkie Pie, I had dismissed any thoughts of infatuation on her part. It seems I was incorrect to do so. “Actually, we aren’t yet.” Pinkie shuffled her hoof on the floor. “That’s why it’s so super-important everything be perfect which means the cupcake has to be perfect which it is because of you! Thank you!” To be honest, I felt a little silly accepting so much praise. It wasn’t very likely Rainbow Dash would make a romantic decision based on how neat cupcake icing looked. She probably wouldn’t even notice. Still, confidence was key when asking somepony out, and if it helped make Pinkie Pie more confident, I was happy to do my part. “You’re welcome. If you need any advice on how to ask Rainbow, I’d be happy to help.” “Thanks, Rarity, but I don’t think Dashie likes all that mushy romantic stuff.” She had a point about Rainbow Dash. I don’t think that mare has a romantic bone in her body. “That’s alright, Pinkie. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.” “Your boutique?” “No.” “Sweet Apple Acres?” Why would Pinkie assume I was going there? “No, Pinkie.” “Those creepy castle ruins in the Everfree Forest?” What? “The spa, of course.” ------------- The waiting room at spa was much more crowded than usual this time of day. Even ponies like Raindrops and Berry Punch, who normally don't show any interest, were here. They must all be trying to look their best for their – sigh – dates. Keep it together, Rarity. You can do it. Fortunately, the sight of my best friend and spa partner waiting there was enough to calm me down. Fluttershy looked up from the magazine she was reading and her eyes lit up. "Hello, Rarity." "Good morning, Fluttershy." From the clock on the wall, I could see that it was already two to nine. "I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long." "Not at all. I've only been here a few minutes myself, and I've been reading this wonderful article by a naturalist from the Fillydelphia animal sanctuary." "Nevertheless, I am sorry. Somepony asked my advice on a matter of aesthetics, and I simply could not say no." On my way from Sugarcube Corner, I was accosted by Lyra, who wanted my help choosing an outfit for her afternoon with Bon Bon. When I agreed, she practically dragged me to her house. "It's okay, really," Fluttershy said. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to save you a seat." It was just like Fluttershy to apologize for something that wasn't her fault. When I, to my embarrassment, discovered that she and Rainbow Dash were not dating, Fluttershy somehow wound up apologizing to me. It took some effort to convince her that she didn’t actually have to apologize for that. It would be nice to find some way to get her to be more assertive. “It’s not a big deal, Fluttershy. I don’t think we’ll be waiting that –” Before I could finish, the softly-accented voice of Lotus interrupted me. “Miss Rarity? Miss Fluttershy? Right this way, please.” One of the great things about being Lotus and Aloe’s best customer is having no trouble getting good reservations. Those two really know how to make a pony feel good. ------------- “Oh, Fluttershy, you have no idea how much I’ve needed this.” The two of us were relaxing in the spa’s hot tub. I could feel all of the stress and worry just melt out of my bones. Everything was going to be fine... at least until I started pruning. Fluttershy, on the other hoof, did not seem to think everything was fine. “Oh no, Rarity! What’s wrong? Is it serious?” Yes. "No. Well, not really," I said, not wanting to worry her. "It's just... it's Hearts and Hooves Day, and I don't have somepony to spend it with. I suppose I'll feel fine tomorrow." Fluttershy moved over to me and placed a supportive hoof on my shoulder. "I'm sorry to hear that, Rarity. If it makes you feel better, I don't have a date for Hearts and Hooves Day, either. Actually, I've, um, never had a date for Hearts and Hooves Day." "Thanks, dear." I appreciated Fluttershy trying to cheer me up, but she wasn't telling me anything I hadn't already suspected. She and I have been best friends for years, and in all that time I've never once known her to be romantically involved with anypony. I couldn't understand it. It wasn't from a lack of interest in romance, and it certainly wasn't a lack of desirability. Not only is Fluttershy the sweetest, most gentle pony I know, she's also the prettiest mare in Ponyville – myself included. "If you ask me, I think it's just awful that somepony like you has never had a special somepony." Fluttershy turned away and quietly began to stammer. "Well, um, actually..." When Fluttershy gets like this, the best thing to do is encourage her, so she'll feel free to open up. "Yes, Fluttershy?" “Oh, never mind. It’s nothing.” I brushed her mane out of her face and looked her in the eyes. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.” "Um, well, I did have a special somepony, once. A long time ago." Really? Why didn't she ever mention this before? She must have read my thoughts in my expression, because she continued, "I really don't like talking about it. I almost never have, not even with my parents. It... it ended badly." Fluttershy looked like she was tearing up a bit. To still affect her so much after all this time... I don't hesitate to admit that I thought some very unladylike things about the pony responsible for that. "I completely understand, dear. I just hope that, whatever happened, the cad that hurt you got what he deserved." "Please don't, Rarity. Don't ever hope that." Her eyes were pleading. One of the downsides of Fluttershy's boundless kindness was her unflinching ability to see the good in everypony, even where it was significantly outweighed by the bad. "I'm sorry, Fluttershy, but how else could I react to finding out somepony hurt my friend?" That... did not help matters. Fluttershy averted her eyes, her cheeks flushed red. "That isn't what happened. Not at all." "Fluttershy?" I tried to reach out to her, but she pulled back. "Oh, Rarity, I'm the bad pony! I'm the one who hurt them!" When she finished speaking, the emotions she had been holding back burst forth and she began to sob. Well done, Rarity. You've managed to take a simple conversation about relationships and make your best friend cry. Not that I believed her for a second, mind you. Fluttershy, break somepony's heart? Preposterous. However, my experiences with Fluttershy have taught me that when she gets it into her head that she's wronged somepony, there's no getting it out. Especially not when, like now, you don't know anything about the situation. For now, all that was to be done was to repair as best I could the damage my indiscretion had caused. I pulled Fluttershy into an embrace. “I am so, so sorry, Fluttershy. I had no idea this was such a sensitive subject for you.” “It's alright, Rarity. You couldn't have known. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t burden you with old problems." She was still crying, but she had calmed down a lot. "Nonsense, darling. What are friends for? Nothing you tell me could ever be a burden." We just sat there in the water, holding each other. After a minute of comforting, or perhaps several, Fluttershy had managed to regain her composure. In an effort to keep her mind off her troubles, I looked to change the subject. "Have I told you about the new spring line I’m working on? It’s all still in the early planning stages, but I’m thinking about going in a retro direction this season. Try to find something traditional and put my own touch on it.” It seemed to work. Fluttershy was smiling. “I can’t wait to see what you come up with, Rarity. I’m sure that whatever it is, it’ll be lovely.” "Well, if I need somepony to critique them when I'm done, I know where to turn," I said playfully. Fluttershy started to protest, but soon realized that I was joking and began to laugh. I was so relieved to see Fluttershy back to her normal self that I started laughing as well. As we were laughing, an idea took hold of my mind and wouldn't let go. Whatever had happened in Fluttershy's old relationship, it had clearly upset her so much that she was avoiding getting involved in any new ones. Who better than myself to help her get over her fear and find a special somepony? After all, I certainly couldn't sit idly by and let my best friend go through life too afraid to ever fall in love. It was just a shame that with old wounds having so recently been opened, now was probably not the best time to share my plan with Fluttershy. I couldn't wait until we got started. Oh, this was going to be so much fun! ------------- When we left the spa, I insisted on walking Fluttershy back to her cottage. I still felt guilty about having upset her earlier, and it's not as if I had any plans I needed to get ready for. As we walked, she told me about the picnic she was organizing for some of her animal friends that afternoon, including that malicious little rabbit of hers. Perhaps I am just lucky to have a pet as sweet as my darling Opalescence. On my way back into town, I spotted Big Macintosh moving some hay bales onto a cart. He waved a greeting to me, so I went over to say hello. "Good afternoon, Big Macintosh. How are you doing on this fine day?" "Afternoon, Miss Rarity. Can't complain." Verbose as ever, I see. "I must say, I'm rather surprised to see you working today. I would have thought a stallion such as yourself would be otherwise occupied." He just shrugged. "Have you no special plans for this Hearts and Hooves Day?" One might think that I was asking in an attempt to secure an invitation for myself, but nothing could be further from the truth. Besides Applejack's making it quite clear to the five of us that she would rather strongly prefer we not become romantically involved with her brother, Big Macintosh simply wasn't my type. We had even discussed it in the past – well, I say "we", but really, I did most of the discussing. Now, I won't deny that he is rather attractive. Quite the catch for any mare that liked the strong silent type. I, myself, do not. I could never picture him whispering sweet nothings in my ear, or telling me what he thought of my latest design, and can you imagine what his love letters would read like? "Rarity, Love ya. Eeyup. Mac." No, it could never work between he and I. The reason I was asking was much simpler. Although we are not as close as I am with others, he is still my friend, and it makes me happy to see my friends in love. "Nope. Yourself?" "Unfortunately not." I tried to shrug it off as no big deal. We were, after all, in the middle of town, and one would not want to get a reputation as desperate. He just smiled at me and said, "AJ's at the farmhouse." So? Why should I care where Applejack is today? What does that have to do with anything? "Thank you for the information, Big Macintosh, but I don't really know why you're telling me that." He gave me this knowing little smirk that was just so infuriating. "'Course not." "Is that so? Do you have all my friend's schedules handy? Tell me, what does Pinkie Pie have on her day planner tomorrow at four?" That oh-so-annoying smirk had still not left his face. "'Party', I reckon." Okay, I'll admit it, I laughed. He had me there. "Touché." I fixed a gaze on him that was meant to be friendly without being flirty. "Well, don't work yourself too hard. Everypony could use some romance in their life, n'est-ce pas?" He shrugged. "I suppose." "You know, if there's some mare you've got your eye on, it might not be too late. Go find her. Ask her to dinner. The hay can wait. I can watch it if you need me to." As incredibly boring as standing here and looking after hay bales sounded, it would be a small sacrifice if he met with success. It's not like I had a Hearts and Hooves Day date of my own I needed to get to. Big Macintosh just smiled. It wasn't that irritating smirk, it was a different smile I didn't know what to make of. "Thanks, Miss Rarity. I'm fine, though. Really." "Have a nice day, Big Macintosh." "You too." I think I'm hearing things. As I was walking away, I could have sworn I heard one of Sweetie Belle's little friends ask Big Macintosh out. The stress must be getting to me. ------------- I stopped back home to freshen up and grab one of the latest hats I had created – an understated yellow and white striped sun hat that was simple, but perfect for an outdoor excursion in Ponyville – and headed out to Sweet Apple Acres. Not at all for the reason Big Macintosh was insinuating, just to clarify. No, I had simply decided that it was too nice a day to spend moping about the house. Big Macintosh had the right idea about that, at least. If I didn't have a special somepony to spend the day with, I could always spend it with one of my good friends. Fluttershy, I knew, already had plans. If things went as Pinkie Pie hoped, both she and Rainbow Dash would as well. That left Applejack and Twilight Sparkle, and I already knew where to find Applejack. Besides, if Twilight was at the library she'd probably be too busy studying to want to do anything. So as you can see, I had a perfectly good reason to go to see Applejack. It had nothing to do with some kind of supposed romantic interest I had in her. You really shouldn't read so much into things. I arrived at the Apple family's farmhouse and was greeted at the door by Applejack. "Well, howdy, Rarity! What brings ya here?" She must have been working even harder than usual, because she had a glow about her that I'd never seen before. "Hello, Applejack. I was just talking with your brother about Hearts and Hooves Day, and he–" She wouldn't even let me finish talking before she got in my face. "Dangit, Rarity, I thought I asked all y'all to leave mah brother be when it came to datin'." Maybe I should have gone to see Twilight after all. I've not been here thirty seconds, and already she's aggravating me. "And I thought I told you – repeatedly, might I add – that my interest in your brother is strictly platonic. I'm starting to think I made a mistake coming here." I turned to go, but waited to give Applejack a chance to say something. "Ah, horseapples. Look, Rare, I'm sorry. I shouldn'ta accused ya of that. It's just... Mac's family, y'know? You understand, right? I've seen how much ya care about Sweetie Belle." As much as I still disliked some of Applejack's implications, when she put it like that, I guess I couldn't stay angry with her. "Alright, I forgive you. Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, Big Macintosh and I were speaking about Hearts and Hooves Day –" I paused, daring her to say something before continuing, "– and he made me realize that my lacking a date for the holiday does not mean I need to want for companionship. I came here to see if you would... if you would like to..." Oh, Celestia. What was wrong with me? I've rubbed shoulders with the cream of Canterlot society. Why was I suddenly having trouble speaking with one of my closest friends? "...accompany me to the park." I felt a strange sense of relief when Applejack smiled. "That sounds right nice. T'be honest, I was feelin' a bit down about not havin' anypony to spend the day with neither. Sure, I'd love to go to the park with you, Rarity. Just let me put on some tea to bring and we'll go." ------------- "...so I didn't win, but I got third place an' beat that cocksure stallion who thought that some rookie didn't stand a chance against him. Not bad for a first timer, huh?" Applejack had been telling me about her Ponyville rodeo debut. The most amazing thing, though was that I was truly enjoying myself. The energy, the passion Applejack was describing the event with made me feel like I was actually there, except without being bored to tears. I allowed myself a small congratulations. Inviting Applejack along had been a really good idea. This was more than just better than going home and engaging in some hoary cliché like eating a tub of ice cream. I was having a wonderful time. "Care for some more tea, Rarity?" "That would be lovely, Applejack. Thank you." I floated my cup over to her. When she had finished filling it and set the teapot back down, she said, "Gotta say, Rare, I didn't expect ya to invite me somewhere today, but I'm glad ya did. I'm having a real good time with ya." "As am I. It seems to me that we haven't been spending all that much time together lately. We should do things like this more often." For some reason, I was suddenly feeling a bit flushed. Princess Celestia must be doing whatever it is she does with the sun to make it unseasonably warm today so everypony could have a nice romantic Hearts and Hooves Day. It just must have caught me off guard is all. Yes, that must be it, because Applejack looks like she can feel it as well. "Reckon I'd like that," she said, smiling at me. Both overcome as we were by the sudden temperature change, neither of us spoke for a few moments. Suddenly, I was disturbed by the sound of somepony screaming my name. "Rarity!" Charging towards us was none other than Ponyville's second most excitable resident, Lyra Heartstrings. "Rarity!" Lyra was wearing the sleek black dress I had helped her choose, along with the matching headband and aquamarine pendant. She was so excited that she was practically bouncing up and down. When she spoke, she somehow managed to do so without once stopping for breath. "Hey Rarity glad I ran into you thanks again for your help Bon Bon loves the dress oh hey Applejack nice catch Rarity she's cute anyway gotta go Bon Bon's waiting for me just wanted to thank you again bye Rarity bye Applejack!" As quickly as Lyra arrived, she was gone. "So, um, you get much of that?" Applejack asked. Most ponies would have found Lyra's behavior exceedingly odd and felt the need to comment on it, but then, most ponies do not have near-daily exposure to Pinkie Pie. "Well, I'm fairly certain she was thanking me." I explained how I had assisted Lyra earlier with her outfit. Applejack looked like she was trying to piece something together. “Did... did she also call me a ‘nice catch’?” Had she? “I’m not really sure. She was talking so fast I could barely understand her.” Why would Lyra have said that? More to the point, why did this silence suddenly feel so awkward? Think, Rarity. Surely there must be something you could... Tea! Of course! “Applejack, y-your cup’s empty. Let me get you some more tea.” I quickly grabbed the teapot and filled her cup, in my haste, nearly spilling some over the rim. “Right, right, tea. Love tea. Can’t get enougha the stuff.” Applejack smiled awkwardly as she fumbled for the cup. “Thank ya, Rarity.” “I must say, this is excellent tea.” I let a sip linger on my tongue, concentrating on the flavor. “Earl Grey?” “Yeah,” Applejack replied, “Glad ya like it. For all the trouble it took importin’ it from Trottingham, it better be.” I looked admiringly at her. “I had no idea you were such a connoisseur, Applejack.” She looked away and blushed. “I ain’t really. I just keep some of the fancy stuff around for when we have guests, an’ I know it’s your favorite.” She jolted upright, startled. “An’ Fluttershy’s! Fluttershy’s too!” Applejack knew my favorite kind of tea? I can’t remember when I ever could have told her that. Before today, I don’t think I’ve even ever seen her drink tea. Had she asked Fluttershy what kind of tea I liked? “That’s... that’s very kind of you.” For some reason, I couldn’t look at Applejack when I said that, and the feeling of warmth had returned. Oh Celestia, why was I being so silly today? The six of us do nice things for each other all the time without the other one acting like some... some schoolfilly over it. Could I be coming down with something? I hope not; I’m far too busy to get sick right now. “Aw, shucks, Rare, it’s no big deal.” Applejack’s voice sounded uncharacteristically bashful. I snuck a glance over at her and saw that she was behaving just as strangely as I. She peeked over, and when our eyes met, we both turned away. Maybe there was something catching. Fortunately, we were able to avoid further uncomfortable silences, as a friendly face trotted up to say hello. “Good afternoon, girls.” Twilight Sparkle was wearing her saddlebags which were, unsurprisingly, stuffed with books. It looked like my guess about her Hearts and Hooves Day plans were correct after all – not that such a guess required much insight to make. After all, one would expect that most ponies who had only begun to appreciate the virtues of friendship a year prior would not yet feel ready for a more intimate relationship. There are times when I’ve tried to explain to her how wonderful being in love can feel, but it has all been for naught. “It was such a wonderful day,” Twilight continued, “that I decided to come read in the park.” She paused for a moment, concerned. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” “Not at all, Twi,” Applejack said. “Y’know you’re always welcome.” “Applejack’s right, dear. Would you care for some tea?” I wiped the rim of my cup off with a napkin and offered it to her. Proper etiquette demanded offering her her own cup, but as we only brought the two, I had to make do as best I could. “Applejack made it, and it’s some of the finest I’ve ever had.” “Oh, no thanks. I was just stopping to say hello. It’s a relief, though. I was worried I was intruding on your date.” ...Date? What date? Applejack looked as confused as I felt. “Er, ‘date’, Twi?” Panic began to set in Twilight’s features. “Oh my, is this not a date? It’s just that this looks just like a traditional Hearts and Hooves Day date. I was reading all about it in this book...” Well, that explained it. This was just like that sleepover party all over again. Twilight had found some kind of checklist on how to go on a date, and it looked like we were following it. Better for her to find out now than before she actually tried to bring that thing on a date, I suppose. Nothing kills romance like itemized fun. I had just the way to clear things up and have a bit of harmless fun at the same time. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash aren’t the only ones to appreciate a good joke, after all. “So, Twilight, when you invited me to lunch last week, was that intended to be a date?” She started to look a bit flustered. I pressed on before she had a chance to interrupt, batting my eyes playfully. “I had no idea you were interested in me, darling. You should have said something sooner.” I shot an aside glance to Applejack to invite her to play along, but she was scowling. How odd. Twilight slowly backed away from me, her face a bright crimson. “Oh, um... Rarity... I’m sorry, I didn’t mean... I don’t like you." A second later, she must have registered what she said, as her eyes grew wide and she gasped. "Wait! No! Of course I like you, you’re one of my best friends! I meant I don’t like you romantically. Actually, I don’t like anypony romantically...” It was definitely time to stop her before things got out of hoof. She was getting more worked up than I had intended. I placed a calming hoof on her shoulder. “Twilight?” “...so please don’t... yes?” Oh my, Twilight was really looking frazzled. Did she always react this poorly to a little flirting, or was it because we were friends? Either way, I should remember to do something nice for her. I tried to give as reassuring a smile as I could. “I was only kidding.” That succeeded in calming her down, at least. “So, you didn’t... you two aren’t...” She looked back and forth between us, sheepishly. “This isn’t a date, is it?” At least we've got that cleared up. “No, it isn’t.” “Nope,” Applejack agreed. “Oh. Heh.” She let out a nervous chuckle. “Sorry about that. I’ve just been reading all about Hearts and Hooves Day, and I guess I just haven’t gotten to the part about friendship activities.” Now that she was back on familiar ground, Twilight regained her natural energy and confidence. “It’s a really fascinating book. I’d be happy to let you borrow it, but I already lent it to somepony.” She looked right at me. “Your sister, actually.” “Sweetie Belle?” My little Sweetie Belle asked to borrow a book about Hearts and Hooves Day? If Twilight noticed my concern, she didn't show it. Sometimes, she can get so excited discussing some subject she's fascinated with that she doesn't really notice how the pony she's speaking with is reacting. “Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were also pretty excited about it. They ran off with the book before I could even finish talking to them. It's refreshing to see fillies so interested in learning." I hoped that was all that it was. When my sister and her friends get that excited about some project... well, let me just say that helping Sweetie remove tree sap from her mane – on several occasions, no less – has not exactly been the highlight of my year. "It's been nice talking to you both," Twilight continued. "I'll let you get back to your platonic activity." Once Twilight had trotted off, Applejack rewarded me with an annoyed stare. "So," she asked, her voice clipped, "interested in Twi, are ya?" It would be one thing if Twilight herself was bothered that I was jokingly flirting with her, but I didn't understand why Applejack would object. "Oh, come now, Applejack. It was just a little harmless fun. Pinkie and Rainbow do it all the time, and I don't see you chastising them. If Twilight is upset, of course I'll apologize, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I don't see what the problem is." That obviously was not the answer Applejack was looking for, as she responded by crossing her forelegs and turning away. "'Course ya don't." She was obviously really bothered by something, but I couldn't... unless... no, that couldn't be it. The thought did make me feel unaccountably guilty, though. "Applejack, I hope you don't think that what I said to Twilight in jest means that I would rather be with somepony else right now. I have really enjoyed the time we've been spending together, and if I have done something to mar our afternoon, I apologize. Just know that, while I may have been upset about not having a date for Hearts and Hooves Day, there is nowhere I would rather be today than here with you." Applejack's demeanor softened as I spoke. When I finished, she was staring at the ground, occasionally flicking her eyes upward at me. "H-honestly?" For some reason, I found myself unable to look at Applejack and likewise turned away. "Y-yes. Of course." From a quick glance at Applejack, I could see that she was still focused on the ground, pawing at it with a hoof. "That's awful kinda ya to say, Rare. Reckon there ain't nopony I'd rather be spendin' time with right now neither." "Thank you, Applejack." Oh Celestia, the awkward silence had returned. There must be something I could say to Applejack. Think, Rarity, think. "Say, Applejack?" "Yes?" In a flash, I remembered something that Twilight had told us. "When Twilight was here, she mentioned our sisters were excited about borrowing a book about Hearts and Hooves Day. Do you think we ought to be concerned about that?" Applejack paused to consider this. "Nah. It's probably just another one'a their crazy schemes to get their cutie marks. The way I figure, there ain't nothin' they could be doin' safer'n reading. Besides, it's just about Hearts and Hooves Day. Ain't like there's gonna be instructions on buildin' siege engines or nothin'." She had a point. Let me tell you, "Cutie Mark Crusaders Catapult Engineers Yay!" might be the six most frightening words in Equestrian. "I'm sure you're right. Twilight is a responsible pony; she wouldn't have lent them the book if it was dangerous." She hadn't let them near those books on ancient pony warfare. "But still, what if they're starting to be interested in colts? They're still so young; I'd hate to see poor Sweetie Belle get her heart broken because she started dating before she was ready." "I think you're getting worried over nothing, Rarity," Applejack said. After a moment, she sighed. "But I guess it couldn't hurt to have a talk with 'em later. I wouldn't want that to happen to Apple Bloom, neither." "That's a wonderful idea, Applejack." One of Applejack's finest qualities is how reliable she is. She's always there for those she cares about. Well, except for those times when she lets her stubborn pride force her to keep a promise she really should have known better than to make in the first place, but honestly, that almost never happens. "I'm sure that two mares such as ourselves will be able to provide our sisters and Scootaloo with the advice they need. As intelligent as Twilight is, she doesn't exactly have much experience with social situations." Applejack chuckled nervously as she rubbed the back of her mane with her hoof. "Heh, yeah, it sure was crazy of Twi to think that this here was a date." I found myself responding with nervous laughter of my own. "Oh, yes. Completely." Applejack just sat there and stared at me for quite some time before swallowing hard. "Rarity?" "Yes, Applejack?" I was surprised when I realized that I was holding my breath. I couldn't explain it, but I felt extraordinarily interested in hearing what Applejack was going to say next. However, the next words did not come from Applejack at all. “Hey gals! What’re you up to?” Applejack had clearly been caught off guard, as she suddenly shouted, “We ain’t on a date!” Subtlety, thy name is Applejack. The new arrival was none other than Rainbow Dash, who must have approached us when we were too engaged in conversation to notice. I noticed with some pleasure that Pinkie Pie was following up behind her, although that pleasure was tempered when I saw that Pinkie was looking rather unhappy. Had she not had a chance to ask Rainbow yet? Had Rainbow turned her down? I resolved to stop by Sugarcube Corner later and see if she needed anything. Applejack, meanwhile, continued vociferously defending the two of us from something Rainbow hadn't actually said. “Just havin’ a friendly cup of tea with mah friend Rarity. As friends. Because that’s what we are. Friends. Why would you think we’re on a date? Nopony said this was a date!” Rainbow, on the other hoof, was looking quite pleased with herself. “Right. Hello to you too, Applejack.” “Why’s everypony think we’re on a date?” That was something I was wondering myself, but Applejack's approach didn't seem like it was going to produce any answers. She continued to get in Rainbow's face, completely unaware that our pegasus friend was clearly loving every minute of this. “Can’t two ponies just go out on a nice day like this and have a friendly cup of tea without everypony thinkin’ there must be some kinda romance to it?” “Relax AJ, I’m with you.” Rainbow was smirking as she turned back towards Pinkie and winked. Speaking casually, she continued, “I totally believe that you two are just having a friendly romantic date out in the park on Hearts and Hooves Day.” “Exactly,” came the proud reply from Applejack, who had apparently not been listening very closely to what Rainbow had been saying. Soon, though, Applejack’s face burned scarlet as she realized what she had just agreed with. I can't say I really blamed her. If I had just been outwitted by a pony who had not so very long ago declared that reading pulp novels was too intellectual for her, I am sure I would be just as embarrassed. “Wait, what exactly didja say there?” Applejack protested, frantically waving her hooves in front of her. “No no no! I ain’t datin’ her! Why would I wanna date Rarity? Me an’ Rarity datin’? That’s crazy talk, is what it is.” Well now, it's been nice spending the afternoon with you too, Applejack. I wasn't really insulted, but this opportunity to tweak her nose a little was simply too good to pass up. The best part was that, thanks to our discussion earlier about Twilight, Applejack couldn't really complain even if she realized what I was doing. I suppose it is a bit naughty of me, but it's all in good fun. Besides, if anypony should be offended by the idea of Applejack and I being an item, it really should be me. Let's do this, Rarity. Dramatic indignation in three... two... “Well, I never!” Applejack looked even more shocked than when Rainbow had arrived so suddenly, but there was no time to savor this, as I turned my back to her and let out a humph of mock-offense. “I’ll have you know I’m considered one of Ponyville’s most eligible bachelorettes! Many a stallion would give their left hoof to be sitting in your position, Applejack! I shall not endure such boorish treatment from you on today of all days, you ruffian!” I concluded by dramatically tossing my head back and throwing my leg in front of my face, as though this had all been simply too much to endure. From the sound of things, it worked like a charm. “Aw, hayseeds. Er – look Rarity, I was just…” It really was a shame I wasn't able to see it. Applejack could be rather adorable when she was perplexed. While Applejack was attempting to apologize, I peeked slightly to see Rainbow and Pinkie approaching me. It was all I could do not to laugh and give the game away, although a small giggle did escape my lips. Fortunately, Applejack hadn't heard it. I decided to let Ponyville's two most prolific pranksters in on my amusement, whispering, “Oh goodness, it really is too much fun to push her buttons sometimes.” Pinkie seemed disappointed by my admission. “So... you’re not on a date with Applejack?” Oh, you too, Pinkie? Why was everypony so determined to look at our excursion and see a date? Given how well Applejack's efforts had been going, it was clear that it fell to me to clear up these misapprehensions. The approach I had taken with Twilight probably would not work here. Twilight is a very logical thinker, and all it took was a simple argument, artfully presented, to point out the mistake in her assumptions. As emotionally-driven as Rainbow and unpredictable as Pinkie can be, I could not rely on them doing the same. Not to mention, I'm sure I would have to apologize to Applejack again if I did, and right after I had managed to even things up with her, too. No, there was only one thing I could do. Simply explain the matter so thoroughly and clearly that nopony could fail to see the truth. “Oh Celestia, no," I began. "I simply wished to be out and about, basking in the ambiance of Hearts and Hooves Day, but of course a lady of my stature and reputation could hardly be seen out and about on a day like today unescorted, so I simply had to bring Applejack along. I certainly wouldn’t be interested in her. Those barbaric manners, that rough-and-tumble attitude, those sleek, rugged muscles. Really now, a farmpony and a fashionista; can you imagine the scandal? The inappropriateness of it all? “Can’t you just see how it would all go? We would try going out on a date, and naturally I would force her into a proper high society affair. She would try to act the part and fit in, but it would be obvious to everypony there that she didn’t truly belong. Then I, being a proper lady and feeling somewhat badly for placing her in such an awkward position, would naturally agree to let her arrange our next date, which would be a horrendously uncultured affair. I would try to let my mane down and just have fun, but it would be just as clear that I didn’t belong in Applejack’s world as it was that she could never truly fit into mine. “We would both convince ourselves that there was no way it could possibly work out, that there was simply no future for us, and filled with in sorrow and heartbreak, we would break up. But then a tragedy would bring us back together, make us realize that life was too short, and in a flurry of wild emotions we would decide to cast caution to the wind and embrace our doomed romance. Applejack would take the lead of course, ripping off my dress, and shoving me down onto the bed. I would protest, but we would both know I didn’t really mean it. And in the heat of the moment, we would make passionate love. My hooves would roam down her muscular flanks and –” Oh my, those unexpected warm feelings had returned, and stronger than ever. I had to fan myself with my hoof just to cool down. “Goodness, is it just me, or is it getting a bit warm out here?” The sun was certainly behaving strangely today. I hoped that Princess Celestia was feeling alright. Meteorological oddnesses aside, however, that should settle matters. After such an eloquent and thorough explanation, I was sure there could be no question as to how Applejack and I felt about each other. “In any case, I am sure you can see now that I could not possibly be interested in Applejack.” It would seem, though, that Rainbow Dash was annoyingly determined to ignore my detailed explanation and persist in the belief that Applejack and I were in the middle of a romantic rendezvous. “Oh yeah, you definitely don’t have a thing for her,” she said sarcastically. Pinkie whispered something to Rainbow that she must have found exasperating, because she responded, “Pinkie, how can you be friends with me and Twilight and still not understand sarcasm?” Friends? Oh, poor Pinkie, she did turn you down, didn't she? That would explain Pinkie's unusually subdued demeanor. Well, if she needed any consolation later, I would be there for her. Nopony ever said finding love was easy, but once you do, it makes it all worthwhile. “What does it taste like?” Whatever Pinkie Pie was going through, it certainly hadn't robbed her of her quintessential Pinkie-ness. Having to explain the situation to these two meant having left Applejack lingering for longer than I had intended. “Now then darling, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie have asked me to forgive you for that remark, and so as a proper lady I shall overlook your unforgivably rude behavior. I do trust, however, that you will not do anything further to humiliate me on today of all days.” “Um … right.” Applejack looked like the conversation had quickly spiralled far beyond her control, and she didn't know quite what to make of things. I was right – it was adorable. She fidgeted in her seat as she continued. “Reckon I oughta say a little somethin’ to ya. Shucks, I know a lotta fellas and a couple gals that’d be right glad to be yer special somepony. Ain’t no denyin’ yer awful purdy. In fact, I reckon if’n there was a mare I wanted to take an interest in and ask her to be my special somepony, it’d be a gal who’s a lot like you.” Did... did I hear that correctly? Did Applejack say that she wanted a special somepony... like me? That she thought I was purd– pretty? I had no idea she felt that way about me. It was really rather flattering. Especially from somepony like Applejack. Somepony with such natural beauty, so brave and strong, with hooves that you just wanted wrapped around you, holding you tight, and – Oh. Oh, no. No no no. I-I'm not in... I couldn't be... not... not with... ...Applejack. It's a good thing that I have so much experience behaving like a proper lady, as I only very nearly swore. Instead, I somehow managed the words, “Oh, really?” I tried to look Applejack in the eyes, but I just couldn't. From what I had seen, she was struggling with thoughts similar to my own. I could feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment. Goodness, I must look as red as one of my Applejack's prize apples right now. Wait – did I just think of her as "my Applejack"? Oh, dear Celestia, it was worse than I thought! Come on, Rarity, say something! Surely there must be something you can talk about! Twilight? No, that was no good. Our sisters? No. Something, something... My eyes fixed upon the teapot sitting on the ground. Tea! I could say something about tea! Oh, blessed elixir! I struggled to get out, “Yes, well… more tea?” I hoped I did not sound as foolish as I felt. Applejack, who looked shaken, seemed relieved by the offer. “Some tea sounds real nice.” Focusing all my concentration on holding the teapot steady, I poured Applejack a cup. "I must say, Applejack, before today, I had no idea you were so fond of tea." "Tea can be nice," she said, in between sips. Suddenly, she got very nervous. "Don't go 'round thinkin' that I love tea or anythin', though. 'Cause I don't. I just like it is all." I expected to hear Rainbow Dash rolling around on the ground laughing at the success of whatever it was she was trying to accomplish, but she and Pinkie had gone. She couldn't even be bothered to wait around to see the results of her hoofwork. Why did she have to get involved? Was hurting Pinkie not enough for her? Applejack and I had been having such a nice time. It wasn't fair! The two of us just sat there, drinking tea, red-faced, silent, barely even looking at each other. Before long, the teapot was empty. "Oh, shoot, we're outta tea," Applejack said. "I, um, I should go. Apples. Got lots of... apple stuff I gotta take care of, y'know? It was nice seein' ya, Rare." She awkwardly held out her hoof. Not knowing what else to do, I shook it. "I-it was nice, wasn't it? I also have things I need to attend to. Designing and such." Just like that, Applejack was gone, trotting back home to Sweet Apple Acres. I headed back home myself, taking the long way to avoid all the couples on their dates. I just wanted to be alone right now. I hate Hearts and Hooves Day.