//------------------------------// // Chapter 2: Dimensionjump // Story: Ponies on Red Dwarf // by Sound Shard //------------------------------// DIMENSIONJUMP Friendship Express Twilight had a piece of paper, and was floating it in front of her face, with a pencil writing things down at a constant speed. "Okay, I have it written down. Applebloom? Scootaloo? Do you have your transfer passes?" Twilight confirmed. They nodded. "Remember to meet Babs Seed and her older sister. Are you sure your parents are okay with this, Scootaloo?" "Well, I dunno about my dad... But I do know my mom was all for it for some reason!" Scootaloo explained. "Okay then! We will be met by mine and Rarity's parents. Sweetie Belle?" continued Twilight. Sweetie nodded. "You will go with Rarity's parents. I'm all for family values and all, but you cannot stay for friendly greetings with your folks. We will need to hurry, and you will need to be on your way. "Okay!" Sweetie confirmed. She actually had gone up to Canterlot a day before Rarity had woken up to pick up Opal, Rarity's cat, and drop it off with her parents. Rarity, as the information had been relayed to Sweetie Belle, was not happy about this. She had, apparently, gone into a fit of rage. She was so uncharacteristic to her own that she had even managed a curse word. Sweetie shivered at the thought and was happy to be as far away as possible from Rarity. She just hoped Opalescence hadn't gotten too spoiled or else... -------------------------------------------------- Ponyville "...she'll never listen to me, eat the proper food, or... Oooh! I am so irate right now! I could just... Could just..." Rarity angrily mumbled. Dr. Brightstar shook his head, tiring of hearing the same things constantly, every day. "Ms. Rarity, I'm sure your parents are completely suitable to care for your cat. Why not just calm down, and listen? Your friends have not yet left, but Ms. Sparkle has already a message for you. You've read the corresponding manual, correct?" explained Brightstar. Rarity nodded grumpily. She looked over at it on the table. She had practically memorized it, seeing as they wouldn't allow her access to a sewing machine, and there was nothing else to do. "Here is the parchment. Um... How does it work again?" Rarity sighed. "Twilight took the spell of being able to record what she sees and transferred it onto parchment, which she will be able to send across dimensions. I vaguely understand the concept myself, that's a passage straight from the book. You may read it if you wish," offered Rarity. Dr. Brightstar gave her a sideways glance. She had much changed since her first day in the hospital. She had gone very out of character. From what Brightstar understood, she was very snooty, clean, fashionable, Pre-Maredonna, and... well, all around stuck-up! By now she was like any other fashion-based magic unicorn. Still diva-ish, but with a hint of uncaring and unfamiliarity with the concept of others having feelings. He remembered something along the lines of "Element of Generosity" and being nice and kind to ponies. No more of that. Maybe she had taken harder of a blow to the head than he thought. She yawned, which snapped him back to reality. "I guess I'll watch this parchment and head to sleep. It's getting late. You're shift is probably over," Dr. Brightstar face hoofed. He had gotten off thirty minutes ago! Rarity opened up the scroll. She opened it to see four of her other friends. Sweetie's voice could be head in the background, probably knowing that Rarity did not want to see her. Twilight could be heard shushing ponies in the background. Twilight began to speak. Hello, Rarity, this is Twilight And this is Rainbow! Applejack, howdy. The train conductor told us to get this over with, so... The picture darted around, as if her eyes were ping pong balls hitting back and forth by paddles handled by ponies having epileptic spasms. Rarity guessed she was checking for the conductor to come thru the doors, telling everypony to hit the sack. Rarity sniggered at the thought. Pinkie Pie stuck her face in front of Twilight's. And it wasn't Fluttershy this time! She said and gave Fluttershy the stink eye. She cowered back. Um... S-sorry... Her and Pinkie had still been touchy over the whole "MMMM" thing. Rainbow didn't care about it anymore, and that's the day everypony found out about... the thing. Rarity cringed at the scorned memory. Eh! Time for bed! Enough wit de chit chat, we's a'ready gots complaints. A deep voice from the right of them. A man closely resembling Donut Joe but with a darker coat and frizzier mane stood in the doorway of the sleeping car they were in. A collective "Okay, good night." erupted from the five. Twilight laid down and looked up for a minute. Spike was in the same bunk as Sweetie Belle, due to the fact this car was only meant for eight and there were ten of them. Applebloom and thier other little friend, Scootielow, was it?, were sharing the above bunk. Rarity was unsure whether to think this was adorable or disturbing, but then she remembered when she had to share a bed with Applejack, and settled for adorable. And from what Twilight had told her, Rarity understood that Spike was quite the snorer. Rarity almost felt sorry for Sweetie, then forgave her. After all, it wasn't her fault. Just thier stupid, good-for-nothing, incapable parents. So, as the little recording restarted, Rarity closed it, and laid down, Rarity decided to forgive Sweetie and go to sleep. But not her parents. Definitely not. -------------------------------------------------- Red Dwarf "So run this by me again: As the ponies arrive, we are to let them examine us, then announce our name and position, in order of rank?" confirmed Rimmer. Kryten nodded. "Then what would Cat be?" "I think I should rank highest!" suggested Cat. Everyone gave him a strange glance. "Why?" asked Lister. "I'm the sexiest!" announced Cat. Everyone rolled their eyes. Lister facepalmed. The cat sniffed. "Hold on. I'm smellin' somethin'..." "Wot is it?" asked Lister. "I don't think you'ah smellin' right." "My wonderful schnozz never lies, and my nose hairs are tinglin' faster than a teenage boy's right hand at a wet t-shirt contest. Something's up!" Another Kryten, Lister, Cat, and Rimmer, accompanied by two ponies, one pink, one lavender, and what looked to be a pygmy dragon. Kryten had the teleporter in his hand. "Oh, pooh. I forgot to mention the fact that we might end up at the wrong point in time. Well, um, this looks like a week ago, last Wednesday. About an hour before you arrived here, Twilight. Come, we must inform your brother of our findings," said the Kryten with a teleporter in his hands. The lavender pony then spoke. "You may want to head down to the docking bay with Starbug soon!" she informed. The pink one waved vigorously. "HI PAST DAVID! HIYA PAST RIMMER-- er, SMEGHEAD! HI PAST KRYTEN! CAT, YOUR SUIT IS LOVELY!" she yelled. The Cat looked down at his suit and smiled. "Why, thank you!" "Eh," Lister 2 spoke. He pulled a cigarette from his ear. He lit it and took a drag. "Let’s get this show on the road. We still Gotta contain the EHSP before it..." "Now don't reveal too much, Mr. Lister. We wouldn't want to create more of a paradox." said Kryten 2. He pushed a few buttons, and they telepored out. "Well, that was odd. Back to what I was saying: I believe I should go first, based on age, experience, and rank. The Cat is not an official crew member, therefore meaning..." began Rimmer. Lister cut him off. "...'Therefoh meaning' you'll shut tha smeg up! Wot tha smeg just happened?" "Ah, it appears a future version of ourselves and the ponies we will soon encounter. We should probably head down to the docking bay, as the lavender one instructed," suggested Kryten. Rimmer shook his head with disgust. "You have the head of a novelty condom, what do you know? You're a service droid, you don't tell me what to do. I'm staying right here," "Turquoise alert! Report to Docking Bay F!" rang Holly over the intercom. "Turquoise alert? What's turquoise alert?" "It's when Holly is in command," said Kryten. "Which one's Docking Bay F?" asked Cat. "The one with Starbug," said Lister. "And why do we need all this constant explaining?" asked Kryten. "Because you're all jibbering idiots!" said Rimmer and rose. "I don't know about you fellows, but I'm one for the chain of command! So I'll go first, then Lister, Cat, and Kryten. It all works out!" "Actually, sir, seeing as you are a hologram, you rank just above me. So, in turn, it would go, David Lister, third technician, Cat, a humanoid based cat, Me, a service mechanoid, and you, second technician, hologram," explained Kryten. Rimmer rolled his eyes. "Fine, Lister, Cat, you, me. Let's go," he moaned. They all shuffled to Docking Bay F and awaited thier guests. ----------------------------------------------------- Canterlot Shining Armor paced back and forth at the train station. He wasn't so sure of this, now that the other two princesses were coming along. Princess Cadenza Mi Amore, or, as she requested to be called, Cadence, was going. She was considering not, but decided to come. "Ooh, I just don't know what to tell Twily..." Shining Armor grumbled. Cadence felt bad for him. And Twilight. "It's fine. I'm sure she won't care too much," she tried to comfort, but failed. "No, she will. Do you know, when she went into that academy and became Princess Celestia's personal student, she hardly cared about us? I didn't hear from her for... Well, it seemed like I didn't until our wedding, then she was angry at me for not contacting her? The Princess was like a mother to her..." he looked over at his and Twilight's mom, who was giving Shining the evil eye. "...well, second mother. But you know what I mean. She barely cared, Princess Celestia was her life. So now, she makes what, most possibly, may be a discovery that will change the course of her life and make her name go down in the books, and the pony that very well may be the pony she looks up to the most won't be there. What the f-" "DAFFODIL SANDWICHES! GET YER DAFFODIL SANDWICHES HERE!" screamed a passing food vender. "-k am I supposed to do?!" "Shiny, no call for that language! And besides, a little bad news shouldn't ruin little Twi-Shy's big day!" scolded thier mother. Shining groaned. "She hates being called that! And did you hear what she did to Spike when he told her not to worry about a test? They say her magic managed to move the library a couple of blocks! How many blocks do you think she'll send me? All the way back to the Crystal Empire, my guess! I just don't know what to say," he continued sadly. The train pulled up with a screeching halt, Twilight's excited face in the doorway. The doors opened with one loud SCREEEEEE-HIIISSSSSS. "-ck my life," mumbled Shining Armor, eyes wide with a mix of fear of what fury hath Twilight and anger at his little sister's despicable timing. "BBBFF! How've you been? Oh, it's been great for me, thanks for asking. Oh, mom! Dad! How've you been? Good! Okay, well... Um, hi!" "Twily! Um... Twilight, I--" began Shining, but was cut off by a sharp gasp from Twilight. "Cadence!" she exclaimed. She ran over to her old foalsitter and, technically, sister-in-law, and gave her a giant hug. "Woah-oah-oah, kid," she said and set her down. They then proceeded to do thier signature dance. Sunshine Sunshine Ladybugs awake Bring it up And give a little shake! As they conversed, Shining ran over to Spike for advice. Spike heard the situation, and shook his head in a way a father would after his child had repeated something they hadn't supposed to. "Well, Shining Armor, you've got yourself a doozey here. The only thing I can do is this," said Spike and handed Shining a helmet, two pillows, and a belt. "Strap the pillows around your waist, and wear the helmet tight. It should soften the blow. Shining began to say something: "Sh-" -------------------------------------------------- Red Dwarf "-it will be a while before they actually arrive, in that case," explained Kryten. "So we technically have three hours?" confirmed Cat. Kryten nodded. "Yes. And we have an oncoming media pod. I suggest we take Starbug and examine that first. It would be most beneficial," he urged. Rimmer was hesitant, but Lister and Cat were right on top of it. "So what're we smeggin' waiting on? Let's go get that pod! Board Starbug!" Lister agreed. "Now hold on, we don't know it's contents quite yet, let's not jump to any conclusions," warned Holly. "It's not even for us, according to further readings." "Then who's it for?" asked Rimmer, slightly relieved. "It's for the Pluto mining ship. The Woodward Warhawk. Or, preferred by its crew to be called 'Triple-W-H'. It mined Pluto for such precious minerals as gold, copper, platinum, iron, zinc, and poly-carbonated fibers," informed Kryten. "Poly-carbon-what-now?" asked Cat. "Nothing, Cat," mumbled Rimmer. "The ship was entirely male, and it was launched right after Pluto was re-declared a planet on December 21st, 2012," continued Kryten. "Now hold on, Pluto was never re-declared as a planet!" disputed Rimmer. "Yes it was. The public never heard of it, though. Not of the launching either. They were all single males." "How much you wanna bet we'll get the last remaining copies of Debbie Does Dallas and Lesbian Cheerleaders?" bargained Cat enthusiastically. They all shook thier heads in disbelief. "What?" "The crew was Pace "Pinkie" Jennings, Gaven Thomas Henry Schtulatz, Dalton Lecsher, Tyreese Lomax, Gabe "Shortround" Smith, Ken Prather, Paul Shroder, and Daniel Schriefer. From our readings... The ship is still active! With five out of eight still alive! We should find them!" read Lister off the screen. Holly's face appeared on screen. "Incoming transmission!" she informed. A lavender pony appeared on screen. At a closer look, Lister noticed her hair is black, squared off so she could see. It had pink and purple highlights, with a horn sticking up out of the middle of the two. She began to speak. "See, Shining, it's not that hard. I made the spell, I'm sure it's working! Are you still scared? I told you, I'm not angry! Not at you, at least. Ooh... Um, hi? My name is Twilight Sparkle. I'm afraid I can't see you, nor hear you, this is a pre-documented message... So, um, there will be eight of us. Me, four of my friends, there would be a fifth, but she got in a horrible accident..." she said. "My assistant Spike..." "That's me!" a small, scaly creature popped up and screamed. "Stay back, Spike, you don't want Shining to lose his concentration! Oh, my older brother, Shining Armor, and his wife Princess Cadence. We will be arriving soon, and..." Twilight Sparkle was interrupted by a pink pony with a hot pink fluffy hair popped up on screen. "Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!" she yelled. It faded out with a bit of purple static and a male voice grumbling something about "we'll never make it there". "Well. We've got ourselves quite the colourful bunch here." -------------------------------------------------- Canterlot "Pinkie! You probably made them think we're a bunch of idiots!" groaned Rainbow Dash. She was probably right, and Pinkie was beginning to feel bad about it. She had already started drooping her head a bit. "Don't blame her so much, Rainbow Dash. We got the message across, and you're being really mean. Look at her, you've probably hurt her feelings!" scolded Shining. Pinkie nodded her head, and everypony gave Rainbow a nasty look. Rainbow bowed her head, not out of shame, but out of anger. "Rassum frassum, good fer nothin'... Royal guard, bein' all useless... I could do a better job protecting the princess... I'm the element of loyalty, after all... One day I'll join that guard, show them what for. Gotta be twenty. One more year," plotted Rainbow under her breath. Nopony else heard more but a whisper, but Shining heard her. Normally, he'd get onto her for besmirching the good name of the royal guard, but he smirked and decided to himself to let it go. If she was going to join because she thought the guard was incompetent, fine by him. His stallions on the force were getting full of themselves as it was, an attitude like hers would be good on his team. Even if she hated him for it, he was looking forward to having her in the guard. Shining took this time to examine some of Twilight's other friends. The walk to the city was a ways, and Twilight herself was conversing with thier parents. Applejack was closest to him. She had great ingenuity and determination, and refused to accept defeat, at least, up of what he'd seen. She was very strong, could probably break a helmet open. Many of the Changelings found dead in the courtyard and some amongst those still alive had holes in thier head or breaks in thier skulls the size of her hind hooves. Fluttershy would be a great leader, but a pity of a fighter. He had seen her give orders before, and she could be very aggressive, but she'd be running from any enemy faster than you could say "I surrender!". The pink one's pure energy and, what seemed to be, previous training with weapons, dominating in artillery, would make for a great force to reckon with. She's also very crafty and good with her environment. From what he'd heard, Shining was supposed to believe she could manipulate her surroundings in impossible ways. He didn't believe that mumbo jumbo, but whatever he heard... "Guys... TWITCHY TAIL!!" shouted Pinkie. Everypony except Shining Armor, Princess Cadence, and Twilight's parents ducked. A griffon crash-landed in front of Shining's face. He jumped backwards many kilometers. ...he would go with. "What the hell just happened?" mumbled the griffon. As she got up, Rainbow and Pinkie both let out a low groan. "Gilda?" they threw thier heads to the sky as if asking it 'why now? why ever?'. Others rolled thier eyes, let out a short groan, or, as Shining was, looked very confused. "Oh great, it's you two. Look, I'd love to stay and act like an idiot with you two, but I have to go have a life," she said, very fast. Rainbow managed a snarky grin. "Okay, you have fun. We're going to go to another dimension and discover another whole world while we’re at it while you do that. I'm sure you'll have much more fun with your 'life' thing you like to pretend to have. Bye!" she said. They all broke into laughter and walked away, leaving Gilda, bewildered, sitting with her book bag and its contents spread around her. 28 minutes later "--and that's basically how we know Gilda," finished Pinkie Pie. She turned to see the towering skyscrapers, 4-5 star restaurants, and strip malls of Downtown Canterlot. Downtown Canterlot, the best for last fifth district, was one of the biggest tourist attractions in all of Equestria. The famous tourist stallion Tourist Trap started his great expedition there. Rent was not cheap. Twilight's parents were lucky to get an apartment at only 1200 bits a month. Everypony rested in said apartment for hours on end, until it was finally time to go. At 3:15 PM, Wednesday, September 2nd, the world of Equestria would change forever. -------------------------------------------------- Red Dwarf "Holly, do you know what time it is?" asked Rimmer "It's 3:15." she answered. "I don't believe it! We've been waiting here for virtually forever!" Rimmer exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air. "We've been 'waiting here' for five minutes, sir," corrected Kryten. "For 36 minutes we played two consecutive games of rummy in the working deck while you did your 'daily routine work-outs'." "Which consist of 5 pushups, 10 jumping jacks, and running in a circle for twenty minutes," continued Lister. "I'd've ran around the entire ship but I didn't want to be late for the meeting with our little visitors!” Rimmer corrected. “But looks like they won’t be here.” -------------------------------------------------- Ponyville “Are you ready?” Shining Armor made sure. Twilight groaned. “I’ll be fine! You just need to be calm. Okay, okay, fooooo,” she breathed. She shot a pink and blue beam that exploded into a giant swirling portal. She seemed to be struggling, so her friends and Shining rushed thru. Twilight jumped and the portal closed behind her, almost too soon, clipping off a centimeter of her tail. In front of them stood four bipedal males. At least, the ponies guessed they were male. One had matted hair, pulled back into a crude ponytail. He had a bit of barely noticeable stubble, which framed his tanned face. He was wearing a jacket covered in decorative patches and emblems, unzipped to reveal a cartoon monkey wearing a suit and a hat, holding his hands up and saying “D-D-Don’t shoot!”. “David Lister. Third technician,” the man said. Next to him was a man with much darker skin, slicked back hair that was pitch black, and abnormally sharp teeth. He had a slick black and peach suit with orange buttons and a frilly collar, with a silver bow tie. It would have made Rarity jealous. “I’m the Cat. I’m the most fashionable. And the sexiest!” he explained and let out a high pitched “Ooowwww!” Next was a man standing up very straight. He was the palest, and he had a silver “H” displayed on his forehead. He was wearing a blue full body suit, which made him look like a fancy janitor. He did a strange salute, in which he twirled his hand in the air and smacked it against his head. “Arnold Rimmer. Second technician, hologram,” he then said and stomped his foot and lowered his salute. The last man looked very timid. He had a misshapen head, it was flat in many places it was not supposed to be, and he was bald. His clothes looked like they were part of him, which were pure black and had a gray and white circle in the middle. “I am Kryten, Series 4000 model service mechanoid,” he said. It was then Twilight knew he was a robot. They all stared at the eight expectantly. Twilight went first. “I’m Twilight Sparkle, a very skilled unicorn, librarian, and personal student of Princess Celestia. Element of Magic.” “I’m Rainbow Dash, fastest Pegasus in Equestria. Or fastest pony for that matter. Element of Loyalty.” “I’m Pinkie Pie! Party thrower extraordinaire! I’m sure we’ll be best friends! Element of Laughter!” “Um… I-I’m Fluttershy… I take care of all the animals… Element of K-Kindness… Please don’t hurt me” “Ah’m Applejack. Current owner of Sweet Apple Acres. Element of Honesty.” “I’m Shining Armor. Head of the Royal Guard.” “I’m Princess Cadenza Mi Amore, third in charge, I guess. You can call me Cadence, though.” “And I’m Spike!” “Our friend Rarity could not make it. She got injured. She runs Carousel Boutique, the most popular clothing and fashion store in all of Ponyville. She’s the Element of Generosity.” “Nice to meet you all! We are glad to have you here. Sorry to hear about your friend. May I show you to your room, ma’ams? And sir,” asked Kryten. “That would be awesome!” exclaimed Pinkie. -------------------------------------------------- Ponyville “Ma’am, you have another letter from your friends,” informed an anonymous nurse. “Thank you,” said Rarity and took the note. She opened it. Hi Rarity. How are you? I’m good. The crew here are friendly. It’s apparently a different species, exploring space. They believe their race is dead. There is one crew member you would like especially, Cat. He has racks upon racks of fancy suits. I’ll get them on recording sometime. You could get some ideas from it, maybe. I’m tired, and want to hit the sack. You get well soon. Bye. Rarity smiled weakly. At least they were enjoying themselves -------------------------------------------------- authors notation This is the longest chapter I’ve ever written for FiMFiction. I hope you enjoyed it! What’re you doing, author? Not now, Pinkie!