//------------------------------// // WTF? // Story: The Fashionista's Dilemma // by Mike the Red //------------------------------// "Spike, can you send a letter to Princess Celestia?" I asked, panic starting to creep into my voice. "Right on it, Twi. Shoot." "Dear Princess Celestia, I need your assistance with a most urgent matter. For some reason or other, my horn has disappeared, probably from over-use, or something else. Either way, I request an audience with you at your earliest convenience. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle." "I thought you said you weren't her!" Spike said with exasperation. "There might be more of her in me than I thought," I offered softly. "I need a hug right now." "How am I supposed to get home now?" Nick asked. "Princess Celestia can take you home or send you there, your choice, I think..." A flash of light and a golden POP ushered in Princess Celestia's hasty appearance. "Twi -- Michael, I didn't think this was possible." Celestia had a look of concern on her face. "Tell me about it. Is it really possible to lose a horn from over-use?" "I would have to check on that -- this is highly unusual." "Would it be possible for Discord to do something like this?" "That's highly plausible, Michael, I believe that -- if it is Discord's work, then we're in great danger." "You could use the shimmer spell to dispatch him," I grinned. This suggestion elicited laughter from the Princess. "Brilliant suggestion, Michael. I had almost forgotten about that spell. How many of my duplicates do you think I would need?" "Six of you should be more than enough to dispatch him, I think. Personally, I would call about 20 just to be on the safe side." The Princess laughed even harder at this suggestion. "Nothing like overkill, eh, Michael?" "The only danger is that if you call too many copies of yourself, you might inadvertently bring forward an evil version of yourself -- that's why I limited myself to 20 copies. One my copies went into hyper-flame mode, which shocked me." "Maybe I should limit it to six then," Celestia mused. As this discussion continued, something weird started happening. "What is going on here?" I asked. A pair of human feet had appeared at the ends of my rear hooves. "What -- are those your feet?" Nick asked with surprise. A pair of human hands appeared at the ends of my fore-hooves. I had to stand on my hind legs to keep from putting too much pressure on the hands. My hind legs lengthened quite a bit, and got substantially stockier, more closely resembling human legs. My neck shortened, and my head enlarged itself to more closely resemble a human head. My tail disappeared and my mane shrank down to my normal human hair length, which was very short indeed. "No, no, no, not NOW!" I said with great disappointment. "I can't have this happen NOW!" Spike was crying. "No, Twilight! NO! Why?" Rarity stood in stunned silence. Nick was laughing his head off at my transformation. "Michael, what is going on?" Princess Celestia asked with a hint of surprise. "My time ran out, I think. I guess Discord has nothing to do with this, I'm afraid. I still need to be Twilight! Just a little bit longer! Please!" "Methinks thou doth enjoy that too much," Celestia said, grinning. "But there was so much more to do!" I pleaded. "Michael, darling, all this time you've been in Twilight's body, this is what you really look like?" Rarity asked. There was a scratching at a door and as Rarity opened it, her white cat jumped out and ran to her side. "Opal! I've been worried sick!" "Meow?" I offered. "Stop trying to talk to her, Michael," Rarity began. Opal came over to me quizzically, and I knelt to pet her. I scratched behind her ears and she seemed to enjoy this. I let her rub against my right leg, and she began purring. I scratched the top of her head, and again behind her ears. She purred a bit louder. "Michael, darling, I didn't know you had such a way with cats!" "I like cats," I said, smiling. Opal lay on her back, offering her belly. "No, Opal, I'm not gonna rub your belly. Don't wanna get clawed," I chuckled. "What are we going to do about Twilight?" Spike asked, still very worried. "Princess Celestia, I offer myself as an option to replace Twilight, if you think that might help," I suggested optimistically. "I understand your desire to remain in Twilight's body, Michael, however you did mention obligations, and as a human, I feel your presence here might be a distraction. There is much work to do, and your proper place is back in your home world. I apologize for causing you such disappointment, but --" "Would you at least be willing to give me a chance?" I asked, perhaps sounding a little too desperate to stay. "I am afraid not, Michael. I know you did your best to be Twilight, but your intellect is not on her level. You are capable of quite a bit of magic while in her body, but you can not approach her mastery level. I will try to find a way of acquiring a replacement for her, however this will take some time. Even so, I appreciate what you have done for me." "What about the shimmer spell? It was multiple copies of me who freed you from your imprisonment in the sun -- it was my copies who separated Princess Luna from Nightmare Moon -- it was my copies who separated Nick from Rarity -- does that not count for anything?" "Granted, Twilight was not familiar with your shimmer spell -- and your knowledge of that spell impresses me -- a feat not easily accomplished -- however, as I stated before, your place is not among us here. That said, I would be happy to have you come back and visit us some time, but not until we have recovered from all the damage Nightmare Moon has caused." "How is Pinkie Pie holding up?" I asked. "She will recover, but it will take some time for that recovery." "Okay, can we go home now? This is taking too long, and I'm hungry!" Nick complained. "I'm hungry too, Nick. I still would like some clothes before I go back home as well." "Please, allow me," Celestia said, using her magic to fashion some clothes from all the remaining scraps of fabric in Rarity's boutique. Her design was a multi-colored pair of pants and a shirt, mostly in diamond shaped patches. "Princess, I apologize for the condition of my shop," Rarity stated. "This is not your fault, Rarity, there is no need to apologize. Michael, Nick, I shall escort you to your respective homes." The jaunt seemed effortless for Princess Celestia. We appeared at Nick's front door. He knocked, and Jacquelynn answered. "Nick! You're back! And you've been changed back into a human!" she exclaimed happily. "Mike could have helped me a bit earlier, but I had a good time. Oh, Mike's been changed back into a human as well." "Well, I'm happy you're back, and even more so that you're no longer in Rarity's body -- although, you did look really cute like that. Mike, you got changed back as well?" "For me, my time ran out. I still wanted to be Twilight, but I guess this is for the best. I'm gonna miss being her." "Well, I'm sure your wife will be happy you're back," she said. "Yeah, I guess," I said glumly. "How long you been married?" Nick asked. "Twenty very long years," I stated flatly. "Well, good luck, Mike. I'll keep in touch on facebook," he said. "Okay, Princess Celestia, I'm ready to go home." She teleported me to my home. I knocked on the front door and Brenda answered. "Where have you been?" she asked, almost angrily. "I went to bed and next thing I know, you've disappeared! Now you're back, and you're in your human body? When did that happen?" "It happened while I was in Ponyville," I said. "What, you went back? What about what Princess Celestia said?" "I am right here, Brenda. What did I say?" she asked, smiling. "You told him not to go back, or the consequences would be severe," Brenda stated. "He rescued me from my imprisonment in the sun -- he has my thanks for that. He rescued my sister from her imprisonment in her evil counterpart -- he also managed to separate Nick from his imprisonment in Rarity's body -- your husband is quite a hero, and deserves your highest respect. I am seriously considering having him return to Ponyville to assist in clean-up efforts, but I felt it necessary to explain to you his exploits, lest you doubt his veracity." "He ... did ... all ... THAT?" Brenda was incredulous. "But ... HOW?" "I did all that while I was in Twilight Sparkle's body, Brenda. Her magic abilities are very remarkable, and I came up with a few new spells of my own, her magic proving strong enough to cast those spells." "Well, I need him to help pay the bills," Brenda said. "I am impressed he was able to do so much, but I was worried when I found him gone." She turned to me. "Mike, next time you run off like that, please leave me a note, or tell me something. And these clothes! Where did you get them?" "I will treasure this clothing, Princess. Thanks for putting it together for me. Brenda, the scraps of cloth that make up these clothes came from Rarity's boutique -- Ponyville suffered heavily in the absence of Princess Celestia, and these scraps were about all that was left for the sake of making clothes. Cleaning up looks like an Herculean task, but I'm sure the remaining ponies will be able to take care of it. Princess Celestia, I am going to miss you and all the others. Please give them my warmest regards, and let them know I will continue to hold them in my heart and in my thoughts. I wish it didn't have to end like this, though." "Michael, you have my deepest thanks for all you have done. Under different circumstances, I would be happy to have you stay with us, however --" "What? You wanted to stay there?" Brenda asked me angrily. "I KNEW you wanted to!" She raised her fist to hit me. "Brenda, stop." Princess Celestia admonished. She enveloped Brenda's fist in her golden aura, immobilizing it. "Let me go! I'll teach him to leave me!" "Michael, is she always like this?" "More often than not, yes, I'm afraid." "Perhaps my assessment of you was incorrect. I would like to extend an offer to you to return to Ponyville to assist in our clean-up efforts. I will be happy to transform you back into Twilight Sparkle." "NOOO! Don't you dare! Mike! Please! Don't do this! Please!" Brenda begged. Tears started to well up in her eyes. "Princess Celestia, I hate these moral dilemmas," I stated with some exasperation. "Take all the time you want, Michael. Should you ever decide you wish to return, just let me know." "You have my word, Princess Celestia. Thanks again for everything!" I said, smiling. "So that means you're staying, Mike?" "Yes. For now anyway. Good bye, Princess. I hope to see you again some time." "Good bye, Michael. Take care, and good luck. Good bye, Brenda." Princess Celestia then disappeared in a flash of light and a golden POP. "How bad was it?" Brenda asked. "I thought every pony had died when I first got there," I said. "But when we returned after rescuing the Princesses, it turned out there were quite a few ponies who had survived. Pinkie Pie is still in the hospital though. Things are really bad there right now." "But I thought it looked good when I was there," Brenda said with some surprise. "In my attempt to help Nick, I teleported us to another universe, one where Nightmare Moon had defeated the Elements of Harmony. Things were in really bad shape. It's going to take quite a long time before it gets back to normal there." "So what now?" "I'm hungry, and very tired. I'm also disappointed that I only got to spend one day in Twilight's body." FIN