//------------------------------//
// Chapter Five: Cutie Mark Acquisition Mission 
// Story: My Little Mission: Sneaking is Magic 
// by DoctorSpectrum 
//------------------------------//

“Ooh, this spell looks interesting… and I know from past experience that I can cast it!” Twilight exclaimed as she read one of the thousands of spell books which she had in her library. I threw down the book I had been skimming through (“Supernaturals: Natural remedies and cure-alls that are simply super”), and walked over to her. We were both in her library, surrounded by piles of books.
“You know from past experience that you can cast it?” I repeated after her. I had been living in Ponyville with Twilight Sparkle for two weeks now, and had been spending most of that time looking through Twilight’s books for a spell to return me to Shadow Moses. I was hoping as best I could that Twilight’s theory about time between our universes working at different rates was true, otherwise Liquid Snake would had already launched a nuclear strike, and there was virtually no point in returning to my now-failed mission. In theory, anyway.
“Yes, I sure can!” Twilight said cheerfully. She levitated the book around to show me what the spell she had found did. “How do you think that you would look with a moustache?”
“Moustache, huh?” I was somewhat dismayed that the spell she had found wasn’t relevant to my situation, but for her sake I went along with it. “No thanks, a moustache isn’t really my thing.” After a moment of thinking, I added, “Maybe when I’m old and grey I’ll give it a try.”
“Why wouldn’t you want a moustache? Don’t you realise how macho it makes you look?” Spike questioned. He wasn’t helping us directly with the research, but had been clearing away books, and finding new ones for us to look through. When he wasn’t sleeping, that was. 
“I’m fine without one, Spike,” I affirmed, before heading back over to find the book I had been reading through. Twilight and I continued reading through her numerous spellbooks for the next few hours, not speaking unless necessary. I was finding the work tedious – normally my preferred reading material was a bit dirtier than what I was currently scanning through. 
As time wore on, I found myself reading the books more and more slowly, until I finally gave up. As much as I needed to return home, I couldn’t find the motivation to keep reading about all of these minor and uninteresting spells. I stared at the cover of the book I was currently holding, not thinking about it, but rather a conversation Twilight and I had had the day I had arrived in Ponyville…


===================


“… so no matter how dangerous it looks, please don’t just lasso a tree without thinking. You’ve got that, Snake?” It was the first night of my stay in Ponyville. Twilight had finished setting up the area of her library which had been designated my space, and was just giving me a lecture on what not to do in the middle of the night.
“Sure,” I replied. I wasn’t exactly sure why she was telling me this information; the only tree which could potentially damage Twilight’s house looked fairly destroyed, as though it had been struck by lightning at an earlier time. Still, Twilight struck me as the sort of mare who would prepare for every situation, so I could vaguely see the point she made.
“Excellent!” Twilight replied, happy that I was complying. As she started setting up her own bed for the night (Spike was already asleep in a small basket), she continued talking. “I’m sorry that my friends were so… forwards with you today, Snake. They do take a little getting used to – especially Pinkie Pie – but they’re the best friends a pony could ask for!”
“Huh. That’s fine,” I answered as I stared out the window to the night sky. Twilight’s friends – and in fact, Twilight herself - had actually been annoying at first, but I was going to give them a chance, so long as I was trapped in Ponyville. 
“What about you, Snake?” Twilight asked after realising that I wasn’t going to say anything further. “What are your friends like?”
I hesitated. My old mentor and friend, Frank Jaegar… were we still friends? It had only been hours ago that I had fought him. He had wanted me to kill him, to end his painful existence as the Cyborg Ninja which he had become. It had been both physically and mentally painful to fight him, and I hadn’t been sure whether I even wanted to fulfil his wish.
“It’s…complicated,” I finally answered.  “My mentor, Grey Fox… we used to be friends, before we were forced to fight each other in a pointless battle. I…” I paused again, trying to convey the emotions I felt. I gave up after some anguish. I couldn’t do it.
“That’s terrible!” said Twilight, seeming genuinely concerned with my brief explanation. She trotted over to me, trying to comfort me. “So your only friend… is now your enemy?” I thought about this for a moment. With the possible exceptions of Master Miller and Colonel Campbell, did I have any more friends?
“Well… there’s this one guy I met,” I said, thinking of Doctor Emmerich. “He’s a scientist. But considering how badly I’ve failed my last attempt at friendship, I’m not sure whether I could bear to make another friend only to lose them.” For all I knew, Emmerich had been found and killed by now.
“You can’t be afraid to make a new friend, Snake,” Twilight protested quietly. “Before I came to Ponyville, I had even fewer friends than you… I was always ignoring other ponies, and putting my studies ahead of socialising.” 
Why didn’t that surprise me? 
“But after I came to Ponyville, and my friends and I used the Elements of Harmony to defeat Nightmare Moon – ” Wait, what? “- I realised how magical friendship really could be!” I snorted. How saccharine.
“Look, Twilight, I can see where you’re coming from… but Grey Fox… I just don’t know how I feel about him. I fought him earlier today at his wish, but still… if I had to sacrifice him to save the world, I still don’t know what I’d do.” I sighed and turned away from the window, sitting down on my bed.
“Well, what about this other person you’ve met?” Twilight asked with a hint of curiosity in her voice. “It never hurts to make more friends, Snake.” I laughed humourlessly.
“Sure, why don’t I become friends with this guy? I can make him my sidekick, and we can even get our own secret handshake which only we know!” Twilight couldn’t see the point that I was trying to make: I’d had friends before, but I just couldn’t make the effort anymore. I was a soldier, and soldiers such as I don’t get to make friends. Today’s friend could be tomorrow’s -
“Snake,” Twilight said, interrupting my train of thought, “for your own sake, I’m going to ask you to at least consider making friends with this… scientist that you know.” I didn’t say anything. I’d already said everything which I needed to.
“I’m going to bed,” I growled after a long silence. I climbed into my bed, as did Twilight to her respective bed.
It felt like hours that I lay awake for, although it was probably only ten minutes. There was no way of telling how long had passed. I had a lot to think about since arriving in Equestria. After a few more minutes of thinking, I spoke out quietly in the darkness.
“Twilight… You give good advice.”


===================


“Find anything, Snake?” Twilight asked me, interrupting my recollection. I glanced at the book I had been slowly reading for the past few hours.
“No,” I answered, disappointed. “I was hoping that this book might have some sort of supernatural way for me to get home, but it’s just about all of these different types of plants.” Twilight’s expression of disenchantment matched mine.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure that we’ll eventually-” she started, before being interrupted by the door to the library banging open. 
We both turned at this sudden, unexpected noise. I don’t know what Twilight was thinking, but the stealth operative in me instinctively expected the worst, and I was already reaching for my SOCOM before I realised what had burst through the door.
“Alright girls, you know what we need to do!”
“Sure do, Sweetie Belle!” Then, after a moment of silence -
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS BOOK RESEARCHERS!!!”
I relaxed, having encountered these three fillies before. Over the course of the past two weeks, I had been around town enough now that most ponies in town had heard how I had been transported to Equestria, and whilst I wasn’t exactly becoming popular, I was still well-known enough that most ponies were comfortable around me. 
These fillies had formed a club (although they insisted on calling it a “secret society”) called the Cutie Mark Crusaders, determined to acquire their cutie marks through any means possible. It looked like today they would be aiming to get their cutie marks in research.
“Hello girls,” said Twilight, wincing a little from their noisy entrance. She stood up and walked over to the trio. “What can I help you w-”
“Twahlight, we need books!” exclaimed the yellow Earth pony with a bow in her red mane. I’d only met the Cutie Mark Crusaders once, and it had been brief, but I was fairly sure from memory that her name was Apple Bloom.
“And we need them right now!” added in the pegasus member of the group. After a moment of thinking I remembered that her name was Scootaloo, a name which didn’t really make sense to me. The name sounded more appropriate for a chicken than a pegasus, but then again, I wasn’t a native Equestrian, so what was I supposed to know?
“Okay girls, what sort of books would you like?” Twilight asked politely. I had forgotten more than once that she was the town’s librarian, as she rarely seemed to actually lend out any of her books to ponies.
“Anything you’ve got on… anything!” Scootaloo replied, clearly excited to get reading. Twilight rolled her eyes (although from the look on her face, she found them more endearing than annoying) and opened her mouth to answer, but I beat her to it.
“Anything she’s got on anything, huh?” I asked, standing up and walking over to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. As I did, I noticed that they cowered a little, and I had to remind myself that I still probably looked fairly intimidating to the younger ponies in town. “Believe me; you won’t manage to hone your skills that way. A soldier has to focus themselves into their work, to learn the ins and outs of something – whether that something is your weapon, your strategy, or even your environment. Everyone has a role to play, and they-”
“What’s the point you’re trying to get to?” interrupted Sweetie Belle, the third member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. She was a unicorn like Twilight Sparkle, and was the younger sister of Rarity. I grunted at the interruption.
“The point I’m trying to make is that you have to focus on one thing if you want to master it,” I explained. I noticed that they were paying stronger attention to me now. I was about to explain further when I was interrupted again, this time by Twilight Sparkle, who was nodding to my words.
“Snake has a point, girls,” she said approvingly. “Trying all of these different ideas will only get you so far, before you have to find out which one is for you and you alone to do – that’s when it becomes your special talent, which makes you unique.” The girls exchange quick looks between themselves, before looking back to the two of us.
“So what yer sayin’, Twahlight, is that Snake should train us to help us get our cutie marks?”
What?!
Twilight looked over to me, smiling a little. I couldn’t tell whether she was smiling because she thought that the idea was a good one, or whether she thought that it was funny. “That’s a great idea, girls. What do you say, Snake?”
“Train you, huh?” I asked as I tried to think of an excuse out of it. I had nothing against the Cutie Mark Crusaders, but I definitely opposed the idea of teaching these three fillies high-end infiltration and killing techniques. Unfortunately, I couldn’t think of a way to point this out: whilst I had previously hinted at the skills I used on my mission, I hadn’t said anything outright, as I didn’t want to bring such grim and dark ideas into these ponies’ heads. From what I had seen of Ponyville, it was as innocent as it gets.
No, there was absolutely no way in which I would teach these girls the techniques I knew, even if I had to flat-out, bluntly refuse them as rudely as possible.


===================


“Now the first thing you’ll need to master infiltration,” I began, “is the cardboard box.” The Cutie Mark Crusaders and I had relocated to Applejack’s farm, which I had discovered was called Sweet Apple Acres. After Twilight had rebutted all of my arguments against teaching the Crusaders my infiltration skills, she had telekinetically thrown us all out of the library, albeit softly. In the end, I had decided that there was nothing wrong with teaching the Crusaders a few basic stealth techniques, leading us to the farm.
“This is going to sound as though I’m exaggerating… but I’m not when I say that the success of your mission depends upon how you use your cardboard box,” I continued. Sweetie Belle raised a hoof. “Yes?”
“Are we going to go on a mission? Like spies?” she asked enthusiastically. Before I could answer, she turned to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SPIES!” the three of them cried out in unison. I frowned at this. How could they be so naive about the realities of the battlefield? Had Equestria even had any wars, or major battles, in its history? War is never a thing to be glorified. War is-
“I’m going to sneak into Sugarcube Corner!” Scootaloo told the others, distracting me from my thoughts. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom nodded in agreement.
“Maybe we can go there in the middle a’ the night, and find Pinkie Pie makin’ cupcakes!” Apple Bloom said. I found this to be an odd thing to say, as did Sweetie Belle, who frowned.
“Why would Pinkie Pie be-”
“Girls!” I snapped. I was trying to be patient here, but when they simply refused to listen to my lecture, I couldn’t hold it in any more. At my words, the three of them stopped talking and looked to me, suddenly quiet. “Better.”
“Now, as I was saying, how well you use the cardboard box will affect how successful your mission will be. But you have to remember that a cardboard box is ultimately only made of paper, so if-”
“Who wants a picture of a cardboard box on their flank?” Scootaloo interrupted, suddenly sounding disillusioned. 
“Yah might not get somethin’ like a cardboard box, Scoots,” Apple Bloom pointed out. “Yah might get somthin’ neat, like… Snake’s suit!” I gritted my teeth in frustration: they had become distracted again. I needed to get their attention with, say… a physical demonstration! 
Leaving the three fillies to their minor squabbling, I got out my personal cardboard box, and hid under it, trusting that the Crusaders would be too distracted to wonder what I was doing. I was correct.
“Now girls,” I called out once I was nicely hidden. “Do you see how important the cardboard box can be?” Through a small flap on the box, I could see the three stopped talking to look over at me for a moment.
“…It’s pretty obvious that you’re under the box,” Sweetie Belle pointed out. Hmm. This wasn’t how I had planned my demonstration to go.
“It’s obvious out here,” I started, “but when you’re in an enemy stronghold they wouldn’t suspect a thing. Watch.” I got up slightly, and walked a short distance, still with the box covering my body. “You see? If an enemy-”
“Doesn’t that make it more obvious?” Scootaloo queried. Huh. I’d never thought of that. 
“Well, for the sake of the demonstration –”
“Why are you showing us a demonstration where it’s obvious where you are? Shouldn’t you hide so that we can’t find you?” Sweetie Belle interrupted.
“Like hide and seek!” Apple Bloom added as I stood up and removed the box, to which Scootaloo nodded enthusiastically. I grimaced. These three fillies may think that they were being smart now, but they were failing to see the brilliance of the cardboard box.
“Okay,” I said after a moment of thinking, “how about I’ll give you three the box, and you can try and hide from me? It should fit you easily.”
“Why? You’ll find us without even tryin’!” said Apple Bloom. I shook my head.
“No, the point of this is to show is that even three amateurs like you will be able to hide using the box.” My plan was to purposely take a while to find them, so that they would learn to appreciate the box. Then hopefully, they’d be inspired enough to listen to my lesson in full. After a moment of hesitation, Sweetie Belle nodded enthusiastically.
“C’mon girls! What have we got to lose?” she asked the other two. I passed them the box, which they managed to fit over the three of them after a bit of struggling. Although it muffled their speech a little, I could hear them arguing over which way they should be facing, as well as where they should go to hide from me.
I turned around. “I’ll cover my eyes, to give you three a chance,” I explained. As I said this, it occurred to me that this was similar to hide and seek, and I grimaced. How did I end up in this situation, again? 


===================


“Have you seen the Cutie Mark Crusaders?” I frantically asked Applejack, ten minutes later. I had looked as far as the trio would be able to get in the minute or so that I hadn’t been looking, and I hadn’t found them so far. Nor my cardboard box.
“Why’re ya askin’, Snake?” Applejack asked, before adding a second later, “Is mah sister alright?!”
“I don’t know. They’ve gone missing,” I said. I was desperately hoped that the Cutie Mark Crusaders had snuck past me and gotten into the Apple house, where Applejack and I were now, otherwise I was stumped.
“What?! What’ve ya done, Snake?!” Applejack was looking pissed at me now, and I couldn’t exactly blame her.
“I was trying to teach them- look, it doesn’t matter. Just tell me – have you seen them? Or my cardboard box, for that matter?” Applejack thought for a moment.
“Now that ya mention it, ah did see some sorta strange cardboard critter goin’ into the Everfree Forest ‘bout ten minutes ago, but ah didn’t think much of it. All kindsa’ things come outta there.”
“What?!” It had never occurred to me that the Cutie Mark Crusaders would go into the Everfree Forest. I had been told from virtually the first day of my exile to Ponyville not to enter the Everfree Forest under any circumstances. Every pony was wary of the place, even Pinkie P- well, not Pinkie Pie, as a matter of fact. But virtually every pony was cautious of the Everfree Forest. There was only one thing left to do.
I knelt down and activated my codec. “Twilight? Are you hearing me?”
“Loud and clear, Snake. It looks like that spell I found works over longer distances than I thought! How are things going with the Cutie Mark Crusaders?”
“I’ve got bad news, Twilight. I’ve got to go into the Everfree Forest.” Twilight must have been drinking something, because I could hear her do a spit take. Looking up, I could see that Applejack wanted to speak with me, but was waiting for me to finish my conversation.
“You’re – what? But why?”
“Long story. I’ll explain once I’m in. I’ve got all of my gear with me, so I should be okay for now. But the important thing is that I leave now.” I needed to get onto the Crusaders’ trail as soon as possible.
“…Okay Snake. Remember to call me if you need to save your game.”
“Huh?”
“Sorry, did I say save your game? I meant, if you want my advice.” Twilight obviously didn’t realise the significance of my self-appointed mission, because a moment later she added in, “I’ve got a book here I’ve always wanted to use: 1001 Proverbs and Where To Use Them!”
“Proverbs, huh? I’ll talk to you later, Twilight.” I ended the codec call then straightened up. Applejack was still looking at me angrily. From what I had said to Twilight, she seemed to have worked out what I was planning to do.
“Snake, ah’m gonna stay here with Granny Smith an’ Big Macintosh… tell ‘em what happened. But ah warn you, if anythin’ happens to mah sister…”
“Don’t worry, Applejack. I’ll get her and the Crusaders back safely.” At least, I hoped that I would. Applejack gave me a grim nod, which I returned, before turning around. I was ready to enter the Everfree Forest.
At a time like this, I really, really, wanted my cardboard box back.