(BIC) Shade dose Canterlot
"And so the ass kicks him, and sends him running away!" Shade whined dejectedly.
"Oh wow..." Discords voice rang. "Did you ever find Fluffy again?" The night pony shook his head, his eyes unfocused in reality. "Well, I must say: I knew Sin wasn't exactly the nicest pony around, but that's just mean spirited."
Shade looked up. "All Fluffy wanted was to play with him." He sniffled, "And now he's gone forever."
"I guess some ponies just can't handle a few Hydra bites."
"Well, well, I had to see it to believe it." Called an all to pretentious voice that made the so called "God of Chaos" groan. Shade looked behind him to find a blond maned white unicorn with a thick air of pretentiousness around himself and his Entourage of three other unicorn stallions.
"I heard there was some crazy Discordian acolyte camped out in front of his statue," Blueblood grimaced. "But I didn't expect it to be some blackened night guard reject." He laughed in the way only the upper crust of royalty could, and some how not be laughed at himself.
"Who dat?" Shade asked curiously.
"Oh right, if I may present the royal pain in the flank, Prince Blueblood." Discord said in a mock royal introduction.
"Oh... Blueblood?" Shade repeated returning his gaze to the prince. "Who be he?"
"Oh these peasants just bring a tear to the royal eye." Blueblood said raising a delicate hoof and wiping away said moisture. "Do tell me commoner, has 'your god' spoken to you as of late? Does he tell you how pathetic you are?"
"Oh, now this should be very interesting." Discord chuckled, though to his surprise; the randomness that was Star Shade didn't respond. Electing instead to bow his head in... respect?
"Well," Blueblood said with a knowing smirk. "At least he's bright enough to show respect to royalty when he sees it." He chuckled again and raised his hoof to the humbled pegasus. "As reward for your efforts, you may now kiss the royal hoof. We must show consequence for such good behavior once in a while after all."
Shade looked down to the offered appendage with curious and innocent eyes.
"Kiss it?... I'MMA EAT IT!"
Blueblood's light blue eyes constricted in both pain and shock as Shade's teeth sunk into his hoof. A loud feminine scream shook the very court yard, causing statues to tremble and glass to break "UNMOUTH ME AT ONCE YOU CUR!" He exclaimed trying to shake the assailant off. "BRUTE STRENGTH!"
One of his followers/bodyguards stepped forward, a large magenta earth stallion with a cropped purple mane grabbed hold of Shade, who immediately released the whimpering Prince. "I'MMA EAT YOU TOO!"
Discord chuckled wildly as his sole follower tackled the ponyguard onto the ground and began to wrestle around, every so often biting hard enough to cause pain, but never enough to draw blood. "Shade my boy, you are truly a work of pure Chaos!"
The night pegasus gasped and kicked himself away from his adversary and dashed to the statue, kneeling before his god. "Thank you great and powerful Discord. Your words please me greatly."
"Deranged scoundrel!" Blueblood accused nursing his leg. "You dare to chomp the royal hoof?"
"Wanna see me do it again?" Shade looked over grinning maniacally.
Blueblood's two un-traumatized guardsponies placed themselves, reluctantly, in front of the prince, and eyed the demented pony with concern. "You swine! I'll teach you to respect royalty!"
"Oh Bloody, you know I like it rough baby?" Shade said with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. The prince gagged electing another maniacal cackle from his antagonist.
"ENOUGH!" The distraught royal unicorn demanded, his face flushed from both anger and humiliation. "Get him boys!"
"There will be no 'getting' this night!" Announced a voice that shook Star Shade's very core. There was only one thing he truly feared and loathed in the world, even above government, and now she was here.
Blueblood looked with disinterest as the Princess of the Night landed gracefully upon the frosted grass of the royal garden. "What is it Aunti Luna, Can't you see I'm busy here?"
Luna let out a breath and prepared to lecture her nephew...
"NO OH DISCORD WHY?!" Shade Exclaimed clutching onto Discord's statue for dear life. "Why have you forsaken me to this BEAST?! Make her go away." He finished in sobs, pointing to the starry maned princess. Causing Luna to give an offended scoff.
"If it's any consolation, you're opinion on her appearance is shared among friends."
"Blueblood, get inside, our sister is waiting to speak with thee." Luna growled turning to her wounded kin.
"But Aunti Lunahahahah." The prince wined. Luna narrowed her eyes, and like a pack of defeated teenagers, the prince and his entourage reluctantly marched into the palace proper. But not before he got only last scowl in at his assailant, who returned it with a sultry smile and air kiss, causing the prince to grimace and shudder.
"Now as for you!" Luna turned her attention back to the pegasus, her hard eyes locking onto his own, causing a moment of silent tension between the two.
"Our sister wishes thee to join us for dinner as well. The cold out hath been worse than usual." The lunar alicorn proclaimed before she began her retreat back into the castle.
"Don't worry about her, Discord, I shall never leave you!" The night pony whispered hugging tighter.
"Actually," Discord mused "I want you to go with her."
Shade looked as though he'd been smack across the face. "You WHAT?!"
"Well, you've been out here for the past three days with out food or warmth. I'm honestly surprised you haven't frozen to death." The draconequus admitted. "You're my sole follower, and as such, I need you strong and healthy to spread the word of Chaos!" He finished happily.
Shade mused over the point for a moment, though the prospect of eating at the same table as the Beast soon drove his mind to more interesting and fond thoughts. Like food, and apples, about how the variations of apples were rather pointless. Apples were just that, why were there red ones, gold ones, green ones and in between past that? Seriously? Blame climate and environment and all, but should that really change their flavor from sweet to sour? That's just as stupid as having different sexes between birds. Seriously, just make them all reproduce A sexually, and skip the madness... Why are there birds in the world anyway? And why the in Celestia's name did they lay eggs?!
"Very well." Shade said lowing himself from the being of his praise. "I'll go, but if I see any birds eating pointlessly miscolored apples, so help me Discord." He narrowed his eyes. Honestly, it's like they were made that way just to confuse him.
"Oh just go on." Discord shooed. Shade gave one last bow of his head and trudged up to the doors Luna left open for him. He looked around observing the beautiful marble walls and blah blah blah it was warm now, blah blah blah I'm hungry. He sighed before walking briskly to the larger dining area. Stopping only to admire what little art that resembled Discord in any way.
His stomach grumbled and the pegasus could prolong it no more. Three days of fasting in the name of the divine really took it's toll on the body apparently. Though, even if he was always within at least a mile of the Beast at all times, he couldn't help but smile at the fact that he was reunited with the greatest thing in the world.
He entered the dining hall to see the object of his dispise sitting next to the weird horse lady who brought him back to Equestria. Though, to his surprise there were more. A pink alicorn, Princess Constantinople or something or another, sat with two white stallion Unicorns opposite Luna. One had electric blue hair and a goofy smirk, the other... "LEFTOVERS!" He yelled happily, darting to the table and grabbing Blueblood's hoof before licking his lips hungrily.
To his disappointment, the apendege was retracted before he sunk his teeth into it. "Un-hoof me. Aunti Celestia, why is this common-folk inside the castle?" Blueblood demanded.
A golden aura engulfed the assaulting pegasus before he could make a second attempt and firmly placed him next to a purple unicorn mare he hadn't noticed before.
"He is a guest in the castle," Celestia said with smirk. "And as such he is allowed to join us within the hall, however." Her eyes hardened slightly as she turned her attention. "It would greatly appreciated if our guest would not try to eat my nephew."
"What?" Shade gave a confused shrug. "It's not my fault he likes rough foreplay."
A burst of laughter echoed from the blue maned stallion sitting by Princess Candy, everypony else seemed to be in a perpetual state of shock, save Luna who was fighting tooth and hoof to repress a grin.
"HOW DARE YOU ASSUME SUCH A THING?!" Blueblood demanded, slamming his hoof on the table.
"Blueblood." Celestia chided causing the prince to abandon the fight and pout. She then turned to the Shade and scowled.
"Alright." Shade rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry I tried to eat your nephew, Mystical Horse lady." The sun goddess rolled her eyes and sighed, deciding it best to drop any real attempt at convincing him to have manners. It was at that moment she had a mysterious case of Déjà vu with a certain draconequus.
"We must say." Luna began as the servants had descended to the table carrying treys of food. "From what you've told us, this 'South Equine' sounds quite dictatorial, Twilight Sparkle."
Shade chuckled at the fond memory of a small town he visited. Fire, fires was his friend that night.
"But that's the thing, princess." Twilight replied enthusiastically. "It's not a dictatorship, it's a Democracy!"
"A Democracy? And they send their children away at such young ages?" Celestia said surprised. "My, that's an-" She paused. "-Interesting method of parenting."
Blueblood humphed, "I find such ideas to be quite revolutionary personally." This statement grasped the attention of all present, except a certain pegasi who was busy devouring a bowl of sunflower soup. "Well. Consider it, fillies and colts do nothing but run around and yell and scream and ugh! It gives the royal mind a head ache just thinking about it."
Twilight quirked a brow. "Young ones are supposed to be loud and expressive Blueblood."
"PRINCE Blueblood!" He snapped scowling at the mare.
"HEY!" The second unicorn shouted. "I don't care if you are royalty, you do not snap at my sister."
Shade drew his attention away to find the unicorn being calmed by Princess Candycane. "Shining Armor, please calm down. You know how Blueblood can be."
The unicorn sat down with a huff still glaring at the obnoxious prince before he finally gave in with a shake of his head. "I'm sorry Cadence."
Cadance, that was it!... That's a stupid name.
Shade's mind was abuzz with the information he was getting. Contrary to popular belief, he was quite a deep thinker, though; he had certain tendencies that caused his mind to drift from the topic currently at hoof. Unless he was truly interested in something, his attention deficiency would typically result in random out bursts that had little to nothing to do with anything relevant at the time, though it would always stem from it.
And seeing ponies angry always had him interested.
"Speaking of children." Luna said with a mischievous smirk. "When are we expected to have great nephews and nieces?"
Shining Armor and spat out his soup while his apparent wife flushed redder than any apple Shade had seen yet. Hahaaa spit takes.
"Princess Luna!" Twilight shouted in disbelief, blushing a bit herself.
Luna simply looked on innocently. "What? These fine ponies hath been married for some time now, and foals should be produced at some point, yes?"
'The Beast may be the epitome of all I despise, but at least she amuses me.' Shade thought watching the scene of Shining and Princess Cadence stuttering to explain their parenting expectancy, play out.
"Hmph, I cannot believe my dear sister would even consider marrying you." Blueblood chimed. Shade knew he wasn't exactly the sharpest of ponies around, and that his social skills weren't the best, but even he had to ask why they kept this pretensions jack ass around.
"Royalty, and an Alicorn no less, marrying a lowly guardsman. What would mother say?"
"BLUEBLOOD!" Celestia yelled.
Oh yea, here we go.
"I SHALL NOT TOLERATE ANY MORE OF YOUR DISRESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR AMONGST MY SUBJECTS!"
Instead of reacting like a normal, not to mention sane pony, and quiver in fear whilst begging for forgiveness. The stallion simply turned up his nose and scoffed. 'Maybe I'm not the only insane pony at this- ohmigoshCHEESE! He happily grabbed the dairy product from it's place and brought the whole brick to his mouth, is former interest all but forgotten.
"At any rate, Star Shade was it?" The mentioned looking over to the princess with his teeth barely making contact with the cheader flavored goodness. "Might I ask you a question?"
"I suppose Magical Horse Lady."
"SHE IS ROYALTY!" Blueblood yelled. "And deserves to addressed with respect!"
"Sorry. Go ahead Princess Magical Horse Lady."
Celestia giggled at the display. "Please, do tell me about your experiences in the Federation."
A reminiscent smile grew on the pegsus face, his eyes clouded over as he thought about the night he visited that small village in South Equine while the others went some where else. He whispered something inaudible, and the Celestia asked him to repeat himself.
"Flammable." He said happily. "Very flammable."
"I'm sorry? I don't quite understand."
"Well, I visited a village, burned down their hay silo's, beat down any fool who challenged me, and had them proclaim their everlasting loyalty to Discord." He sighed happily. "And those babies were delicious."
Celestia sat mouth a gape, much like everypony else present. Silence engulphed as each tried to process what they were hearing, and more importantly; if it were true.
Finally, after a few moments, the Alicorn spoke again with an awkward smile: "Oh and uh... What prompted you to... set fires exactly?"
"I was cold." Shade shrugged. "Cold and hungry."
"Did..." Twilight pipped timidly. "Did you really do that?"
"I dunno."
"You what?"
"Well, it could have been a dream." He scratched the side of his head. "I woke up in the middle of a field wrapped up in my cloak, so I can't honestly say no, but not no, at the same time... But what ever I at that night made me full for the rest of the day."
As the stallion pat his stomach, the rest of the dinner guests couldn't help but stare incredulously at him. It only added to his already good mood. His time spent within the confides of the stone courtyard had been the best three days of his life, even in spite of the cold and hunger he felt. It even put him in a good enough mood to be civil in the presence of the mare he hated most in the world, along with Twilight, who he'd typically never give the time of day.
Luna clared her throat. "Well, that's an interesting story."
"SILENCE BEAST!" Shade exclaimed with an eye twitch. "I was talking to the Magical Horse Lady!"
The rest of the meal passed in relitive peace, Shade kept mainly to himself and what ever food stuffs happened to be near him, while the royalty spoke amongst themselves. A little more banter between Blueblood and Shining with Cadence trying to moderate. And Celestia and Luna still interviewing the unicorn scholar about the air ship: Gonshinian.
Apparently the incident with the Judgement had caused quite the stink between the Triple M. Corporation and Canterlot. Being that Triple M. had no permission to enter Equestrian air space, and the fact that all of their wounded agents were immediately transported to Trottingham Hospitals; thus putting a great strain on the cities medical staff. Along with financial burden of the Government to pay enough military personnel to oversee the foreigners- 'Why does Equestria have foreigners? Why are there such a thing as foreigners? On that note, why are there different countries? Seriously that's just asking for trouble..
There was some mention of the effort necessary to calm the public's fear of invasion by a foreign country. Something about ponies still being a bit uneasy about anything bigger than a pegasus flock in the sky. And apparently protests had come to the princess about the matter and blah blah blah... I'm bored.
Finally, desert came. What ever it was, it delectable aroma made Shade's mouth water something fierce, despite his over extended stomach. The waiter unicorns placed the plates in front of the guests and removed the metal lids. Applepie. Sweet, delicious, crisp apple pie topped with a dab of whipped cream and a slice of green... apple...
His eye twitched. Green apple? GREEN APPLE? He picked up the fruit while the others began to feast. "Apples are supposed to BE RED!" He yelled casting it across the table and, inadvertently(?), into the face of Blueblood.
The room stood in shocked silence, save for a loud and angry huffing. Shade's former good mood completely overtaken by his rage of the discolored fruit. Why? Why was it green? It's just not right!
"How DARE YOU!" Blueblood yelled wiping a little whip cream from his forehead.
"AND YOU!" Shade replied pointing his hoof. "You are false advertising! You're blood isn't blue at all, you lying heathen!"
Blueblood let out a primordial roar. Shade accepted this challenge, as well as the outlet for his anger, and tackled the prince to the ground with a crack of wood from the chairs contact with the ground.
The mortified and shocked prince lay dumbstruck, deciding he would have to make the next move in this little game, Shade lifted his hoof and brought it down on the prince's muzzle. That snapped the royal pony out of his shock and before the second blow could be struck, a glow emanated from his horn and a beam of light shot forth. Shade flew back up into the air, allowing the prince to stand from his stupor and a brief smile of victory. Though it didn't last, the bat pony regained himself in the air and took flight, pondering briefly how to best handle the situation.
"Unkempt welp!" Another few beams of magical energy shot fruitlessly at the pegasus with the Celestia and Luna desperately trying to calm him down.
'Well, it's time to solve this problem like I solve all my problems.' Shade thought before letting out a sigh. 'Now where am I going to get two gallons of shaving cream and a rock?' His train of thought was broken by a lucky shot to his hind leg. The magic wasn't damaging, but it was enough to get his attention. Annoyance piqued, he gained momentum by flying around the dinning area once than dove nose first to antagonizing unicorn.
"ENOUGH!" Boomed a voice that made him come to a screeching halt. Celestia's eyes glared daggers for both of the two stallions. "You two have disrupted our dinner, insulted my integrity and acted as petulant children!"
Shade looked over to find the prince cowering, oh so now you care that the magical horse is upset? He watched on as Celestia began to lecture about something or another, after the word: "respect" came up, he tuned her out. Could she probably eviscerate him with the flick of her horn? Yea, but dammit she is not interesting! Besides, Blueblood started it! Pretentious ass hole offers him a hoof and then takes it back? Freaking buffalo giver.
Blueblood lay quietly in his bedroom. His mind was abuzz with the revelations and revulsion he had experienced today. First a pony tries to eat him for no reason. Than the fools at the dinner began insulting him after he polity debated his sister's choice of marital partner, and to top it all off; he was sent to his room with out desert after a minor altercation with the pony who wanted to crunch the royal hoof.
Life was so unfair sometimes.
A small smile played at his lips, he'd get the pony back. He'd concoct some plan to get revenge on that naive, even if he didn't; he had ponies for that kind of thing. His smile grew the more he thought about how he would get even and then some. Ponynapping, water boarding, giving him a hang hoof. The possibilities were endless.
His eye lids grew heavier and his mind slowed. All his scheming could wait, he had a big day after all. The body guards outside the door would keep him safe from any unwanted distractions, and besides; that cad was under the watch of Luna's elite night guard. He could sleep easy tonight.
Just as he began to open the door between the the world of the awake and asleep, he felt a harsh pressure on his muzzle. His eyes shot wide open to see a dark figure standing over his bed and a charcoal hoof over his mouth. In a fright, the prince lighted his horn to defend himself, though the magical appendage was quickly covered, and before he could charge anything worth while to attack, a low and familiar chuckle made his blood run cold.
"You wont be needing this anymore."
Crack.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"