It takes a while before you begin to relax again after that ordeal, and even then you’re pretty on edge compared to how serene you were feeling up until everypony arrived and spoiled your morning with Fluttershy. Of course, that might not be a bad thing. Relaxation is nice and all, but it’s a luxury you can’t afford if it makes you careless enough to fall foul of any more ‘pranks’.
The more you think about it, the more you wonder if these ponies are some sort of Fey. It would fit with the inherent magic that they all seem to have to some extent, as well as their whimsical appearance, their expressiveness and their apparent simplicity belying deeper subtleties. And it would definitely fit with what you’ve observed and experienced of their particular brand of playfulness and capricious sense of fun. Could this place be a backwater region of Arborea? It seems believable.
Either way, dealing with these ponies like you would deal with the Fey seems like a good way to proceed. In other words: enjoy their company, respect their power, expect them to throw the best parties, and don’t ever fucking trust them.
Your gaze strays to your rucksack leaning up against the wall near the bathtub. It doesn’t look disturbed, but considering that Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were definitely poking around in here with mischievous intent earlier, you feel like you want to be sure. As well as its usual contents, you emptied your pockets into the bag before you gave your clothes to Rarity, so it contains pretty everything you own right now.
Of course, what you own right now is not a whole lot. You were playing for high stakes in this last ride, and if Corder has really hit the blinds then you’ve lost pretty much everything. Wherever he is, there’s a portable hole there too with about a century’s worth of your accumulated wealth and magical power in it. If your guess is right, nobody’s ever going to see any of that again, unless Corder wants to rifle through it to pass the time while he waits for the Lady’s reprieve.
That’s kind of a prod, obviously, but it’s not the worst thing that could have happened. You’re still alive, and you’ve got your freedom. You can always find more stuff; it won’t be the first time you’ve started over. You’ve learned to stay philosophical about these things.
You lean out of the bath and grab the backpack to run an inventory, lining your possessions up on the floor by the bath as you take them out. A dozen knives, clean and sharp. Check. Jink pouch, contents scanty. Check. Flask, empty. Check. Pencils and notebook, half filled with sketches and notes from your travels, doggerel verse, etc. Check; you’re not worried by the prospect of the ponies having found it, you don’t write anything important down anyway. Flute, battered and tarnished. Check. Pipe, tobacco. Looks and smells same as it did last time you used it. Check. Torches, rope, tindertwigs, empty waterskin. Check.
And last but not least, the whole reason you’re in this bind. A small leather pouch filled with a good sized handful of smooth glass pebbles, each one cut with a rune in a forgotten language and glowing faintly with a shifting inner light. You count them, and thankfully find them all present and accounted for. These are your most precious possessions, the prize that you gambled everything for, and you still don’t know what they are.
Their magical power is obvious, but their nature and purpose is a total enigma. For all obvious intents and purposes, they’re just pretty shiny things. Pretty shiny things that an awful lot of serious high-ups were gaming for, though. That makes them a prize worth having, but also a prize worth getting rid of as quickly as possible.
Princess Celestia mentioned in her letter that she might be able to give you some of the dark on these things, but you’re not sure if you really want to know. It’d be better for your health to stay ignorant, you’re certain – but you can’t deny that you’re curious… In any case, you guess there’s between no chance and Buckley’s of the princess letting you leave this plane with these things still in your possession, so maybe it doesn’t matter too much either way. Even if she bobs you for all you're worth and chucks you in a dungeon, it’ll probably be better than what would have happened to you if you’d stayed in Sigil. You drop the precious baubles back into their pouch, and begin repacking your bag. It seems like nothing has been interfered with, so that’s a small mercy to be thankful for.
You’ve been soaking a good while now, and the water is starting to go cold, so you figure it must be time to rejoin the ponies. You rub yourself dry with the towel and then, lacking any other clothing for the timebeing, wrap it around your waist before picking up your bag and leaving the bathroom behind you. Everypony except Rarity is still here, sitting around Fluttershy’s table drinking tea. Fluttershy blushes scarlet as soon as she sees you, and you have to immediately remind yourself not to trust any of these piking ponies, no matter how adorable.
“Hi Anon!” Pinkie says happily. “Feeling better?”
“Yup. Thanks.”
Rainbow Dash is looking abashed, not meeting your eye.
“Anonymous, Pinkie and Rainbow told me about what happened,” Twilight says, sounding worried. “I know that they’ve already apologised for acting so stupidly-"
“Oh sure, just beat us over the head with it, why not,” Rainbow Dash mutters.
“-but I just want to say sorry as well. You’re Princess Celestia’s guest, and I’m mortified that anypony would be so disrespectful as to pull silly pranks on you, especially such an irresponsible one that could backfire like that.”
She’s glaring at Rainbow and Pinkie as she speaks, the two of them looking appropriately hangdog. Hangpony? Whatever.
“Thanks Twilight,” you say, keeping your voice polite and measured. “There’s no harm done, so apology accepted.”
“Great! And… err… this wouldn’t necessarily be an appropriate topic for discussion at a royal audience, you understand that, right?”
You grin. “Right. As long as Rainbow Dash buys me a drink sometime to help with the emotional trauma, and doesn’t get offended when I keep a careful eye on it.”
“Yeah, whatever,” Dash says, keeping her petulance mostly under control.
“What about me?” Pinkie says, sounding rather offended at being missed out of the sanctions.
“Errr… bake me a cake or something?”
Not that you’ll eat it; once bitten, twice shy.
“Ooh, good choice! I make the best cakes. Do you like chocolate? What am I saying, of course you like chocolate, who doesn’t like chocolate? And do you like vanilla, and cream, and lots and lots and lots of frosting, and bananas, and balloons, and cupcakes, and dancing, and marzipan?”
“…all on a cake?”
Pinkie’s eyes widen. “Oh no, I was just listing things that I like. Do you want all of that on a cake?”
“N-"
She gets a determined look.
“I’ll do it! Pinkie Pie has never turned down a baking challenge!”
“...right then. Looking forward to it.”
At least the results should be interesting.
“So listen, Anonymous,” Twilight says. “We need to make sure you’re properly prepared for your audience with Princess Celestia. I’ve made a checklist so as to be absolutely sure we cover everything you need to know.”
With a checklist magically suspended in front of her, Twilight seems to be in her element. She’s positively radiating contentment and wellbeing.
“Item one: terms of address. I think you already got this from your meeting with Princess Luna last night, but both princesses should be addressed at all times by their full name and title, or simply as ‘princess’. No other honorific term is necessary or appropriate.”
“I meant to ask you about that, actually. Has Equestria always been ruled by princesses?”
“Nearly always. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are the only rulers we’ve ever had, unless you count the time when Discord was at large – but he was hardly a ruler, he just presided over anarchy really.”
“So how long have the princesses ruled together?”
“Well… Princess Celestia ruled by herself for a time, while Princess Luna was gone.”
“Gone?”
“In exile, sort of. It seems a bit awkward to explain to an outsider.”
You just wait, figuring she’ll explain in her own time or else she won’t.
“There was a split between the two sisters, just over a thousand years ago. Princess Luna was… not herself. She only returned about a year ago.”
“Ah. So that explains what she said to you about ‘updating her image’.”
“Right. Anyway, before Princess Luna’s exile, the princesses ruled together for a long, long time. We don’t have written records for all of it, but I’d have to guess that it was at least another two thousand years.”
“And before that, this… Discord was in charge?”
“Yes. Discord is a being of chaos and madness. He’s the opposite of everything that the Elements of Harmony stand for, or else he corrupts them to his own twisted ends. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna defeated him with the Elements of Harmony and freed all of ponykind from his evil.”
“So he’s gone?”
“Imprisoned. I don’t know if it’s even possible to get rid of him permanently. He made a return within the last year, and as the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, it fell to us to defeat him and return him to his imprisonment in stone.”
“It sounds like you’ve had a busy year.”
“Yes, you could say that… anyway, item two. The proper depth of bow. Now, if you were a pony I would say that you should touch your nose to the floor, but…”
“Hang on. What about religion?”
Twilight stops, seeming caught between irritation at being interrupted in her checklist and interest in the topic.
“Religion isn’t really something I’m familiar with,” she says after a moment. “I’ve come across a few references in my reading to gods, and worship, but I don’t think I quite understand the concept.”
“Well… among pretty much any other people I can think of, if there was a primal being of chaos who was defeated by two sisters who are conveniently named after heavenly bodies…”
“Well, that’s not just a coincidence. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have power over the sun and the moon, respectively. Every morning Princess Luna lowers the moon and Princess Celestia raises the sun, and in the evening their roles are reversed.”
“…really? You actually believe that your princesses control the sun and the moon, but you still don’t worship them?”
“It’s not a belief,” Twilight says. “It’s a fact. We’ve seen the proof. And no, we don’t worship them. Like I said, I don’t think I even really understand what worship is.”
“Veneration. Service. Reverence.”
“Yes, but royalty gets that treatment too, don’t they? Even among humans? Worship seems like something more.”
“It is. It’s… surprisingly hard to explain, to someone who has no concept of it. Nopony has ever even tried to worship the princesses? Or Discord?”
“Not that I know of. And certainly not Discord – why would anypony even think of giving reverence to Discord?”
“Fear, I suppose? Or perversion, or lust for power. Among humans, and most other folk, there seems to be no lack of bodies willing to worship some pretty unpleasant Powers.”
Twilight looks genuinely shocked.In fact everypony does, even though they’d generally been tuned out of the discussion going on between you and Twilight, chatting amongst themselves. It seems like the idea of people worshipping an evil Power is a totally new and incomprehensible one to them.
“But aren’t humans… good?” Fluttershy asks tentatively.
“Not as a rule,” you say bluntly. “Some really are, some really aren’t. Most are somewhere in the middle.”
The general level of shock deepens. You have to fight the urge to laugh; the naïveté of these ponies really is disarming. Again you remind yourself to think of them as Fey. It helps.
“Anyway… checklist?”
“Right,” Twilight says, a little hesitantly at first but soon warming to her theme. “Checklist! Item two. The proper depth of bow…”
The checklisting goes on for a good ten minutes or so, and still seems to be in no danger of wrapping up when Rarity mercifully arrives with your clothing and whisks you away to Fluttershy’s bedroom to try it on. She seems to have no compunction about watching you dress – again, you guess that’s normal since these ponies walk around naked all day anyway. You figure if she doesn’t have a problem with it, there’s no reason why you should. She watches with obvious approval as you pull the clothes on, though it seems safe to assume that’s mostly to do with seeing her work modelled.
“Darling, it was simply marvellous to work with something so different – and, I might add, with some rather finely made garments, if a little well worn. But don’t worry, I took care of all that, they’re like new again.”
“They are indeed. They’re also shinier than I remember.”
There are gemstones studding your jacket’s cuffs and embedded in the buttons now, dark blue to match your eyes. You reckon there are families in the Hive who could eat for a couple of years on the proceeds from pawning this jacket now.
“Yes, well, I didn’t want to go overboard, it didn’t seem quite right for your personal style… but I simply couldn’t resist adding a little glamour. You don’t hate it, do you darling?”
“Nope, I sure don’t. Pretty swish – thanks a lot. What do I owe you?”
“Oh, goodness, no, put your money away. I’m sure you’ll have the opportunity to return the favour one of these days,” she says with a subtle bat of her eyelashes.
You can only smile as you meet her eyes. And remind yourself again, because it’s only been about an hour but you’re already in danger of forgetting: don’t trust any piking ponies.
A few minutes later Twilight pokes her head around the door as you and Rarity are in front of the mirror deliberating over hairstyles. She’s pushing for a swept back, coiffured look, but you can’t help but feel that’s mostly because she’s still thinking of it as a mane. Still, you can’t deny it has a certain elegance to it, and it’s probably more trouble than it’s worth to resist.
“Are you two just about done?” Twilight says. “We should set off soon to be sure to catch the train.”
“Just about!” Rarity sing-songs back before turning back to you, putting on her best pout. “Now, I know it might be a little more formal than you are accustomed to, but after all you ARE attending an audience with royalty, a little formality is called for, don’t you agree? I think with the new details on your jacket, and your boots polished up like that, that hair style gives you a certain military sort of dignity - like a dashing young officer. Don’t you think, Twilight?”
“Yep!” the purple pony says. “Looks just right to me. So… shall we? This IS the last express train of the day, so if we don’t catch it then we’ll be stuck on the slow train overnight, and it would-”
“Yes,” Rarity cuts in hurriedly, “quite. Let’s go.”
The three of you rejoin the others in the living room and make ready to set off. It still takes several minutes before everypony is ready to leave, much to Twilight’s chagrin. Fluttershy has to leave extra food and water for Mercy in case she’s not back tonight, Pinkie Pie gets distracted by something shiny in the kitchen, Rarity suddenly has a flash of inspiration and wants to try putting magical blonde highlights in your hair. Twilight climbs the walls the whole time, harping on that you’re going to miss the train and be a whole day late to Canterlot and make a bad impression on Princess Celestia and how she’ll be so disappointed in all of you. Finally everypony is ready and you set off in a group down the road into town.
Along the way the ponies point out local landmarks to you including the town’s clock tower and the sweeping orchards of Applejack’s farm.
“Now don’t worry none if folks give ya some funny looks,” Applejack says as you approach the town itself. “Yer gonna be a new one on ponies round here, so expect some attention. But don’t sweat it, they’re all friendly folk and they’ll warm t’ya soon enough. Fer today though, we ain’t got time to introduce ya round, so just keep yer head down and we’ll make sure there’s no trouble.”
Sure enough, you feel like some kind of sideshow attraction on the way through town. Everywhere you go, ponies stare at you in wide-eyed wonderment. With nothing better to do than watch them back, since the atmosphere makes conversation a little hard and all, you’re struck by how distinctive each pony looks. You don’t think you’ve seen any two with the same coat and mane coloration. By comparison, humans must really look all the same to these ponies. Although since the vast majority are seeing their very first human today, and won’t have a chance to compare you with anything, you guess that might be a moot point. Pinkie happily continues to point out landmarks as you go through the centre of town, either completely oblivious to the hushed, tense atmosphere that follows you down the street or else choosing to ignore it.
“…and that’s Sugarcube Corner, where I live! It’s run by Mr. and Mrs. Cake, they’re super lovely ponies, they don’t even mind me missing work today and yesterday even though I haven’t told them about it! Probably! Ooooh, there they are! Hi Mr. and Mrs. Cake! This is Anon, he’s a human, isn’t that exciting? We’re taking him to see Princess Celestia! Oh, and, Anon, there’s the Carousel Boutique, that’s where Rarity lives and has her shop and all, and there’s Roseluck’s flower stand, she’s the pony over there hiding behind all the flowers, hi Roseluck! No wait, now she’s the pony running away around the corner…”
You just let it wash over you, giving a friendly nod to the few ponies who meet your eye on your way. Nobody stops or challenges you – you guess that as bearers of the Elements of Harmony, or whatever, the ponies you’re with must be pretty serious high-ups in Equestria, or else presumably you’d have a dicier time of just strolling through here.
You come to the train station with time to spare, despite all Twilight’s fretting, and she visibly relaxes as you collect your tickets and step out onto the platform to wait. You still don’t really have any idea what to expect from this ‘train’ you’re about to catch. The fact that it runs on rails makes you think of a story you heard a couple of years ago from some old bubber who claimed to have come from a Prime world where they had carriages that ran on rails powered by bound elementals, but it had sounded like yark to you back then. Either way, he didn’t mention anything about ponies, so that rules out the possibility that he was actually talking about the same place. It’d be hard to tell a story about Equestria without mentioning ponies. And you’re far from sure that this is a Prime world, although it could be.
You chat with Twilight on the platform and she explains a bit about how the trains work, but it doesn’t serve to really prepare you for the massive machine that shortly pulls up in front of you with a great clanking of iron and huffing of steam. You’ve learned not to be surprised by the accomplishments of these ponies, but this thing still takes you aback.
“Is this… really safe?” you ask as the ponies lead the way on board.
“Of course it is!” Twilight says. “Have you really never seen a train before?”
“I really haven’t.”
Well, the ponies are all getting on, so if it’s a deathtrap then at least they’ll be racing to their deaths alongside you.
That’s not actually very comforting.
It takes a while after the train starts moving for you to relax and stop expecting it to crash or jerk in an unexpected direction at any moment, and to resume replying to the ponies’ conversation with more than monosyllabic grunts. Actually, though, once you get used to it, you quickly start to enjoy the ride. Hurtling across the land like this certainly does show off Equestria’s idyllic countryside to good effect, and you’re reminded of your theory that this could be a realm of Arborea - although the mechanical monstrosity that you’re currently riding aboard seems like something transplanted from Mechanus.
The approach to Canterlot itself is particularly impressive, with its golden spires leaning out from the side of the towering peak beside it and the sunlight making rainbows in the great waterfall that cascades down the mountain and spreads out in innumerable rivulets all around the city.
“Ah, Canterlot,” Rarity sighs. “Isn’t it lovely?”
“It sure is,” you agree.
“I mean, I know that a cosmopolite such as yourself must have seen an awful lot of grand capitals and all… but our little Canterlot doesn’t measure up too miserably, now does it?”
“Not too miserably at all,” you smile, admiring the view out of the carriage window.
A lot of planar travellers make a point of affecting a blasé air, like nothing can impress them, but you don’t see the point in that. If nothing impresses you any more, why even keep travelling? It’s sights like this that keep you wandering the planes.
You have plenty of time to soak in the ambience as the ponies escort you through the streets to the palace. Once again you get astonished stares from pretty much everypony you pass - which is an awful lot of ponies - but you don’t let it bother you or stop you from admiring all the marble and gold-leaf architecture or the fancy goods on display in shop windows.
Meanwhile Twilight is going back over her checklist with you, and you make the occasional affirmative noise to give her the impression that you’re listening. Pinkie Pie seems to be getting kind of antsy that Twilight’s checklisting is stopping her from playing tour guide again, but happily the palace comes into view before she boils over. As expected, it’s the tallest and most majestic building in the city, all sweeping arches and ivory spires and gold flashing in the sun. The guards on the gate match the colour scheme, white coats, gleaming gold armour.
They’re just about the first ponies you’ve seen today, last night’s acquaintances excepted, who haven’t stared at you like you’re the first human they’ve ever seen. Which is surprising actually, because you’re pretty sure that you are, in fact, the first human they’ve ever seen. Nonetheless, discipline wins out and they gaze straight ahead as you approach. Pinkie Pie blows off some steam by pulling ridiculous faces at them and you grin, a little tempted to follow her lead. You’re pretty sure there was a checklist point about following Pinkie’s lead in anything. Better not risk it.
“Hello, Miss Sparkle,” one of the gate guards says, breaking his blank gaze to give Twilight a brief smile. “It’s been a while. The princess is expecting you and your friends, and your guest as well.”
He gives you a wary but polite nod.
“Allow me to escort you to the Princess.”
It might be couched in terms of a request, but it sure doesn’t sound like one. You accompany the guard pony through the golden gates and follow him up towards the front entrance of the palace as he and Twilight exchange some small talk about somepony called Shining Armor, who you gather is the guard’s superior officer. You have a chance to admire the palace’s décor along the way, including various statues and portraits of what must be pony nobility. You idly wonder how there can be a nobility when the royal family seems to be made up of just two sisters; there doesn’t seem to be much scope in that for branches in the bloodline.
You’re brought directly into the princess’s presence, which makes a pleasant change from any of your previous brushes with royalty; in your experience, if there’s one thing royals love, it’s making people wait. Princess Celestia’s audience chamber is awe-inspiring. Tall windows and the high, vaulted marble ceiling with its glass dome give an almost overwhelming sensation of space and light as the late afternoon sunlight floods in and pierces the hall through with a thousand lancing rays. It feels more like a temple than a seat of secular power; in which case, the altar would be the raised dais at the far end of chamber, where the Princess sits in state.
You can’t deny that the splendid setting seems justified in her case. As you expected based on your meeting with her sister, she has both the horn of a unicorn and the wings of a pegasus. Her coat is magnolia, and her mane and tail are like flowing waves of soft prismatic light – not like Rainbow Dash’s bold, bright colouring but a soothing spectrum of pastel greens and blues, gently rippling and shimmering as you look on. A golden crown rests atop her head, matched by a golden clasp around her neck. Even her hooves are delicately shod in gold – and her cutie mark is gold as well, a blazing sun.
In short, she is radiant – as expected from a pony princess who supposedly magically controls the sun, you suppose. It might not be easy to maintain your cynicism in the face of this beauty and grace offensive, but you intend to try your best. Fey, you remind yourself. Treat them like fey. She watches you with inscrutable lilac eyes as you approach to a respectful distance and make a deep bow, while the ponies each touch their noses to the floor in obeisance. The princess breaks into a smile like the dawning sun, and you feel your heart lift instinctively before you put a lid on the upsurge of elation.
“Hello, my little ponies,” she says, her voice warm and maternal. “It’s so good to see you all. Thank you all for your efforts in bringing Anonymous here safely. We must speak of some important private matters, he and I, so I hope that you all won’t be too offended if I ask you to adjourn to my antechamber for ten or fifteen minutes. I’ve had some refreshments laid out, so, please, make yourselves at home there. I’ll send for you when we’re ready.”
Most of the ponies seem to take this in stride, but Twilight looks crestfallen. She seems about to open her mouth with a ‘but…’, but Princess Celestia’s bearing – kind though it is – doesn’t really brook any argument.
Twilight hangs her head in defeat and follows her friends back out of the audience chamber. You’re alone with the princess, but for half a dozen of the stony-faced royal guards in their burnished armour.
“Hello, Anonymous,” Celestia says at last, her tone neutral.
“Hello, Princess.”
“Forgive my bluntness, but… I think you have something of mine.”
Well, that’s a refreshingly straightforward approach. Doesn’t seem to be much to gain by holding out, so you reach into your pocket and bring out the bag of crystals, holding it up for her to see.
“Unless you left this jacket I’m wearing on a coat rack at the opera in the Lady’s Ward a few months ago, I guess you must be talking about these,” you say with your most disarming grin.
Celestia doesn’t grace your quip with a smile – you don’t know if she even heard it. There’s a fierce intensity in her face as she regards the bag in your hand.
“…may I?” she asks, as her horn glows faintly and you feel a light disembodied touch on the bag.
You hadn’t really expected her to ask. It’s nice of her to give you the chance to be gracious about it.
“Be my guest, Princess.”
You let the bag go as it lifts from your hand and floats over to where the princess is seated. There’s a faint rattling of solid glass on marble as she tips the contents out in front of her, and sits staring at them for some time.
“They’re beautiful,” she says softly. “I’d never seen them before, although they are ours – my sister’s and mine.”
You wait for some time to see if she’s going to expand on that, but she seems lost in a reverie as she gazes down at the glittering glass crystals on the floor in front of her. A couple of minutes slip slowly by, and you give a quiet cough to remind her of your presence.
“Princess Celestia? Not that I doubt your ability to take them from me, or anything, if you want to – but, in what sense are they yours? Just, you know, for my information.”
She gives a faint smile at that, though the sadness around her eyes is deep and abiding.
“They are mine as my mane is mine, or as the words that I speak are mine. Another may come to hold them for a time, but they could never be other than mine, and my sister’s.”
“So you created them?”
“They emanated from us.”
“…I’m not sure if I properly understand that distinction.”
“I mean to say that it was not a conscious act of creation, but only something that occurred. These things came from us.”
Your brain chews on that for a moment, and then insight strikes – and you wish it hadn’t, because now you can’t stop thinking of them as her droppings. She can’t possibly have actually meant that, right? Obviously you’re not going to mention it.
“Princess… are they… your poop?”
NONONO that’s NOT not mentioning it-
She gives a chuckle, despite the filthy looks you are getting from a couple of her guards. “Wrong end of the royal person, Anonymous. They are our tears.”
“Oh. Oh, right. That makes a lot more sense. It’s also kind of a relief.”
Her smile fades away – sun slipping behind the clouds. "So you understand what I mean, when I say that they can never be other than mine,” she says. “Yet, I do acknowledge your right of possession, as well. I would prefer not to rob you, Anonymous, if it can be avoided – but robbery is something I am capable of, to secure my claim to these, if you will not yield them any other way.”
“I’m pretty sure we can work something out,” you say hurriedly.
“Good,” she nods, a faint smile returning. “I had hoped you would be a reasonable person. My little ponies seem to have taken quite a shine to you.”
“Yeah, we’ve been getting along fine. Mostly.”
“I am pleased to hear it. It is, perhaps, not a bad thing to broaden their horizons - although I would not have exposed them to quite such a broadening as Sigil must have provided, if it could have been avoided.”
“They handled themselves more than capably there, Princess. Perhaps you don’t give them enough credit.”
“Perhaps. But it’s not their capabilities that I doubt – only their innocence that I wish to preserve. There is nothing more precious.”
“Hmm. Well, I can see your qualms then. I don’t guess there’s anywhere else on the planes quite like Sigil for despoiling innocence. But for what it’s worth, I think your ponies came out mostly unscathed on that count too. Although… they have questions.”
“And have you given them answers?”
“Err… a few. Twilight seems particularly keen to learn about the planes and all; I’ve sated her curiosity where I could.”
“Yes, Twilight Sparkle’s thirst for knowledge is a formidable force,” Celestia says with an indulgent smile. “I cannot blame you for answering her questions, and perhaps it was inevitable that she would eventually find such answers somewhere. Only one other pony has ever matched her capacity for learning, and only one pony has ever travelled the planes – that is, if we overlook yesterday’s brief excursion. It is hardly a coincidence. This world is too small for the likes of her.”
“I have some questions of my own…” you say tentatively.
“Yes, I suppose you do,” Celestia smiles. “I owe you some answers, but please understand: there are some things I simply cannot tell you. I am a terrible liar, so I will not insult you by dissembling – but neither will I tell you anything I do not wish to. You understand.”
“Yeah. Sure. So… let’s start with what plane I’m in.”
“You are in a sealed demiplane. Access in and out is controlled by myself, Princess Luna, the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, and two other beings whom I will not name.”
“Okay. Fair enough.”
Cogs tick over in your head as you weigh the implications of that. "Who created this demiplane?”
“One of those who control its portals.”
“Why is there a stone dabus in the woods near Ponyville?”
“I honestly do not know. A statue?”
“Maybe. What else might it be?”
“One might suppose it to have been a living dabus that ran into a cockatrice.”
“And what would it have been doing there?”
“Making its way through the woods I suppose.”
“Are you aware of there having been a dabus in Equestria recently?”
“Why yes, you just told me of a stone one in the woods near Ponyville.”
She smiles ingenuously. "…oh, fine. Next. Why don’t the ponies worship you?”
“Because it has never occurred to them to do so, and that is how I prefer it.”
“But you’re a Power. A goddess. You know that, right?”
“I know that that is how one such as you would classify me.”
“All the sages I’ve ever spoken with say that that kind of power comes from belief. So if not the ponies, who believes in you?”
She just shakes her head with a rueful smile. “I don’t have to justify myself in your terms, Anonymous. I am what I am.”
“Then nobody worships you?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“No, you didn’t… okay. What happened to Corder?”
“He was imprisoned in a maze by the one called the Lady of Pain.”
“As I thought. And why didn’t I share his fate, even though I’m the one with the prize from our little ride?”
“Because I exercised my influence on your behalf.”
“… you protected me from the Lady of Pain? Within the bounds of Sigil?”
“That is broadly accurate, yes.”
“How?”
“The magic of friendship,” Celestia replies glibly.
You search her face for some clue as to what that can possibly mean, but her gentle smile is sphinx-like. You give a sigh, defeated.
“You might not be a good liar, but you’re pretty amazing at not telling the truth,” you say wrily.
“Thank you,” Celestia says with the air of graciously accepting a sincere and well-deserved compliment. “Is your curiosity satisfied for the timebeing?”
“Not even close. But, probably as close as it’s going to get. I suppose I should thank you for your intercession.”
“You’re very welcome. Shall we discuss the terms on which you’ll be content to let my Tears remain here with me?”
“All right. So, it’s like this: I traded everything for those baubles. I didn’t mean to, but that’s what I staked on the dice, and that’s how they came up, so here I am. That’s my own bad luck or bad judgement, and I don’t expect to be recompensed in full for everything I lost – but it’d be nice to make a trade that’s in some way commensurate to the risk that I took and the price that I ended up paying.”
“I can’t agree that you lost everything,” the princess says with a comforting tone. “You still have what’s most important to you, don’t you?”
“I guess I do, at that. Sure did lose a lot of nice shiny things, though.”
“Shiny things, I can help you with. Equestria is awfully rich in mineral wealth, as you may already have noticed. Gemstones that would buy kingdoms on the Prime adorn ball-gowns by the dozen here.”
“Then we shouldn’t have a problem, shower me with jewels and I’ll be happy enough. Of course, some of what I lost was irreplaceable… pieces of history, and whatnot. But I never was really one for clinging on to the past. Digging it up, that’s the interesting part. Once that’s done, I can pass on hanging on to the relics, I suppose. Talking of digging up the past, though, I sure would be interested in hearing how those tears came to be shed, and how they achieved the sort of significance that they obviously have now.”
Celestia just shakes her head once more with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. You deserve to know, but the secret is not mine alone, and even if it were then I would be very loath to part with it.”
“I figured as much. Never mind. Fabulous wealth will do.”
“And where will you go with your wealth?”
“…yeah. I’m not too sure about that. There are about twenty of the highest of high-ups on the planes who I would have preferred never to have been noticed by at all who will all be shuffling me right to the very top of their shit lists about now. Not too many places I can hide from attention like that.”
“There are indeed not many,” Celestia agrees. “But a few places are tailor made for just such a contingency. You happen to be standing in one right now.”
“You have that much faith in this plane’s ability to stay hidden?”
“I do. It is a sanctuary – that is its nature.”
“And you’d be happy for me stay here?”
“I would,” Celestia says with a warm smile. “I invite you most cordially to spend as much time here as you wish. It’s the least I can do in return for your reasonableness over the matter of these Tears. And anyway, I think some of my ponies would be quite disappointed to see you rush off again too soon.”
You can only smile at how Celestia has managed this. She doesn’t even need to throw you in a dungeon – it’s you who needs the sanctuary she offers. And word of the Tears’ location doesn’t leave the plane.
“Are we agreed, then?” she asks. “You will stay for a time? Shall I call the ponies back and announce the result of our discussion?”
Why fight it? Maybe you’re a prisoner, but at least the jail is pretty nice. “…yeah. That’ll be fine.”
She nods to a guard, who goes to send word.
“I’m so glad we could resolve this all amicably, Anonymous.”
“Yeah… me too.”
You feel a little bit like you just got fucked, but at least she was pretty gentle. You’ve had worse.
Celestia’s face lights up with warmth again as the ponies re-enter the audience chamber. It’s difficult to say, but it doesn’t seem put on to you. These six friends seem to kindle a real joy in the princess.
“Hello again,” she says. “I hope you were well taken care of?”
“Oh yes, thank you Princess,” Rarity says. “The petits fours were absolutely to die for, especially those diviiiine chocolate tartlets with the sugared violets on top. The royal baker is simply an artist!”
“Oh, those were actually from Donut Joe’s,” Celestia says with a laugh.
“Ha! Told you,” Twilight gloats as Rarity’s cheeks colour.
“I hope you will all be pleased to learn that Anonymous and I have concluded our business, and he will be staying on in Equestria as an honoured guest,” Celestia announces. “He has returned a very precious possession to me, at great risk to himself, and he has my gratitude. I know you will all continue to make him feel welcome.”
“Of course!” Pinkie Pie says. “I have so much planned! There’s going to be a welcoming party, and a surprise extra welcoming party that he’ll never expect – except now he’s heard about it, so I’ll have to have an EXTRA one to make sure he’s really surprised! And we have to have a magic friendship ritual because he pinkie-promised, and there’s still so much to show him and so many lovely ponies for him to meet!”
Celestia just smiles indulgently.
“I’m glad to hear that you have it well in hoof,” she says. “Anonymous, I know you may wish to return to P0nyville, but I can also have a suite in the palace prepared for your use, if you like. And, of course, you are all most welcome to stay as well and show him around Canterlot.”
“Oh, yes!” Pinkie Pie squeals. “We could have a super AMAZING welcome to Equestria party in Canterlot!”
“Yes, it’s only proper that you should see what the high life in Equestria has to offer,” Rarity says with a smile at you. “I rather think you might go some way towards livening up the dreariness of the usual round of charity auctions and gallery openings, too, so really, we owe it to Canterlot society to give them that relief. It would be positively cruel not to. And I’ve just recently finished a big order for Hoity Toity, so I do believe that I deserve some time off as well.”
“Oh yes,” Celestia says. “I’m very much looking forward to seeing your designs at the show next month.”
Rarity positively glows with pride.
“I’d love to spend a few days in Canterlot,” Twilight says. “It would give me a chance to see Shining Armor as well, and… well… if you have time, Princess, there are things I’d really like to talk to you about…”
The purple pony blushes scarlet, cringing in anticipation of a brush-off from the princess, but Celestia just smiles. “Of course. What kind of teacher would I be if I couldn’t find a moment to speak with my most faithful student?”
“Aww, shucks,” Applejack says, looking glum. “Ah wish ah could join y’all fer a stay in Canterlot, but ah simply cain’t be away from the farm fer that long. It’s been two days already, and Big Mac’ll be plum tuckered out from coverin’ for me.”
“As ever, you are commendably steadfast in your duties,” Celestia remarks, bringing a beaming smile to Applejack’s downcast face.
“I’m afraid I need to get back as well,” Fluttershy says. “My animal friends will need feeding… and Mercy, too, of course. I’ll need to speak with Ms. Cheerilee as soon as possible and see about getting him enrolled in her class.”
“Ah, yes,” Celestia says, looking down benevolently on Fluttershy. “I had heard from Princess Luna that you have taken it upon yourself to give shelter to a human from Sigil. Your compassion does you credit, Fluttershy. And I am pleased to see you taking your responsibilities so seriously.”
Fluttershy blushes deeply at the princess’s praise, shuffling her hooves awkwardly. You look to Rainbow Dash, conscious that she’s the only pony who hasn’t stated her intentions yet and curious to know what she’ll say given the tension between the two of you.
“I’ll head back to Ponyville as well then,” Rainbow says. “All that high society stuff you guys have planned sounds pretty lame to me, and who knows what’ll happen to Ponyville’s weather if I’m not around to keep on top of it. But hey, if you guys are having a big party or whatever – like, a proper party, not some boring fancy-shmancy thing – then let me know, I can get to Canterlot in no time flat.”
So it’s agreed, and Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy say their goodbyes and head off to the train station whilst you, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Twilight get settled for a few days’ stay in Canterlot. A steward is sent off to prepare your rooms, and in the meantime Pinkie Pie and Rarity decide to take you for a stroll down the boulevard while Twilight goes to surprise her brother Shining Armor when he gets off duty. The sun is just beginning to set over Canterlot’s soaring spires as you wander with the two ponies at your side.
Just as before, the unfamiliar figure of a human in Canterlot attracts plenty of attention. Maybe word has started to spread that you spent time in the palace, too, because if anything you’re getting even more wondering gazes than before.
“So what did you and Princess Celestia talk about, Anon?” Pinkie asks brightly.
“Now, Pinkie, one shouldn’t pry…” Rarity admonishes mildly, looking sidelong at you with a bat of her lashes which is as good as a second to Pinkie’s question.
“I had something that she wanted,” you say. “We made a deal, that’s over and done with now. From this point on you can just consider me to be on holiday here for a while, I guess.”
“And are you all right with that?” Rarity asks with some concern.
“Of course he is!” Pinkie interjects. “Why wouldn’t he be? He’s going to have so much fun here! Equestria’s a great place to take a holiday. I knew all along that Anon would want to stay.”
“Yes, well, I’m afraid I couldn’t quite share your confidence,” Rarity says. “After all, I’m sure that he has his own business, in Sigil, or elsewhere. His own friends, his own life. Maybe some special person in particular who’ll be missing him while he’s here with us…”
She’s still looking sidelong at you, the hint of a smile playing in her eyes as she watches for your response to that.
“Nah,” you say casually. “If someone’s going to be missing me, that’s between them and their bad aim. I don’t put down a lot of roots; I’m a travelling man, that’s how it’s always been. So… yeah, I’m all right with it. Glad to be here.”
“Well, I’m very happy to hear it,” Rarity says.
“Pfft, of course you’re glad to be here! Who wouldn’t be glad to be here?” Pinkie says. “Oh hey! This is absolutely the best, most amazing, most totally awesomely delicious ice cream place in Canterlot! Let’s stop here.”
Pinkie is already making for the entrance, so there’s nothing to do but exchange a look with Rarity and follow after her. Soon you’re sitting out on the terrace in the last sunlight of the day, sipping black coffee, watching the ponies pass by on the boulevard. Rarity has some kind of frothy, milky coffee drink, whilst Pinkie is digging voraciously into an ice cream sundae bigger than her head strewn with nuts and fruit and marshmallows and a few different kinds of syrup.
“Now, Pinkie, dearest,” Rarity says as she watches the other pony with some dismay, “don’t you think perhaps you could use the spoon to eat with, rather than your entire face?”
“Where’s the fun in that?” Pinkie asks, several flavours of melted ice cream dripping slowly down her pink muzzle as she grins at Rarity.
“It’s not so much a question of fun, as decorum…”
“I like fun better than decorum!”
She buries her head back in the bowl with happy muffled NAM NAM NAM sounds, and Rarity gives up with an apologetic smile at you and an awkward chuckle. You shrug sympathetically. Honestly, Pinkie’s table manners don’t even come close to bothering you. You’ve attended formal Xaositect dinners; Pinkie can’t hope to compare.
“So you don’t have any occupation that demands your attention, either?” Rarity asks you between sips of her coffee. “I mean, your discussions with Twilight sounded so very erudite, I had half taken you for a scholar like her – although of course rather more worldly…”
“Well, you weren’t so far off,” you say, grinning despite your best efforts as Rarity magically whisks a foam moustache away from her upper lip with a faint blush. “You could definitely call me a scholar of sorts. But no, it’s not a steady job – more like a very demanding hobby. Or a girl who I just can’t leave alone, even though I know she’s bad news.”
She liked that, you can tell. She gives a wry smile and sits quietly looking into your eyes for a long moment as some delicate static charge builds between you. The atmosphere is spoiled only slightly by the noises of Pinkie Pie’s enthusiastic scarfing at your side.
“But you know how it is to have a love affair with your work, I guess,” you say after a minute. “Although with you it seems more like a romantic grand passion.”
“Oh… yes, that’s rather apt,” she nods. “Certainly my work can be demanding, but the rewards are more than worth it. Fashion is my way of trying to bring a little more beauty into the world, a little more elegance, a little more grace. Maybe that sounds pretentious of me…”
“Not really,” you shrug. “In Sigil there’s a whole Faction dedicated to the belief that they’re all gods in the making, that the whole multiverse is more or less a series of personal tests for them to overcome on their way to apotheosis. THAT’S pretentious. What you’re talking about is just… doing your best.”
Rarity smiles at that, and seems about to reply when she’s interrupted by a hoof laid lightly on her shoulder.
“Rarity! Rarity, dear, how marvellous to run into you.”
“Oh, Fleur. Fancy meeting you here.”
A slender, graceful unicorn pony, magnolia with a pale pink mane and violet eyes; her colouring makes you think irresistibly of a fairy cake. Rarity seems a little put out by the intrusion, but she hides it politely.
“Where have you been hiding yourself, Rarity? It was too, too cruel of you to abandon us; this season has been simply torture. If I have to sit next to Upper Crust at a dinner party one more time and hear her drone on about Ponet’s blue period, I shall die – I shall simply, absolutely die.”
Rarity just gives a vague smile, looking rather embarrassed, as Fleur drapes herself artfully over the back of the table’s spare chair to continue holding forth. “And Octavia has been abducted and brainwashed by that horrid charity case of hers, I swear, it’s the only explanation for this ‘experimental’ swill that they have inflicted upon us – meanwhile, not a proper recital for weeks. Vance simply WON’T stop holding charity auctions, I’m sure everypony in Canterlot must have bought a yacht from him by now and then donated it for the next auction when they realised they didn’t know how to sail it. And Fancypants has turned practically into a recluse, I’ve hardly seen him in months, but Swan Dive said that Royal Ribbon said that Symphony saw him at a club last week with Strawberry Lime! Strawberry Lime! Can you imagine?”
“Oh, I’m so sorry darling…” Rarity says, doing her best to conjure a tone of genuine sympathy.
“Sorry? Why should you be sorry? Nonono, Fancypants is nothing to me, I don’t mind at all for MYSELF if he wants to go embarrassing himself by chasing after giggling little fillies. It’s no skin at all off my nose, dear. I’m just sorry for the state of Canterlot society, when a stallion who was once considered to have some class is so… so… beastly…”
Her voice breaks up into squeaky little sniffles as she assumes a dramatic self-pitying pose, her head arched back on her long, slender neck and one hoof thrown in dismay to her brow. Rarity pats her gingerly on the shoulder while rolling her eyes at you.
“There, there, darling.”
Fleur’s composure comes back instantly as she rearranges herself into another languid pose, leaning on the back of Rarity’s chair now as she regards you with big purple eyes blinking slowly. “Anyway, Rarity, that’s quite enough of MY woes. Who is this charmingly novel creature I find you with?”
“Oh, yes, where are my manners. Fleur, Anonymous. Anonymous, Fleur de Lis.”
Rarity doesn’t meet your eye, but just looks absently down into her coffee cup as she speaks, waving a hoof vaguely at you and Fleur in turn.
“Well, it’s my pleasure,” Fleur says, regarding you with hooded eyes. “Would it be frightfully rude of me to ask what manner of… person… I have the pleasure of addressing?”
“Hmm? Oh, I’m a dragon.”
“...what?” she blinks.
“Yeah, haven’t you ever seen an adolescent dragon before? We all go through this phase, we lose our baby scales and wings and have to grow them back. You know, like how a caterpillar turns into a cocoon before it becomes a butterfly.”
Rarity has her face angled away from Fleur and is biting her lip fiercely, a hint of colour rising in her face from the effort not to laugh. Pinkie Pie, happily, still seems too engaged with her ice cream to pay any attention to the conversation, and anyway Fleur is ignoring her studiously.
“Oh! Oh, yes, of course I knew that,” Fleur says dismissively. “I just hadn’t ever happened to see it in progress before. I’m sorry, you must have thought me perfectly dim.”
“Oh no, not at all,” you smile. “The more you know…”
“Yes, well, quite!” she smiles briefly, and then seems to lose interest in you. “Anyway, Rarity, darling, you absolutely must come to Swan Dive’s little soiree this evening and save me from the tedium, I simply shan’t ever forgive you if you don’t. Of course you can bring your dragon friend.”
Rarity’s eyes are shining with laughter as she turns back to Fleur, but to her credit she keeps her voice level.
“Oh, well, yes, perhaps we’ll see you there.”
“Fabulous! It’s a binding promise, don’t forget, be there or I shall die and my blood will be on your hooves, dear. Now I must go and get myself ready. Ta-ta!”
As soon as she’s out of earshot, Rarity dissolves into tears of laughter. "Oh my goodness,” she gasps once she can speak again, laying a hoof on your arm. “Oh… oh my. You are wicked.”
You just grin.
“We’re going to that thing, right?” you say.
“Oh, but darling, it will be such a bore, you don’t really want to go do you?”
“Of course I do. Don’t you want to see what happens when Fleur tells them all how she knows your dragon friend?”
Rarity bursts into giggles again. “Well, when you put it like that…”