Seething Mass
You know, it's getting easier.
Talking, I mean. I feel like a puzzle being put together. Twilight Sparkle was nice enough. She said hello to me.
"Hellooo...Oh, um, well hello sir.
"Hello Twilight-Sparkle.
She seemed slightly surprised I knew who she was, perhaps the word concerned is better?
She seems off-put by my presence, just the slightest bit less welcoming than usual. What am
I saying, less welcoming than usual? I have never seen her before, but before she opened the door I knew exactly how she would look, behave, that she has a brother Shining Armor and he is married into royalty and how manic she is about her organization and learning and friendship. How do I know this? I know it because I think I know it, and that is all.
"Um, hello. Can I help you? What is your name?"
"What..? My, my name? I don't, no pony has ever.... Seething Mass. I am Seething Mass."
She just nods, trying to avoid eye contact. She is nervous, why is she nervous? I'm not sure, I don't understand. And that name, Seething Mass? It fits me so well, my mind churning, twisting, but where did it come from? Yet another mystery in an existence filled with them. Why is Twilight-Sparkle so nervous, she glances behind her and catches the attention of Spike. Spike, a dragon, how do I know who you are? Your struggles with greed, your love for the unicorn Rarity, another pony I do not know but know so much about. What AM I?
"I see, well I assume you were looking for a book?" She's trying not to be, but she is being short with me. Trying to get away, shove me to Spike, remove herself from my presence and she doesn't even know it. She'd be so ashamed if she realized, I won't tell her. "Knowledge, I need knowledge. On what subject, what subject, I, I, I need knowledge on the universe, of space, stars, MACHINES! I need knowledge on machines!" She jumps when I say that. I was doing so good, my thoughts are so ordered compared to what they were, but that one word broke it.
She realizes what she is trying to do now, as soon as I yelled "machines" she realized she needed to get away from me. She is ashamed now, she will try to amend but there is no time. Not now, later, sometime later. "Ah, yes well, Spike? Help this nice pony, this Seething Mass find some books on Astronomy. And, machines." The dragon, Spike, responds. "How about Greycloak's Introduction to Basic Dimensional Astronomy? And I think we have a few manuals on engineering over here by the practical section. Woah, uh, well, sup?"
He walked around the corner and saw me. Wonderful. He is wary as well, senses something else the Pony can't. She'd need magic for that. How did I know that? Know what, it was so vague I can't even quantify, can't quite grasp my own instinctive meaning, oh the FRUSTRATION! Common courtesy demands I now speak. "Thank you exceedingly for helping, this knowledge is very important." She tries to make small talk. She is so extraordinarily nervous, I feel sorry for her.
"Are you working on some sort of project? A telescope or something for observing the stars? I have quite a lot of equipment of that nature, if you were interested in looking at it." "No. Something different. Don't know what, exactly, but this is very important." Somewhat warier now, she speaks. "I see then, well I hope we can help." Suddenly, someone is at the door. She answers, as Spike hands me a stack of manuals and a rather large book. A satchel, I brought one from somewhere, was I carrying it this entire time? I don't know. I knew I needed it apparently, and I brought it for myself despite the fact that I didn't realize I was doing it. Only makes sense. More sense than some things.
He's here. I can hear him in the doorway. The strange pony, don't know anything about him, but he is looking for me right now. No one else looked at me, but he did. Angry, his face is angry all the time, maybe not his heart but his face. Something horrible, that expression in his eyes won't et him forget it.
"Can I borrow these? " I snatch the manuscripts and book from Spike, who looks first surprised, then a bit angry. "Hey, no need to be so abrupt with it. Sure you can borrow them, but I expect to see you back here with them tomorrow. Twilight might need them for something! And don't fold the pages!" I move quickly and exit the building, lower to the ground, but I feel the pony in steel look at me as I leave. He got distracted, but he sees me now. Following me, how to deal with this? Switch the tables, he hunts so now I hunt him hunting me. I almost pity him.
He tried his best to hunt me, he really did, but the others wouldn't let him. So much hospitality. So much friendship, he is frightening to them, some more than others, but they see past it. How do they see past the metal? The finely crafted screws locked in place to prevent any casual removal. Someone didn't want him to get those off; they are his new bones now. Why do the ponies try not to notice me? I do not understand. I watched him all day, his reactions to the other ponies were logical enough for me to properly examine them, but why did they react to him as they did? And where is the tangible difference that makes them act differently around me? I do not understand. Oh well.
It is night right now, I left him halfway through the rising of the sun, asleep by a pond. Ducks, he led the ducks, I wonder if the ducks think they are and therefore do, in fact, exist because of it? Who would know? No matter, he is gone now. I wander for a while, but I finally come upon what I didn't realize I was seeking. It's home, my birthplace apparently. I can see the ground has been packed in where I came from. The graveyard, so chilling to think of it. Not a cradle, not a warm fire in a house with family and people who love you and a child who you wish all the best for, he’s not there, no one is there because it is a graveyard and everypony in it is dead. Everypony except me.
The headstone! Knowledge! Origin, name, death and birth in perfectly understandable chronological formatting! In my chaotic birth I did not think to look at it, did not realize the answers to my origin were right above me. I gaze at the stone, at my origin, ”Picket the Unicorn. Born: Unknown. Died: 08-05-1002 A.B.” Beneath that is the epitaph. ”His soul has returned to the parents he never knew.”
Not me, NOT ME! I am different, this is not I! Who would, not funny, humor absent! Origin false, file not found, corrupted data! Cannot be, cannot be, will not be! Falsified, Apocryphal, DIFFERENT! I am DIFFERENT! Not me, it isn't me! DON'T SEND ME! NOT ME! I'm SEPARATE! NOT ME!
Fuck. Fuck.
Suddenly, in the midst of this chaos of my thought, a cold icy chill on my spine. He's here isn't he. I can tell. The strange pony, the one with the steely eyes and iron skin. I won't tell him. I was doing so good, but one look at the headstone, stability has left for a moment, a tiny moment, the difference between past and future that silly ponies mistakenly call the present. An illusion, no reality. I have been perfectly still this entire time. He thinks I don't know he's there. Suddenly I realize what I need, something missing. Now I know what I came back for. Dirt is easy to remove from the grave, it was oh so recently disturbed by these self-same hooves. There it is, the shattered remnants of my coffin. Mixed in with the dirt, pieces of wood and mould and rot all around, my birth place. My genesis.
There it is, the shard I require. This pony, this Picket, he was old. He was so young, but he was wiser than I am, I think. I’m not sure why I think that, but he is. And kinder, he knew he his time had passed, but he had one more gift left to give.
I am new, I took what was offered, what was available, and that is what I am. He had to go, this Picket had to leave, and somehow this was left behind, a body vacant and waiting. The unicorn horn that is mine that I missed somehow. I lift it up and recognize it, the break is mine. That's when He has had enough, the iron pony. He jumps, but he doesn’t understand. I need it can't you see, this pony is not using it anymore, I am using it now because I think and therefore am, and I need to be for something. This is something, can't he see. He can't understand me.
"Speak up" "I need what I took. Why should I care?" "Because you stole somepony's relative!" "Says here that he was an orphan. Orphans are abandoned, left behind on their own. Don't hardly know what they are doing here, just left here for some reason. What reason? Do you know your reason? Do you know why? You are because you think you are, that's why." A twig snaps. He's off guard. I think I said something, maybe some more words. Can't remember. Metal, steel and bolts working together, binding something important to something even more important. Perfect. PONY. Shock. Surprise. Unexpected. Pink? Pinkie Pie pops up out of nowhere!
Words, So many words, can't think, can't follow, something about this one, what is different about her? She's broken the fourth wall. I don't know what that means, but she has done it. I have done it in a way, different side, from the other side the fourth wall has been shattered for an instant long enough for a seething mass of intellect to slip through. Most of it even made it, found a home, slipped into the being of another. Different, she's different. A party, that's what she said.
"ummm, h-hey m-mister? Why do you have a unicorn horn in your bag?" IMPACT. The pony with the steel roars, like a beast in anger. He's knocked me to the ground. I could feel him shiver as he did it, something about my skin is colder for him, unpleasant. I see a small tear from one of the metal hooves on my shin, tiny, glistening blood, not very big. But something very unexpected about this single droplet. It's grey, not red. No red blood, just grey. I look down and see something now not unexpected, but sad all the same. The grass not green where I rest, but grey. I have turned it grey for a moment, no color. The grass grey, but there is something else odd about it, something I can’t quite explain, it looks, more real. Denser, another dimension of color, detail and focus, it seems more real.
"That's it punk, I'm taking you out!" He's on his feet again, shivering still from hitting me. He's going to capture me, I don't want to be captured? Not what is needed, it belongs to me because Picket gave it to me, like he gave up everything else when he left. When I arrived. Something, there's something, something very interesting about those leg braces He (Iron pony) wears. Jointed, not smooth swivel, clicks, they click slightly at his knees when he moves them. Tiny teeth, oh so many tiny teeth all biting in very specific places. Cogs and gears, all biting.
He is moving forwards now, he's fast despite the dead metal weight. Used to it. Those cogs, I know something could go wrong with them. Must have trained out of the way of dirt, out of the way of something that could block the teeth, give them something else to bite down on.
STICK.
He stops abruptly. He wasn't expecting it, neither was I to tell the truth. Oh good, I can think clearer again. I have a headache, but not as big of a headache as He has. I must have grabbed a twig, a stick on the ground. Those gears are so delicate, strong but fine, and the twig popped right in the perfect place. The gears did what gears do; bite. And when they bit they bit too hard, and his front right knee stopped working.
A bit amusing actually, He tripped over his own foot. Shoved his face straight into the ground, horn first, hat flying. Heh, heheh, heheh I'm not laughing, not on the outside. The pink pony, Pinkie Pie, I know her as well! Like Rarity and Spike and Twilight and Celestia! She is laughing like crazy, bouncing and rolling and giggling. I made her, laugh? She's laughing! Hah! I made somepony laugh! Now we are both laughing, and I can even hear a sort of echoing chuckle from within the metal muzzle, the pony in the iron mask. So funny! Hah! I made somepony laugh! Suddenly the Pink pony looks at me and stops laughing. Why did she have to stop? She is staring at me. No, not me, my mane. I look, purple, a dull grey purple color. And my body, green. Light green. Not grey, not colorless, green. Green and purple, COLOR! I glance at my knee, red blood, reason to laugh! She' s laughing again! Oh my mind feels so clear!
I reach down to help the pony on the ground up. He glances at me oddly, eyes taking in my new color.
"Alright, I won't tackle you, but you had better have a darn good explanation of why you, why you stole that horn."
"To be true with you, I don't know. Wait! What is your name?" I asked that, coherently! He is quiet for a moment. "Tor Ironclad. And you?"
"Seething Mass."
"AND I'M PINKIE PIE!"
I know she's Pinkie Pie. Of course she is. Tor looks at me funny, then shakes his head. "It doesn't sit right with me, knowing that you did that. Seems rude, seems disrespectful. At least give me a your motivation. What makes you think you can take that?" I think for a moment, and then realize something extraordinary. "He said it was ok for me too, that I need it more than he does anymore. "
Tor looks confused, his eyes are apparently stuck like that. Not stuck confused, stuck like, well like they are. Angry. Someone made him so angry, locked away inside his mind. I wish I could help him unlock it, but I can barely handle my own twisting psyche. At least I can think straight right now. With a twinge of sadness I can see the color on my hooves and mane and body fading. The crystal gem of red on my leg fades, all is grey now. I can feel my mind slip, slipping, closer, oh how I miss thinking well, thought, clear, clarity.
---------------------------------
I'm going to a party today. Party, party, movement and sweets and celebration, celebrating me? Why me, I am worth celebration? Also celebrating Tor, a celebration of us both, dual celebration of hunter and prey. Who hunted, who preyed? I'm still grey today, still grey and the scab is grey and the floor of the room I stayed in late last night is gray beneath my hooves, and the walls I touch are leached of color for an instant in my presence. They seemed, more detailed somehow. Small focus, something so odd about them! I don’t understand. Saddens me, a loss of color I cannot find my own color.
It was there and now is gone and I could see but now am blind and it's horrid to finally see and lose your sight once more. STOP. Concentrate, party, celebration. I am walking down the street. Clearer mind? Not so much. So nervous, judging the appropriate time to enter, when should I arrive? What to do, the art of the partier is lost to me.
I reach the building, sugar building on sugar corner, a corner of sugarcubes, Sugarcube corner bakery of Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Walk in. I can see them all. The six are there, Spike, Gummy the crocodile, how do I know so much about them? I do not know how I know, but I know. Tor is there, he is speaking with Rarity and Twilight, turns to see me come in. Can't tell whether or not he wants to punch me, eyes are misleading.
I try to act confident, not so much. My entrance is noticed by everypony, they all feel me enter. The door was quiet, I was quiet, but feel me enter they did. Rarity, Tor Ironclad, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Spike and Fluttershy. They shudder when I enter, it's warm outside but they shudder anyways. Quiet, why do they have to be so quiet. "Hello." I mumble out. Pinkie naturally comes over, she wants to make me feel better. Offers punch, ok. Offers cake, ok. Talks. She is talking, I am listening. CONCENTRATE. Important, pay attention. Don't slip.
"Sooooooo, where do you come from?" The ponies are watching me. Truth, no truth? Truth. I don't really know. The grave, thought it was where I woke up. Dug out, dug my way out before I stopped thinking about what I am because it was dangerous. Shouldn't wake up in a grave." Rarity spoke. "No, I suppose not. Why you look dreadful darling, you really must come by the spa sometime. It would freshen you right up, get that dirt and grime out of your mane like nothing else! And loosens the muscles doesn't it Tor?" Tor is quiet, perhaps slightly embarrassed. He nods and smiles within his muzzle, can't see it but feel it I can.
A small joke is made I think, the laughter is quiet and awkward. I am awkward. They act awkward because of me. Have to let them know need them to know I am good too, they can joke with me like Tor they can it's true. I look at Rarity. She stitches, I'll need her help. The horn can do so much, the metal can do more, but the cloth, without the cloth it is nothing. I know I shouldn't think of this in present company, not when I am trying so hard to be liked, but now is as good a time as any to ask. "You make your own clothing Rarity." She nods, graciously twirling to show off her gown. Very large. Very flashy. Very impractical. No matter."Why yes! I own a very prestigious dress shop right here in Ponyville, and I have designed dresses for fashion GODS! Do you need something darling?" I nod. "Your dress is very beautiful. Impractical, but beautiful." Applejack snickers at this. I made a bit of laughter, encouraging.
"I might need stitching done. You, help, you, you could help perhaps? Very simple, but strong, it will need strength. " She looks a bit surprised. "Why, of course. I would be willing to offer my services to help a new friend." Friend. She said friend. Suddenly I get a feeling, a memory, something I feel like I shouldn't know but do. I can see it clearly, right In front of me, a maze, movement, I can't help myself. I need her to know that I know.
"There were three gems you could see. " She looks at me strangely. "Three gems, in the rock Discord showed you. Three peaking through the stone, the iceberg's top with the massive gem beneath. But it was a rock. You found that out, didn't want it known. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. " Mistake, it was a mistake. She's looking at me warily now. "How, how did you know of that? Who told you?" "no one. I, I just know. "
I'm losing them, all of them. A slight murmur, a breath of air everyone passes on, what do they think? Hurry, have to save this. I walk up to Fluttershy, so fast, need to hurry, need to save this! They are wary now, I need to show them I know, I mean well. "Fluttershy, you want to be a tree, the train remember? You said you would like to be a tree, a tree, Discord's butterflies couldn't shake you, too kind, far too kind, had to resort to unfair measures didn't he? Not fair, life isn't fair, THE MINOTAUR! Remember? He changed you, but you showed him, weren't satisfied, made him leave. So brave, you were so brave, why are you afraid now? Afraid, afraid like me!" She's quivering uncontrollably now, so filled with fright, can she possibly be so afraid as I am? I don't know, I just don't know.
"Don't be afraid, you have nothing to be afraid of!" She's crying, I can't believe it. She's crying. I'm crying. So grey, everything around me is turning grey. Suddenly I can see every detail, every single hair on her face is separate, detailed, it is suddenly REAL. Is this place not? Not real, it’s not real! Color fading She looks down at her skin, her hair and screams. What is wrong with me? It's worse, so much worse, the grey. Oh Help me! Suddenly Pinkie Pie is next to me. She's still, color still there? Floor below, Ceiling above grey. I see every crack, every speck of invisible dust on the crinkled surface of the wood surface that is suddenly so inexplicably NOT vector art, not cartoon, what is going on?
One little lost pony, grey, but Pinkie is not grey. She's speaking to me, telling me "Now that was just rude. We go to all the trouble to throw this party for you and you go and talk to Fluttershy like that! You should be ashamed of yourself! Who do you think you are!?" She had to ask that one question, the question I cannot answer. "I, I have no idea who I am." Crying , I'm openly weeping now. So sad, now everything in the room is grey, everything suddenly detailed and real and horrible. Everyone is miserable, everyone suddenly gray, suddenly REAL, everyone but Pinkie Pie, somehow different than the rest. Something different, something about that fourth wall.
She's trying to console me now, she sits down next to me, about to tell a joke. I grab her head. Tor moves quickly, jumping forward to intercept me, but I just lean forward, lean towards her ear, why is my throat so dry all of a sudden? So grey, but she has color, color, so much color. I whisper as best I can, throat is so dry, fluid drained like the color, like the joy, like the reality around me. "Pinkamena Diane Pie, you have broken the fourth wall." Her face loses expression. "But, but, how do you? How do you know?" She whispers. I shake my head. Tor stands at ready, wary but prepared. I look back at Pinkamena, and stare slowly as her color is slowly leached away. Her eyes are so clear now, clearer and more beautiful, more real and more utterly sad than they have ever been. Her hair is straight now, a curtain that falls over those eyes as the last of her color finishes draining away towards me as she turns a sorrowful shade of grey.
What am I? What horrid fiend am I?