In the magical land of sweets and muffins, I lay on a soft fluffy bed of gooey marshmallow cream. Resting my eyes, and licking a muffin.
"Ditzy, oh Ditzy Doo." A sweet voice whispered in my ear.
I opened one eye to see who was calling my name, to see a giant muffin.
"Mr. Muffin! I wasn't sleeping, I was just... resting."
"Yeah, now get up! It's time for the party!"
I sprung up from the icky bed of goe to get dressed up for the big party. I picked out a big, pink, poofy lace dress.
Me and Mr. Muffin skipped gayly to the big party at Pudding Moutain. Seeing along the way, Count Cupcake, Baby Cookie, Prince Cake, and Princess Gummy Bear. We danced on the shiny dance floor, made of bouncy gum drops.
"Oh Ditzy, I've never felt this way before about anyone. Will you marry me?" Mr. Muffin asked getting on one knee.
"Oh Mr. Muffin, I would love to marry you. But... my heart belongs to... another."
"Who?!"
I woke up in my soft, plushy bed.
"Oh Celestia, I gotta stop eating muffins before bed."
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I got out of bed, my mane tangled and my eyes googly as ever. I looked out my window to Celestia's beautiful morning sun. It was an amazing sight. Almost as amazing as a muffin. Mmmmm muffins. It reminded me of something that happened yesterday. A sonic muffinboom as I call them. I thought for a minute about if it really did happen or not. It almost felt too good to be possible.
Maybe it was one of my dreams. Maybe I don't have any super powers.
I ate my breakfast muffins and headed to work. When I got to the door, I could see nearly 50 ponies reading the news next door. The newpaper stand was right next to the post office.
I went inside and saw Boxxy reading a newspaper.
"Yo Ditzy, ya seen the paper this morning?" He asked not taking his eyes off the paper.
"Boxxy, you know I don't read the paper. Too many words." I told him punching in my work card.
"Well, somepony did a sonic rainboom the other day. And it wasn't Rainbow Dash."
I knew what he was talking about.
"Let me see that." I said as I took the newspaper from his hoof
Local pegasus, Rainbow Dash, claims that she did not make the sonic rainboom that day. But somepony else did. Our local news team wanted the name, but she refused to tell us saying, "I don't recall the pony who did this so called, 'muffinboom' but I don't care. There's only one pony in Ponyville that can do something as awesome as a sonic rainboom. And that's me! Rainbow Danger Dash."
Wow, so... it wasn't a dream. I did do a sonic muffinboom.
I also saw and article about Pinkie Pie getting arrested for trying to poison Rainbow Dash and saw off her body in her basement, but that wasn't important!
"So, ya know who that was Ditzy?" Boxxy asked.
"I... um... not sure Boxxy. I- I gotta... put... make... unbox... ship... I just gotta do something!" I told him, not sure what I should have said.
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Dr. Whooves did some detective work on his computer to find out who Ditzy Doo was and why it rang a bell.
"D, i, t, z, confound these hooves!" He cursed at his hooves.
The computer read, fresytw348
"I'm going to have to find a way to type... but how?"
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After work that day, I flew off to Manehatton to pick up Dinky. Maybe I don't have super powers. That sonic muffinboom could have been pure dumb luck! I'm going to have to find out what other powers I have, if I do have super powers.
When I got to the house, it was still broken in half. Oh yeah, I did that too huh? That still doesn't prove anything.
I flew in through the big hole and saw Dinky still asleep on the couch with her teddy bear while the TV was still on the Power Puff Girls. That was her faveourtie show. Still have no idea what they're suposed to be... oh well.
"C'mon angel, let's go home." I told her as she still was sleeping.
Her body was so soft and warm. She was a gift from Celestia herself alright. The doctor's told me that I wouldn't be able to give birth to a child. But 9 months later, she came into my life. Now she's the center of my life. She's gotten so big after those six years. She's so smart and hyper I can barley keep up with her.
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I waited for the traffic signal to turn green before crossing the street. I couldn't wait to get home. I haven't been with Dinky since I found out about the super powers. It took forever for that traffic signal to turn green. Usually I would just fly, but I didn't want to take the chance on doing a sonic muffinboom again.
"Hey look, it's Retard and Retard Jr!" A small voice called behind me.
I turned around to see Diamond Tiara and Sliver Spoon. Those mean girls from Dinky's school.
"Oh hello Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. How are you?"
"Oh were good Ms. Retard. How are you?"
"... Excuse me?"
"You heard us." They replied together.
"I think you should appoligize."
"Hmm... let me think about that? No." Diamond Tiara said giving me a razzberry afterwards.
"Appoligize. Now." I said wiping away the spit from my face.
"M- mommy?"
"Well look whos up, Retard Jr." Silver Spoon said.
"Hey! Nopony talks about my daughter that way!" I shouted getting right in there little bitch faces.
"Oh yeah, well whos gonna stop us?"
I knew I had to defend my daughter's honor. But how? Of course! One of my super powers! But which one? I only had the sonic muffinboom and the super strength. I could throw them to Canterlot, but then I'd go to jail. That wasn't going to work. What should I do?!
"Retards! Retards! Retards! Retards!" They chanted pointing at my googly eyes.
"That is ENOUGH!" I shouted at them, staring into there little eyes.
I must have done something powerful because they stopped dead in there tracks.
"Now you appoligize to me and Dinky."
"... Were sorry Dinky... Mrs. Dinky's mom." They said in defeat.
"Good."
The light finally turned green.
"Your lucky I'm not going to tell your parents."
I walked off not looking back.
"S- Silver Spoon. Why are there two of you?"
"Two of me? Why are there two of you?!"
"I... I can't see straight!"
I looked back to see what was happening. When I looked back, I saw their eyes... goggly. They... they looked like me. Did... Did I do that? That must be my new power! Derp stare!
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When we got home, we ate muffins for dinner.
"Hey... mommy?" Dinky asked eating her muffins.
"Yes baby?" I asked back washing my plate at the sink.
"That was really cool what you did with Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara."
"Oh... you saw that."
"Yeah... and it was awesome!"
"It... it was?" I asked her wiping her face from the mufiin crumbs.
"Yeah! It totally kicked flank!"
"Dinky! Language!"
"Sorry mommy."
"It's ok. I'll it slide this time. Because it was pretty kick flank."
We both laughed.
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When Ditzy was asleep, I did some research on the computer to see what just what I should do with my powers.
"Lets see... porn, porn, porn, porn, clop fiction, porn, porn, porn, here we go!"
I clicked on a website filled with superhero comics. I read all of them before passing out on the keyboard.
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"Mommy? Mommy... MOMMY!"
"Huh what?! Llamas dancing the hulu! The letter H swiming in pudding! What? Oh hey Dinky. Did I sleep on the keyboard?"
"Mm-hmm."
I looked at the clock to see what time it was.
"Oh Celestia were gonna be late!"
I quickly got my mailbag and a breakfast muffin for me and Dinky to eat on the way to school and work.
"Did you do your homework?" I asked Dinky struggling to get her backpack packed.
"Yes."
"Did you brush your teeth?"
"Yup."
"Did you eat your muffin like a good girl?"
"Uh huh."
"Did you honk the clown nose?"
"Ye- clown nose? What clown nose?"
"Gotcha!" I said tapping her nose.
"Oh mommy, your so silly."
"C'mon c'mon! Let's go!"
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"Have a good day at school muffin butt." I told Dinky giving her a kiss on the nose.
"Have a good day at work mommy muffin." She said back.
I waved to her good bye as she skipped to class.
We always make up little names for each other before we say good bye. It's kinda our little special way of saying I love you.
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"And I was like, BABY BABY BABY OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH BABY BABY BABY OOOOOOOOH THOUGHT YOU'D ALWAYS BE MI-"
"Uhh... Boxxy... what are you singing?" I asked him as I walked in the post office.
"I... uh... I wasn't singing... I was... ah who am I kidding? I GOT BIEBER FEVER DITZY AND IT'S SOOOOOOOOOO AMAZING!"
"Oooo... kkkk... I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear that... So, what do I have to do today boss?"
"Well, the only job left is the stamp licking."
"Yes!" I exclaimed jumping into the air.
I loooooooove licking the stamps. They taste sooooooo good. Along with the packing peanuts and the empty boxes, stampes are my most favourite thing in the whole post office!
"Yo Ditzy, did ya see the paper today?" Boxxy asked handing me the paper.
"Boxxy, for the second time, I don't read the paper."
"Just look at it."
"Fiiiiiiiiine."
I grabbed the paper and began to read. 'Local fillies go Derp eyes.'
"Wow, doesn't the media have anything else to write about?"
"Eh not really. Oh and Pinkie Pie escaped from jail the other day. She'll probaly go on another killing spree."
I didn't pay attention to anything Boxxy said.
"Heh heh, oh Garfield. Your a cat and you like pony food. You can't eat pony food your a cat! Silly orange cat."
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After work, I went to somewhere I thought I'd never go to.
"Welcome to Carousel Boutique. Where everything is chic, unique, and magnifigue!" Rarity greeted me as the little bell that was above the door rang.
"Um... Hi Rarity." I never really talked to Rarity before. So it was indeed awkward.
"Oh hello Ditzy Doo, what can I get for you?"
"I was... wondering... if you could... make me a superhero suit."
"Whatever for darling? Nightmare Night isn't for 7 months!"
"It isn't for Nightmare Night."
"Aw, of course it isn't. Poor Ditzy." She said pating my head.
"What are you doing?"
"Why, I'm patting your head darling."
"Oh Celestia... Look Rarity... Ditzy don't roll that way."
"Aw listen to your cute little lisp."
"Lisp?" I asked with no lisp in my voice at all.
"Yes your lisp sweet heart. And I just want to say, I am soooo sorry about your illness."
"Illness?! What in the name of Molestia's glowing horn are you talking about?!"
"Aw Ditzy, you don't have to put on a brave face for me. I know that your... well... screwed up in the brain."
Oh god she thinks I'm retarded.
"Duuuuuurrrrrrrrr her her huuuuuuur, I jest I do haz a llllllisp." I said pretending to be what she thought I was just for laughs.
"Oh, you poor poor darling. Here, I'll make your Nightmare Night coustume, no charge! It's just going to take a week to get it in."
"Aww a week?! I don't have time for a... I mean... Duuuurrrrrrrrr... A week is equal to apple sauce."
"Of course it is Ditzy. Of course it is."
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Dr. Whooves was still trying to figure out a way to type on the computer.
"Hmm... let's see... I can travel through time but I can't figure out how to type." He said to himself, tapping a pencil against the table.
"... Grrr! As Celestia as my witness, I shall find a way to type!" He said shouting at the pencil.
"Oh look at me. Talking to a pencil!" He said to himself, taping the pencil on the keyboard.
"If only I could find some way to type... but how?" He said still tapping the pencil on the keyboard.
"Oh Celestia! If you can hear me! Please, send my a sign! A hint! Anything!" He shouted to the sky with still tapping the pencil.
"Wait... hold onto your hooves... I am a genuis! I'll hire a typer for me! Thank you pencil!" He said to the pencil kissing it.
He ran out the door to go find a typer for him.
"Did somepony call my name?" Princess Celestia said as she flew the room.
"Hmm... I wonder who that was calling my nam- oh sweet a computer! Time for some clop fiction!"
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I sighed to myself coming out of Rarity's store. Why does everypony think I'm a retard? I don't think I'm that stupid. I mean, sometimes I'm not the brightest pony, maybe even a little bit derpy, but certainly not retarded. Well, maybe sometimes I do seem a little-
BUMP
"What the? Great Scout! I'm so sorry! Do... wait... aren't you Ditzy Doo?"
"Huh? Yes I am why?" I asked rubbing my head.
"I'm Dr. Whooves. I've been acually been trying to find you."
"You... have?" I asked as he helped me up.
"Yes. I saw you flying by the hospital. And I must say, it was very impressive."
"Really?" I asked with a doopey smile and rosey cheeks.
"Yes really. Can I ask how you did it?"
Oh no...
"I... I umm... gotta go!" I said, flying off at sonic speed.
"Wow... what a mare!"