//------------------------------// // Back Home Again ... but for how long? // Story: The Fashionista's Dilemma // by Mike the Red //------------------------------// "So, Princess, can you track him? Does he have a particular magic signature?" I asked. This was starting to get confusing. "I am not sure -- he's able to mask his movements, so I would tend to doubt if even I could locate him, especially in an unfamiliar place like your world." "I believe he might be the only one able to use magic in my world, at least until Nick and I return," I said. 'Maybe you could trace magic use if it's that scarce..." I suggested. "Sounds plausible. Elements, are we ready to travel to the human world?" A cacophony of responses came from them, Nick included, but most were in the affirmative. "I hope we can get this over with -- I really want my body back!" Nick said in exasperation. "Maybe by banishing Discord, that will happen," Princess Celestia said. "Hey, Mikey, if we pull this off, maybe you might be able to come to another party!" Pinkie Pie said. "I thought you told me --" "Don't worry about that, Mikey! I live for parties! Just be nice!" "I will do my best," I said. "We shall be off now," Princess Celestia announced. She group-teleported us back to Earth, landing us in the front yard of my house. "Okay, Mike, where are we now?" Nick asked. He saw my transformed car. "Wow! That's cool! Can I get one of those?" "Nick, we're in the front yard of my house in Illinois. I used my magic as Twilight Sparkle to enchant the car -- I have yet to drive it, so I am not exactly sure what it's capable of doing." Every pony stared at the car -- it had Twilight's cutie mark painted on the rear quarter panels, and stitched into the leather seat backs -- too late I had realized that my desire for leather interior was blasphemy to the ponies. Twilight was so deeply intrigued by it, she stated aloud she wished she had ink and parchment to take notes. "The leather is synthetic, not derived from animal skin," I said. "Seriously." "Michael, I sense Discord's presence -- however, he is nowhere near here," Celestia announced. "If you were him, where do you think he'd place his lair?" "Hmm. I would probably choose a naturally chaotic city, say for example, New York City, and then put my lair in a place where I would have a nice overview of the entire city. There are a number of skyscrapers in that city, and some of them have penthouse apartments overlooking the city. Other than that, I have no ideas." "Don't you think he'd try to track US down and try to kidnap US?" Nick asked. "There is that possibility, but with us here --" A sound similar to a leather jacket being zipped or unzipped was heard. "Catch me if you can!" came a gravelly voice, and then his laughter sounded before the zipper sound was heard again. "How did you know he was going to do that?" Twilight asked me with exasperation. "Amazing how you got that right, darling," Rarity mused. "I can trace his movements," Celestia announced, smiling slightly. "He hasn't gone far." "At first you said he was nowhere near, then he pops up and then leaves. This is getting really weird," Nick said. "Elements at the ready, he is getting set to return," Celestia said in a serious tone. I wondered why he would do what he did, but I was able to sense something getting ready to happen about five feet behind me. I teleported to the street in front of my house as Discord popped back in, five feet behind where I had been standing. "How did you? Wait, what? TWO of YOU? What's going on here?" he asked. "Elements, NOW!" Celestia commanded. Something very interesting happened -- the rainbow-hued magic vortex spun out of control as there were two Rarities involved. Instead of banishing Discord, it made him disappear. "What just happened?" Twilight asked in disbelief. The other Elements echoed similar sentiments. "I do not sense Discord's presence, at least, not in this world," Celestia mused. "The harmonic magic sent him into another universe, I believe." "I am still in Rarity's body," Nick said dejectedly. "This is the WORST! POSSIBLE! THING!!" Nick's Rarity cried in utter shock. "You can say that again, darling!" the real Rarity said in agreement. "Of course. I should have predicted something like this would happen. Nick, I am very sorry, but we may have to resort to blood magic for you. Other than that, I have no easy alternatives." The Princess seemed crestfallen. "An idea has struck me," I said. "If you look at my vehicle here, you might notice it seems to have some resemblance to me, seeing as I'm still in Twilight's body. I used a lot of magic trying to fix this car, and I wonder if, since I don't have Twilight's mind inside me, that I might have inadvertently transferred her spirit into my car." "Don't be ridiculous! That's impossible!" Nick said. Some of the people driving in their cars would slow down to gawk at every pony standing in the front yard, but would continue on. "I will go get my wife, and have her start the car -- I want to test my hypothesis," I said. "I am curious to see how this works," Celestia mused. The others gathered around my car as I knocked on the front door of my house. Xaviera answered the door. "Xaviera, can you get your mama for me, and have her come out here with the car keys?" I asked her. "I was wondering what kept you," she said. She looked out the front door to see Princess Celestia examining the car, along with every pony else, just gawking at it, marveling at its appearance. "What are THEY doing here?" "We were trying to banish Discord," I said nonchalantly. "I need the car keys, but I need Brenda to sit in the driver's seat." "Why? Can I do it?" "Yeah, I'm pretty sure you can, so go ahead and get the car keys, and come outside please." "Where are they?" "My pants should be under our bed, and the key should be in the right front pocket." She went back inside, and returned shortly with the key fob. She came out to the car and unlocked it. "Um, excuse me, uh, what's your name?" Twilight asked. "May I examine this vehicle more closely?" "Why are there two of you, and two of the small white one?" Xaviera asked. "Xaviera, this is Twilight Sparkle, the small white one is named Rarity, with Nick in the other Rarity's body. Princess Celestia, this is Xaviera, my youngest step-daughter. She will be operating the car for the time being. Okay, Xaviera, sit in the driver's seat and turn the car on -- start it if you need to." "Geez, Mike, all these ponies! What's going on?" "We have some important business, we can discuss these matters later. Right now, I need you to turn the car on." Xaviera puts the key in the ignition and starts the car. "Acquiring driver data. Driver data acquired. Good afternoon, Xaviera Walker!" came a cheery sounding voice from the speakers. "That's MY voice!" Twilight said excitedly. "Acquiring voice data. Voice data confirmed. Good afternoon, Twilight Sparkle!" the car's voice sounded excited. "Xaviera, ask the car for it's name," I said. "Acquiring voice data. Voice data confirmed. 99.7% accuracy -- Twilight Sparkle?" "Michael Walker," I responded. "I am in Twilight's body." "Michael, what is this? Why does this car have Twilight's voice?" Celestia asked. "Acquiring voice data. Voice data confirmed. Good afternoon, Princess Celestia! It is truly an honor!" The Princess was quite surprised by this, but smiled in response. "Thank you, uh, Twilight." "Oh! Oh! Does the car recognize my voice? Does it? Oh, please let it call me by my name!" "Acquiring voice data. Voice data confirmed. Good afternoon, Pinkie Pie!" "Mike, what is this car capable of doing?" Nick asked. "Acquiring voice data. Voice data confirmed. 99.4% accuracy. Rarity?" "No, darling, I'm Rarity," "Voice data confirmed. Good afternoon, Rarity!" "Mike, that is sooo cool!" Rainbow exclaimed. "If you think this is cool, there's other stuff the car can do, I put quite a lot of magic into it," I said. "Car, what is your name?" Xaviera asked. "You may call me TS," came the cheery voice again. "Okay, that figures. The letter designation on the trunk lid says as much," I chuckled. "Hey, TS, can you detect Discord's magic signature?" "No, Twilight. He is not present. He has disappeared from this world," TS said flatly. "Princess Celestia, I don't know if that's a good sign or a bad one," I said. "Nick, can you come here and sit in the passenger's seat?" "Michael, I can only assume that since he's no longer in this world that he might very well have been banished to another universe -- and if that's the case, then I would have to surmise that the outcome is a positive one." Nick comes over and stares at the front passenger door. "I can't open it," he said with some disappointment. "You can wield magic too, all it takes is a little telekinesis," I said, using it to open the front passenger door. He hopped into the car, sitting as best he could in the passenger seat. "Analyzing passenger data. Passenger data unconfirmed. Please state your name," came TS's flat voice. "Nick." "Voice data confirmed. 99.4% accuracy. Rarity. Passenger data confirmed. Good afternoon, Rarity!" "This is Nick! I'm in Rarity's body!" "I'm in here too, darling!" "Can you separate us?" "My analysis indicates there is only one body -- if there are two personae in one body, the answer is no." "What am I going to do?" Nick was exasperated. "I don't wanna be stuck like this forever!" "How do you think I feel, Nick?" his Rarity asked. "Hey, Nick, do you think Jacquelynn might have an idea or two?" I asked. "She'll be happy to see me back, but not so happy to see me still in Rarity's body," he said flatly. "Didn't you say Rarity's her favorite pony?" "Well, yeah, but ... there's still two of us in here, and I think she wants me more than Rarity," he said thoughtfully. "She thought you were pretty cute in my body, darling," Rarity mused. "But it hurt when she shook me by my withers." "She has a habit of doing that, Rarity, sorry about that." "Xaviera, turn the car off. TS can't help Nick, either." "Okay, Mike. Should I put the key back in your pants pocket?" "Yeah, that would be cool. Thanks for trying, though. Okay, Nick, hop on out, I'll need to lock it up." "Okay, Mike. Looks like I'll have to have Princess Celestia create a body for me. That just sucks." "Michael, I want to know everything about this car of yours! What can it do?" Twilight asked excitedly. "I guess it can't do everything," I said with some disappointment in my voice. Nick trotted over to Princess Celestia. "Princess, how long will it take to create a body for me?" "Nick, I wish I had better news for you. To create this body for you will take about five years, and as I had said before, the necessary magicks are so complex and intricate that even the slightest error can lead to disaster. Are you sure you want me to do this? Does being in Rarity's body disturb you so much you feel compelled to have me do this?" "Five years?! Five years?! I can't wait that long!"