---Some time later, in the remodeled throne room---
Discord lounged upon a wooden throne, holding up a glass of... well, something. He wasn't entirely sure what it was, just that it was sweet, and thus, good. Finding out just what he had conjured for himself was frequently half the fun, after all.
The unicorn – what was her name again? Dusk something or another, he was fairly certain. She seemed to have a large stack of papers with her, which she was setting down in front of him on a table. He looked over the table again, wondering if the gumball dispensers it sat upon clashed too much with the polished marble floor and richly stained wood.
No, still just tacky enough. Oh, the looks that they were getting from the stuck up nobles whom Celestia had surrounded herself with! Why, he could have sworn that one was about to faint dead away on hi-
Thwack. A rolled-up bunch of papers retreated from Discord's face as he rubbed his muzzle in mock pain. It seemed that Miss Sparkle was ready to dazzle him. He allowed himself a small hint of mirth, only to receive a death-glare from his little adviser. He hadn't laughed that loud at his little joke, and it wasn't like he said it out loud... or had he?
Twilight slapped the temporary ruler of Equestria with her rolled up checklist a second time to get his attention. “Now then, since you agreed to this little bet of Princess Celestia's, I figured that you would want to know what you're up against.”
He nodded and motioned for her to continue. In his head, he was imagining Celestia creeping up on somepony with a rubber chicken in hoof, whoopee cushions at the ready. He could hardly wait for his final victory over her with this little game. Twilight shoved a sheet of paper in front of his face, so close that he could barely make out any of the characters.
Discord pushed the paper back with a cautious claw, as though it was something disgusting and not to be touched. “Right, right, I'm listening. What do you have for me, my dear?”
Twilight caught the paper back in her magical grip and floated it down in front of Discord. “This is the last report on citizen approval for Celestia. The Princess has a survey done every year without fail, so this is your target number.”
Discord leaned forward to look at the paper, curious as to just how many ponies dreary, boring old Celestia could have possibly kept happy. “Ninety-five? That doesn't sound too bad,” he said, taking a sip from his drink. Chocolate and pineapple, incidentally.
“That's ninety-five percent, Discord.”
Discord sprayed his drink across the table, somehow managing to put enough force behind it for the stream of liquid to strike Twilight directly in the face. “She has what kind of approval rating?” he shouted.
Twilight pulled a small towel out to wipe her face off. “You did that on purpose, didn't you? And yes, ninety-five percent approval.” Twilight tossed the towel aside, where it landed on the ground with a squeak, turning into a pink flamingo. She pointedly ignored it. “It had been higher – ninety-eight at her highest a couple years ago – but some of the nobility was less than thrilled with her decision to welcome her sister back into a position of power. A few of them claim she's become too soft and forgiving. Then, they turn around and ask if they can get a tax break after losing some bits from an ill-advised poker game.”
Discord took a bite out of a sandwich that he had gotten out of one of the gumball dispensers. It cost him an oblong pebble. “That does make this a bit tougher than expected,” he admitted. “By the way, would you say that I'd look better in pink, or in turnip?”
One of Twilight's eyes twitched. “Turnip isn't a color,” she growled out. “Can't you focus on something for more than five seconds?”
Discord slid off of his throne, sliding up next to Twilight. “I never said anything about turnip being a color, dear. Now why don't you stop going off on tangents, and we can start working on getting my approval rating up to ninety-nine percent.”
Twitch. Twilight grit her teeth in frustration. “How exactly am I the one going off on tangents, you absolutely insufferable buffo– and we're in Cloudsdale.” Twilight glanced down at the clouds below her, and looked around at the pegasus city. Even as she watched, clouds turned blue and green, pink and purple, and in one spot, a sort of off-white that did not belong in the sky.
Discord leaned down next to Twilight, and whispered into her ear. “Do try to keep up, won't you?” He started skating forward across some pale blue clouds that bubbled underfoot, heading towards the city proper where pegasi were already starting to panic.
Simply standing there for a moment, Twilight took a ragged breath. “Deep breaths, Twilight, deep breaths,” she muttered. As she heard a scream from further in, her shoulders slumped down, and she summoned some magic into her horn.
“Why did I decide to be clever?” she asked to nopony in particular. “I could have just risked life and limb fighting a chaos god, but nooo, I wanted to do things my way. It worked with Luna, so why not Discord, I asked.”
Twilight sighed dramatically. “I've only been dealing with him for a few hours, and I already hate my life.”
With a flash of magenta light, Twilight vanished from the outer edge of Cloudsdale, and into the disaster.
---One very long half-hour later---
The last of the guards and gawking ponies had finally been convinced to go back to their homes, giving Twilight enough time to 'help Discord clean up.' She turned to look at him as he reclined in a fountain filled with pudding, bits of funnel cake stuck in his mane.
“Tell me, Discord, did you even think before simply leaping into action?” Twilight's voice was barely above a whisper, and it shook from rage. “No, I don't think you did. Nopony could have actually believed that just showing up out of nowhere and ruining the entire city would be a good idea. What do you have to say for yourself?”
Discord held up a cup of green liquid, and sloshed it around in her face. “Milkshake? It's mint and chocolate chip.”
Twilight narrowed her eyes at him. “You're trying to win ponies over here, in case you've forgotten about your bet with Celestia. This sort of thing is only going to alienate them all.” She casually levitated the milkshake to her side. “You should just be glad that so many of the ponies here know Pinkie Pie, and that I was able to convince them that she had given you advice on planning this.”
Discord looked around at his handiwork. Stately buildings with fluted cloud columns were covered in randomly splattered colors that universally clashed; pieces of funnel cake littered everything in sight, still soggy from the cola rain that had accompanied it. Parts of the city were upside down or sideways, and the only reason ponies could still use them was that the city was made up entirely of pegasi; a flock of birds flew overhead in formation, spelling out profanities in every color of the rainbow.
Finally, he looked back down to Twilight as she tossed an empty glass to one side and wiped her mouth. “I don't see what everypony's complaining about,” he finally admitted, shrugging. “It looks fine to me.”
Twilight started rubbing her forehead with her hoof, cringing slightly. It was going to take a lot more work than she had anticipated if she was going to keep Equestria running while it had its king. This was only the first city that they would need to visit, too. But in a way, that was a good thing – there were still places Discord hadn't screwed up.
“All right,” she finally said, “let me try to explain things to you.” Discord coiled himself up in front of Twilight's hooves, eyes and ears forward – the very picture of attentiveness.
Twilight cleared her throat. “Now then, ponies, even the ones who enjoy wild and zany things, want some form of stability in their lives. When a pony goes to work, they want to know what will be expected of them. When they go to get something to eat, they want to know what something tastes like. Celestia has such a high approval rating for just that reason; she provides stability in the government for ponies.
“You have an advantage over Celestia with your powers. You don't seem to have any real limitations to what you can do, and you throw magic around like you had no end to your stamina. You're creative and easygoing, which could make you easy to approach in a way that Celestia isn't, at least to the average pony. The only problem is that you keep on... doing things without considering the reaction ponies will have to what you do. Is this making any sense to you?”
Discord shook his head no, very slowly.
Twilight grit her teeth and closed her eyes for a moment. “All right, how about this. Ponies like to feel that they're in control of their own lives. When they want to do something spontaneous, they choose to do it, and they have final say in what they ultimately do. If you want ponies to enjoy your chaos, ask them for their opinions, and then give them what they want. Just channel your creativity into giving it to them in some unexpected and funny way.”
Discord's eyes lit up, and he shot forward, claw and paw clasped together in front of him. “Ooh, you mean the evil genie routine! I like the evil genie routine.” He looked as excited as Rainbow Dash right before a Wonderbolt show, and it was, quite frankly, a special kind of terrifying.
Twilight swung a rolled up legal document down onto his snout. “No, bad Discord, not the evil genie routine.” He sat back down with a pout. “Look,” she sighed. “The whole point is that you want ponies to like you, and approve of you as a ruler. Did those ponies look like they were enjoying themselves?”
Discord had to admit that she had a point there. Enjoyment didn't often go with screams of terror, especially when accompanied by crying, threats of bodily harm, begging for mercy, and desperate dashes to hiding places. Perhaps, just maybe, he had been overdoing things. If he wanted to win his bet, he might need to tone it down a bit.
“No,” he said, “they didn't look like they were enjoying themselves all that much.” It wasn't easy to admit it, even to himself, but he had just been so happy to be free again that he may have indulged more than he had intended. Come to think of it, that might have happened a few times before, too, with his perfectly laid plans coming apart at the seams while his mind was elsewhere, and his magic otherwise occupied.
Twilight smiled at him. “So, are we ready to start playing the game the right way? I'm kind of hoping to see Celestia's shocked face again; I find the look suits her quite well.”
Focused on his goal again, Discord nodded and composed himself. He could do things right. He could be patient, keeping a close eye on things until his victory was in paw. He could plan and plot with the best of them. Besides all that, he had a source of amusement to keep him entertained that he hadn't considered before. Both he and his unicorn adviser likely had stories to tell about Celestia, and they could share fantasies of pranks designed specifically for her.
Now though, it was time to plan. Time to use his resources to their fullest, time to sit down with Twilight Sparkle, and win a bet. Maybe, by the time this was all done, he would count her as his friend, and not gag at the notion. Maybe, he could find some way to trick Twilight into dressing up in something hilariously embarrassing while he was working with her – just to keep himself busy, of course.
He conjured a blackboard and some neon-pink chalk, and they started to work.
---A few days later---
Twilight was not happy. She had managed to get Discord to agree to a good many things, and they had gotten Equestria running properly again, for the most part. She had blamed all of the initial chaos that he had caused on magic that he had released unconsciously, back when he was freed from his statue. They had visited every major city to put on a proper celebration, too. The celebrations were still slightly chaotic, but most ponies were unwilling to complain about a festival that they didn't have to pay for, help set up, or clean up after... just so long as they were warned ahead of time that it was coming.
However, Twilight had to be there with him everywhere to keep his mind from wandering too much, and she hadn't had much time to do any research. And now? Now she was being forced to deal with nobles again.
The formal function had actually been Discord's idea, pulling the important ponies out from behind their barricaded doors so that they could start doing their jobs again. The party would show them that the government was still being run the same way and give them a sense of normalcy in order to pull them back in line. Twilight should have known something was up the second Discord started talking logically, without any gaping holes to patch up in his argument.
Celestia's crown slid down on Twilight's head again, covering one of her eyes. With a huff, she levitated it back into position and attempted to fix it in place with magic. She turned to Discord. “Remind me again why I'm wearing this ridiculously oversized regalia,” she whispered.
Discord smirked at her. “Because you thought it looked silly on me, especially when I tried it on with that dress. You're the one who said that we needed to show them something familiar, after all, so they need to see the crowns of office for their rulers.”
The enchantment holding up Luna's crown slipped, and the black crown slid down the side of Twilight's face.
“And the reason why my magic can't keep up both crowns at once for more than ten seconds?” she hissed at him, quickly re-lifting the offending chunk of metal.
Discord lifted his paw to his chest in mock shock. “You aren't suggesting I have something to do with that, are you? I'm sure the crowns are just enchanted in some way of their own, and that they're conflicting with each other.” Discord could be a very good liar when he wanted to be. Obviously, he wasn't trying too hard at the moment.
A white-coated unicorn with an overly long blonde mane trotted up to them, bowing with a flourish that would have been appreciated, if it weren't primarily to hide his mocking grin. Oh, how Twilight had learned to hate the blue bloods of the court, but none were quite as frustrating and annoying as Prince Blueblood. There should have been a limit to how entitled a pony could act, and it was hardly her fault that she had gotten a position of power technically higher than his... twice.
All right, maybe it was, just a little. Still, he had no business laughing at her when she was representing both of his princesses.
Once he had gotten his face to stop contorting, Blueblood brought out his latest budget suggestions, and he started a long-winded pitch about the importance of increasing spending on “historic district re-beautification and urban development”. Twilight didn't need to listen to it to know that it boiled down to giving him money that he could use for almost anything he wanted to build. Instead, she looked back at Discord to enjoy her little bit of revenge for the crowns.
Discord was sitting on his throne, but he didn't look too comfortable. He caught her looking and leaned over, whispering. “You know, you really can't complain about my prank too much after making me wear this.” He fidgeted in his seat again and pulled at the collar of his perfectly pressed black tuxedo.
Twilight grinned, despite the clank of both of the crowns on her head falling around her neck. “Well, it is a formal event, and you had already refused all of the normal accessories intended for royalty. You had to wear something that would meet basic dress code requirements.”
Finally, Blueblood wrapped up his speech and presented the document for approval. Twilight floated it up to Discord, who took it with a long-suffering look of boredom. He flipped through to somewhere in the middle of the stack of papers, and stuck a claw on one of the lines.
“Tell me, Twilight, am I reading this right? It looks like he's allocating tax money towards an addition to his mansion.”
Discord passed the papers down to Twilight, pointing out the offending paragraph. Twilight read it over twice, making sure of the possible translations of the legalese. “Yeah,” she affirmed, “that's what this says.”
Blueblood took a nervous step back, sweat rolling down his face. “Well,” he stammered, “I did have one of my assistants write it up, and I didn't have time to read over everything in there...”
Discord rolled his eyes. “At least think of a better excuse than that, please. I invented this sort of thing.” He took a bite out of the stack of papers, chewing thoughtfully. “It tastes rather like a whole steaming pile of-”
“-pony feathers,” Twilight interrupted. Discord lifted an eyebrow at her, and she shrugged.
“Regardless,” he said, turning back to the prince, “you seem to be forgetting that you aren't dealing with Celestia and Luna at the moment. I,” he proclaimed with a flourish, “am Discord. Master of chaos, original ruler of Equestria, and so forth. I can just snap my claws to do all of that without spending a bit or waiting for construction to get done. Why don't you just get a list of all of the new things you want built, and give that to me instead?”
Discord waved his paw to shoo Blueblood, who went, slightly wide-eyed, back to his group of fellow snobs. With this, the nobility would probably be completely in favor of Discord's continued rule, if only so that they could abuse his powers to their fullest.
Twilight gave Discord a quizzical look. “So,” she asked, “what sort of catch are you hitting him with, O mighty evil genie?”
“I thought I wasn't supposed to do the evil genie routine, though,” he replied. After a look, he said, “I never said I wouldn't add my own touches, though. I imagine that he'll enjoy his stairs that never end, wrap sideways and upside down and all around. And then, there are the doors that never lead to the same place twice.” He took another bite out of the stack of papers. “It actually tastes kind of hammy, if you want the truth.”
Twilight turned back to the next noble who was approaching with a stack of carefully written empty calories. The night was still young, even if it felt like it had lasted for ages already, and they would have to at least pretend to listen to several more self-important ponies before the night was up.
She was starting to consider claiming illness, but could not, in good conscience, leave Discord and the Canterlot nobility alone together; she'd come back to find all of the nobles turned into frogs, Discord curled up in a corner, or Equestria in ruins.
Instead, she decided to practice selectively viewable illusions while listening to legal proposals and requests. The old adage of picturing ponies in their underwear had nothing next to putting them in their grandmother's Sunday dress.
---Near the end of the month---
Twilight pulled up the last sheet of the surveys. She was actually rather impressed with them; getting an approval rating above fifty percent in the first month was nothing to sneeze at. Still, fifty-nine was a far cry from ninety-five, or Discord's self-set goal of ninety-nine. She levitated the final report to Discord.
“I'm forty percent short?” he asked, incredulous. “Just how the hay did Celestia ever manage such a ridiculous approval rating if ponies are so hard to keep pleased?”
Twilight pulled a fainting couch over for Discord, catching him on it just as he flopped back dramatically. He wasn't taking the news particularly well, but then, he had probably actually expected to be able to win Celestia's sucker bet.
“To be fair,” she said, “she did have the past thousand years of ruling alone to build that approval rating up. Ponies just aren't used to having anypony else in charge. Getting more than half to agree that you were doing a good job is really impressive, all things considered.”
Discord rolled over on the couch, perching precariously on the edge, and sighed. “Where did we go wrong?” he asked. “I thought for sure that we did everything right. How could anyone, pony or not, prefer Celestia over me?”
Twilight sat down next to him, holding up a glass of some sort of liquid for him. “Here, I turned some apples to oranges, and then squeezed them into a mix of lime juice and chocolate ice cream.” Discord managed a slight smile as he took the concoction.
Twilight floated over some old documents she had retrieved from the archives. “These are the lowest approval ratings that Celestia has had over the last thousand years. Look at her numbers for the decade after she banished Luna.”
Discord sat up, sipping his drink, and looked. The number on the paper almost made him lose part of his concoction. Almost. Some drinks just weren’t used for spit takes.
“Twelve?” he asked, staring at the page. “She had a twelve percent approval rating for the first year? And five for the third year... what did she do?”
Twilight looked up at him. “Other than banish her sister to the moon? She got drunk, a lot. She wasn't able to keep up with the strain of running a country on her own, even sober, and she was dealing with some heavy grief. That was why she created the noble caste: so that she wouldn't have to be the pony doing all the work, and so that there would be other ponies to blame for some of what was wrong in the country.
“You, on the other hoof, are a monster out of a foal's tale come to life, who swooped in and replaced the loved and respected rulers of the nation. Yet somehow, you’ve managed to get over half of the population to decide you aren’t too bad, after all. Celestia had at least been one of the land's rulers before she tried her hoof at ruling alone, so she had some measure of trust built up to start. Your record so far puts hers to shame badly enough that we could probably make a case for you winning the bet.”
Discord considered for a moment. “Neither of us specified when we were taking her approval rating from, but I'd imagine that more ponies would side with her than me for this. Still, it is something to gloat about, I guess.” He was smiling again, even if it wasn't from ear to ear.
“Besides,” Twilight commented, “after experiencing what it's like to be king, do you really want to keep doing this? The ruler of a country is in charge of putting the happiness of everypony else ahead of their own. At its core, the job is to be the upholder of order and stability for the entire nation. If you weren't trying to win a bet, you would have probably given up on this within the first five hours. Your basic nature is at odds with the job.”
He nodded. It was true that he hadn't much enjoyed the past month of work, even if he had found time for little pranks and jokes to keep himself sane. Without Twilight around, he wouldn't have managed it for anywhere near this long. However... “What about my part of the bet if I lose?” he asked.
Twilight simply smiled. “I thought you liked the evil genie routine. Even if you do lose the bet, there are loopholes everywhere to exploit, especially when it comes to your magic. The laws on magic use are intended for unicorns, not creatures capable of effectively altering reality on a whim. As long as there aren't too many ponies crying out for your head, Princess Celestia will just have to fume impotently while you do almost whatever you want.”
Ideas started presenting themselves to Discord as he thought back to all of the tricks he had seen from the nobility over the past month. His smile finally reached his ears as he comtemplated the freedom he would have after losing the bet. Compared to what he had survived as king of Equestria so far, it looked like paradise. Before he picked something to run with, though, he had an adviser to show his plans to. It was rather fun having somepony to appreciate his genius. Useful too, to have somepony who could think almost as deviously as himself. “Alright, my dear, I think I’ve got a pan. Here's what I'm thinking...”
---Canterlot throne room, just after the end of the month---
Celestia and Luna once more sat on their twin thrones, their crowns on their heads, and Twilight Sparkle at Luna's side. The princess of the night was wearing a pair of sunglasses left over from her vacation.
Discord bowed low to them, winking at Twilight as he did. “Ladies – oh wait,” he stopped and corrected himself. “Ahem. Your Majesties, I humbly admit my defeat in our bet, and relinquish the throne back to the two of you. I have seen that I am not truly fit for this sort of work, and so I shall leave it to the experts. I wish you luck in all of your endeavors, and offer my fealty as a mere citizen of Equestria.”
Celestia's jaw hung open slightly, and she looked like she was just waiting for the other horseshoe to drop. Discord could hardly allow himself to disappoint.
“I wish you particular enjoyment in your dealings with the nobility, balancing the budget, and all those other fun bits of ruling that I had blessedly forgotten about in my absence.” His grin nearly tore his face in half, and he wasn't even trying to hide his giggling. “I, on the other paw, claw, and hoof, will be starting up a business as an entrepreneur. Discord's House of Chaos, where ponies can come to escape the normal, the daily grind of work, and the need to watch what they do and say. I'm thinking of including an amusement park, a theater, and a nightclub, among other things. While you're stuck here working for an entire country, I'll be off being my own boss, thank you very much.”
That look on Celestia's face – the one where her jaw started trying to work, and failed – was worth every moment of effort he had put into the past month. He decided to poke a bit, and see what else he could make it do. “I do hope you enjoyed that vacation, Celestia, because I doubt you'll be getting any others soon.”
Was that a hint of jealousy that crossed Celestia's serene face? Pure dislike and hatred? Perhaps a touch of disbelief was spiked in with the other emotions. Discord dramatically raised his arms in the air, and confetti rained down from the ceiling. “Congratulations on your hard earned victory, my dear; I am vanquished fully and utterly. My paltry fifty-nine percent approval after one month of rule bows to your own experience and skill. My best wishes to you.”
He turned away from Celestia's increasingly unguarded and humorous expression for his Coup de grâce. “My lovely Luna, however, has not yet been properly compensated for her part in our game.”
Luna lifted her sunglasses, a hint of a smile on her lips. “Oh? I do suppose that my removal from the throne based on my sister's bet was an inconvenience. She should have consulted with me before agreeing to have you rule without me as well as without herself, even if you managed surprisingly well at things. Tell me, how do you plan to repay us for the inconvenience?”
“A lifetime of free admittance to my establishment, for you and your lovely adviser of course,” he proclaimed. “I expect that most of my customers will tend to frequent me in the evening and night, so you will always have plenty of company during the hours you are most frequently awake. It’s quite convenient that the government still tends to be its most busy during the day, isn't it? Unlike your sister, you'll actually have time to visit.”
Luna glanced surreptitiously at her sister, silently memorizing the contortions that her facial muscles were performing. “I believe that this is an acceptable gift, Discord. It sounds... fun. I shall visit sometime soon to see what entertainments you offer.”
Lastly, Discord looked over to Twilight. “Now, since this mess is over, would you mind telling me where you had the Elements hidden? I never did figure it out, and it's been driving me batty. Celestia never managed to keep something hidden from me for more than a few minutes, and you managed for a month. Where the hay were they?”
“Oh,” Twilight said, grinning sheepishly, “about that... I probably shouldn't tell you, what with them being your one weakness and all. You'd probably just try to steal them out of principle, even knowing that they weren't going to be used against you anytime soon.”
“Oh, so true. You know me too well, my dear,” Discord said with a laugh. With a final bow to his audience, he vanished in a flash of light, leaving the room once more confetti-less. Luna stood from her throne and trotted over to Twilight, a bounce in her steps. “Come, Twilight Sparkle. Though I am yet awake, the day is my sister's duty. Since I am so uncharacteristically awake, I desire for you to show me some of the day-life of the city. My sister will take care of reviewing your official notes on what has transpired over the last month, while you tell me the interesting parts over pastries and hot chocolate.”
Twilight looked at Celestia's face one last time. “Of course, Princess. I could never refuse a royal request.”
The two of them left the throne room, leaving Celestia sitting on her throne. The moment the door shut, she cast a silencing spell over the doors and windows, and then started exercising the Royal Canterlot Voice, as well as aspects of modern and archaic vocabulary not fit for a princess to use.
Discord's laughter rang through the room one last time, quiet enough to be lost in Celestia's ranting and cursing.