My Not so Little Wrecker

by Emperor of Jurai

Chapter 3: Well that Could have Gone Better

The odd sound of two sets of four hooves and one set of huge feet was all that was heard in the Everfree Forest, the sound only occasionally being broken up by the chirp of a cricket, a rib-bit from a frog, or a tweet from a bird. But for the most part the forest was quite silent as if the animals of the forest were unsure how to act with its newest visitor in their mist. Then again one could not blame them for the odd visitor was a nine feet tall bipedal being with huge hands and arms big enough to squish a pony with ease, then you add the fact that the creature had a huge broad chest, thick legs, and a thick neck well it was like a living tank was moving through the place. But of course a certain cyan colored mare would not make it known she too was nervous around the biped even if her skittish friend wasn’t bothered at all to show her own nervousness.

This tense atmosphere of course soon was going to drive Ralph insane though as it was tenser than when he said he didn’t want to be a ‘Bad Guy’ any more at the Bad-Anon meeting. As such he figured he would have to be the one to break the ice and so opening his fairly large mouth and showing off his row of perfectly flat teeth he then said.

“Soo…What do you little horses do around here…I mean are you just citizens, heroes, or what?”
“Ugh alright first thing is we are ponies, not little horses. Got it?” replied Rainbow Dash with a roll of her violet eyes.

“Alright alright, sheesh no need to get cranky about it. I don’t know much about…ponies, their not exactly common in a lot of games you know.”
“Whatever, anyway what we do is different for everypony. I mean just look at our cutiemarks and you should know tha-“

“Whoa whoa…cutie…what?” asked Ralph as his left eyebrow raised and the right lowered itself, his lips formed into a smirk of sorts from a mix feeling of confusion, disbelief, and amusement. This is expected when you tell a ‘Bad Guy’ about something as silly sounding as a cutiemark of all things.

Dash though reacted accordingly by planting her left fore hoof against her forehead and let out a groan of frustration before saying. “This isn’t going to work, I’m not Twilight. I don’t like explaining this stuff to others. Just let me talk and save the questions for when we get to Twilight, and then you can have the egghead explain everything to you okay?” She was able to get a response for that as Ralph had his broad shoulders lift themselves up in a shrug to show he could live with that.

“Okay now where was I? Oh right ya everypony has a different thing they do in Equestria, and like hay if I’m going to go down the list of things. But I can tell you what Flutter’s and mine are about. Ya see this,” Dash had stopped flying to now move her blue flank to nearly being right in Ralph’s face, causing the male to take a step back in confusion. She then used her left fore hoof to point at the strange mark she had upon it, the mark being a white cloud that had a rainbow colored bolt of lightning coming out of the bottom. “is my cutiemark, it lets everypony know my special talent is being the most awesomest flier in all Equestria!”

“So you went and got a tattoo….on your butt that supposes to let everyone know you are awesome?” Ralph was having a hard time taking this seriously as his eyes were just blankly staring at Dash with an unbelieving expression on his face. This caused Rainbow Dash to blush slightly and puff up as it was weird when he put it like that and insulting. But just before she could get into it with him again another voice joined the conversation and made herself known once more.

“U-um M-Mr. Ralph…Rainbow Dash didn’t ask for her cutiemark, no pony ever does. A cutiemark magically appears when a pony learns their special talent…m-mine is three butterflies and tells others I’m good with animals.” Fluttershy wanted to avoid the two fighting and had to get into the conversation to do so, but when both Ralph and Dash turned their heads to focus their attention on her she let out a little squeak and shrunk back a bit. Her face becoming hidden behind her long silky pink mane while her wings stuck to her sides firmly.

“Oh I get it some weird feature of this place…I can understand that. No weirder than the giant fruits in Pac-Man or the zombies in those zombie games I guess….but wow they are called cutiemarks? Heh…I think squirt would of fit in pretty good here.” Replied Ralph with a chuckle as he thought about how his little friend would act in this world, the little mental image a bitter sweet one as his eyes looked pained even as his mouth was in a small smile.

“Huh…wait you seen zombies?!” asked Dash with an amazed expression as she was sort of into all those weird things like Zombies, Vamponies, and stuff cause they were awesome enough to be in some cool books. But while she was excited by that Fluttershy was shivering in fear at the thought as had heard of those scary monsters before.

“What? Oh right ya I seen a Zombie, one of them was in the Bad-Anon support group I…” Ralph soon noticed that both ponies were giving him a confused look upon hearing what he said and as such he let out a long drawn out sigh. “And you have no idea what I’m talking about do you? Okay the Bad-Anon support group is where a bunch of ‘Bad Guys’ like Bowser, Dr. Eggman, Zombie, and myself meet up to talk and support each other. I mean being the ‘Bad Guy’ isn’t an easy job since we have to do bad stuff and normally get beat up by the heroes, so having others in the same boat as us helps you know? But ya I meet a bunch of weird characters in my line of work, and pretty much why colorful talking ponies don’t really even surprise me.”

Ralph felt he explained everything well enough in his own mind and upon seeing the less confused expressions upon the mare’s faces he was sure of it. He did however feel they needed to get moving once again so the large wrecker turned, lifted his left right leg, and started to move once more, his large frame pushing aside branches, weeds, and what ever else was in the way while Rainbow Dash flapped her strong wings to catch back up posthaste as Fluttershy took up the rear with her nervous hoof steps. But as the mare made her way through the scary forest with her friend and maybe new friend she did have something nagging at her mind and it wouldn’t go away.

“M-Mr. Ralph…I have an umm…question to ask you. Oh if you don’t mind me asking one that is…” said Fluttershy with all the conviction of a wet tissue as she watched Ralph turn his head to look over his shoulder at her. The only thing he did after that was give a nod of his head to show he didn’t mind her asking and made it clear he was listening.

“Oh umm well…I was just wondering. Who is this s-squirt you kept bringing up…b-but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to!” Fluttershy quickly added when she saw the pained look that Ralph got upon hearing the question. She then noticed Ralph’s huge form stopping and then turning to face her, and once again it was like facing a very big strange looking bear with him before her like that. Now she isn’t scared of bears but she knows to be cautious around them out of respect even if she knows them, but with Ralph it was so odd and it made her uncomfortable to have him staring at her like he was doing right now.

She soon noticed Ralph’s hands were reaching out for her and she quickly clamped her eyes shut out of fear he was going to hurt her, but she let out a confused squeak when she felt his huge hands move under her and start to lift her up. The meaty fingers of his feeling tough to the touch yet warm and slightly soft, she slowly opened her eyes to see Ralph had picked her up and was carrying her much to Rainbow Dash’s and her own confusion.

“It hard to talk with someone behind me and walk at the same time, so I’m carrying you for now is all.” Ralph didn’t think what he did was wrong and he made sure to be careful with the mare in his hands, his fingers letting him know the texture of Fluttershy’s coat and feathers as he held her. The sensation of the coat being soft and warm like a kitten’s fur while the feathers feeling so light and delicate made him a bit worried he was going to mess them up. But there was a calming factor too as he could feel Fluttershy’s gentle breathing through her torso and it was kind of nice in a way even if he wouldn’t admit it.

“Anyway…to answer your question squirt is just what I call a very good friend of mine; actually she was my very first friend. She even called me her hero once which is you know a big deal for a ‘Bad Guy’ because well not many like us even though what we do is just part of the job. But her real name is kind of long and I’m not use to saying it all so pay attention. Her real name is Vanellope von Schweetz….I just call her squirt since trust me if you met her you would know she isn’t really for fancy sounding stuff. Which is funny considering she is the Princess of Sugar Rush-“ Ralph would have continued on but soon enough he got cut off by Rainbow Dash suddenly getting in his face and making him take a stumbling step back into a tree.

“Hold up you mean to tell me you know a princess?”
“Well she actually chose to be called President instead, because she doesn’t like having to wear a dress or all that royal stuff. But ya what of it?” replied Ralph with a hint of defensiveness as he didn’t like that tone of voice Dash was using while using his right hand to brush off some leaves and twigs that fell on him and Fluttershy from bumping into said tree.

“I don’t know what the hay a President is but really…you a bad guy knows a princess? What did you meet after kidnapping her?” Was Dash’s response while flashing a grin at him, it was obviously a joke on her part as there was no malice in her tone.

“Right…I wreak things, I don’t kidnap princesses. That is Bowser’s job not mine. Also she isn’t even from my game anyway; she is from another one called Sugar Rush. Now can we just skip all this and focus on getting to either Twilight or the Princess you brought up…after we get to one of them then you can annoy me all you want okay?” said Ralph with a tone of exasperation as he really wanted to get on with this as time was of the essence.

Rainbow Dash would have tried to continue the conversation anyway but soon enough was silenced when she caught the pleading look Fluttershy gave her. The mare’s soft turquoise eyes looking right into Dash’s fiery violet orbs and almost wordlessly asking ‘Please listen to him Rainbow Dash.’ Now RD prides herself on being a stubborn and tough mare but she always was a bit of a softy for Fluttershy, but then again she knew almost everything had a soft spot for the butter colored pegasus so it didn’t bother her as much. As such she rolled her eyes and gave a curt nod in agreement to Fluttershy before switching directions to face away from her and Ralph to lead the way once more. The trio moving through the forest in comfortable silence with only the sound of nature and a few snapping twigs under foot being heard.

As the whole situation in Everfree forest started to settle down more or less. Back in Ponyville things were a bit different as the resident party mare was currently having a mostly one sided conversation with everypony’s favorite wall-eyed mailmare. The conversation mostly consisting of Pinkie Pie mouth moving a mile a minute and talking about things ranging from Cupcakes, muffins, pranks, the theory of alternate realties, and of course parties. That is until her signature Pinkie sense started to go off with a rather odd little combo of her left front knee twitching, her cute little pink nose gaining an inch, her right ear suddenly starting to flop, and then the finisher was her entire body suddenly starting to shake like a vibrator for a whole two seconds.

“Umm…Pinkie what does that one mean?”
“I don’t really know Derpy, I never had this combo before. Hmmm I mean I know the first three mean I’m about to meet somepony new! But I don’t know why my body shook…that only for my super rare maybe scary maybe not doozies!”
“Oh maybe…the new somepony is a doozy to meet?”
“Hehe oh Derpy how could somepony new be doozy worthy? Unless they are like some huge super duper large alien monster with big sharp teeth and got a little mouth inside its bigger mouth! Oh oh I gotta get the girls, thanks for the help Derpy!”

Now Derpy would of given an awkward and slightly confused ‘you’re welcome’ to Pinkie but it was left to die in her throat as all she had in front of her was now a dust cloud vaguely shaped like the pink mare. The dust created slowly fading away and leaving the Mailmare alone with a perplexed expression if only for a moment, the look went away though soon enough as she passed it off as Pinkie being Pinkie. She did how ever make a mental note to pick up her daughter Dinky from school personally instead of letting the filly walk home today…no sense taking chances with Pinkie senses. With her thoughts cleared and her day still full of work Derpy took flapped her wings and took to the skies once more, narrowly avoiding a face on crash with another pegasus that was flying over head as well.

Thankfully for a certain trio the travel through the Everfree forest was finally nearing an end, the trees starting to now spread out enough to allow rays of sunlight to shine between them. The change in scenery being more important for Ralph and Rainbow Dash than Fluttershy, but then again the little mare of kindness was kind of enjoying the whole getting carried around thing. It just made it all the more clearer to her why her little furry friends enjoy her carrying them around so much, though she did figure it would have been more enjoyable if it wasn’t awkward as it is. Either way Rainbow Dash flew up ahead with little worry about the other two getting lost so close to the exit, as she wanted to see the sky and fly around again since the Everfree is not a good flying zone under the treetops.

“Come on slow pokes, I’ve seen snails move faster than you two!”

“Must have been some pretty fast snails then…” said Ralph in a muttering tone that only Fluttershy could have heard, causing the shy mare to giggle only slightly.

“What did you say big nose?”
“Didn’t say a thing loudmouth.”

Luckily by now the two have learned the name calling was not in spite but just how they were going to interact and even Fluttershy figured it was nice they were being so casual to one another. Or at least she thinks it was nice but then again as long as they were not fighting she didn’t mind it. Her thoughts on the whole matter fading away when sunlight shined upon Ralph and herself after making their way though the tree line and back into the open fields and rolling hills that surround Ponyville. But while the mares had expressions of calmness and joy at being out of the forest, Ralph was simply staring out ahead at the fields and hills in appreciation, the rich green grass and bright blue sky making it clear this was a safe place and calmed his worried soul.

“Wow this place is really…bright and colorful. Don’t get me wrong I like it a lot better than the gloomy forest but still wow going to need time getting use to this.”
“What do you mean, is your home kind of dark and gloomy then?”
“What? No, no it isn’t like that at all back home. I mean the place is colorful too but not THIS colorful is what I’m saying. The colors here just kind of scream…’be happy and peaceful’ with how bright they are. A good thing I guess but still different to me.”
“W-well umm I hope you come to like it Mr. Ralph…and could you m-maybe if you like…put me down now? Only if that is fine with you that is…”

“Oh right right, ya sure one second. But call me Ralph okay…Mr. is just too formal for me.” Responded Ralph before he slowly lowered his large arms toward the ground and carefully released his grasp around Fluttershy’s form to place her on the ground. Once that was done he took time to stretch his limbs as he didn’t get to do that last time and also take notice that his nose was finally turning back to its normal color. His tree trunk size limbs moving up over his head to stretch toward the sky while his fingers rolled up to form fists as well, the sound of a few joints popping into place being made as he did this as he let out a long satisfied ‘Ahhh’ at the heavenly feeling of a good stretch.

Dash felt Ralph had the right idea and started to stretch out too since her body was still charged with pent up energy from not being able to move freely in the Everfree forest. Her small blue wings spreading out as far as they could to work out any kinks in them, before she started to stretch out her legs and bend her back much to Ralph’s amusement.

“Heh well looks like even spunky can be cute, stretching out like a big blue cat.”

“…W-what? Hey I don’t do cute bub!” yelled Rainbow Dash with a very faint blush on her cheeks, the mare quickly flapping her wings and getting right in Ralph’s face. Her nose pressing against his own as she glared at him in indignation before saying “The most awesome flier in Equestria only looks cool not cute, the only cute one here is Fluttershy!”

“…Ohhhh so you think Fluttershy is cute eh…well guess your mane color fits you perfectly then. Glad to hear…gay pride.” Said Ralph with a troll like grin on his face at the fact Dash gave him a perfect little opening to tease her with, but even if it wasn’t just a slip of the tongue on Dash part and his tease was true. He really wouldn’t care one bit about it since eh if she likes mares no big deal.

Dash of course didn’t realize her mess up till it was too late and her face turned red at the comments Ralph threw her way and even more so when she looked over at Fluttershy. The mare currently taking great interest at looking at the grass with her face mainly hidden behind her mane like a shield, but even still Dash saw a blush on Fluttershy’s face so it just made the situation all the more embarrassing and awkward. As such Dash’s face grew redder and redder till finally she just opted to try and hide the embarrassment behind bravado and mild violence.

She turned and pulled her left forehoof back before swinging forward toward Ralph’s face, the attack mainly to give the wreaker a right good smack up side the head for the comment. But Ralph was ready this time since with Dash so flustered he figured she would do this and as such his right hand reached up and grabbed the mare’s body. His large fingers wrapping around Dash and holding her with ease as he pulled her away from him, the swing of hers missing his face by inches before he watched her counter this turn of events rather awkwardly.

“H-hey let me go! Grrr I’ll get you for that rocks for brains! As soon as I get out I’ll make your face black and blue!” yelled Dash in a voice that was having a hard time not cracking and keeping a confident tone. Her left and right forehooves mindlessly swiping back and forth at his face and only hitting air at the moment, much to Ralph’s amusement as really this pony while annoying was pretty fun.

“Ya ya calm down why don’t you, I was just joking around with you. I’ll agree Fluttershy is the cute one in our group, now are you going to stop swinging at me air head?” asked Ralph with a smirk on his face to show he was indeed joking around with her. The only response of course being Dash crossing her forehooves over her chest and giving him a glare before nodding her head in yes to the question. The mare’s body being able to move freely once again upon Ralph’s strong grip around her loosening enough for her to fly again. Dash did give one last glare at the wrecker before letting it go and moving over to check on Fluttershy. Who had by now was so embarrassed as well since she wasn’t use to hearing others call her cute though she was flattered at the same time.

All in all things were going quite well so far for Ralph all things considered or at least he thought so till he heard a yell in the distance and turned his head toward it to look. In the distance he saw four other ponies of different colors coming toward him rather quickly for some reason, but soon one of them stopped, tossed something red in the air, turned around, and then bucked it with its rear hooves. Now why the pony did that he did not know nor did he know why the red thing was getting bigger so quickly…then it hit him. Oh how it hit him as the red thing which he realized was an apple smashed right into his face upon his tender nose, causing Ralph to let out a cry of pain as his eyes slammed shut to keep crushed apples from getting into them.

“YAHAHAOWWWW! RIGHT ON MY NOSE! WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE NOSE WITH YOU PONIES?!” yelled Ralph in well deserved anger as his large hands quickly shot to his face to cover the once again abused nose.

Unfortunately that did leave him wide open for the follow up attacks of his aggressors as he suddenly felt something loop around his body and tighten up around him. It took him a moment but he figured it was a rope of some kind and it had his arms pinned to his body with them still bent at the elbow as it was when he covered his face. This did make things a bit difficult now and it only got worse as he was unable to see the pony that kicked the apple at him charging toward him due to his hands being in the way. As such upon having the pony impact against his stomach he let out an ‘Oomph’ before falling backwards like a tree in the forest.

“Timber!!” cried out a bubbly energetic voice as this happened before the resounding thud of a nine feet tall biped falling on its back was made. Ralph was soon subjected to the feeling of more rope being used to tie up his legs and his arms some more till really he couldn’t move easily. Sure he could break out with his strength but really he didn’t want to risk another hit to the face if he did so he kept still. This was a good move on his part as he heard Rainbow Dash yell out.

“Applejack, what the hay?!”

There is Chapter 3 everypony, I hope you like it and for those that tried to get me to be a super writer...I'm sorry I just couldn't do it. Every time I tried I kept getting locked up so I am going to just have to stay at this level of writing if I want to get this done, forgive me please but hey at least I'm giving out something that is moderately good I hope for a quick read. I doubt I can make those 10,000+ word post some can make anyway even with enough time.

Oh and yes I kinda left this on a cliff hanger since I want to deal with the others seeing him for the first time in Chapter 4. Furthermore with a stunning total of 2 votes =w='...it has been decided to make Ralph appear during Season two at some point after the Discord debacle. Got a problem with that? Well blame yourself for not voting.