I excitedly remove the wings from the burlap sack, and place them down on the table before me.
In all honesty...
I'm rather disappointed.
"Wow," Twilight breathes over my shoulder. "Look at all the wires..."
I shrug. "This isn't a very good design...Without nano-fiber technology, it won't make much of a pull when it flaps..."
Twilight looks to me in confusion. "Nano-fiber? What's that?"
"If I had it," I mutter to myself, ignoring the unicorn's question, "I could possibly make a carbonic structure using polycarbonate cable as the frame instead of this clunky-ass aluminum..." I flip over the wings, and examine the electronics. "Admittedly, the use of brainwaves to control and power it is impressive, but...It would benefit from a power distribution board, as well as a CrIO. And as for a power source, couldn't you make a power source through magic?"
Twilight thinks it over, then nods. "Yeah, I guess I could."
I nod as well. "Perhaps we could use a type of pneumatic tungsten carbide cable as the muscles of the wings, so that we wouldn't need motors..."
Twilight nods, as well, and we both turn as an impatient Pegasus descends the stairs to Twilight's lab. "Guys, c'mon, the dinner Spike made is getting cold. Seriously, all you've been doing since we got back here is fretting over that thing. It took you two hours just to get the tools ready, you geeks."
Twilight blushes, and I grin in pride. "Once a geek, always a geek," I declare. "Although, I prefer 'nerd'. I'm more of a nerd kinda guy."
Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes with a grunt. "Just...Hurry up, I'm getting tired of waiting for you two..." And, with that, she departs, leaving the lavender unicorn and I to our own devices. And device.
"I'd say that food is more of a luxury," I remark. "But, we won't get anywhere with this right now, not without the proper supplies. We'd better eat, we can draw a design after, and I'll explain each of the things I was talking about."
"And all of human history?"
I sigh, already halfway up the stairs as Twilight asks that pesky question.
"In due time, Twi', in due time."
With that, I hoist myself up the stairs, and join Rainbow and Spike at the dinner table.
"Looks better than the crap they had at the Wonderbolts," I remark, using my fork to happily consume the pasta before me. "Just wish you guys had meatballs...Now that would be welcome..."
Spike raises an eyebrow at me. "Does all human food have such weird names?"
"Well," I say, after swallowing, "we have this stuff called tofu. That, and we have more food names because we eat meat. Like, y'know, dead animals?"
Spike begins to choke on the gem he's eating, and Twilight immediately uses magic to perform a ghetto-ass Heinrich Maneuver.
"You eat what!?" Rainbow cries, after spitting the water she was drinking out. "How could you do that!?"
"Well...A majority of meat is kosher, which means that the animal died of natural causes before its meat was sent to the market. Plus, we have machines that slice and dice the meat for us, so we do it via having an advanced society. And we're omnivores, so, yeah."
"But aren't animals your friends?" Twilight asks. "I mean, I could never bring myself to harm a cow..."
"Yeah, well, on Earth, animals are just that. Animals," I explain. "They have a profound lack of intelligence. They do not have language, yet they do have emotion. They're incapable of forming a society, and a majority of them hate humans because we intrude on their territory. They do not rely upon logic, but rely upon instinct. And we keep them in farms and ranches. And we get some pretty fucking amazing food from them, such as hamburgers. Man, I would give for some Five Guy's right about now..."
I look to the two ponies and dragon before me, and realize that they're not eating whatsoever.
"Lemme guess, I spoiled your appetite?"
They all nod, and I sigh. "Sorry."
"So...You don't have pets?" Rainbow Dash asks quietly. "Do you just kill every animal you come across?"
"No," I respond immediately. "We have pets. We have dogs, cats, lizards, birds, chinchillas, ponies, horses-"
"Hold up," Rainbow interrupts. "Did I just hear 'ponies and horses'? You keep ponies and horses as pets?"
I chuckle lightly. "Well, the ponies back home aren't like you guys," I explain. "They're just ponies. They don't...talk. Yes, they're beautiful animals, and so are horses, but they're not nearly as intelligent as you. The only animals on Earth that come near human intelligence are monkeys, chimps, apes, primates in general, and dolphins, oddly enough."
Rainbow Dash sighs, and pushes away her food. "I'm feeling a bit tired, I'll be in the guest bedroom..."
"Want me to go with you?" I ask, worried that I had somehow scared her.
"No, I'm fine. You and Twilight can keep finagling with the thing Tech gave you."
I nod, and place my fork down as I finish the pasta. "So, Twilight, are you going to finish your food now? Or do you want to eat it later?"
"I...I think I'm going to go sleep," Twilight responds, giving me a strange glance. "I don't want to think about how you slaughter innocent animals..."
I frown. "I don't slaughter animals," I complain. "I could never bring myself to hurt an animal, anyway..."
"That's a comforting thought," Twilight responds, "but not enough to make me have any more respect for you."
I watch her in surprise as she departs, walking up the stairs with Spike close behind her.
"Uh...Sorry," I call after her.
"Good night, Peter."
I sigh, and bring the dishes into the kitchen, tossing the pasta into the garbage can in the corner. I quickly wash them, and then dry them, placing them in the strainer next to the sink.
"Well, this is a hole that I'll have a hard time climbing out of," I mutter to myself as I carefully enter the guest bedroom. Rainbow Dash sighs as I sit down on her bed, and rest my hand on her side.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Nah, I'm good," she responds. "Just don't stab me in the middle of the night, alright?"
I chuckle to myself. "I make no promises. And besides, I'm pretty sure you'd enjoy me eating you, Dash..."
The cyan Pegasus blushes, and rolls onto her chest. "Don't even think about it, bucko."
"Don't worry, I'm not," I reply. "I don't know why you'd ever think I'd want my dick in this," I remark as I grab her hindquarters. She yelps in surprise, and kicks at me with her hind leg. She catches me in the gut, winding me as I pull back in pain.
As soon as I get my breath back, I ask, "what the hell? Why'd you kick me, asshole?"
"You grabbed my flank," she mutters, burying her face in her pillow. "I panicked..."
I pat her on the back, still panting as she squirms away from me. "It's okay, Dash...I shouldn't have touched you like that; not so early in our relationship."
"Oh, stop being such a pussy, Peter," she sighs. "I swear, half the time, I forget who's the mare here..."
I chuckle, and she pats on the vacant spot next to her on the rather large bed. "C'mon, lay down. We have to share the bed, 'cus this is the only spare bed that Twi' has."
I sigh, and lay down on my side, facing away from the cyan Pegasus. I grab the blankets, and pull them up to my neck, burrowing into the pillow. Of course, by now, I've already taken off my shoes and whatnot, so there's no need to worry about getting the bed dirty.
Within five minutes, I have my iPad on the bed and my Bob Marley headphones plugged in, snickering at the Markiplier videos I have saved on this rectangle of wonderful things.
I decide to take a gamble, and go into settings. I turn wi-fi on, and, lo and behold, I find something.
It's named "External_Connection". I'm assuming that, since I'm technically in heaven, God decided to give my iPad the ability to tunnel through...something, and find an external Internet connection. It's all very convenient.
So, I go into my browser, and load up YouTube, silently cursing iOS 6 and its removal of the YouTube app.
And it's pretty damn fun. I mean, I haven't indulged in YouTube since I was on Earth, so being able to use the Internet here is a very welcome concept. Of course, right now, I'm running the risk of waking up Rainbow Dash, and-
A very disgruntled, pissed off Rainbow Dash interrupts my video-watching.
Speak of the devil, and he shall come.
"Peter, turn that shit off and go to bed!" She hisses, her messy mane bobbing up and down as she speaks. "I'm trying to sleep here, asshole!"
I nod, and quickly lock the iPad and place it on the floor.
"Sorry," I mutter in apology. "Goodnight."
"Fuck you," she growls, before turning over and flopping down on the mattress. I sigh, and lay down, closing my eyes as I attempt to sleep.
However, Rainbow Dash is not going to be so kind tonight.
"Hold me," she commands, turning to face me. I turn to face her, and raise an eyebrow at her.
"Well, that's touch-feely of you," I mutter. "I'll oblige, but why do you want to snuggle so much? Can't get enough of this?"
She rolls her eyes with a grunt. "No, I've got quite enough of you, thank you very much. But I can't fall asleep, and maybe being close to my boyfriend will help me in that regard."
I nod, and open my arms for her. She immediately lays down right next to me, resting her head on my chest as I wrap my arm around her. She nuzzles me softly, and I feel a fuzzy feeling where she lays.
"This is nice," she comments. "I could get used to it."
I smile at her, and pat her on the side, rubbing her foreleg as her breathing slows, and she calms substantially.
"Yeah, so could I..."
She snickers. "Man, I could get you to do anything. You're like my own little bitch, eh?"
I look down at her, and I'm about to debate her on it when she climbs up, and leaves her lips tantalizingly close to mine.
"Admit it, and I'll give you a goodnight kiss," she teases.
"Okay," I sigh. "You could get me to do almost anything..."
She giggles lightly, and gives me a quick peck on the lips. "Told you you're my little bitch," she floats, before putting her head back down on my shoulder. "Good night, Peter...If you're good, I'll give you a good-morning kiss..."
I roll my eyes, but smile nonetheless. "Good night, Dash."
She nods. "See you in the morning...Bitch."
I laugh softly, and close my eyes.
And in what seems to be a grand total of three seconds, I'm opening my eyes in a groggy stupor.
I look down at Rainbow Dash, who is still sleeping soundly, her head resting on my chest. I reach down, and flip open the Smart Cover of my iPad. I look at the time, and it is apparently 6:38 in the morning-the same time I've gotten up for High School over the past three years.
I flip it shut, and yawn as I stroke the cyan Pegasus' mane, marveling at how, even when they mix, the colors in her mane remain distinct and vibrant.
Well...Might as well go back to sleep. I mean, fuck it, I don't got to be awake right now.
Yeah, I don't need to be awake.
Uhhhh...Yeah. I can go back to sleep. It's the hypest shit.
Hmm...I said, I can go back to sleep now, thank you very much!
I can sleep now, just - God fucking damnit, why can't I fall back to sleep? And why am I wide fucking awake!?
I sigh, and snuggle up against Rainbow Dash, focusing on how weak and aching my bones are from yesterday. I've seriously got to sleep, I did a lot of stuff yesterday...Well, compared to every day in my life prior.
Speaking of which, maybe I should start working out soon. I mean, I'm going to be doing more physical activity than ever soon, so I may as well get to the point at which I can keep up...
Oh, great. I just had to think of that, didn't I? Now I want to get up and get a head start on it.
Hey, that's not a bad idea...I could just get out my iPod, strap my headphones on, get my shoes on, and go for a morning jog...I mean, I used to live in Brooklyn, so it wouldn't exactly be unusual for me. Hell, I'm used to getting up at two o'clock in the morning to make it to a robotics meeting...
Alright. I've made up my mind. I'm going to sneak out of bed, whilst not waking up the sleeping Pegasus, and I'm going to go for a morning run. Might even swing by Sweet Apple Acres.
So, I slowly and carefully place Rainbow Dash down on the bed, and stand. I reach down, get my headphones and my iPod, and leave the guest bedroom.
After leaving a note on Twilight's writing desk, I get my shoes on, and leave the library, stretching as I walk out into the fresh, morning air.
In all honestly, it's nice out. It's not cold, but there is a defining nip in the air that wakes me up, and shocks my senses. It's quite exhilarating, actually.
I quickly construct a playlist out of my favorite energetic songs, and put it on shuffle. The first song that plays is "Bloody Tears," which is the theme song of "Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest". For those of you who are uncultured bastards of technology.
After I finish stretching (trying to work a kink out of my shoulder), I begin to jog, the upbeat music driving me along, making my heart beat like a crazed man at a drum. With ten cans of Monster emptied into his gullet. And steroids in his bloodstream. And ponies in his BRAINZ.
I make sure to keep on the outskirts of Ponyville. I may have confidence, but it's actually gut wrenching for me to do this, because all I think about while I do this is:
What if somebody thinks I look stupid?
What if somebody thinks I look weird?
I should stop and go back to the library, the ponies probably think I look super weird...
I should stop, I look weird.
However, as I had trained myself to do long ago, I push that voice to the back of my head, and don the mask I've worn since Freshman year. I continue on, telling myself that I'm simply a man determined to stay in shape.
As I jog, I steadily gain speed, and the song changes to "Critical Mass", a jazz piece by Jeff Jarvis.
I hum the Second Tenor Saxophone part to myself, which I know because I play the tenor, as I run, breathing heavier and heavier as my low stamina takes its toll.
So much for swinging by Sweet Apple Acres. I can barely even run halfway around Ponyville without getting tuckered out...
As I run, I reflect upon life, and its enigma of mysteries. I lose track of time as I continuously run by buildings, always taking care not to stray too far away from the small town.
I stop to rest, and realize that I'm a bit tired.
In fact, I'm incredibly tired now. I look back, expecting to see that I'm right by the library, but I'm wrong.
I'm actually right by Sweet Apple Acres!
I check my iPod, and I'm shocked to see that it's seven fifty. I've been running for at least an hour now, and I've gone through enough songs on my iPod for it to have been an hour.
I pause my iPod, and lower my headphones to my neck. I have no doubt that either Big Mac or Applejack are awake right now, so I walk under the sign, struggling to catch my breath as I proceed into the farm.
"Oh, hey, Peter! Ah didn't expect t' see ya out this early."
I turn with a smile, and wave. "Good morning, Applejack," I respond. "I normally get up at this time for school, so I decided to just take a run instead of going back to sleep."
Applejack nods, and points a hoof at a bale of hay. "Why don't yah take a load off? Yer' lookin' might tired."
I nod in gratitude, and flop down in the hay. It feels like heaven as I sink into it, panting as I struggle to regain my breath.
"It's quite a long jog from Twi's library t' here," Applejack points out. "Yah' should be happy that ya' could do it."
"Yeah, well," I say, struggling to speak past my panting, "I'm not used to being active. I normally just sit in front of a computer and type all day, I don't usually do...Things. Like...On most days, I barely even leave my own house, besides to go to school. And walking between classes is the most exercise I get..."
I chuckle at my own life of sloth, and Applejack frowns at me. "Well, now yah can get t' be a bit more active. Maybe even get some muscle on them bones of yer's."
I laugh in response. "Doubt it...I'm going to spend the majority of my time working on these wings that a unicorn gave me for the next few weeks. Need to get some nano fiber, or maybe just vinyl fabric...then I need some polycarbonate and tungsten cables..."
The work pony simply nods with a small "uh-huh." I laugh at how lost she is, and take a deep breath. I've finally recovered from my exertion, but I'm still pretty damn tired. I haven't even had breakfast yet...
I point this out to the work pony with a small chuckle, and she looks as though she's been slapped by a giant hand.
"Well, why didn't yah say so! Come on in, Granny Smith is makin' pancakes. Apple Bloom and Big Macintosh are already waitin'. Uh, Big Mac is mah brother."
I nod, and, dragging myself off of the bale of hay, I follow her inside, and into a room that smells distinctly of cooking batter and burning wood.
"Finally done with the early mornin' work, sis?" I hear Apple Bloom ask. "Oh, haih Peter! Make yerself at home!" She cries excitedly as she sees me. I smile at her, and walk over to take a seat next to the filly.
"So, is this the Peter that yeh' told me about, sis?" Big Macintosh asks. I know he has a deep voice, but whoa! Talk about a baritone!
"Yes, I am," I respond, extending my hand. "Nice to meet you." He shakes my offered hand with a hoof, and even though it's only two shakes, I feel like my arm has been torn out of its socket.
"Likewise," he responds.
"So, this is th' young man that yer' friend Rainbow has got a hankerin' fer'?" Granny Smith asks as she turns around, balancing a shaking plate of pancakes on her head. I smile, and greet the aged mare. "He seems nice!" She says to Applejack, who merely smirks at me. She probably already knows that Rainbow and I are together, somehow.
As the aged mare walks, she wobbles, and I immediately rush over to assist her. "Hey, let me help you there," I say as I grasp the plate of pancakes, and support her on her walk to the table. "Don't want you to fall and break your hip..."
"Why, thank you," she says as I pull out a chair for her. "Yer' a very kind young man."
"It's just common courtesy," I respond as I place the plate of steaming pancakes down on the table. "Without it, what would this world be?"
The old pony nods. "And yer' wise."
"Nah," I say as I sit. "I merely base my questions upon those who are wiser than me, so I can find the knowledge I desire."
The old mare smiles at me, and seems to be at peace for a few moments, before crying out, "enough chit-chat. Pass the pancakes, and let's dig in!"
And oh, dear lord.
I wish I had dug in, per military terms.
It is chaos. Absolute chaos.
Even Apple Bloom is faster than me at getting a pancake. I finally mange to snag one, and get a tiny bit of syrup on it, laughing all the while.
"You guys don't kid around with your breakfast," I remark as I eat.
"We need our energy," Applejack responds through a full mouth. "Or else we can't buck th' trees!"
I nod, and place my fork down as I finish my single pancake. "Tastes good," I remark. "Really soft and fluffy. The syrup also tastes a hundred times better than the syrup back home...It's all manufactured, unless you specifically buy Maple syrup..."
Applejack simply grunts, and the other ponies ignore me completely. I shrug, and get a second pancake on my plate, which I promptly down. I leave the last pancake for them, as they need it more than I do.
I wait refuse the last pancake when it's offered to me, and Granny Smith gladly chomps it down, removing her false teeth when she's done and placing them in a small glass of water.
"Thank you for breakfast," I say as I stand, and push in my chair. "Would you like any help with your dishes?"
Granny Smith gratefully accepts my offer, and I help her to clean up as the three others go outside to work.
"Thank you for having me," I call out to Applejack as I leave. She nods, engrossed in her work as I begin the walk back to Twilight's library.
As I walk, I pass Fluttershy's cottage, and I just so happen to see the butter Pegasus tending to her animals. I shrug, and decide to pay her a visit.
I debate on how to proceed, as I don't want to scare the timid Pegasus. So, I leisurely stroll in, careful to avoid stepping on her plants and small animals.
"Good morning, Fluttershy," I say, slowly and softly. I take care not to say it too quickly, and not to say it too loudly. Being an introvert myself, I know how to deal with Fluttershy.
"Oh, good morning, Peter," she says in return. "How are you?"
"I'm fine," I respond, crouching next to her to examine a small Chinchilla. "You?"
"Oh, you know, just tending to the animals...I've named this one Devil."
"Good name," I respond with a small chuckle. "I have a Chinchilla back home. Her name is Luna. No, no relation to your Princess, just to clear it up. They are devils...But they're adorable devils."
She nods, and I hook my finger under Devil's chin. The small Chinchilla immediately tilts its head, and moves its arm so I can keep scratching it in that spot. Fluttershy releases a small noise that I can only assume is adoration.
"He's so cute," she whispers, looking at my hand enviously. "Makes me wish I had fingers, so I could see his cutie-wootie face like that..."
I chuckle lightly, and stand, letting the chinchilla scamper off, hopping and sniffing at everything.
"I just came from Sweet Apple Acres," I point out as I join Fluttershy in walking amongst her animals. "Breakfast there is freakin' crazy..."
She giggles, and I shy away from a hole that seems markably suspicious. As I do so, a small snake slithers out, and snakes its way along the ground.
"Snakes are freakin' awesome," I comment, watching the little critter slither away. "As long as they're not trying to bite me."
Fluttershy sighs. "They're actually quite nice, they're just very territorial."
"As every animal is," I point out. "Especially humans. One Muslim walks into an American airport, and BAM! Instant freak out."
She doesn't laugh. Instead, she looks at me in confusion. "Uhh...Sorry, I don't get your joke...If that's okay," she whispers. I shrug.
"Doubt you'd understand," I reply. "It's fine. It's an Earth thing."
She nods, and we walk along in silence. This silence carries on for about ten minutes, during which time I fish for a topic of discussion.
I try out a few as I try to get to know the timid Pegasus better. However, she manages to get out of conversation by saying things like "that's nice," and, "okay." In all honesty, I'm getting sick of it pretty fast.
"Okay, Fluttershy, if you're not going to say anything, I'm just gonna go, because I don't mean to intrude upon your schedule, alright?" It's hard to keep the sarcasm out of my voice, but I manage to do so. Like a mask, I slide the portrayal of being an outgoing, friendly human over my face.
"Okay," Fluttershy responds. I sigh, and turn away, walking back towards the library as I put my headphones back on.
I press play, and Drowning Pool floods my ears as I jog back to the library. I can't hear anything outside of my music, my heart beating, and the thuds of my sneakers against the ground as I quickly accelerate into a sprint, and then go full throttle, running as fast ask I can possibly go.
After a few seconds of this, I have to stop, and begin coughing like crazy. I know what this is: years of inactivity and allergies have let phlegm build up in my lungs. It seems as though now, I'm finally starting to get it out.
I spit out several gobs of phlegm-all into a bush, where nopony will ever see it, so I don't end up causing offense-and take a deep breath, enjoying my somewhat-liberated lungs.
I immediately begin sprinting once more, eager to get out more phlegm this time. It feel exhilarating: my lungs are free to take in as much was they possibly can, with no restriction whatsoever. Okay, there's still restriction due to the phlegm lining my lungs, but less than before. It feels great! Almost like a weight has been scooped out of my lungs. Which it has been.
Have I mentioned that I have phlegm in my lungs?
I open the door to the library, breathing deeply thanks to my lack of phlegm, and step inside.
"Oh, Peter," Twilight says. "You're back from your jog. Rainbow is still asleep, if you want to talk to her. But...I think you should take a shower first. You're all sweaty. And maybe leave your clothes out for Spike to wash?"
I look down at my clothes, and grimace. "But these are my only clothes," I protest.
"Yeah, but surely, you can just put it away, right?"
"Is Spike around?"
The lavender unicorn looks at me in confusion, but I repeat the question.
"No, he's still sleeping," she replies.
"I have no penile shaft. My penis is always out, albeit flaccid. If I were to take my clothes off, you would be able to see it, along with other things. I cannot hide it with a tail, nor can I simply tuck it away. It's there, and the only way to make it 'hide' is with clothes."
Twilight blushes, and looks down at my crotch for a few moments, then quickly back up at me.
"Well," she says, "I'm sure Rainbow would like to hear that..."
I shrug, and point to her horn. "So, could you wash my clothes with magic real fast?"
"I am not some kind of servant!" Twilight shouts in protest. I shake my head, and raise my hands in surrender.
"I never said you were," I respond. "I was just hoping that you could speed it up. That's all."
The lavender unicorn sighs, and nods. "Alright. Leave your clothes outside the bathroom door, and I'll wash them."
I nod. "Thanks, Twi'. I'll be right back down. But first-do you have body wash? Or soap? Because, unless you haven't noticed, I have a profound lack of fur and or scales. And feathers."
She nods. "I have a bar of soap on the sink. Just use a washcloth, okay?"
I nod, and hurry upstairs, immediately finding the bathroom and the linens closet.
I leave my clothes outside the door, per Twilight's request, and step in the shower. It's a very nice shower, and it's not too cold, and not too hot. So, it appears that Equestrian inventors have managed something that humans never could: they made it fully possible to make water for a shower exactly in between Devil's Piss Hot and Arctic Cold.
As soon as I'm done using the washcloth to, well, wash myself, I dry myself with the towel I prepared, and, wrapping it around myself, step out to see if Twilight's done yet.
"Peter? I finished washing your clothes," she calls up as she hears me open the door. "I left them just outside the bathroom door."
I look down, and grab them. Once I've clothed myself, I throw the towel and washcloth into a hamper containing other such things, and I walk downstairs to sit at the table.
"So, I went to Applejack's," I tell Twilight. "Breakfast there is pretty crazy..."
Twilight chuckles as she places her breakfast on the table. "Yeah, I had to try all the food there when I first came to Ponyville...I felt like I was going to give birth to a food baby."
I chuckle, as well, and shake my head at the door leading to the bedroom I'll be sharing with Rainbow Dash. "Is that asshole still asleep?" I ask, chewing my nails thoughtfully.
"Yeah, or at least, she hasn't come out yet," the unicorn responds.
I stand, and, with a mischievous smile and a crack of my knuckles, I enter the guest bedroom, ready to stir up hell.
As I enter, I find that the cyan Pegasus is simply snoring away on her stomach. I longingly look at the soft pillow and the warm sheets, and realize just how great a nap would feel right now...
I yawn, and notice how weak I feel. So, I carefully lay down next to Rainbow Dash, and pull the sheets up to my chin. I let my shoulders sag, and I quickly fall asleep, my laziness taking its toll in coordination with the jog I had earlier.
Ugh, I swear, man, physical activity...
I should follow my own advice from now on: I could go outside, but why bother when I have a perfectly outside inside inside the outside of the inside of inside? Inside.
Anyway, I'm asleep now. Please leave a message after the punch in the face, because I'm not going to wake up for you, asshole.