Okay. Let's see if I can get this one out a little faster...
Also, a shout out to GeodesicDragon. Read To Learn is Human. I think Cheerilee with a human could be quite interesting and I hope to see more.
Now if anyone reading this hasn't read that or his 'To X is Human' series, you should.
----
“You know we need to get you a name. Human name, I mean.” Kyle said as he watched the road, Twilight nodding beside him.
“I know. But my name is who I am.” Twilight replied. The two were taking his Aunt's (Now his) white van back home. He was running an errand for his boss; dropping off a couple boxes of books to a friend of hers who lived out of town. He had asked Twilight to come along with him mostly to get her out of the house. While he was still wary of letting her loose in public he felt a change of scenery would do her nice.
And with open fields on one side and British Columbia's rich forest on the other it seems it's done her some good. She'd point at the deer that would walk along the ditch or the eagles soaring above them. He did his best to answer her questions about the local fauna and flora, but neither was his strong suit. This was the first time on the trip she wasn't looking out the window.
“Relax. I got it covered, Twila.” Kyle smiled, looking at her from the corner of his eye.
“Twila?” Replied as Kyle nodded, looking back at him confused.
“You can spell it with a 'y' or an 'i'. Looked it up online last night. English origin and it means, no duh, twilight.” Kyle said, smiling back. “So if you call yourself Twila Sparkle you won't be lying and you won't stand out. … Unless someone wants to ask you about the Twilight book series.”
“Read it. I mean I compared it to normal Vampire mythology.” 'Twila' replied, tapping her chin. “I mean why couldn't the author just say they weren't vampires? Just some other made up creature. Or gave them at least some classical weakness like, I don't know, silver? Garlic?” Sighing she shook her head, looking back out the window. “And I honestly don't know why she would fall in love with a... Well...”
“Sparkly creature?”
“I was going to say stalker...” Shaking her head, Twilight smiled before spotting something. “Whoa, stop! Stop the van!” She called out. Looking over Kyle saw her look, not panicked more curious. Slowing the van he pulled onto the side of the road.
“What's wrong?” He asked as Twilight undid her seat belt, rushing out towards a barbed wire fence. Exiting the van himself he walked out after her.
On the field, gathered near the fence was a herd of cattle, the farm animals munching on the grass idly. Twilight stopped at a fence post, holding onto it as she called out. “Excuse me. Do any of you talk?”
It took ten seconds for a moo to be heard. None of the creatures even looked at her. “Twilight? What are you doing?” Kyle asked as he finally caught up to her. His understanding was that in her world of Equestria the cows did talk.
That would make for some... interesting conversations if he ever met one.
“Come on...” Twilight pleaded, her voice cracking slightly. The cows offer no reply as she stepped back, her fingernails glowing as she brought up her hands.
“Twilight!?” Kyle exclaimed as she thrust her hands at the cows which glowed for a quick moment. After awhile a cow lifted it's head.
“Grass... Tasty.”
“No....” Twilight let off as another cow repeated the sentiment. Her head slumped down, shoulders sagging. Kyle came over to her, setting a hand on her shoulder.
“Twilight... What's wrong?”
“I... I just... I thought...” She let out before swallowing. Her body shook a moment before she shouted out five simple words. “I want to go home!”
“Oh, Twi...” Kyle said, puller her to him. Her face buried into her chest as she sobbed hard, hands gripping his shirt, tears flowing.
The cows paid them no mind. “Grass... Green.”
----
After getting Twilight to undo the 'Cows Talk' spell they drove off the highway onto a dirt road. Kyle remembered it fairly well, it lead to a path people went down to hunt deer. Before that it had been a logging road. He had parked just off to one side so any traffic coming could get around before asking Twilight to join him in the backseat.
The last girl he had in the backseat was his ex-girlfriend. A lot of heavy petting went on there once but no sex.
That was... in the past.
“Okay Twi. What's wrong?” Kyle asked softly, wrapping an arm about her shoulders. Since they left the cows she had her head hung low, racked by the odd sob. He didn't know why the cows set this off exactly but all he knew was that couldn't have been the reason for the breakdown.
Maybe the straw that broke the camel's back though.
“Sorry, I'm... It's just...”
“Don't be sorry.” Kyle said, squeezing her shoulder gently. “You have nothing to be sorry about. You are a stranger in a strange land. I'm not blaming you for being scared or sad over this. In the opposite situation I'd be freaking, I'm sure. I'm here for you, you know that.” He spoke in the most soothing tone he could.
“I know, and thank you...” Twilight replied, swallowing before looking up at the van's ceiling. “I guess it just... Hit me. I mean, I knew everything here was different but I just... Wrote it off. Nopony controlling the weather? It's like the planet is the Everfree Forest. TVs and computers? Just... technology Ponies can come up with someday when we advance further. But... cows not... talking... It's scary for me. It just makes me think... Can I... Can I really get home? Because... If I can't... Oh heavens, all my friends must be so worried for me now and--”
“That's enough, Twilight.” Kyle said firmly. “You know you can do it.” He reached down with his free hand, grabbing her own and giving it a long squeeze. “You got here. You can get back. I know it won't be easy for you, but you can do it. You. Can. Do. It.”
“...Thanks...” Twilight sniffed slightly, rubbing at her eyes with a forearm before looking up at him. Her eyes were slightly red, but there was a soft smile on her face. “I... Just, I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have you. Thank you.” Reaching over she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug he returned quickly. “Thank you.”
“Felling better now?”
“Much. … Kyle... There's something I know will seem odd, but I want to try it.”
“What is it?”
----
Taking in a deep breath she looked down at it as it sat on the kitchen table as if to challenge the thing to mortal combat.
It had no eyes, so was unable to stare back.
Two buns topped with sesame seeds. Between them lay onion, pickles, ketchup, mustard, a sauce of some sort and a patty.
Made of beef.
Cow.
Stupid, unthinking cow.
“You eat it. Not the other way around.” Kyle said as he sat down across from her at the kitchen table.
On the way home she asked to get a hamburger, just to try it. After all she was an omnivore at the moment. Eating meat was... just part of life.
Still the thought of eating something that was alive...
Well... She ate fish once. That was alive.
If you want to be technical, the vegetables she ate lived once.
In a way all living things ate living things. So what was different about this?
Aside from the fact it was meat.
“You don't need to force it, Twilight.” Kyle said, leaning his forearms on the table. “I know it's different but--”
“I know, Kyle. But I can smell it. It smells good. To a human nose this smells delicious.” Twilight explained as she picked up the hamburger in her hands. An A&W Mama Burger. “Besides, I want to experience being a human, right? Well... This is part of that. And... well... here we go.” She opened her mouth wide and lifted the burger to it. Once insider her waiting orifice she hesitated. She looked nervous and Kyle was about to speak before her mouth shut, shearing bread, vegetable and meat. The chewing started.
To Twilight it had been as if Pinkie Pie had set off fireworks in her mouth followed by a party cannon full of tasty. The chewing became more vigorous as her eyes lit up, a smile coming to her lips.
Kyle blinked as he watched the girl before him enjoy her first taste of meat. “I have created a monster....”
----
Dear Princess Celestia
As I mentioned earlier, ponies on Earth are animals, much like pigs and chickens back home. The same holds true for cows, deer and other such species on our own world capable of speech, higher thought processes and reason. As much as I hate to say it one of the most popular human foods is beef or cow meat.
I had seen Earth cows earlier. Even after I used a spell to let them talk none could form a sentence. They could only string two words together. It was a kick in the gut for me to realize just how different our two worlds are on a fundamental level. It's frightening almost.
Despite how much we look alike, we are so different from the ponies here. These ponies have smaller eyes that are further apart and a large muzzle. They are a little taller, but not as much as horses. The biggest differences are in colors. Ponies here come in browns, blondes, whites and blacks, maybe a few others, but no blues or bright yellows and oranges. No reds, beyond muted hues. No greens or purples. So alike, but so very different.
Which is probably why humans don't really feel bad about eating them. Cows at least. Horses and ponies, in this part of the world, seem to be off the menu from a history of companionship with humans, like farm dogs. To a human eating a horse is something you do not do save in an absolute act of desperation. And as Kyle pointed out, if the situation is so bad you have to eat your horse then food is the least of your worries.
But I digress. I've done something very human, and very un-pony. I have consumed meat.
I believe I mentioned already that protein is a necessary part of a human's diet and mostly this comes from meat. I remember how you once said that if you could be a griffon for a day you would eat meals of meat for that day. I remember being horrified at the thought, it wasn't long after I began studying under you after all so I was a silly filly. Then you explained that such a thing is not evil, merely something different, something ponies should learn to tolerate not because we want to keep the peace, but we need to understand other beings. Wolves hunt, bears hunt and manticores hunt and none of them are evil. Why would griffons be different?
So I asked why you would eat meat? Remember what you said? “To know. To understand. To accept.”
I put it off for awhile, but now I know. I understand. And I accept. But I will warn you Your Highness, meat is very delicious to the human tongue.
I can't explain the taste really. It's like roasted daffodils but less sweet with a hint of something I can't really put into words. In fact I can't explain the taste of meat beyond that; I have nothing to reference it to. If you took a pony who had lived without eating an apple once before giving one to her and asking what she would compare it to, could she?
According to Kyle a bit of a joke in trying something new or exotic is to declare that it 'tastes like chicken'. For supper we had chicken.
If I find anything else that does taste like chicken I'll bring it up.
The most common sources of meat here come from cows (And I really still wonder sometimes if the cows will suddenly evolve the ability to talk tomorrow), pigs and chicken. Other animals include lamb, turkey (Particularly around the holidays), buffalo (Again, they are just animals here), rabbits (Fluttershy would faint) and deer (Same as cows).
There does seem to be some humans that decry eating meat, mostly centered around two groups; PETA and the ALF. I don't know much about either group, but Kyle doesn't seem fond of either one.
That will be all for now. I am very scared as I write this that I might not be able to get home, but I will do my best. If you get this then you know I am on my way.
I miss you. I miss everypony.
Signed Your Faithful Student
Twilight Sparkle
x---x
Sighing she set the newest letter in the folder before looking down at the trunks Kyle let her use. It was only the first step and she needed more things to make it work. Summoner's salt for enhancements which, unsurprisingly, did not exist here, but with her own magic and coarse salt she could make it easily enough. Gemstones to focus the enchantments, which would be harder as they were far rarer here than in Equestria where even an idiot could find some if they dug around long enough. Applejack even passed a few gems she pulled out of her farm to Rarity and the farm was not even close to a hotspot for gems. The other issue was she needed two stones big enough to focus the magic needed for the spell to work. Alicorn was a possible replacement as was jade, obsidian and moonstone but the first was rare in Equestria and fictional on Earth.
Oddly, on Earth alicorn was what mythology said a unicorn's horn was made of. It was, in fact, a reinforced bone with magic manipulating nerves in it and colored to match the skin. Alicorn, in Equestria, was an old word in a pre-unification dialect meaning 'Perfect Spell' originally given to minerals the unicorn tribes mined in those days that were charged with natural, wild magic. Unicorn, by contrast, meant 'Rising' or 'Learning Spell'.
Still, even if she stumbled over alicorn on Earth she'd have to spend at least three weeks of her time removing it's magic before she could add her own. Still, if you were willing to take the time nothing held a spell like alicorn.
Her only option left was, well, quartz but on Equestria it was very rare to find anything sizable. What was the chances of finding a big enough piece on Earth, let alone two?
“Ugh, I need a break.” She let off, standing up and walking out of the room. Her travels lead her to the kitchen and the fridge. Opening it she looked about and pulled out something from a package.
A pepperoni stick. Looking it over she bit into it. Eyes widened and a smile came to her.
That was the beginnings of a good break...
----
And that's a chapter. For the record I don't have a definitive subject for the next letter, but I'm pondering between television, computers, holidays and war (What is it good for!?).
...Why do I think that admitting to that will end up with me bombarded by suggestions?
Also, the chapter name is a reference to the Arrogant Worms song, I Am Cow.