12. – Dr. Whooves’ Townhouse
(While Pinkie, having lost conscience again, lies on the office table of the doctor, he himself paces around, accessing the situation of Applejack, Rarity and Fluttershy)
·Whooves: Again, young miss: Why did you bring her to me?
·Applejack: Well, yer’ called Doctor Whooves, so ah figured that you’d be the best person to truhst Pinkie to.
·Whooves: Well… I really am not sure if I am… qualified to medically treat your friend!
·Fluttershy: But aren’t you a doctor?
·Whooves: Rather! *beat* With which I mean, that I am simply not acquainted with Equine… ahem, I mean general biology.
·Rarity: So you tell us you are not a qualified doctor, and yet you’re called doctor?
·Whooves: It is… perhaps more of a nickname. And apart from that; being a doctor does not automatically make me a medical practitioner.
·Applejack: Enuff big words, doc; Pinke Pie here guht hit on the head preddy hard, and we have ’ta be off to some reeeely importn’ bizness.
·Whooves: Hit on the head? How on earth did you manage to hit your friend on the head?
·Applejack: Twasn’t us! It was one of ‘em ‘umans!
·Whooves: Hu… Did you say “Humans”?
·Fluttershy: Yes. You wouldn’t believe it: I found that poor creature lying in the woods, being attacked by that vicious cockatrice! I could save him in the nick of time…
·Whooves: Human? Really? Ha, now that is rather a fortunate correlation, innit?
·Rarity: What do you mean, doctor? Have you ever seen a human before?
·Whooves: Not… directly… no… I know them from… tales! Just old tales…
·Rarity: Well, doctor, we happen to be on our way to warn Princess Celestia herself of those dreadful creatures. It seems like those savages are sitting somewhere in the woods, planning to rob and plunder, or even worse!
·Whooves: Do they, those... silly sods…
·Rarity: Pardon me?
·Whooves: Ah… nobody. Nopony, that is… So, a human knocked out your friend? ... What did he do that for?
·Applejack: Beats me. He wuhs just no friend of nopony.
·Rarity: He had even dared to threaten us! In Fluttershy’s own house! After Fluttershy saved him, no less!
·Fluttershy: Well… it was just something small I did…
·Rarity: Don’t be modest, Fluttershy! This was just one thankless creature, I can tell you! No appreciation at all!
·Whooves: Well… alright, my young friends. I shall commit to your friend, after all, it does not seem too bad, I guess… Now, you just find that human and… if the possibility is there… perhaps show him to me?
·Applejack: Sure, doc. Better spread the word tho’. Dere’s more of ‘em ‘umans comin’ dis way, too! Acted all calm and affable, mahnd you, but dey wanted to speak wid Celestia personally. W’ve gotta warn her quick!
·Whooves: Well, I am certain that there is no reason to panic, is there? I am certain that those humans are perhaps only adventurers… looking for adventure. *under his breath* And are simple-minded at best!
·Rarity: Doctor! I find it very difficult to believe that they are not just some cowardly thugs and slavers! Just like in the stories!
·Whooves: *laughs nervously* Well, haha, I would not jump to pre-emptive conclusions if I were you. I am certain they don’t strive to split the sky open or anything like that…
(Speaking of the devil, a murderous, yet distant, echoing roar-like growl in the background makes the character shudder. Doctor Hooves opens one of his windows (which he usually kept behind curtains most of the time for some reason) to see what was going on. He spots, far above them in the sky, a fighter jet scout breaking through the clouds)
·Pilot: *into the radio* Master; Thatch here, 23-58-22l; current position 139200 ft NNE of Break Point Bravo. Overflying Tango November 3. Golf Foxtrot not sighted; Alpha Foxtrot not sighted. Charlie India Victors, dispersing on ground. Over.
·Lead: Master here; Roger, Thatch. Abort at 1530 hrs, return to formation. Preparation of S-2. Over.
(Back on the ground)
·Whooves: *snarkily deadpan* Well, by Jove.
·Applejack: Waddin’ tarnation is dat?!
·Whooves: Well, it may be those humans of yours.
·Fluttershy: *intimidated by the growling* What?! How…?
·Whooves: A fighter jet- *stops abruptly; corrects himself* With which I mean;… I have no faint idea what that thing could be… Perhaps a… rather large and loud bird?
·Fluttershy: Do you mean dragons?
·Whooves: *beat* Perhaps…
·Rarity: We have to go, and go fast! Before those humans beat us to it!
·Whooves: Well, humans are never really fast in anything… *beat* or so I have read. Quite depressing, actually.
(Pinkie comes around. She raises her head from the table, as if she were really drunk. She looks at the doctor and then at her friends)
·Pinkie: Wazzup, Applejack? Uh, my head feels like a squeaky doll.
·Fluttershy: *with much relief* Oh Pinkie Pie! *hugging her* We were so worried that he hit you too hard!
·Pinkie: Oh, *lunging for air* its cool that you worried about me.
But… who are you?
(There is a moment of complete silence. Everyone stares at Pinkie in the deep shock of the moment)
·Whooves: What… did she say? Oh, this isn’t good…
·Rarity: Oh, no! Pinkie…
·Fluttershy: *tearful of fear* Pi… Pinkie?
·Pinkie: *in a sudden change of mood* Ha! Gotcha! You, like, fell for the oldest of ‘em! You really thought that a smack on the head would make me forget everythi-
·Fluttershy: *hugging her even harder* Oh, thank goodness you are alright! We were so unbelievably worried!
·Applejack: *pushing her head in place out of relief* Well, by Granny’s hip, dat was a close wun. O’right, fellas, lets go and get dat scamp who holed up my hat.
·Pinkie: *ready to get up, but sees Applejack’s hat* T’heeheehee, “holed up”…
·Applejack: No, Pinkie. Lah back down. You’re hurt. Ledde doc take care of ya.
·Whooves: On the other hand… hoof… you maybe go right with your friends, Pinkie. I see that you recuperated rather speedily. *assuming a rushed official stance* According to my diagnosis, you are... well. *opens the door down the stairs* Let us go now, miladies.
·Applejack: Ya… really sure she’s fine?
·Whooves: Of course! Can’t fix her any more! Now let us go… This will get extremely fascinating…
(He hurries through the door of his practice, outside)
·Rarity: Doctor!
·Whooves: Allons-y!
·Pinkie: Come on, you heard him! Lets find this meanie-pants human. Alone Zee!
·Rarity: Let us better go, or else those two will run off as well!