//------------------------------//
// Ch 5: In which hi-jinks ensue  
// Story: The Many Tales of Pipsqueak and the Pirates 
// by Muleicous 
//------------------------------//

	“You can’t just keep me here!” Diamond Tiara yelled from the brig of the Shadow Mare, “I’m a kid!”
“Yer a loud mouth’s what you are.” Spot replied. The first mate had the ‘honor’ of guarding the prisoners tonight, and seeing as there was only one it seemed like it would be an easy job. However, from minute one of her imprisonment, the pink earth filly never seemed to shut her trap. She complained on and on about anything she could get her hooves on. First it was that the bench was too dusty, then it was that she was allergic to the bars (which was a complete lie), and now it was that she was too young to be thrown in the ship’s prison. “I’ve ‘ad it up to ‘ere with you girly.” the pirate dog pointed to the top of his head, “Now, for the sake of your bloody princess, shut up!”
Spot turned to look at the small pony, but regretted it instantly. Tiara’s eyes were big and filled with tears as she met the hulking Diamond Dog’s gaze. She began to whimper, and her lip trembled like a house in a bad storm. “Oh, come on now... No need fer tears.” Spot said, holding up his paws as if he were blocking an attack from the rich filly.
“Y...you... YOU’RE MEAN!” the pink school filly shouted as tears erupted from her eyes. The first mate stumbled back from the shock of Diamond’s cry, and watched as she began to shed more tears than a lobster at a seafood buffet. At this point, the blue coated Diamond Dog was at a loss, he had no clue how to handle this situation. Spot had dealt with crazy bounty hunters, giant sea monsters, and even the occasional rival crew at times, but this filly! This little girl was supposed to be nothing more than another ransome to him, yet Spot couldn’t help but feel sorry for the tiny, apparently tear filled, thing.
“Now now girly, it’s ok. No need to cry, it’s not like we’re gonna hurt ya.” Spot kneeled down near the cell, but kept his paws up incase the filly wanted to try and hit him. “Well we be wanting is yer daddy’s money, after that we might be shovin’ off.”
“Sh...Shoving off? W... With Pipsqueak?” the tiara-less filly asked.
“Well... Aye.” Spot answered, a little confused by the question, “Ye be his wrench?”
“W...Wrench? WRENCH!?” Diamond screamed, glaring daggers at the large beast. “How dare you call me a wrench! I am Diamond Platinum Tiara the Third! One of the richest fillies in Equestria! I am a lady, thank you very much! And I will not have some sniveling, slobbering, sickening, oversized, overweight, idiotic, lazy-eyed brute like you undermining that! Do I make myself clear!?”
“Yes ma’am!” Spot said quickly, saluting much like he did when the Captain rung him out. Unfortunately for the first mate, Capt. Guld had decided to check the brig at just that minute. The angry look on Guld’s face could’ve sent even the bravest of Princess’ Celestia’s personal guards into a state of pure fear.
“SPOT!” Paw T. Guld yelled, causing his underling to drop his paw and turn slowly, trembling as he faced his captain.
“A...Aye sir?” the first mate asked, his voice quiet as a mouse.
Guld walked right up to the larger dog, his eyes burning like embers as he growled at Spot. “You call yerself a pirate.” the Captain began, “All ye had ta do was watch one little filly while me and the rest of the crew thought up a way to get the ransom note to her father... A job so simple, so easy, that even a great dunderhead like you couldn’t be founderin’ it.” Guld too a deep breath, and continued, “However, it seems that I be wrong about one thing. Yer not just a dunderhead Spot, do you know what y’are?” Capt. Guld paused and gave his first mate enough time to shake his head, “YE BE THE KING OF THE DUNDERHEADS!” 
The Captain quickly took off his hat and slapped his first mate with it, causing the larger dog to flinch. “Now unlock that cell, ye mangy mutt. Ye be sittin’ in there with her, I’ll send Pip down to watch ya. At least he’s made more of a contribution to our cause then ye have... Dunderhead.”
Spot followed his captain’s orders to the letter, unlocking the cell and quickly getting in before relocking it. The Diamond Dog then tossed the keys on to the jailer’s table with ease, before sitting on the dust covered bench next to Diamond Tiara.
“That guy’s kind of a jerk.” Tiara said to her new cell mate.
“Aye,” the first mate nodded in agreement, “but he be the best sailor in the Equine Mane, and he be the captain.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Diamond said, curling up on the hard wooden seat, “daddy does silly things too, but ponies listen to him ‘cause he made a little store into a chain of supermarkets.”
“Lass?”
“Yeah Spot?”
“What be a supermarket?”

***

Pipsqueak had been half asleep when a loud cheer came from his living room. “The crew must’ve thought of a way to get the note to Rich without being seen.” the Trottingham foal yawned as he got out of bed and headed down to what the pirates were now calling their meeting room. As soon as the small colt entered the room, his ears were assaulted by the sounds of an accordion wailing. In Pip’s eyes it was too early to celebrate, but with all the Diamond Dog’s dancing the foal couldn’t help but join in. The smell of grog and ale filled Pipsqueak’s nose as he spun around, the crew cheering him on as he danced to the odd shanty playing. The words echoed in his ears like an old lullaby:

Whether ye be a banshee, or just a bloody ghost
Anit none of ye be frightin’ as the Cappin’ that we boast
His eye be black as jet, and his teeth be sharp as blades
His name be Paw Guld, and he’s killin’ them in spades!

Suddenly, a door slammed open and the music stopped, leaving Pip dancing and spinning to the sound of silence as Capt. Guld walked up to him. 
“Lad... Lad. LAD!” the captain yelled, causing Pipsqueak to stop and fall on his plot, “Lad, Spot be a worse dunderhead then even I could imagine, can ye go down to the brig and make sure he and the loud lassie stay locked up?”
The small colt stood and saluted to his captain, “Aye,aye!”
“That be a good boy, oy!” Guld said as he turned to the rest of his crew, “Roguefeather, get yer flank over here and go with Pip, that’s an order.” As Pipsqueak made his way to the door, the red maned pegasus with a battle scar across his eye followed him out.
“So, how’s it feel bein’ Guld’s new favorite?” the slaty pegasus asked. Pip looked at the older pony’s flank and spied a pair of sabers, crossed in battle as his cutie mark. Marcus Roguefeather was the Shadow Mare’s weapon specialist, and even Pipsqueak remembered the stories of how the battle hardened pony had went head to head with Guld multiple times before joining the crew. 
“It’s not too bad.” the cabin boy replied, adjusting the bandana on his head.
“Aye... As long as ya stay on the old bastard’s good side, right?” Roguefeather laughed as he and the foal headed down to the brig, unaware that behind them in the shadows was a small spy, getting ready to free her friend.