Why should I start this story at the beginning or the end? That’s all been done before; have you ever read a story inside out? I suppose not, for the sake of preserving your sanity, although I’m not sure why you would want to keep such a boring thing, I shall begin at the beginning.
If you don’t understand me then stop standing under me, if I still don’t make sense it’s because I make bits but don’t blame me you’re the one that clicked on this story. Ponies always talk about Pinkie Pie breaking through the fourth wall, shoot I can’t tell if this is a cartoon or real life anymore.
It all started when I was skipping happily through the poison joke or was it when I was stumbling for my life through the burning Everfree? Please forgive me as an immortal all my memories tend to blend together, maybe I’ll just settle for telling you a story at a time but then again maybe not.
I always enjoy seeing the look on your face as you read this, don’t turn around now I’m right behind you! The reason I’m right behind you is because you turned around to check, well maybe you didn’t, if not you’re no fun.
Despite what ponies may tell you I do not hate Equestria nothing could be further from the truth ponies are too uptight around here. What is hilarious to one is offensive to another nothing I do will ever be accepted by everypony, part of the reason I act the way I do is that I gave myself to making ponies laugh but they never truly appreciated it.
I remember one talented cello player specifically. You may know her a beautiful mare in her right, long lustrous black mane and tail, grey coat, and deep purple eyes, classiest mare you’ll ever meet, a nice pony, and a natural on the cello to boot. I swear she was born with a bow in her hooves the way she plays, funny that her cutie mark is a treble clef when cellos are played in bass clef. If that’s not discordant slap my flank and call me Octavia, because that’s the mare I’m referring to, silly filly Trixies are for foals.
Now yours truly went down to Ponyville I was looking for a soul to steal I was in a bind cause I was way behind and I was willing to make a deal. When all of a sudden I come across this mare on the cello and playing it hot so I jump right up on a hickory stump and I say, “Girl let me tell you what I guess you didn’t know it but I’m a cello player too and if you care to take a dare I’ll make a bet with you. Now you play a pretty good cello girl but give Discord his due, I’ll bet a cello of gold against your soul because I think I’m better than you.”
Now she said, “My names Octavia and it might be a sin but I’ll take your bet and you’re going to regret because I’m the best that’s ever been.”
Octavia rosin up your bow and play your cello hard cause Tartarus broke loose in Ponyville and I’ll be dealing the cards. If you win you get this shiny cello made of gold but if you lose then I will take your soul.
Well I opened up my case and I said, “I’ll start this show.” and fire flew from my fingertips as I rosined up my bow and I pulled the bow across my strings and it made an evil hiss then a band of Changelings joined in and it went a little something like this, insert epic cello solo.
When I finished Octavia said, “Well your pretty good old son, but sit down in that chair right there and let me show you how it’s done! Fire on the mountain run colts run, Discords in the house of the rising sun! Chicken in the bread pan picking out dough! Granny does Wynona bite? No child no!”
Then I bowed his head because I knew that I’d been beat and I laid that golden cello on the ground at Octavia’s hooves.
Octavia said, “Discord just come on back if you ever want to try again because I told you once you son of a gun I’m the best that’s ever been!” She played, “Fire on the mountain run colts run, Discords in the house of the rising sun! Chicken in the bread pan picking out dough! Granny does Wynona bite? No child no!”
Ah good times, it never gets old losing to somepony truly better than me. What, you thought I hated being sealed in stone? Au contraire mon Cherie, all part of my plan, I’ve been around for long enough that if I really wanted to I could turn Equestria on its head for an eternity, and yet, it is so beautiful without the touch of chaos.
Truth is stranger than fiction, likewise Equestria without me can be just as chaotic. So if I am the villain it is because ponies see me as the villain. I could just as easily be the Canterlot court jester and the funniest creature in all Equestria it’s all a matter of perspective.
I mean just look at all the fan art, stories, and music, to tell the truth I’m flattered. Now if you’ll excuse me that angry little brony Pony Bones is trying to strangle me for posting his My Little Pony pictures on Facebook.