//------------------------------// // Awakening // Story: Foal Necromancer // by Kytranis //------------------------------// My own breath leaves in a choked sob. I don't know where I am. I take a breath and it comes in raggedly. Was I crying? Am I still crying? My eyes are in pain... how? I don't have any! I focus for a moment, and it makes sense. My soul... my very soul is in agony, and my flesh and bone can feel it. They're gone... and I am alone... When I was a child I was only noticed due to my burgeoning necromancy. I had five siblings, I was the third born. Jacob was second after David. Following me was Cary, Michelle and Danielle. Did they pass on hating me? Are there people out there who just hate me by instinct? By some half remembered memory? I really messed up... how the hell could anyone mess up this badly?! It doesn't seem possible... but it damn well happened. No wonder Elysium rejected my presence, I have no right to so much as visit any paradise. “Are you awake now?” A gentle voice asks and it takes me a moment to place it. It's Luna. “No.” I say not really ready to talk... and then I try to hit myself for being such an idiot, but I seem to be tied up. Literally. “It wasn't your fault. You only did what you thought was best.” She says and I perk up as anger courses through me. “What!? How... how do you even know what I did!?” I demand furious. Has she been in my mind again? “Dreams are part of my power. I was worried about what was making you cry... I'm, so sorry.” she says and I realize where I am. I'm tucked under her wing and leaning against her. I try and untangle myself from the blanket I'm wrapped in. “Yes, I'm sure you are. I'm also fairly certain that you are glad that I have nothing left to hold onto to resist whatever game you're playing.” I say bitterly as I get loose and stand up. She's gone from the side and now face to face with me. At least I think she is, the headband is still around my neck so I can't see. “Is it really so hard to believe me when I say I care? Is it really so unrealistic that I would be concerned for my adoptive foal?” She demands with a furious undertone. “Yes! It is! Others have tried similar bullshit in the past! There's also no way in hell you could really know me! Do you have any idea what I'm like? Memory Reading doesn't tell you that. Aura reading doesn't tell you that. Mind Reading doesn't tell you that. It makes no sense at all for you or anyone to care for a stranger as much as you pretend to!” I accuse her and she withdraws a little. I take this time to wrestle the headband from around my neck to around my eyes again. Everything becomes visually clear again... strangely enough Luna doesn't even look angry. She looks pensive and a little... hurt... oh great, now I feel guilty. I also now remember that I'm dealing with a GOD... I emotionally hurt a god. This is going to suck. “That was mostly directed to yourself wasn't it?” she asks me and I flinch... I didn't know my family anywhere near as much as I should have. They were almost strangers to me. Especially my siblings, I only knew the basics of their personalities and names. Now... I never will... and it still hurt so much to lose them. My legs collapse out from under me... hunh... I didn't know I'd stood up. Makes sense though, it is a basic reflex. “I... I barely knew my family... I even forgot my parent's names and now... it's too late. It... shouldn't even be possible to screw up that badly.” I say muttering almost into the mattress. It feels very different, it's probably Luna's. I haven't payed much attention to the room. She sweeps up beside me and I don't even try to pull away as she cuddled up next to me. Part of me, the small near powerless child wanted nothing more than to grab onto Luna and scream in pain. It was so tempting. I've been alone for over a century and now... it hits me square between the eyes. I hate feeling weak. It only invites pain. “We don't choose who we love. You loved your family for the unconditional support they gave you. Their actions, ineffectual as they were meant the world to you.” Luna tells me and my head slouches until its fully on the mattress. The wing comes over and covers everything but my head. “I love you because I admire you, I relate to you, I pity you and you need all of it.” she says and I look up with an eyebrow raised. Pity? Pity?! Am I so pathetic that I get by on pity!? I don't need pity... “Not like that.” Luna says as I turn away in disgust. I glance back. “You've been through worse than I have. So much worse... and you survived and grew stronger. I pity what you have been through, I feel wretched that somepony has gone through worse than I have. Yet, you never ever descended. You never went down to their level. Not one preemptive strike, not one case of torture. You stood stronger then I did. I admire that.” she tells me as she nuzzles me. I sigh in defeat. “I'm not going to be able to change your mind on any of that am I?” I ask. I just don't have it in me to fight right now, I feel like I've fallen down a mountain, bouncing all the way. Luna's warm and her wing is soft. I lean into it. I've rested, so I'm not mentally tired. But my body and soul are exhausted. I reach out with my soul to force it to stretch a little. It tends to help with the healing to be a little active. Oh crap... Luna's hurt and it's probably my fault. Staying on the good side of a god tends to be wise... “I'm sorry...” I say meekly, I'm not really able to get any other tone up with how exhausted I am. I get a nuzzle for this. “We all do things we regret when we're hurt.” Luna says serenely and I nod at that. Basic wisdom there. “You don't have to answer... but... when was the last time you were safe and whole?” she asks me and I sigh to myself, and think. Nothing. Only the most vague memories from when I was a child. When I was still with my family. The family that no longer exists... “A hundred and fifty years ago...” I mutter to myself barely able to believe it. Wow... just wow. Luna tucks me in a little closer as I take stock of my physical situation. I'm hungry and my bowels are... let's call it uncomfortable. I feel like my face is bruised... probably due to crying so much and I feel... something in my eye sockets... I guess my new eyes are growing in. With a bit of concentration I can actually feel the empty strips in my wings where I'm missing parts as well as the absence of my horn. It's so disquieting to be able to feel that you're literally incomplete. “How long was I asleep?” I ask curious as to how fast my metabolism is. She titters a little. “It's the next day, just after sunrise.” she tells me and I nod. So it's about the same as before. “I uhm... I kind of need to use the lavatory...” I say embarrassed to reveal that to someone. I glance up at her as she nods and helps me up. A door opens at the other side of the room. I can see the toilet and sink from here. “I'm sure you want some privacy in that regard.” she states and I nod gratefully. I slowly cross the room the feeling of exhaustion increasing as I walk into the strangely fancy lavatory and close the door behind me. Why would it need to be made of polished marble and silver? Just get something easy to clean, the purpose of the room is filth why would you mix wealth in? The toilet took a bit for me to get up to the right level. A rather annoying reminder of how small I am. I choose not to dwell on what I'm really doing but suffice to say... the smaller changes to my body make even basic actions a distressing experience. I won't dwell on it but to put things simply... that felt WEIRD. With that blow against my humanity finished I clean myself off before washing my forehooves. Celestia had insisted on it... but I walk on the things anyways so... oh who cares. It's like good manners. I can get things with it but it costs practically nothing. A few moments later I walk out of the room, lighter but the burden of grief once again fully upon me. Focusing on the smallest of actions and the environment is both a great distraction and a way to stay alive. It is hard to sneak up on someone staring at the entire room at once and focusing like a madman on any movement. Something that no less than three guilds worth of assassins and thousands of thieves have learned. It was always funny to pretend they weren't there and start tossing things casually over my shoulder, pretending to be a little crazy and trying to hit them blind every time. I actually ended up with fairly good over the shoulder aim, and more than a few would be killers and thieves dead by a dirty hunk of crystal charged with a death spell. I'm at Luna's bed again and I climb up and onto it. I then walk over and slump down next to her, she want's to be comforting? Fine! Let's get some comfort. I really freaking need it... and something to drink too. Preferably heavily alcoholic. “Any hopes for the day?” She asks me gently and I think for a moment. “To find the wine cellar and to begin emptying it.” I say plainly not even trying for any harshness anymore. “With how small you are you're liable to kill yourself.” Luna tells me with a slightly stern tone. “I have a phylactery ready. I could eat a sword and walk it off.” I reply and she pulls me in closely until I'm tucked under her left leg. “Neither of those things are going to happen. At all.” She says vehemently and I snort lightly. Supposing she's serious... how in hell does she expect to fulfill this? “You do know that I attract trouble as a lodestone does iron.” I say trying to catch a wry tone again but a leftover sob makes it sound pathetic... I really need to stop crying. And I'm being nuzzled again. “I... I scared my parents near senseless when they were already dead. They died because of me. They waited for a century before passing on in the face of hundreds saying I'm a monster. Why do you want that?” I ask her and I still can't shake the broken tone of voice. I just can't seem to emotionally distance myself enough. “I hate feeling so weak...” I whisper to myself and as Luna cuddled me closer I nearly sighed at this but didn't really have the strength. I've never felt so weak. “There's so much more to raising a child than the grief. There is joy, love, learning and so much more, so much more for both of us.” She says and I look up at her for a moment but... I don't know enough about ponies to tell at a glance if she's being honest. I'm also far too tired and just plain beaten to try magic to figure things out. “Fine...” I say through a sigh. I've managed to stop sobbing at last. It takes so much energy just to breathe at this point. “Excuse me?” Luna asks sounding worried. “You've offered when I was stronger, you offer when I'm weak. At this point... I don't really care anymore. So fine. I'll be your son. Your foal.” I say sounding completely destroyed. She says nothing and merely nuzzles me again. Minutes pass in silence with only the slow creeping of light through the window to mark the passage of time. I honestly pictured something very different to be the way I'd finally be beaten. Granted I had pictured a god behind it, but not like this. “I pictured the end result being my soul being eaten or something. Not this...” “What?” Luna asks sounding shocked, but she can't mentally turn quick enough to sound truly appalled. She's probably getting there though. “Being beaten. I mean I knew a god would be needed to really take me down but... didn't picture this.” I mutter mostly to myself. I didn't realize I could care so little about my own fate, but here I am. “Just how are you beaten? You have a phylactery ready, you're alive and healing. You've escaped your enemies and found sanctuary. How is any of that a loss?” she asks me and I sigh. “I used the memories of my family to whip myself forwards. It was the anchor point of my morality, my will to keep going... it's gone now. Only Jacob, one of my almost hated brothers is left. This world may be safer, but it's not mine. I don't know the dangers or peoples or magics or... anything. A known danger is less a threat than unknown safety.” I say trying to grow more passionate but can only barely manage an even tone. “That might take some explaining.” Luna tells me and I give out a sigh. It seems obvious to me. “There's always danger. This is a fact. If you're surrounded by it and know it, you are safe because you can deal with it. If there isn't much and it's hidden... then you can fall into it without warning or preparation.” I tell her and she raises her head to mull over this bit of old wisdom for a moment. “True enough, would you like to learn?” Luna offers and I look up at her before nodding. Nothing left to lose really. My pride's been shattered, my body is so weak as to be fragile, my magic is restricted to the most primal of uses, and it feels like my soul's been shredded. “Why not? I've hit rock bottom.” I mutter to myself and I get a nuzzle. “Then it's an upward journey from here on.” Luna tells me gently. I hope she's right. “Now, let's get you some breakfast. You missed a meal which is dangerous in your current state.” she says and I feel a slight burst of magic and a bell starts ringing. A few moments later a pale blue mare with a black mane and a white apron opens the door. “What is it you would like Princess Luna?” she asks before spotting me. “Something for yourself and Prince Charon?” she asks and Luna nods. I twitch a little. A name... I still remember what my last one did to me. The maid is gone a moment later with a bow. I just lay there for a while. I've got a bit more energy but still... I can't really think of anything to make this situation better. Luna's quiet too. “I'm going to need something to do... or I'm going to start to rot.” I mutter to myself softly and Luna pulls back in a blur. I look up and see that she looks a little conflicted. “Do you mean that literally?” she asks and my jaw drops for a second. “Do I look like a corpse?” I ask her a little affronted. “What I meant is that if things sit still that's when death sinks in. In stillness lays rot.” I say rolling my shoulders a little. “Well we can give you a boost on your education. Although putting you in school before you're finished healing is likely to be a bad idea. Anyplace you'd like to start?” Luna explains before asking and I actually smile a little. I'm only partially sure why I do so though. “Geography.” I say simply. If I know the lay of the land survival becomes much easier. Also if I can convince her to show me history I can hide under the moniker of an old legend or find old places of power that others avoid. History is also helpful with crossing from one country to another. “All right then, if you're feeling up to it after breakfast we'll begin then.” Luna says and a few moments later the doors open again and the maid is pushing in a table with wheels and a handle on it. There are two plates and cups on the table with an orange juice and what looks likes eggs and buttered toast with pastries. “Thank you.” I say quietly before Luna does and she looks down at me with a slight smile. She's probably jumping to conclusions again. Luna thanks the maid and she leaves with a bow. A feeling of being dragged down again arises and I crush it ruthlessly. One thing at a time. Right now eat. Later learn about the land and its past. Then... I don't know. I've never felt so... so lost in my whole life.