Screwball shook in fear. She was scared out of her mind. The dark streets held an eerie feeling. ‘Why did Discord bring me here?’ She thought. When the spirit of chaos transported her, she thought she’d end up in some crazy, whacko world, certainly not this dark and dismal place. But here she was, all alone. A cackling noise filled the air. Or so she thought.
Her head spun around, taking in every inch of the surrounding area. “Is anypony there?” She asked. She was answered by another round of cackling. She growled and glared at the darkness. She hated it when ponies laughed at her. ‘They’re doing it again. Making fun of you. Why? Why do they hate me so? I’m just…’ She shook her head, trying to get rid of those thoughts. She stomped a hoof onto the ground. “If somepony’s there, stop it. This isn’t funny.”
“Why not?” A voice called out to her. It was obviously male, but it held a sort of eerie ring to it. It seemed to echo inside itself.
“Because I’m lost and I can’t see you.”
“But that’s the idea.” The voice answered. “It would be so droll if you could see me.”
“What do you mean ‘droll’?” Screwball asked. “It would make me much happier if I could see you.”
“Happy?” The voice said. “My sweet, beautiful acquaintance,” She blushed at his words. “Why would I want you to be happy?”
“What?” Screwball said. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, why would I want you to be happy?” The voice called out. “I’ve never been happy in oh so long…hmm, I forgot how long ago it was…But I’m side tracking myself. I ask again, mare of wonder, why would I want you to be happy?”
“Well…” Screwball went silent for a moment. She hadn’t been expecting something like this. She just wanted out of this place. Somepony to comfort her. ‘I WANT DITI!’ She screamed inside her skull. Her little sister would have known what to do. “Ponies usually help other ponies. It makes you feel good to help others.”
“Well sorry,” The voice snickered. “Helping others isn’t in my nature. But tell you what, sweet thing; I’ll lead you back to your little friends.”
“Really?” Screwball asked, smiling widely. Finally, she’d escape from this spooky place.
“Yes,” The voice answered. “I can’t just sit back, while a pretty thing like you was left to wander these streets alone. Something could happen to you. As I being of chaos, I shall endeavor to help you. No charge.”
“Thank you so much.”
“No problem, but promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“Don’t tell anyone about meeting me.”
Screwball tilted her head to the side. “Why not?”
“Let’s just say, I have a surprise party in mind, and I don’t want to tip anyone off.”
“I promise I won’t tell.”
___________________________________________________
Discord and the gang sat outside the hotel building. The group was growing agitated, since they had been waiting for almost an hour. The spirit of chaos himself had made sure of that. He was simply sitting in the middle of the street, with a faraway gaze, tapping his chin.
“If that monstrosity doesn’t get his rump up and lead us,” Luna ranted. “I’m going to do what I should have done all those years ago and skewer him on my horn.”
“Oh, you don’t mean that.” Carrot Top said.
Luna looked at her, appearing rather serious. “I do.”
Carrot Top gulped and took a few steps back. “Whatever you say.”
Meanwhile, Ditzy stood beside the spirit of chaos. “Umm, Mr. Discord.” She piped up.
Discord continued gazing off. “Yes.” He answered, without paying her the slightest bit of attention.
“Why haven’t we left yet?” Ditzy asked.
“Oh, I just have this nagging feeling, like I’m forgetting someone.” Discord said.
“Does this pony happen to be me?” Blueblood asked.
“Or me?” Trixie added.
“Or me?” Gilda put in.
Discord shook his head. “No.”
“Then, they aren’t important.” Blueblood stuck his snout up in the air.
“But, everypony is important.” Carrot Top said.
“Well, I’m not a pony.” Gilda said, gesturing to herself. “So, deal with it.”
“If there is one thing I hate more in this world then being stoned,” Discord stood up dramatically. “Is dealing with it.”
“Dealing with what?” Ditzy asked.
Discord’s shoulders sagged. “I have no idea.”
Just then, a pink blur went through the crowd, slamming into Diamond Tiara. “DITI!”
Everyone looked over to see Screwball cuddling the small filly, who was desperately trying to get away. “Sis!” She whined. “Not here.”
Screwball ignored her. She squeezed tightly around her and cried softly. “Thank Celestia I found you. You would not believe how scary it was out there.”
Discord cleared his throat, rather annoyed she had used that metaphor. “Yes, that was cute and all, but we need to get moving.”
“But what about the council?” Screwball asked.
“We finished that about an hour ago.” Discord told her.
“You had the council…without me?” Screwball sniffled, holding back a few tears.
“You have to admit.” Diamond Tiara said, patting her sister’s shoulders. “That was kind of mean.”
Discord groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “We’ll talk about this in the next meeting.” He told them. “Now, can we get on with taking over Equetria?” Everypony nodded, even Screwball, although she was teary eyed. They started moving out.
“Isn’t anyone curious about where she was this whole time?” Quizzler asked.
“Nobody cares.” Gilda called back to him.
__________________________________________________
The sun was set high in the sky, illuminating the whole horizon. Everywhere it touched, peace and prosperity reigned. The land was filled with bliss and happiness. All but one enjoyed the comforting gaze of the celestial body.
Celestia lay on her bed, inside her personal chambers. She hadn’t left that room since her meeting with the spirit of Chaos. She had stayed up all night, trying to figure out his plan. ‘Plan?’ She thought, laughing. ‘He never plans anything. It’s not his nature.’ Yet, he never lied. That was also his nature. If he said he’d do something, he would do it.
‘But an army? He could never keep it together, let alone gather one.’ Still, Celestia thought over the possibility. She couldn’t just throw it out the window, no matter how ludicrous it sounded. Her ponies were in danger. She had to make sure that her kingdom remained safe and secure.
There was a knock at the door. The celestial princess turned her head. “Come in.” She called.
The door opened to reveal one of her white Pegasus guards. Not just any guard, but Captain Courage, her most trusted soldier. Over the years, he had saved her life almost a dozen times. ‘I have been letting my guard down this past century, haven’t I.’ “Princess, you have an urgent message.”
“Well, what is it?”
“A member of my imperial guard seems to have picked up an important piece of information.” Captain Courage explained. “He refused to tell anypony other than you.”
Celestia gently flapped her wings a couple of times to help her stand. Gracefully, she jumped out of bed and walked up to her captain of the guard. “Show him in.”
The moment she said that, an imperial guard came crawling on over to her. He was sweating profusely and looked like he had run all across Canterlot. Concern for his wellbeing immediately welled up within the fair princes. She never liked to see anyone in pain. Her nature forbad such thoughts. She was a being of purity after all. “A...(gasp)…a message.”
“Oh, my dear guard,” Celestia said, her voice dripping with concern. “You should get your rest. You can have use my bed.”
The guard blushed at the thought of lying in the royal princess’s bed. “I…don’t think…”
“Oh, no, no, no.” Celestia stopped him, using her magic to gently lift him off the ground and carry him on over. “I insist.” She laid him down onto the soft blankets.
The guard seemed to relax immediately upon feeling the warm, comfortable sheets. “Thank you, your highness.”
“No need.” Celestia shook her head, smiling. ‘Well, at least he’s comfy.’ She thought. “Now, what was the message?”
The guard’s blush intensified, as he tried to remember. “Oh, yeah.” He said, chuckling nervously “That.”
“Will you just answer the princess’s question already.” Captain Courage growled.
The guard gulped. The Captain was not one you wanted to ire. His eyes went wide as he remembered the message. “It’s Discord. He’s loose.”
Celestia closed her eyes and sighed. ‘Well, they had to find out sometime or another.’ She thought.
“WHAT!” Captain Courage shouted. “What do you mean, he’s loose? The Elements of Harmony defeated him. Don’t you remember?”
“I’m afraid, that the effects weren’t permanent.” Celestia spoke up.
The guards both looked at her. “What do you mean, not permanent?” Captain Courage asked.
Suddenly, there was a flash of light. Discord looked like he was rather agitated. “She means exactly what she said.” He rolled his eyes. “I mean, really, why must you ponies ask the obvious.”
The guards sprang to their hooves and took up battle positions in front of Celestia. “Go, Princess.” Captain Courage said. “We’ll hold him off.”
Discord sighed. “Oh, this again?” He complained. Celestia had to hold back a giggle. Yes, she admired her guards bravery but what she really admired how Discord could just laugh right in the face of danger. ‘He’s always been rather dashing…NO! Don’t go on thinking about him. He’s evil. A monster with a soul as black as night.’ The spirit of chaos snapped his fingers and instantly, the guards vanished. He smiled. “That’s much better.”
“DISCORD!” Celestia yelled. “What did you do with them?”
“Oh, I just sent some them outside.” Discord said, snapping his fingers again. The door closed and she could hear it lock.
“Really?” Celestia raised an eyebrow.
“Of course,” Discord chuckled. “I would never think of doing anything to harm your precious ponies.” He looked around the room. “I’m sorry, for dropping in like this. I just couldn’t stand the sight of any guy other than me laying in your bed.”
A blush came to Celestia’s face as she glared at him. “What do you want and why are you in my personal chambers?”
Discord jumped onto the bed and laid back. His hands were behind his head. “I thought we went over this before. I want your kingdom, dear princess. As for why I decided to pop inside your bedroom,” He smirked. “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time.” A little blush formed itself on her cheeks. Old images flashed in her mind. “Ah, memories.”
“Yes,” Celestia’s eyes flittered this way and that, as she tried not to look at him. ‘Why does he always do that?’ She thought. His teasing was so annoying.
“Remember all those nights we spent, huddled against one another.” Discord wrapped his arms around himself. “Keeping each other warm and safe all those nights.”
Celestia’s blush grew larger. ‘Oh, he did not just bring those up.’ She told herself. “Those were friendly cuddles.”
Discord chuckled. “Oh, is that all they were?” He sat up straight, smirking.
Celestia moved closer towards him, glaring through her blush. “Yes,” She said. “Just friendly cuddles.” ‘Well, he was so soft and…NO!’
“My dear, there’s no such thing as a friendly…” Discord started, but was interrupted when Celestia poked him in the chest. She brought her face right next to his own. She looked him right in the eye.
“Friendly cuddles!” Her glare was as fierce as the sun in the sky.
The spirit of chaos gulped. “Yes,” He said. “Friendly cuddles.” They stayed like that for a couple of moments. “Well, I hate to cut this short, but I have a kingdom to reclaim. You know how hard that is to pull off.” He snapped his fingers, and in an instant, he was gone.
Celestia stood there, thinking over her little encounter. ‘Oh, that creature…He doesn’t know when to stop. He knows I hate it when he teases. And how dare he bring up our cuddle time!’ She then thought of his eyes. They didn’t hold the same demonic presence she had seen all those years ago. He seemed like his old self. ‘Well, not just like his old self, but he has changed. No! He still the same evil being that took the throne. That let all those ponies suffer under his reign. He won’t change. He’ll never change.’
As she kept feeding her anger against the chaos spirit, which did nothing to assuage her own spirit, she heard a knock at the door. She went over and unlocked the door. The moment she opened it up, she saw the face of her nephew. “Hi, there auntie.” She shut the door in his face, which smacked right into his face. “OW! My beautiful face. How can the kingdom survive without it?”
“It’ll do, you whiny pony.” Said a weird voice from outside the door.
“Dr. Smith,” She heard Pinkie Pie. “Should we help him?”
“If by helping him, you mean sick a legion of spiders upon him, then yes.” Dr. Smith answered.
‘Okay, who’s at my door?’ She wondered, rather curious about this Dr. Smith. Once she did, she was met by some weird faces: Pinkie Pie, a derped eyed gray, blond maned Pegasus; a white, yellow maned Pegasus; a screw eyed, pink, purple and white maned Earth pony, and a creature that looked like a cross between a hairless ape and a spider, dressed in a black cloak.
Pinkie Pie smiled at her and waved a hoof. “Hi, Princess.”
“Hello, Pinkie. I see you’ve brought some friends.” Her eyes darted about them. ‘Well, Twilight said she was rather odd. Why can’t she have odd friends.’ She told herself.
“Yes sir ree diddy.” Pinkie said. She then pointed to each one. “This is Surprise,”
She pointed to the yellow mare. “I’m just as surprised to meet you as you are to meet me.” Surprise said.
“Ditzy,” Pinkie said.
The derpy eyed Pegasus. “I brought the muffins.” She smiled.
“Dr. Smith.” Pinkie introduced.
“Pleased to meet you.” Dr. Smith said.
“And Screwball.” Pinkie gestured to the last mare.
“I…I don’t have anything clever to say.” Screwball frowned.
“And why are you all here?” Celestia asked.
“We are your singing telegram.” Pinkie Pie chimed.
Dr. Smith pouted and crossed his arms. “I’m not singing.”
“Oh, come on.” Pinkie Pie whined. “It will be fun.”
“Unless the song is about spiders, I’m not interested.” Dr. Smith told her.
“Fine.” Pinkie Pie grumbled.
“So, what is that you bring me?” Celestia asked.
“A message.” Ditzy said. “A verbal message, without any papers, or words, and…and…” She stopped and looked at the others. “I’m sorry, I just can’t. I’m a mailmare, not a singing telegram.”
“But we aren’t singing.” Dr. Smith said.
“Ahh, but I had the lyrics and everything.” Surprise complained.
“Could you please get to the point?” Celestia groaned slightly.
“Oh, right.” Pinkie Pie said. “We came to deliver a message from Discord.”
Upon hearing his name, Celestia stiffened. “Yes,”
“He said he was going to meet you later.” Pinkie said.
“Well, you’re too late for that, my dear pony,” Celestia sighed. “He already came by.”
“See,” Surprise said. “I told you we should have taken the elevator.”
“We have an elevator?” Celestia asked.
“You do now.” Pinkie Pie smiled brightly. Just then, there was a loud crashing noise from another part of the castle. The group cringed as they heard somepony scream ‘MY LEG!’.
“I think we can scrap the elevator.” Dr. Smith said. The others nodded.
“I felt assured that ducktape would hold it together.” Screwball said, inspecting a roll of tape in her hoof.
“Well, if this is all you had to say,” Celestia said, using her magic to hold the door.
“Wait!” Dr. Smith said. “There is something you must know.”
“What is it?” Celestia raised an eyebrow.
“Spiders!” Dr. Smith wiggled his fingers about. Celestia closed the door. She heard them knocking at the door again. She sighed and opened it again. “You’re doomed. Doomed!” She closed the door in his face again.
_______________________________________________________
A short time later, the gang lined themselves outside the castle. Discord smirked as he stared at the structure. ‘Let’s see her stop this.’ He thought. The chaotic being nodded his head to the others, who took this as a cue to start walking.
“Oooh,” Pinkie Pie said, trotting beside him. “Are we going to have a party afterwards?”
Discord smiled and patted her head. “Of course, Pinkie.” He said. “We’ll have the biggest party Equestria’s ever known.” The pink mare squealed in delight.
As he neared the castle, a wave of nostalgia swept over him. That was the place he was raised. Where he learned about the moon, the bird and the bees, and…’Etc., etc., etc.’ And on the balcony, looking down at them, stood the high and mighty princess herself. Her captain of the guard stood beside her. ‘He’s quick.’ He thought, recalling that he’d sent the two guards all the way outside the city limits. ‘No matter. I’ll just be sure to send him much farther. Maybe I should take his wings as well.’
He watched the princess just stand there, looking oh so proud and confident. ‘Oh, I can’t wait to wipe that smug look off her face. It will be priceless.’ He then raised one talon and pointed it at the castle. “Charge!” He yelled. Everyone gave out a yell and started running forward.
Celestia just stood there, doing nothing. Even the guards did nothing. ‘This will be easier then I imagined.’ He thought. But as he thought that, suddenly, a large cannon appeared out of another spot of the cannon.
The spirit of chaos’ eyes went wide as he stared at it. ‘Fudge.’ “Run away.” He yelled, going in the opposite direction. Everyone started screaming and followed him.
____________________________________________________
Celestia couldn’t help but chuckle as Discord and his band ran. ‘Oh, even in defeat, he’s hilarious.’ She thought. ‘And a little cute…NO!’ She also thought she saw her sister in the group, but shook that thought away. Luna hated Discord more than anything. If they had gone with her plan, Discord would be dead and buried six feet under. She shivered at that thought. ‘As much as I love my sister, she scares me sometimes.’ It was then, that her attention was brought to the large cannon. “Captain Courage.”
“Yes, my princess.” The captain bowed his head.
“When did we get a cannon?” Celestia asked, rubbing her chin. “I don’t recall requesting for one.”
“Well, if I remember, you asked for such a weapon.” Captain Courage said.
“Did I?” Celestia asked herself. It was just then, that the memory sprung forth.
_________________________________________________
(Several weeks ago)
Celestia sat inside her study, reading over an important transcript. ‘Oh, Bright Bolt, you are such a fetching stallion.’ She thought. This was definitely not a transcript for the little foals. She lifted her eyes off the tantalizing piece when she heard someone enter. She smiled as she saw the captain of the guard, Courage. “Ah, you’ve arrived a little early.”
The captain bowed. “Better to arrive early then to appear late.” He responded.
“Quite.” Celestia rolled her transcript and stored it away. “Now, I’ve summoned you to perform an important task for me.”
“Ask away, my lady.”
“I need to construct a weapon.” Celestia said, sighing. She hated saying that word.
“A weapon, your majesty?” Captain Courage grew a little restless.
“Yes, a weapon, but make sure it’s non-lethal.” That was the only way Celestia could talk herself into ordering such a thing. Never in her life had she ordered the death of any pony, and she wasn’t going to start now.
“Ah,” Captain Courage sighed with relief. “That can be arranged.”
_________________________________________________
(Present)
“Ah, yes.” Celestia nodded her head. “Then, why did you build a cannon?”
“It’s a pie cannon, your majesty.” Captain Courage told her.
“A pie cannon?” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”
“Well, after careful consideration, pies were chosen as the appropriate ammo.” The Captain explained.
“And how did you figure that out?” The regal princess asked.
Captain Courage’s eyes darted about. “Well…”
________________________________________________________
(Several weeks ago)
Captain Courage walked away from the princess’s room. As he did, he passed trawler being pushed by a petite, Earth pony maid. She was a pretty pink mare, with an orange and white hued mane. On top of the trawler, was a pie. An idea popped into his head.
The captain grabbed the pie and threw it into her face. The mare stopped immediately. “Citizen,” Captain Courage said. “How do you feel?”
“Like I got a pie thrown into my face.” The mare growled. “How do you think I feel?”
Captain Courage grinned. “So, I take it the test is a success.”
“What kind of bloody test involves throwing pies into other pony’s faces?” The mare asked, seething with rage.
“There is no time for such questions. I have work to do.” The Captain walked on by, passing another guard. “You. Help the help get cleaned up.”
The guard saluted. “Yes, sir.” He then walked over to her and looked her over.
“Are you going to help me or…” She stopped when he started licking the pie off of her face.
_____________________________________________
(Present)
“I’d rather not go on.” Captain Courage said.
“Ahhh,” Celestia whined a little. “It was just getting to the good part.” The captain blushed, to which Celestia giggled. She loved doing thing like that. ‘Discord always called me such a tease…DON”T THINK ABOUT HIM!’